REMEMBERING THE PAIN OF INFERTILITY

Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.
Children born to a young man are like sharp arrows in a warrior’s hand
Psalm 127: 3 & 4

You all know we moved recently, well there is a very nice couple who lives in the same complex who we learnt tried to have children but did not and sadly have to give up on their dream of having biological children.

The first thing that came to my mind when I found out this was, Wow, and our son will be a constant reminder to them of what they had to give up on. Theodore is so drawn to them and we find this quite strange because he is not easily drawn to anyone, especially now that he is getting more and more aware. The other day we went up to visit with them and as soon as we were inside, Theo took off his pants and slippers and before I knew it, he was in their bedroom and jumping up on their bed, while the gentleman was watching television. At one point when I went to check if he was any bother, I saw the gentleman wiping Theo’s nose as he was having a cold at the time. That was when I knew that there was quite a bond there. Sadly they are in the process of moving and we will miss them dearly, but on the other hand, we are relieved that Theodore will no longer be a constant reminder to them of children they want to have so badly.

I later found out that the gentleman is yearning very much for children and so they have plans to adopt. Every morning when he is leaving for work, he would ask for Theodore so that he can say hello and talk to him a bit. He, in-turn looks forward to this because as soon as he hears them exiting their apartment, he would position himself at a particular low window so that he can interact and say goodbye to them.

Yesterday, the gentleman came home and called out to me and asked for Theodore and said he wanted to talk to him. I told Theo to go to the window, but the gentleman wanted more than that, he wanted to hold Theodore for a bit. I figured at once, that this had something to do with his yearning for children of his own, why his request and without hesitation, I opened our door and let him hold our son. As I handed Theodore to him, I felt the stabbing pain of infertility (which was all too familiar) in the pit of my stomach and tears came to my eyes as I allowed myself to reach out to this dear gentleman in a way that only one who was yearning or had yearned in this way, could understand.

It meant a lot to me that I allowed myself to do this because somehow, I find that my heart goes out more to men who yearn for children. I was fortunate that my husband did not show his yearnings so much, or else I would have had a more difficult time with my infertility struggles.

Can you imagine, Who would have thought that I would ever have overcome infertility and be able to reach out to someone currently dealing with this pain in such a way, simply by allowing them to hold my child in their arms, with hope that it does make their pain a little lighter.

Shortly after this incident though, I began thinking, what if this young man had quickly jumped in his car and drove off with my son, what would I have done? This crossed my mind because in my own struggles with infertility, in my deepest darkest moments, I felt like I could just walk into a maternity ward and take a child, or snatch a child, if they were left wandering carelessly around. This thought quickly left my mind though, because I was more focused on giving of myself in this situation and did not want anything negative to affect this moment and moreover, this couple is such nice people, who quickly reached out to us when we moved in and even bought us chinese food to last us a couple of days, because we were not able to cook.

This incident remained foremost in my thoughts for the rest of the day and I could not wait until my husband came home to relate it to him.

I challenge those of us who know someone who is battling infertility or is childless because of infertility or other reasons, do try if you can, as I know this can be challenging, to reach out to these people in even the smallest way. You will be surprised what it does for you and not to mention them, because a little kindness does go a long way and some yearn just to even hold a child in their arms.

Be thoughtful therefore, and until next time keep clinging to hope.