KNOWING THE SYMPTOMS OF POLYCYSTIC OVARIAN SYNDROME (PCOS)

Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.
Children born to a young man are like sharp arrows in a warrior’s hand
Psalm 127: 3 & 4

I have posted previously on this subject and will post information from time to time, as PCOS is the condition that caused my infertility and it is my desire to use my experience in this regard to help others manage and treat this condition and most of all, like I did, have the family they so desire.


What is PCOS – PCOS is a condition in women with ovaries which secrete excessive amounts of male hormones (mostly testosterone) into their blood. A polycystic ovary is one with many cysts – the remains of follicles that never released mature eggs.

Have you recently been diagnosed with PCOS or think you might have this condition, based on symptoms you are experiencing, but has not yet been diagnosed. Listed below are popular symptoms associated with PCOS.

Irregular periods

Excessive hair growth on face and body

Scalp hair thinning

Acne

Excess weight, sugar craving and inability to lose weight (plus abnormal blood lipid levels and a tendency to an apple shape).

Darkening of skin areas, particularly on the nape of the neck, known as acanthosis nigricans

Skin tags

Grey-white breast discharge

Sleep apnea

Pelvic pain

Depression, anxiety, sleep disturbances and other emotional disorders

Infertility

Please note that these symptoms vary among individuals but some will experience the above symptoms.

Please also note that you can get pregnant even though you have been diagnosed with PCOS, ask your doctor and read widely about this condition as this will greatly help you to understand what you are up against and therefore positively impact your treatment process. There are a lot of websites with information on this condition as well as books that are available to help you with proper management.

Please note most of all that you can be treated for the above symptoms to have you feeling well again, just ask your doctor.






Source: A patient’s guide to PCOS by Walter Futterweit, M.D., with George Ryan

WHO SAYS CHRISTMAS IS ONLY FOR THE CHILDREN?

Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.
Children born to a young man are like sharp arrows in a warrior’s hand

Psalm 127: 3 & 4

Christmas was always the happiest time of the year for me and as the first Christmas breeze reached me, I began feeling this happiness and I would wait in anticipation as Christmas drew near. This usually happened whether I had money or not.

Sadly, this gradually changed, as my struggles with infertility intensified, as I found that as Christmas drew near, I began feeling more and more depressed, so much so that sometimes I did not feel like even putting up any Christmas decorations. I remember one Christmas, shortly before I migrated, my neighbor was so excited about putting up her Christmas tree and asked me if I would be putting up any. I told her no, what’s the use when I have no children to share this special task with, because by then my mind had become infiltrated with the notion that Christmas was just for children. She looked at me in astonishment, “whatever do you mean? she asked.” It was hard to explain further to her, because I believe one has to experience infertility or any other unfortunate circumstances like it, to really understand the emotional issues that can result in this regard.

I notice a lot of infertility blogs share this same sentiment. These individuals are so sad especially at this time, because they have no children of their own to share this special time of the year with and I totally relate, but I find that I am now scolding myself for ever feeling this way, for ever cheating myself like this and allowing myself to fade in the background, because I was so convinced that Christmas was only for the children. I should have known better because I know all too well what Christmas is really about, but situations can cloud our judgement and leave us falling short.

I would therefore like to encourage these individuals and others who find themselves also childless because of infertility or other reasons. Your pain is all too familiar to me, but I challenge you to make the effort to do something special for yourself, because Christmas is for you too, not just for the children.

I challenge you most of all to remember that Christ is the reason for Christmas and he came for all of us, to save us from this sinful world. Sadly, many of us do not celebrate Christmas for this reason, we become consumed with the commercial side of it. We empty our pockets to buy the latest toys and gadgets for our children, when all that Christ really wants from us is to reflect on the unselfish reason for his birth and to try to align our lives in the path that he has chosen for us.

I think the reason that this mindset came about, that Christmas is for children, is because children do seem to be the ones who are happiest at Christmas, and this, I think is because their childhood innocence allow them this privilege, while we as the adults are so bugged down with everything else, that we have no energy left to show any happiness at all or even to reflect at this time of the year.

Why not stop this Christmas and focus on the reason for the season. Our Lord Jesus Christ, who came that we might have life and have it more abundantly. What precious gift, should’nt our eyes be all aglow, just like the eyes of those tiny tots, when they retrieve those special gifts they ask for, from under the Christmas Tree.

A reflective Christmas to you all, and until next time, keep clinging to hope.

FOODS THAT ENHANCES FERTILITY

Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.
Children born to a young man are like sharp arrows in a warrior’s hand
Psalm 127: 3 & 4

I have always heard that there are certain foods that enhances fertility overall. For men, I know that there are certain juices available in my locale, one of which I have heard referred to as ‘strong back,’ made with peanut and molasses, which is known to enhance fertility in men. My father, every now and then used to make his form of ‘strong back’, made with guiness stout, eggs and milk. We always asked that he shared it with us, even though it was known as a man’s drink because it was surprisingly very good. Little wonder my parents have seven of us. I guess this drink really works on men only because I had to battle infertility.

Someone suggested that I tried garlic, taking the pegs like you would take tablets, (ofcourse cutting them into pieces that are safe to swallow). I did try it and a couple months after, I did became pregnant but sadly, that was the pregnancy I lost in 2006.

Below is the link to a fellow blogger's site with link to another site, which list quite a number of foods (all natural), which are said to enhance fertility in men (and women), some of which are Cauliflower and Ginger, to name a few.

If you are reading this post and you are having infertility issues, it does not hurt to give these foods a try.

http://infertility-fertility.blogspot.com/2009/11/sperm-enhancing-foods-for-fertility.html

ALL THE BEST, and until next time, keep clinging to hope.

REMEMBERING THE PAIN OF INFERTILITY

Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.
Children born to a young man are like sharp arrows in a warrior’s hand
Psalm 127: 3 & 4

You all know we moved recently, well there is a very nice couple who lives in the same complex who we learnt tried to have children but did not and sadly have to give up on their dream of having biological children.

The first thing that came to my mind when I found out this was, Wow, and our son will be a constant reminder to them of what they had to give up on. Theodore is so drawn to them and we find this quite strange because he is not easily drawn to anyone, especially now that he is getting more and more aware. The other day we went up to visit with them and as soon as we were inside, Theo took off his pants and slippers and before I knew it, he was in their bedroom and jumping up on their bed, while the gentleman was watching television. At one point when I went to check if he was any bother, I saw the gentleman wiping Theo’s nose as he was having a cold at the time. That was when I knew that there was quite a bond there. Sadly they are in the process of moving and we will miss them dearly, but on the other hand, we are relieved that Theodore will no longer be a constant reminder to them of children they want to have so badly.

I later found out that the gentleman is yearning very much for children and so they have plans to adopt. Every morning when he is leaving for work, he would ask for Theodore so that he can say hello and talk to him a bit. He, in-turn looks forward to this because as soon as he hears them exiting their apartment, he would position himself at a particular low window so that he can interact and say goodbye to them.

Yesterday, the gentleman came home and called out to me and asked for Theodore and said he wanted to talk to him. I told Theo to go to the window, but the gentleman wanted more than that, he wanted to hold Theodore for a bit. I figured at once, that this had something to do with his yearning for children of his own, why his request and without hesitation, I opened our door and let him hold our son. As I handed Theodore to him, I felt the stabbing pain of infertility (which was all too familiar) in the pit of my stomach and tears came to my eyes as I allowed myself to reach out to this dear gentleman in a way that only one who was yearning or had yearned in this way, could understand.

It meant a lot to me that I allowed myself to do this because somehow, I find that my heart goes out more to men who yearn for children. I was fortunate that my husband did not show his yearnings so much, or else I would have had a more difficult time with my infertility struggles.

Can you imagine, Who would have thought that I would ever have overcome infertility and be able to reach out to someone currently dealing with this pain in such a way, simply by allowing them to hold my child in their arms, with hope that it does make their pain a little lighter.

Shortly after this incident though, I began thinking, what if this young man had quickly jumped in his car and drove off with my son, what would I have done? This crossed my mind because in my own struggles with infertility, in my deepest darkest moments, I felt like I could just walk into a maternity ward and take a child, or snatch a child, if they were left wandering carelessly around. This thought quickly left my mind though, because I was more focused on giving of myself in this situation and did not want anything negative to affect this moment and moreover, this couple is such nice people, who quickly reached out to us when we moved in and even bought us chinese food to last us a couple of days, because we were not able to cook.

This incident remained foremost in my thoughts for the rest of the day and I could not wait until my husband came home to relate it to him.

I challenge those of us who know someone who is battling infertility or is childless because of infertility or other reasons, do try if you can, as I know this can be challenging, to reach out to these people in even the smallest way. You will be surprised what it does for you and not to mention them, because a little kindness does go a long way and some yearn just to even hold a child in their arms.

Be thoughtful therefore, and until next time keep clinging to hope.

GOODBYE GREAT GRANDMA MYRL

Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.

Children born to a young man are like sharp arrows in a warrior’s hand
Psalm 127: 3 & 4

Grandma Myrl, December 2007, holding our son Theodore, who was six month old at the time, while my mother-in-law and father-in-law and husband look on.

It feels like just yesterday I was saying goodbye on this blog to one of our son’s Great Grandmothers and here I am saying goodbye to the other one.

Yes, our son has lost the other of his blood Great Grandmothers, Grandma Myrl (He has two step Great Grandmothers still living). She died on Sunday of bleeding from a ruptured stomach and so the family is in mourning for the second time this year.

I remember when we visited earlier this year to attend the funeral of the other Great Grandmother, Grandma Daphne, Grandma Myrl was attempting to hug Theodore and he was resisting and so I encouraged him to hug her, thinking, this might be the last time he gets to do this because, Great Grandmothers do not stick around. Little did I know that this would become true so soon.

I often hear Grandma Myrl declare that she wanted to die so much so that my sister-in-law would remind me of this whenever she asked how she was doing. She was always remarking, how life had become so stressful and too many wicked, callous things were happening and would become depressed from watching the news and reading the newspapers. She lost a daughter this same month, a couple of years ago, whom she missed dearly and I know when she found out she would not make it, I am sure she was happy to be reunited with her. She loves that daughter so much and would not give up a chance to talk about her.

Grandma’s mouth was always strong but her eyesight kept declining and I remember when we visited recently, when she saw me for the first time, she said, “boy you looking so fat” and this was after everyone else was saying how I was looking slim. I knew then that her eye sight had declined even more. I wanted to hug her so much for saying this because I was worried about my weight loss but I knew Grandma was not seeing well. I still smile every time I remember that incident.

Grandma Myrl had a way of encouraging people and when my husband and I’s struggle with infertility intensified and began to overwhelm us, she would encourage us in her own subtle way and would always enquire how our relationship was doing as a result of this. We were always very appreciative of this as she was the only one in both our families who was actually brave enough to touch on this subject and in this way. Little wonder our son came into this world on her birthday and we believe this is God’s way of allowing us to say thanks to her.

Grandma, you will be greatly missed and we are sad we will not be able to attend your funeral as there are no flights available because of the Christmas Season.

We love you eternally and we will miss those loud dramatic conversations and hearty laughs. Your legacy will certainly continue.

REST IN PEACE and give our regards to our dear Auntie Joannie.

BLESSINGS IS THE REWARD FOR A THANKFUL HEART

Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.

Children born to a young man are like sharp arrows in a warrior’s hand
Psalm 127: 3 & 4

Americans pause every year at this time to celebrate Thanksgiving, a time of year when families gather over a large feast as they give thanks for all the blessings in their lives.

We do not celebrate thanksgiving in this part of the world, but many of us try to be thankful every day for the blessings in our lives. This year has been rough for many of us, financial problems, joblessness, health issues, you name it, and it is so refreshing when we can pause to say thanks to God for the good things we do have as well.

I know it is a struggle for many of us, especially at this time, to do this because we are so overwhelmed by the bad things that are going on with us. When I was struggling with infertility, many days I felt like this, I was just so sad and hopeless and if anyone asked if I was grateful for anything in my life, I would have had a hard time coming up with any. This is indeed difficult for me to admit, but that is what hopelessness does to people.

While doing my regular ‘blogroll’ reading, I came across a blog by a young lady who stutters (I follow stuttering blogs as well because as many of you know, I also stutters and have plans of starting one of my own). This young lady also has other challenges in her life, especially at this time, yet she chooses not to be bitter about these things, but to give thanks for the good things she has going on in her life. I am not sure if she realizes how many she came up with, but I noticed and want to say that, some of us feel at times that we do not have much to give thanks for because of the many challenges we face, but we would be surprised if we begin to write down the blessings we do have, I am sure it would add up to a lot. Try writing the first few as the gift of life, the gift of love and the gift of freedom, things so many others are struggling to keep in their grasp even as I write, and many of us take for granted.

We should therefore not wait on a special time of year to give thanks, we should begin each day with a thankful heart, because blessings is God’s reward for a thankful heart.

Here is the link to this young lady’s blog, entitled ‘Giving Thanks’ http://stutterrockstar.wordpress.com/2009/11/26/giving-thanks/

Read and be encouraged.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME………It’s the little things that matters

Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.

Children born to a young man are like sharp arrows in a warrior’s hand
Psalm 127: 3 & 4

If I had written this post yesterday as I originally wanted to, based on how I was feeling, it would have been one so gloomy, I probably would have depressed you all.

Well, it is another birthday for us, my husband’s was yesterday and mine is today and no, we did not plan it as many have been asking. The weird thing about this one though, is that I have not been feeling even a twinge of joy as it approached and this almost sent me into depression because for all my birthdays, no matter what I was going through that year, as soon as November stepped in, I started feeling excited about my birthday. This year, it was not so at all, I felt nothing, I dug and dug deep but came up empty.

This morning, I woke up bright and early and decided to check my email before my husband was off to work with the lap top and what I saw changed my mood, as I had no hopes of having a great day. My inbox was filled with birthday greetings, thirty-eight messages to be exact and that cloud of sadness and despair was lifted immediately. There was another forty-six messages with birthday wishes, waiting on me when my husband returned from work a short while ago. Thanks so much to my facebook friends and to those who sent e-cards. I am truly feeling blessed.

While retrieving these messages, it occurred to me that I have no reason at all to feel down because so many people care and care enough to send me greetings on my special day. It was then I started feeling guilty, so guilty for not being more appreciative of the little things in life. I did not receive big expensive gifts or got taken out to expensive restaurants for lunch, but people who care, took time out to pen their personal birthday greetings to me. I feel so blessed.

I then look again and saw something else that I should not take for granted. My beautiful, perfect healthy baby boy who is wreaking havoc in the house and giving me a heart attack every time he did a flip or climb on the burglar bars. If nothing else, I should be feeling blessed and grateful for this, grateful for the fact that this birthday, I am not dealing with the difficult issue of childlessness.

I am still trying to figure out why I was feeling like this, this birthday. Is it the fact that we recently moved house and had a difficult time settling in? Is it my PMS symptoms or is it just how birthdays feel as you make your way into your forties? The thing is though, I do not feel older than twenty-five, therefore age could not be the reason that I was feeling like this, because I have no problem with my age except people do not believe me when I tell them how old I am. I remember having to show someone my driver’s license for them to believe me. My husband and I have been told that we do not look our age, time and time again and we consider this a blessing.

I am feeling much better now and my day turned out great. Later, my husband and I will celebrate over wine and cake. Don’t worry its non-alcoholic, therefore our son can be a part of it if he is not sleeping, as we include him in everything.

I am now looking towards the challenges and stand ready to embrace the joys that this next year of my life brings.

To all those who share this birthday with me, Happy Birthday and may the peace of gold enfold you and may his spirit guide you into this new year of your life.

Be blessed and until next time, keep clinging to hope.

WOMEN ARE STRONG AND RESILIENT BEINGS

Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.
Children born to a young man are like sharp arrows in a warrior’s hand
Psalm 127: 3 & 4

Last Sunday at Church, a young lady approached me and asked if I was not going to try for a baby girl. I wanted so much to tell her oh yes, because we do need a sibling for our darling boy as he currently thinks that we are his siblings, but sadly I could not.

I instead proceeded to tell her of all the odds that were against us in trying for another baby, (health, age, finances and a promise I made to God when I was struggling with infertility, that if he allowed me to conceive even just one child, I would adopt a sibling for this child. I would help an unfortunate child, who would otherwise not have the gift of a loving home and family and this would be my way of thanking him for granting me the desire of my heart). I strongly believe God is holding me to this promise, in light of the fact that I did get pregnant earlier this year and lost it. I am sorry, I really have to think so, because I really did not believe God would allow me to go through the pain of another loss, after such a painful struggle with infertility. We are finding out now though that adoption is not as easy as we originally thought but we still intend to pursue it though and pray that God in his mercy, will see us through this as well, and even more so because we intend to honour the promise I made to him

As the conversation with this young lady on Sunday progressed, we were by then joined by another, who is the mother of a son and this part of the post reflects the reason for the caption as I believe you might by now be wondering when will I get to this. I quickly found myself telling them both that I do have my girl, only she is not with me, she is fulfilling her higher calling. That was when the young lady who started the conversation with me said, you are so strong for surviving the loss of a pregnancy, if it were me, I would have ended up in the mental hospital.

The conversation did not allow me time to give her any details of how I dealt with this loss, or she probably would have changed her statement, how I cried until I felt I had no more tears, how close I came to ending up in the mental hospital and could have also ended up in the morgue as I had intentions of ending my life, because I was not sure I could go on living. I had invested everything emotionally in this pregnancy and was feeling that I was well on my way to overcoming infertility only to have it ripped from my grasp.

Ever so often, my thoughts wander back to that loss and with tears in my eyes, I relive the horror, the despair and the pain I felt. This is pain compared to none other I have felt. The thing is though, women are resilient beings and just as I bounced back from this tragedy, this young lady, like many of us who have had losses, would have bounced back from a loss of a pregnancy herself, she just does not know this, because she was never given the chance.

I have heard on many occasions how strong I am to have dealt with infertility and the losses that came with it, but I do not hasten to revel in this glory or give myself any credit over any other woman who have walked or will walk this scary road, as I must conclude that women are indeed strong and resilient beings who bounces back from any tragedy, any difficult situation, to complete the task that has been given them on this journey of life. You might have heard or have noticed that more men actually end up committing suicide than women and this I strongly believe, is because women will show their grief, they will grieve deeply but openly, they will show their pain but men on the other hand are not known not to, they instead internalize things.

Women, be encouraged therefore, and until next time, keep clinging to hope.

“CAN’T STAY AWAY FROM YOU…………”

Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.

Children born to a young man are like sharp arrows in a warrior’s hand
Psalm 127: 3 & 4

Well, after two weeks break, I am ready to start blogging again. I recently moved and as you all know moving turns your life upside down and that includes your mental state of mind.

Imagine being without a refrigerator and stove for almost two weeks. It was hard and some days I felt like packing up my few things and heading back home. What happen really is that since we migrated, we have been renting furnished homes. This was so convenient as all we had to do was to walk in with our few personal effects and begin living, no hassle, no stress, except a higher rent of course. Unfortunately reality set in one day, as our son who is now two began ruining the people’s things and so made the decision now to rent unfurnished homes, so that the things he ruin would be ours.

This was daunting at first because all we owned at the moment was a chair and so we had to rely on one of our local furniture companies for the bare necessities we need to make living comfortable. You must have heard the saying that ‘poverty is a crime.’ Well because we could in no way purchase all these things cash at the moment, we had to seek credit and that was when we began feeling that we had committed a crime for being poor. The furniture company wanted every document we possessed and had us going back to them for couple days in a row with additional documents they needed and so we ended up waiting a whole week and a half for our, oops, their stuff. The only good thing is that the apartment is so so cozy, the owner thought about every possible detail just to make his tenants comfortable.

Our son was the real trooper in all of this as he had to make do with room temperature beverages and take out, as he could not receive his home cook meals of mash potatoes and macaroni and cheese which he loves dearly. Some days, I actually felt like crying because of what we had him subjected to, but he is our tough little guy and this just goes to show that children are actually more resilient than we give them credit for. Did I mention we had no television either and so he made himself comfortable with dvds of his favorite cartoons which he watched over and over again on our laptop.

Well, we are cooking now and having cold beverages, which is such a delight (can you imagine, another saying goes, cow never know the use of his tail until he loses it). I would have given anything for a cool drink of water those couple of days, something we usually take for granted because it is always available, except as those of us in Tropical Regions know, when those hurricanes strike and take with it our electricity.

Thanks very much for bearing with me for the last two posts, as I fill you in on our recent moving experience. I will be back to the blogging business at hand in my next post, so catch up with you then.

Hey all, I have not fallen off the face of the earth

We just moved and is going through the teething process of settling in. Our apartment is very nice and cozy and so that helps a lot.

We are awaiting some furniture from our local furniture company and they are just rubbing us the wrong way, I guess its because we are not natives in this country, they want every freaking document that we possess, the only document left for them to ask for is our baptism certificate and even though we tell them we have a young child and is finding it difficult to take care of him without these basic items, we are still waiting.

We are so distressed. Anyway I wont bore you any longer, I intend to return to blogging as soon as my mind is settled and I can focus again.

Thank you for bearing with me.

talk soon.

TALCUM POWDER LINKED TO OVARIAN CANCER

Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.
Children born to a young man are like sharp arrows in a warrior’s hand
Psalm 127: 3 & 4

This post, as you can see has nothing to do with infertility, nevertheless, I feel a strong need to share it because my reading audience is made up of mostly women and we all know too well how suseptible we are to ovarian cancer.

Talcum powder, I have memories of it as a young girl growing up. We were never out of this product as my mom saw it as such a necessary part of the female in her household’s hygiene and as babies, the talcum baby powder was used on us for ‘nappy’ changes.

Well, an article in my local newspaper recently, made mention of a study done, that reported that Talcum powder is a cause of ovarian cancer.

From the article:

“You’ve probably used it, or had it sprinkled on you at some time in your life. It’s processed from a soft mineral compound of magnesium silicate and is called talcum powder, or just talc.

Talcum powder is manufactured by Johnson and Johnson among others, and is widely available in drug stores. Women have been persuaded by years of advertisements to dust themselves with talcum powder to mask alleged genital odors.

While the powder has been a symbol of freshness and cleanliness for over five decades, genital talc dusting is a dangerous, but avoidable cause of ovarian cancer, warns Dr. Samuel S. Epstein, chairman of the Cancer Prevention Coalition.

The first warning of the dangers of genital talc dusting came in a 1971 report on the identification of talc particles in ovarian cancers, a finding sharply contested by Dr. GY Hildrick-Smith, who was then Johnson and Johnson’s medical director.

A subsequent publication in the prestigious medical journal, The Lancet warned that, ‘The potentially harmful effects of talc….in the ovary….should not be ignored.” This warning was confirmed in a 1992 article in the journal Obstetrics and Gynecology which reported that a woman’s frequent talc use on her genitals increased the risk of ovarian cancer by threefold. The talc in question was simple brand or generic “baby powder.”

I am not sure how many women these days, still use talcum powder as part of their personal hygiene regiment, but if you do, it would helpful if you read this post. Also, if there are parents out there using generic “baby powder” for their baby girls’ diaper changes, I believe you in particular should make note of this.

Be informed therefore, and catch up with you next time.

DOES YOUR FAMILY KNOW ABOUT YOUR STRUGGLES WITH INFERTILITY???????

Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.
Children born to a young man are like sharp arrows in a warrior’s hand
Psalm 127: 3 & 4

I feel compelled to write this post because I have been reflecting of late on how difficult it was to bring my struggles with infertility to my family, and I suspect that some of you struggling with infertility, are having this problem too. You are not having the support you would have wanted from your family because you have not built up the courage to tell maybe for fear that they might not be able to give the support you need or for fear you might be judged or have inconsiderate comments thrown at you. On the other hand, maybe you have managed to tell them but have only skimmed the surface of what you are going through, these dear loved ones really do not know exactly how much pain this struggle is inflicting on you and how hard it is to just make it from day to day.

I wrote in my last post (“when your mother-in-law want those grandbabies”), that my struggles was brought to my family only after a conflict with my mother-in-law and this was not really how I wanted them to know about it, I wanted to be able to tell them myself and to tell them also how much this condition was affecting my daily life, how hard it was to wake up each day and to actually make it through that day.

I remember once I was taking a trip out to the country with my eldest sister and had planned in advance that I would use that occasion to tell her about my struggles with infertility. I used this opportunity because what more than a journey out in the country to relax you and make you want to talk, even to the extent of things that you hold private and close to you. Well, this did not go as planned, as I find I was able to talk about everything else but my struggles with infertility. I actually attempted in my mind, on a few occasions but no words came from my lips. I came back from this trip feeling miserable and defeated, and was forced to continue my struggles in secret.

I know like me, many of you are having problems opening up to your family about your struggles and this is understandable because this is a personal and private issue. Furthermore, infertiles will attempt to protect their feelings if they have reasons to feel that they will be judged or have inconsiderate comments thrown at them.

For me, this was the case. I remember on one occasion one of my sisters became pregnant with her second child. I was happy but was also a bit uncomfortable, because, here I was still struggling to have my first. Nevertheless, I decided to break the news to my Dad. I was not prepared for the response my father gave me, “so you are wasting time then”, he said. I was really taken aback to hear this from my Dad, because he was not one to make comments like that to me and so I took it to heart and was very depressed for a good while after.

My mother on the other hand, had no problems throwing these comments at me, that after a while, I had planned to talk to her in details about my struggles with infertility, in hopes of her being a little more considerate with her comments, but sadly I did not get around to it.

On the few attempts to talk to members of my family about my struggles with infertility, the comments were sometimes less than encouraging. One comment I got from one person, was that they do not think they would be so upset if they were inflicted with infertility. As a result, I gave up trying and made the decision to continue struggling in private, with the hope that one day I will be able to open up completely to them, so that they will understand more, this kind of pain.

I mention all these scenarios just to so you know that I know how difficult it is to talk about an issue like struggles with infertility with your loved ones. I also know that this difficulty is made that much lighter when you have the support of those you love, because some day, all you need is an encouraging word from a loved one, or a hug even, to let you know that even though they do not know what it feels like to be in such pain, they will be there for you, when you need them. I yearned for that so much.

I would encourage you therefore that if you want the support of your family (like I wanted), make the effort, as hard as it may be, to talk to your loved ones about your struggles with infertility, as you will never know how much this will help you. Iwished I had worked harder at it. This might prove to be a little discouraging at first but just remember, whatever their judgement, reaction or comments may be, they are really not qualified to give them, unless they have walked a mile in your shoes.

Be encouraged therefore and until next time, keep clinging to hope.

image by: http://girlgetstrong.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/Sad_Woman.jpg

WHAT REALLY IS HAPPENING WITH OUR CHILDREN???????

Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.
Children born to a young man are like sharp arrows in a warrior’s hand
Psalm 127: 3 & 4

Lately there has been so much news about violence among children. There were about two videos shown with children fighting in school buses. Then there was news a couple weeks ago about a school boy who stabbed another one to death, allegedly, over a girl.

The latest one, and the one that I want to focus on is about a group of boys (young boys, the youngest being 13), who lit another one on fire because he reported them as having stolen his father’s bicycle.

I cannot imagine that so much anger and hatred is in the minds of our children these days and I cannot help but wonder if it is the current climate of anger and unforgiveness around us that is rubbing off on these children, or is it the homes for which they come, who do we hold responsible for this? When I was a child, we fought with fists, and very rarely we would use sticks. But there was hardly any incidents including weapons like guns and knives.

This poor youngster has burns, some third degree, over 80% of his body and is currently fighting for his life and in an interview the other morning on the Today Show, with his mom and his doctor, the doctor was saying that he is not in the woods yet, much more to be out of it, so all in all, they are dealing with a very grave situation.

After the interview, the boy’s mother broke down, as she was understandably in so much pain and was trying hard to fight back the tears as she spoke. The Today Show asked her permission to show this breakdown on air, so that it will hopefully send the message out that incidents like these leave families in too much unnecessary pain and something needs to be done about them.

Right about this time, it hit me because it is really hard to see a parent in pain, as you start picturing yourself in the same position. Tears understandably, began welling up in my own eyes as I thought, what kind of world am I getting ready to send my son in? I really felt at this point that I would keep him home, home school him or something and just lock him away from all this callousness, because no one is exempted from falling victim to this.

Imagine so many of us have to fight the ravages of infertility to have our children and then only to have to face the reality that a brutal world awaits them and there is not much that we can do by way of protecting them from it because, let’s face it, they have to face the challenges of this world and we just simply cannot be there at all times to shield them from what it will throw their way. All we can do, is our best to prepare them, but that’s about it.

This is when we have to draw heavily on our faith in God and entrust them into his care and keeping.

I wrote recently about couples who begin praying for their unborn children from as early as the intercourse stage and I must re-iterate that this is a good thing for every God-fearing person to do, because I do believe that this results in better children, who will result in better people in our world, thus eventually making our world a better place.

Be encouraged therefore, and until next time, keep clinging to hope.

WHEN YOUR MOTHER-IN-LAW WANTS THOSE GRANDBABIES

Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.
Children born to a young man are like sharp arrows in a warrior’s hand
Psalm 127: 3 & 4

I have been meaning to write this post for some time now, but wanted to take the time to think carefully about what I was going to say, so that I do not cause any discomfort to persons mentioned herein.

My struggles with infertility was made much harder because my mother-in-law was yearning for grandchildren. I was married to her eldest son , who was the only one ready enough to take the plunge into marriage and to subsequently start a family and so it is natural that soon enough, she would be looking forward to his off springs.

When my husband and I made the decision to start our family, we did not know that our decision would be met with the challenges of infertility. As a result of this, we made it known to his mother that we had decided to start a family, so much so that when whenever we suspected we might be pregnant, she was told as well and so, like one happy family, we would anxiously wait on the result of a home pregnancy test, only to be disappointed.

Telling my mother-in-law of our plans to start a family turned out to be a big mistake as our dream was now complicated by infertility and my mother-in-law continued to yearn for grandchildren.

I remember when I told her about our problems with infertility, her response was, all you need is some infertility drugs. I wanted so much to believe that, but deep down I knew we were in for a long difficult road.

As the years passed and our struggles with infertility intensified, my mother-in-law’s yearning for grandchildren also intensified. This became more evident because of comments she would make from time to time that left especially me, feeling that she was not concerned with the emotional trauma that we had to be enduring in this regard, she was only concerned with having grandchildren.

As a result of this, I began resenting her so much. My husband and I were doing everything that we could possibly do to beat infertility and instead of supporting and encouraging us, she only seemed to be concerned with the end result of all this, grandchildren.

Things took a turn for the worst as another son, announced his plans to get married. I had mixed feelings about this, I was happy but on the other hand, I was almost sure that this son would soon provide the grandchildren his mother was so yearning for. Sure enough, that is exactly what happened. Shortly after their marriage, they became pregnant.

I saw my world crumbling before me and all the efforts to provide these precious grandchildren, seemed all in vain. My mother-in-law called to give us the news and sadly I could not hide how I was feeling. I made it through the conversation with her, but she sensed something was wrong and later telephoned to find out what was going on with me. I told her exactly how I was feeling and I even went further to tell her that for all the years we have been struggling with infertility (now about 8), I have been expecting some form of support and validation from her because I had been talking to her on occasions about our treatments etc., and she had sometimes asked. She therefore knew much more than my family knew, and so I thought she owed us even some encouragement, instead of her visible yearnings which at times made me really upset and add insult to injury, she was now calling us with news of her impending grandchild and expecting us to be as happy as she was. Her response to this was that she did not know we were hurting so much. I heard her, but it was a hard pill to swallow, because I believe anyone dealing with painful issues like infertility is going to be hurting and moreso for us who had been struggling for so long. Mind you, I did not tell her how much we were hurting, but I thought it would have been easy for her to automatically think that some amount of pain was involved in this struggle.

Let me say that, she deserves to be happy, because finally she was getting a grandchild that she had been yearning for all these years and an event such as this, should be a happy time for a family. I understood this all too well, but I felt like my husband and I had been kicked to the curb and also felt that all our efforts to have children, was in vain.

This turned into a big conflict and I did not visit or see her for a good couple of months. This was really a difficult time. My family found out about this conflict and I really did not get the support I was looking for from them. In all fairness, they could not have supported me how I really wanted them to, because they did not know that infertility was wreaking havoc on me. I still expected some support though, even for the mere fact that they are my family and they now know about my struggles. Well, Instead my mother told me that it was because of jealousy for my brother-in-law and his wife’s pregnancy, that this conflict was happening. I was saddened to hear this. Sure enough, there was jealousy, because we thought we would have been the ones to give that first grandchild, but this was only a fraction of why I was so upset, I was angry with my mother-in-law because I felt she had not been there for us in our struggles with infertility so far, and now here she was, visibly overjoyed for this pending grandchild and there I was feeling the most barren and empty any woman could ever feel and also feeling like a complete failure.

When I met that family for the first time, I felt like I did not belong because I was from a more simple background . I felt that I was not good enough for their son and struggled with that feeling for a long while. This is why, I felt it was important for me to provide them with grandchildren soon enough, especially in the case of my mother-in-law, ( Grandchildren are a mother-in-law’s pride and joy) so that I could feel a greater sense of belonging.

I am so happy that time took care of this conflict and soon, I was able to visit this precious baby girl and take my place again in this family which has been very good to me. My relationship with my mother-in-law has since been mended and it is better than it has ever been.

This conflict did an amazing thing for our struggles with infertility, because it brought it to our families in a way that we were having difficulties doing and it allowed us to have the support of our families that we so wanted, as they now have a better idea of what it really means to have someone so close to them dealing with so much pain. People whom they love so much but had been cheated out of really being there for them, because they did not share much about what they were really going through, mainly for fear that they would not understand and be capable of dealing with a situation such as this.

My mother-in-law now has two grandchildren, a girl and a boy and she is so happy. I am also happy that at long last, my husband and I were able to give her a grandchild, a boy whom she is so in love with and often says, “now there is someone to carry on the family’s name.” She also had a hand in his care in the first couple weeks of his life, as we sent for her to be a part of this experience that she had yearned for, for so long and she totally enjoyed it. God is so faithful.

This is my story, are there others like this out there. Would you have reacted in the same way I did, when I heard the news of my brother and his wife’s pregnancy and I am wrong to have reacted in this way. Please do not hesitate to give me your comments.

Do remember, if you are currently dealing with a situation such as this, time does heal and if honesty is involved in these conflicts, even though feelings might be hurt initially, a better relationship most times will result, so be encouraged and until next time, keep clinging to hope.

Just a light moment and my intent is only for humor, but did you know that mother-in-law scrambled spells, ‘woman-hitler.’ Bet you it is someone who is having a bad relationship with their mother-in-law that came up with this.

OOPS, I JUST FOUND OUT MY SPOUSE DOES NOT WANT CHILDREN

Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.
Children born to a young man are like sharp arrows in a warrior’s hand
Psalm 127: 3 & 4

The Today Show on NBC has this program entitled ‘Everyone has a story’ where viewers are invited to send in stories of difficult situations in their lives that they have triumphed over. The winner is notified and invited to be on the program, where a special song written especially for their story, is sung for them and they are showered with gifts.

This program was introduced last year and it is back again this year. Last year when I found out about it, I was very excited wondering if there would have been any stories of triumph over infertility which to date, in my opinion, is not given the attention it deserves on the airwaves and so many people who are currently dealing with this condition would be all too happy to hear them. I remember when I was struggling I would have given anything to hear such stories , so that I would know that I was not alone in my struggles and that one day, I would triumph too.

There was no infertility story on this program, but another story did get my attention. It was about a woman whose husband did not want children but sadly she wanted. She was, as a result very sad and depressed about this and went through pretty much all the issues that people suffering with infertility have to deal with.

I am not sure about the details surrounding this issue, if she knew that her husband did not want children before her marriage to him, or if she found out after marriage. This she did not say, but it sure left me wondering.

This is not the first story of this kind that I have heard, as I know of individuals who are currently dealing with this kind of situation in their marriages. Courtship, I believe, is designed to get to know each other inside out before marriage and therefore, if it is done as it should, issues like these should surface so that one can decide whether or not they will take the relationship further into marriage.

This woman had a noticeable subdued nature about her and it left me wondering if whether or not she is in a healthy marriage. Is it that her husband has the final word in the relationship and does not care what she wants, whether or not she wants children? This would be so unfair and would indeed render the marriage very unhealthy, because marriage is about compromise and much slaying of self.

It is hard to imagine someone being subjected to a life without children only because their spouse does not want any. I know of couples who do not want children, but this is a mutual agreement. My heart went out to this woman so much and I am happy she has decided to be a mentor to a deserving child, which seem to have given her life purpose.

My husband and I dated for a good couple of years. I know dating is much shorter these days and can be as short as even a month. A month to me is really short though, but regardless of how much time is given to dating, it should be used as effectively as possible, in getting to know each other.

In our years of dating, we found out so much about each other, that when we got married, we knew each other well enough. We knew what made each other ticked and knew that we both wanted children because, we both loved them so much.

Courtship is the platform that all marriages are built on and so an effective courtship should equal a successful marriage.

Be encouraged therefore and until next time, keep clinging to hope.

SPARE THE ROAD AND SPOIL THE CHILD?????

Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.
Children born to a young man are like sharp arrows in a warrior’s hand
Psalm 127: 3 & 4

I know many parents have never spanked their children and do not believe in spanking children at all.

Infertility was difficult, as I have said over and over but raising a child, especially a boy,(I have heard these are harder) is now the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I hope I am not scaring anyone.

My son is at the stage which is termed the ‘terrible two’s,’ where he does not listen and throws tantrums. When he is doing things where he would hurt himself, climbing flipping etc., and I tell him to stop, I find myself sounding like a scratch record, telling him over and over to stop, to the point where I have to resort to physically stopping him or removing him, only to see him return to doing what I just tried to stop him from doing. By this time, I can hear my father’s voice, saying, ‘what is wrong with you parents these days?, you are allowing the child to rule you, you need to let him know who the parent is, meaning that he needs a spanking.’ Not wanting to feel like a total failure at being a parent, I am left with no choice but to give him two slaps. Then, the voices of all those parents who do not believe in spanking seem to chime in immediately thereafter, why are you spanking the child, do you want him taken away from you?

On Sunday, my son wanted to be with his father in the sound room, where he helps to operate the sound on Sundays. It would be difficult for my husband to carry out his duty because our son would be getting into things, as he is at the curious stage. He was so mad, he refused to sit quietly in church, instead he was throwing the program and hymn books on the ground, then he himself ended up on the ground. He was being a distraction so I took him outside. He lost his spine the entire way outside so I had to drag him like a ragged doll. By this time I was flushed with anger and embarrassment, I gave him two slaps. Junior church is usually held for them, but there was none today but he still wanted to go into the room. I went to the room with him where he kept himself occupied with the items used for Junior Church.

In episode two, I was sitting at the back of church with a friend waiting for church to end. We had just left the Junior Church room and he wanted to go back. I tried to stop him because I had no energy left to clean up after he had had his way in the room and that was when he ended up on the ground again. I decided to leave him there to cry out the tantrum. He cried and cried until his face was soaked with tears and mucus was coming for his nose. My friend attempted to pick him up but he did not want to be picked up. After crying for a while, he came towards me and I tried to pick him, he resisted and ended up on the ground again. I had had it, and so I gave him two more slaps. I regret having to do this in front of my friend as my husband and I had made a promise that we would not attempt to discipline him in the presence of other people, but I felt he had asked for it.

He soon calmed down enough that I could pick him up in my arms. At this point I felt like crying, having to see my child fall to pieces like this and worst, in the presence of someone else. I also felt inadequate as here I was unable to calm him and give him what he really needed. He soon completely calmed down and was about to go to sleep, but by this time, church had ended and soon as my husband appeared, I handed him over to him. For the rest of the day, I felt like I had ran a marathon, I could hardly find the strength to cook dinner.

This is the first time he had ever behaved like this at church.

I am very grateful for my son and it goes without saying that I am very much in love with him, but this is a very challenging time. Worst, I am from a background where our parents, especially our Dad, would just have to give us 'the look' and we would fall right back in line, fearing the spanking that would follow if we did not adhere. I wish I could do that to my son and then spanking would not be an issue at all.

I tell you and I can understand why some parents do not believe in spanking children because you can get really angry and hurt them, not really meaning to, especially when they act up in public and cause you embarrassment. This is especially so if you have other things going on in your life which is causing you stress and for mothers especially, we are often victims of our hormones. Little wonder, there is so much news out there, about parents who hurt children. I often wonder how a parent could hurt a child, but having the experience now, I can see why. This is why, when I am going through anything emotional, I try not to spank my son at all and I believe all parents should try not to do this.

Our son cries when his favorite cartoon ends, he cries when he cannot have his way and he cries of course when he is spanked. Many times I actually feel scared that my neighbors might send the Children’s Authorities on me, thinking that all those cries was because we were spanking him, to the point where the other morning I saw a car parked close to my home and a little while after that I saw a lady slowly walking by my house and looking over the fence, I felt really uncomfortable, what if my neighbors had done what I had been thinking? Mind you, my home is being sold by my Landlord, so it could be that this lady had seen the for sale sign and was checking out the property.

If you are a parent reading this, and you do not believe in spanking, please, please, give us some advice on how to discipline our son effectively, without having to spank him. He is our miracle baby and we really do not want to spank him at all, but on the other hand, we love him too much and really do not want to ‘spare the rod and spoil the child.’ I am thinking time outs could work but I do not think he is at the stage where he can understand what this is about, but I will definitely do that when he is older.

You may notice I use the word spank in my post. This is because I strongly believe no one should beat their children as this is child abuse.

Looking forward to your response.

GETTING PREGNANT WITH IRREGULAR PERIODS

Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.
Children born to a young man are like sharp arrows in a warrior’s hand
Psalm 127: 3 & 4

Irregular periods , a symptom of my PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome), was one of my challenges when I was trying to conceive and I know many women struggling with infertility caused by PCOS, is dealing with this as well, hence my decision to do this post.

Let me say, I know this is the information age where everything can be ‘googled,’ nevertheless, I still want to share my experience with this issue, as it is always comforting to be able to identify with others and knowing you arfe not alone in your struggles, and you just never can tell, maybe it will help even one person.

As a result of my irregular cycle, it was impossible to track ovulation because my cycles were erratic and would most times be longer than the normal, which is said to be between 28 and 35 days.

I remember once, in desperation , trying an ovulation predicator kit which, every time I tested, showed that I was ovulating but still no pregnancy occurred. I am just learning that ovulation predictor kits do not really work if you have irregular periods. Instead, it is suggested that you use your Basal Body temperature and your cervical mucus, as this is the best and most natural way of knowing when you are ovulating. I have also recently learnt that even though women with PCOS have periods, it does not necessarily mean that they are ovulating, a condition known as ‘anovulation.’ That, I think was my problem because I remember my doctor doing an examination and proceeded to tell me that he had not seen any evidence of any recent ovulation.

I did see the information while researching online, later on in my struggles with infertility, where one could track ovulation using Basal Body Temperature and cervical mucus, but I did not try it because I simply was not patient enough to go through all that was expected for an accurate result. I wanted to be pregnant very badly, but I wanted it to happen in a less complicated way and so I soon opted to do surgery (laparoscopy), as my doctor told me this would greatly increase my chances of achieving pregnancy.

Please follow the link below to see what your Basal Body temperature and cervical mucus are and how to go about charting to predict exactly when you ovulate.
http://www.babycenter.com/0_basal-body-temperature-and-cervical-mucus_3195.bc

Read about the condition anovulation, by following the link below.
http://www.epigee.org/menstruation/anovulation.html

Until next time, keep clinging to hope.

PRAYER AND INFERTILITY

Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.
Children born to a young man are like sharp arrows in a warrior’s hand
Psalm 127: 3 & 4

Throughout my struggles with infertility, I constantly prayed to God to take this hurdle out of my life and allow me to have the children I so desperately wanted. I know those of you currently struggling with infertility is praying this prayer as well and hoping that God , in his mercy, will answer you.

As the years passed and I realized that no answer to my prayers were forthcoming, II began feeling desperate, and wanted to at experience what it felt like to become pregnant, and so, I began saying to God, maybe your will for my husband and myself is not to become parents, this I have to work on accepting but in the meantime, could you just allow me to see what a positive pregnancy test looks like, to experience the symptoms of pregnancy, the nausea, the vomiting the bloating and lo and behold, he answered that prayer. I became pregnant with what was to later be a missed abortion and believe me, I felt all the symptoms and more. I remember asking him again that he allow me to wear maternity clothes that I so often pictured myself in and wanted to wear so badly, because I thought I would make a gorgeous pregnant woman (smile) and that I be allowed to experience the pampering and attention that pregnant women received and I so envied. Well, he answered that too and I became pregnant again and carried that pregnancy to seven months.

I remember telling this to a friend and her advice to me, was that I try praying for what I actually wanted, a child and probably God will grant me this at long last. Would he, I thought, I had been praying for so many years and none was forthcoming. Anyway I left that at that.
When I became pregnant with my son, I was not trying and was not praying for a child either, at least not as yet, because I was on treatment to resume trying again and also had just relocated. When I found out I was pregnant, I began praying in earnest for my unborn child, because I was not prepared to lose this child like the last one. I even told God that if he took this one, he should take me as well because I did not feel that I could go through another loss. Every morning, I would pray and rub my stomach with olive oil (a symbol used in Christianity along with prayers for healing and well-being) and I did this for the duration of my pregnancy. I was still, however, very anxious and frightened, not that I did not trust God, it was because of my previous losses.

I recently heard that some couples begin praying for their unborn child right before intercourse. I found that truly amazing as I had never thought of doing that, I prayed but it was usually after sexual intercourse, that God would not allow this opportunity to go to waste. I wonder if it would have made a difference if I had prayed before. My friend who brought this to my attention was so taken by this as well, she knows of people praying for their unborn child when they actually became pregnant, but not before.

One thing I believe is that these couples must have a special relationship with God and want him involved in all aspects of their plans to have a family, to actually think of doing this. Having done this also, their pregnancy should be anxiety and stress free as they already know that God has ordained it and will have them in his divine care and keeping until delivery. I don’t know about you, but this sounds pretty good to me.

This is truly commendable and I feel that every Christian should begin praying for their unborn child even before conception, as I believe the world would be a much better place with more children being born, who are shaped and molded in Christ even before conception.

Be blessed, therefore and until next time, keep clinging to hope.

MY FIRST BABY

Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.
Children born to a young man are like sharp arrows in a warrior’s hand
Psalm 127: 3 & 4

Yes, I had a baby before I had my son, he was a ‘fur-baby,’ an adorable German Shepherd pup called Diego, named after the football hero, Diego Maradona. He was my baby, but technically not mine. He belonged to my brother-in- law and I was chosen to be his pup-sitter for the first few weeks of his life, because he had to be taken from his mother.

That bond is one that I can never forget as I was in the most difficult period of my struggle with infertility and he showed up at a time when I needed a distraction from what I was going through. I needed to release some of the love that was building up inside of me for my own baby, a love that was becoming frustrated, as it was waiting too long to be released on a deserving baby.

Diego gave me a reason to wake up every morning for those few weeks as I was so anxious to see him, to care for him as any mother would care for their own baby. You could not help but fall in love with him because he was so cute and after my neighbor met him, she too fell in love and came by each morning just to see him before she went off to work.

Diego soon grew into a little dog who thought he was big enough to do big dog things. I remember one day I was in the kitchen preparing his lunch and there he was trying to sit up like a big dog with his ears all up in the air and he kept falling over because he could not maneuver himself properly just yet. It reminded me of a baby who is trying to walk and keep falling over. I laughed so hard because it was so hysterical to watch. In the days we would watch television together and he would have his head on my lap. I was in love, I almost begged my brother-in-law for him.

I remember one day when he was still pretty small, I took him outside for a walk. My yard is very secure so I let him roam freely about, which he was enjoying very much, Suddenly, I was urged to look towards the sky and there was a vulture which appeared to be swooping down to pick him up. I grabbed him so fast and went inside, very shaken up. What would I have done if this vulture had taken away my ‘fur-baby’ which is really not mine. I remember some feelings of inadequacy began to creep in and I suddenly began remembering an incident that happened to me. If I am not mistaken, I must have shared it before in one of my earlier posts. I was holding someone’s baby once, and the baby’s head came down with a thud on the table I was sitting around. This baby was big for his age and so I honestly thought he had control of his limbs. I was so frightened, I felt I could cry and it did not help when someone around the table said, ‘it had to be Marie to do that.’ No one could convince me otherwise that the reason I was having problems conceiving children of my own was because I would suck at taking care of them. I would hurt them, and so here I was feeling that if this vulture had taken this pup, it would be a confirmation that I was probably not going to be a mother because I would suck at it.

From many of the Infertility blogs I have read, I see where these people have pets whom they refer to as their ‘fur-babies’ and I know these precious creatures are helping these people in their struggles a lot. After all, what like a human baby, could be so loved and loves back unconditionally , does not judge you and is always very happy to see you, than a cute cuddly pet that makes it worth it to carry on from day to day despite the challenges you face.

For those of you who are struggling with infertility and does not have a pet, I would recommend you get one. You will be surprised to see what it does for you and how much lighter your struggles appear. I only had one for a few weeks and look how it helped me, so much so, that I thought of getting a puppy for myself. I remember after telling a friend of my new found job of pup-sitting, she said, intending for it to be a joke, that I was being prepared for mine which is to come. I really believed that somehow and so I threw myself into it even more.

Thanks Diego, you were not human, but you made an impact in my life more than most human did and you made my struggles that much lighter because you came.

image by: http://images.google.tt/imgres?imgurl=http://www.geocities.com/mrsjacksonsclass/petsall.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.geocities.com/mrsjacksonsclass/pets.htm&usg=__Gv2rBEMAIGuU-SBNII1d-y7_zz8=&h=346&w=432&sz=71&hl=en&start=2&tbnid=DDWAHlLI1m4JjM:&tbnh=101&tbnw=126&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dimages%2Bof%2Bpets%26gbv%3D2%26hl%3Den%26sa%3DG

PREGNANT WITH SOMEONELSE’S BABY

Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.
Children born to a young man are like sharp arrows in a warrior’s hand
Psalm 127: 3 & 4

This story has been in the news recently about a couple who became pregnant through invitro-fertilization, with what was supposed to be their fourth child, only to find out very soon into the pregnancy that they were pregnant with another couple’s baby, as there was a mixed up with the embryos.

The worst part of this is, she was given two choices, one to terminate the pregnancy or to give the baby to the rightful parents when its born. They are understandably in a lot of pain and I can just imagine how emotionally traumatized the wife is, because she is the one carrying the baby and is, I am sure trying everything in her power not to create a bond. This has to be difficult, if it is even possible.

When asked what will be the hardest part of this process for them, they replied, the birth, which is supposed to be soon. The wife says all she asks of the couple to whom the baby belongs, is to give her some time to say hello and goodbye to the baby. I could not hold back my tears at that point and after a while, the television was no longer visible and I immediately began to envision myself in this very difficult position. Can you imagine after struggling with infertility for so many years, I became pregnant through invitro-fertilization only to have this happened to me. I am so sure I would have found a way to keep this baby as I do not think I would be able to give it back. I would have to secure the services of the best lawyer, once I can afford it, to fight this.

It seem the couple is pursuing legal action in this regard and I really hope that, as difficult as this is for them, they will be able to find some peace and eventually closure.

They will not be able to become pregnant again because of medical issues the wife has, but luckily they still has embryos and is contemplating using a surrogate to have another child. I really hope this will work out for them as this will help them deal with the some of the emotional pain.

My thoughts and prayers are with them.

If you were in this couple’s shoes, how do you think you would deal with it? Your comments are welcomed and until next time, keep clinging to hope.

Follow the link below to see the complete story

http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/32950836/ns/today-today_health/?gt1=43001

"HAVING A HEALTHY BABY BEGINS WHEN YOU ARE TRYING TO CONCEIVE"

Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.
Children born to a young man are like sharp arrows in a warriors hand
Psalm 127: 3 & 4

I did a post identical to this one before but feel that I should still share this one with you, as I believe we cannot be reminded enough about this, when we are trying to conceive.

This is especially so for those who are struggling with infertility because it is very easy to forget that indeed a healthy baby begins when we are trying to conceive. We become so consumed with the various treatments to beat our condition and sometimes too, we are aware of this, but because infertility treatments are so expensive, sadly, we have to forego this, because it is equally very expensive to eat healthy and to purchase prenatal vitamins and where stress is concerned, once you are struggling with infertility, sadly, this becomes a part of your life and is not so easy to keep under control. I still implore you all to bear this in mind though.

When I became pregnant with our daughter, I was not on any prenatal vitamins, my diet was not as it should be and I was extremely depressed and stressed out as a result of my struggles with infertility. I still cannot shake the feeling that this was probably why the pregnancy ended up as it did, because after entensive research and testing, we still do not have any answers as to why we lost that pregnancy.

When I became pregnant with our son a couple months after, I was on prenatal vitamins, I was on iron, because my doctor told me I was anemic and I was exercising and eating as healthy as I could have afforded. As we all know that pregnancy was a success and our son was born in perfect health. I strongly believe it was because of my prenatal regiment, why this pregnancy was successful.

Please follow the link below to see post by a fellow blogger and until next time ALL THE BEST in your efforts.

http://infertility-fertility.blogspot.com/2009/09/having-healthy-baby-starts-when-youre.html

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IS IT POSSIBLE TO FIND TOTAL FULFILLMENT IN LIFE WITHOUT HAVING CHILDREN?

Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.
Children born to a young man are like sharp arrows in a warriors hand
Psalm 127: 3 & 4

I was reading a post by a young lady the other day, who suffers from infertility, who, after various failed treatments, have now decided to stop trying to get pregnant and go back to living her life.

I can well imagine that this is one of the hardest decisions she has ever had to make and she is also very aware that having made this decision, just as when she was trying to get pregnant, there will be difficult day to day issues that she will have to face.

For people suffering with infertility, this is also a very important decision to make because it is recommended that you come to terms with the fact that at some point you really have to consider stop trying to get pregnant, whether it be for financial, emotional or other reasons.
From her post, I want to highlight and comment on some of the arguments she has put forward supporting her decision, as she now seeks to transition into living a life without children.

“ Meaning quest. I thought a child would imbue my life with a new sense of focus and purpose. Infertility has created a meaning vacuum. It has ignited in me a renewed sense of obligation to unearth my passions and work towards goals. Mothers often describe the experience of giving birth as the most incredible thing they ever experienced, holding their infant for the first time as transcendent, and raising children as “the toughest job you’ll ever love.” I feel the need to create comparable peak experiences and ongoing projects. There is a pressure to craft a life well lived, even though I will never raise children.”

There is nothing really wrong in wanting to craft a life well lived, even though you will never raise children, and it is very natural to want to do this. The problem is though, there still remains a vacuum that nothing else except children can fill. You can seek to create experiences comparable to that of having and raising children, get involved in ongoing projects, but from experiences, all that happens here is that you get so busy that you are forced to think about your inability to have children less. This is not by any means a bad thing, but it does not take away the pain, or the yearning, nor does it take away the empty space that children would have filled.

I tried all these things, I travelled to the extent that I could afford, I at times even did a little bit of shopping to boost my spirits, I do the expensive dining out, I enrolled in courses and threw myself deeply into things I was involved in. None of these things helped, I was still as sad, as empty and unfulfilled as ever.

Further in her post, she had this to say, “Writing this, I am for the first time acknowledging my own strength and courage in living with infertility and finally making the decision to be childfree. Emboldened, I ask of those blessed with their own children to consider the following: Your family is your good fortune. Not everyone else is as lucky. Please be self-aware about when, to whom, how and especially how much you talk about your children. Just as it is not flattering to be openly bitter about infertility, nor is it becoming to be boastful about one’s parental pride.”

Before I had my son, I was on the same page as this person, I would be annoyed with people whose company I was in, some of whom knew about my infertility and the conversations became of their children and I too thought these people were ‘boastful about their parental pride.’

It was only after I had our son and I realized how fortunate and blessed we were and find that we jumped at every opportunity to talk about our son, that I realized that parents are generally very eager to talk about their children, even boast a little. Further, if they have never experienced infertility, it is not fair to expect them to know exactly how you are feeling and avoid causing you discomfort in situations, even if they know that you are struggling in this regard.

To further drive home my point, I remember when we lost our daughter in 2007, I was in the hospital and had some visitors. I was understandably very grief-stricken and felt even worse when those same visitors began talking about their children. Who was off visiting grandma, who was just enrolled in preschool and who was adjusting to day-care. I thought these people were insensitive,as I was lying there about to give birth to our dead child. How much clearer could it be that this was not the appropriate time to have conversations about your children, as it was not only about infertility now, I was grieving in plain sight, for our daughter whom I had lost and I could not believe they saw it fit to add to my grief in this way. I was on the verge of telling my husband to ask them to leave.

Sincethen, it has come home to me all too clearly that people who struggle with infertility have to find their own resolve, as unfortunately, this world is in no way equipped to be there for such people as they would have liked it to. That is why infertility is such a lonely journey.

In view of the above, I can say that surely this is going to be a difficult journey for this young lady, as she will have to deal with so many difficult situations. There will be constant reminders of the opportunity she has given up. Every pregnant woman or baby she sees will only be a reminder for her and sadly, she will have to endure a lot more conversations and ‘boasting’ about children, and the mere fact that she had to ask others to make adjustments to accommodate her, tells me that she probably was not ready to make this decision, also the fact that it seem she will be in constant pursuit of a fulfilled life, she will never be able to find it because she will not be going about it in a natural and healthy manner, she will be doing it to prove to people with children that she can live a fulfilled life without children and that, I believe, kills it for her. She can have a life ‘well-lived’, I believe, but not one as fulfilled as having children brings. I am very aware that there are some persons who have made the decision from the onset, not to have children and would like to think that these people have their formulae for fulfillment. I however cannot say the same for people who initially wanted children and have to give up on that dream due to infertility, as there are instances in life when a child’s innocent laughter, a cute remark, or just something hilarious that they do, are the only things sometimes that can truly add meaning to a otherwise stressful and mundane life.

Might I add that the effects from making the decision to stop trying for children usually does not disappear after you have passed childbearing age, because now you begin to wonder if you made the right decision. If you would have become pregnant, had you not made this decision, and if you really had children who would they look like, and what they would become in life.

With all that said, I must say, I applaud this woman's courage and strength as she is doing something that I do not think myself and many others could do. I had thoughts of doing this several time in my struggles but just could not find the strength. Please find her complete post by following the link below and until next times, keep clinging to hope.

http://parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/09/10/life-after-infertility-treatments-fail/