INFERTILITY AND YOUR MARRIAGE

A couple of days ago, I was watching the reality show ‘Kloe and Lamar’, a spinoff of the Keeping up with the Kardashians series on E-Television,  (yes I watch that show and I am glad that I have been watching it because now I have information for my blog. It is not a guilty pleasure, but I found myself watching it because there is absolutely nothing else to watch on cable on Sunday nights).

Kloe and Lamar have been married for almost two years now and they have been trying to conceive for about a year or so. After some nagging from her mother together with her frustration from trying and not being successful in conceiving, she decided to visit her doctor to find out if something is wrong with her.

The doctor did an examination and sent her home to await the results. As is expected, she was anxious and began googling possible problems that she could be experiencing which could have contributed to her failure to conceive. At one point I heard her ask if anyone had ever heard of endometriosis. Deep down I was hoping that this was not her problem, because this could further compromise her chances of getting pregnant, depending on the stage endometriosis she has.

After a while, the anxiety of waiting got to her and I heard her exclaim that she will probably turn out to be the infertile wife, who have her husband leave her, because she cannot give him children. That struck me, because in this age of technology and information, I thought we were ways from that notion. I have been reading a lot of infertility stories through my blogging and I have not come across any woman, who has had their husband leave them because of their struggles with infertility. Instead, these men are doing everything they can to support their wives, even if sometimes they trip over themselves.

I am not saying that cases where a husband leaves his wife due to infertility does not exist, because I have heard of one such case, but this is certainly in the minority and is cruel, if you should ask me. Why should  a woman be so severely punished for something that is happening to her, that she has little or no control over.


Men, in all fairness I know this is also a difficult time for you, because it is indeed hard to keep up with the roller coaster of emotions that you wife will subject you to. Let's face it, we are not given a handbook for any struggles that life throws our way, but you still can offer support to your wife without having all the answers. You can simply just be there to wipe her tears and to hold her. My husband did not do much by way of physically supporting and comforting me during my struggles with infertility, and I know now, that this is because he did not know how. The amazing thing however, was that in his silence, he was still there and I felt his presence, enough to assure me that we were indeed, in this thing together and as a result of this, our marriage benefited by becoming richer and stronger and when our prize for enduring this difficult period came (our son), we were able to celebrate, with confidence, that God had truly favoured us.

I wish the same for all of you who are struggling with infertility. May your marriage benefit tremendously from this struggle and may you find God’s favour as we did, and may you emerge better wives and husbands as a result.

N.B. Men, do check out this post that I did earlier on 'what he can expect when she is not expecting' which is really a book written by a man who found himself dealing with infertility in his marriage.

http://onereachinganother.blogspot.com/2011/03/what-he-can-expect-when-she-is-not.html

image by: http://l.yimg.com/a/i/us/shine/health/couple.jpg 

WHY ARE SOME PEOPLE ALLOWED TO HAVE CHILDREN??????

Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.

Children born to a young man are like sharp arrows in a warrior’s hand
Psalm 127: 3 & 4

"HOPE MAKES THE DIFFERENCE"

Before I begin my post on the above subject matter, Please allow me as I give an update on my son’s transition into Nursery School.

On Tuesday, his second day, he did the crying as he did not get to on Monday, because they took him from us before he could. The report for Tuesday and Wednesday is that he is doing much better and only cries when we go to pick him up. I guess that is his way of showing how happy he is to see us.

Yesterday when his Dad was taking him home, he refused to interact with him though and this morning when he woke up, he refused to have his breakfast and instead was clinging on to his father. Poor kid, we tried to console him and ourselves by telling him that we went through this and every boy and girl have, and will go through this as well.

Now, on to the real reason for my post.

You must have heard the news of this eight month old baby boy who is missing and his mother arrested. She told the baby’s father that she killed the child, but it was found out that she possibly could have given away the child to strangers, because she had done it before.

I am so upset because how dear you play around with an innocent child’s life like that. How dear you use a child as a ransom for whatever mess you have made of your life. Children are such blessings and so many of us are struggling to have them.

There was another story of a father who was fighting with his baby’s mother while she was holding their infant child and one of the blows, caught the baby in the head, now the child has brain damage.

Stories like these are in the news everyday and they disturb me a lot because when I think of what we went through to have our son and read my fellow bloggers infertility stories and see what they are going through to have kids, it really does hurt.

I know situations can drive people to do things and life is so filled with stress these days, but I think there should be some level of consciousness and maturity when you have children. First of all, children should be the product of a mature and conscious decision but sadly this is not the case and this is why I believe there are escalating situations such as these, and this is just so unfortunate.

I must remind us though, that even if these children came out of a less than mature and conscious decision, their safety and well being still remain our responsibility until they are old enough to take care of themselves.

I drive myself crazy just trying to preserve the safety of my child and I just cannot imagine any parent of especially young children, not doing this as well.

I implore those of us who are guilty, to be more conscious of this therefore.

Catch you for my next post and until next time keep clinging to hope.

MY FIRST BABY

Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.
Children born to a young man are like sharp arrows in a warrior’s hand
Psalm 127: 3 & 4

Yes, I had a baby before I had my son, he was a ‘fur-baby,’ an adorable German Shepherd pup called Diego, named after the football hero, Diego Maradona. He was my baby, but technically not mine. He belonged to my brother-in- law and I was chosen to be his pup-sitter for the first few weeks of his life, because he had to be taken from his mother.

That bond is one that I can never forget as I was in the most difficult period of my struggle with infertility and he showed up at a time when I needed a distraction from what I was going through. I needed to release some of the love that was building up inside of me for my own baby, a love that was becoming frustrated, as it was waiting too long to be released on a deserving baby.

Diego gave me a reason to wake up every morning for those few weeks as I was so anxious to see him, to care for him as any mother would care for their own baby. You could not help but fall in love with him because he was so cute and after my neighbor met him, she too fell in love and came by each morning just to see him before she went off to work.

Diego soon grew into a little dog who thought he was big enough to do big dog things. I remember one day I was in the kitchen preparing his lunch and there he was trying to sit up like a big dog with his ears all up in the air and he kept falling over because he could not maneuver himself properly just yet. It reminded me of a baby who is trying to walk and keep falling over. I laughed so hard because it was so hysterical to watch. In the days we would watch television together and he would have his head on my lap. I was in love, I almost begged my brother-in-law for him.

I remember one day when he was still pretty small, I took him outside for a walk. My yard is very secure so I let him roam freely about, which he was enjoying very much, Suddenly, I was urged to look towards the sky and there was a vulture which appeared to be swooping down to pick him up. I grabbed him so fast and went inside, very shaken up. What would I have done if this vulture had taken away my ‘fur-baby’ which is really not mine. I remember some feelings of inadequacy began to creep in and I suddenly began remembering an incident that happened to me. If I am not mistaken, I must have shared it before in one of my earlier posts. I was holding someone’s baby once, and the baby’s head came down with a thud on the table I was sitting around. This baby was big for his age and so I honestly thought he had control of his limbs. I was so frightened, I felt I could cry and it did not help when someone around the table said, ‘it had to be Marie to do that.’ No one could convince me otherwise that the reason I was having problems conceiving children of my own was because I would suck at taking care of them. I would hurt them, and so here I was feeling that if this vulture had taken this pup, it would be a confirmation that I was probably not going to be a mother because I would suck at it.

From many of the Infertility blogs I have read, I see where these people have pets whom they refer to as their ‘fur-babies’ and I know these precious creatures are helping these people in their struggles a lot. After all, what like a human baby, could be so loved and loves back unconditionally , does not judge you and is always very happy to see you, than a cute cuddly pet that makes it worth it to carry on from day to day despite the challenges you face.

For those of you who are struggling with infertility and does not have a pet, I would recommend you get one. You will be surprised to see what it does for you and how much lighter your struggles appear. I only had one for a few weeks and look how it helped me, so much so, that I thought of getting a puppy for myself. I remember after telling a friend of my new found job of pup-sitting, she said, intending for it to be a joke, that I was being prepared for mine which is to come. I really believed that somehow and so I threw myself into it even more.

Thanks Diego, you were not human, but you made an impact in my life more than most human did and you made my struggles that much lighter because you came.

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