INFERTILITY FACTS, NEWS AND VIEWS – FERTILITY AND CHEMOTHERAPY

I would imagine that many women of childbearing age, who want children and who are undergoing chemotherapy for breast or other cancers, must wonder from time to time how this will impact on their fertility.

Fertility after chemotherapy  depend on two factors, a woman’s age and the extent of the chemotherapy treatment, as it relates to dosage and type.

Women who are 30 and younger stands a significantly higher chance of conceiving after chemotherapy, because the ovaries of younger women do in fact produce more healthy eggs. Women who are closer to menopause (51 and over) however, will most likely be in menopause after chemotherapy, thereby limiting their chances of conceiving.

As it relates to the extent of chemotherapy received, it is known that certain drugs administered during chemotherapy treatment, does have more likelihood of causing infertility than others.  Cytoxan - chemical name: cyclophosphamide, Platinol  - chemical name: cisplatin and Adriamycin - chemical name: doxorubicin carry a medium risk to fertility. It would therefore be wise to do your research, talk extensively with your doctors, to ensure that they will be using those drugs in your treatment, with lesser risk to your fertility.

For more information, please visit the link below:

http://www.breastcancer.org/tips/fert_preg_adopt/treatments/chemotherapy

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WHY AM I AN ONLY CHILD??????

We had more or less settled on the idea that we would not be trying to have anymore children, when we unexpectedly became pregnant. Our son was about 20 months old and my husband and I, after the initial shock had worn of, began embracing the idea of having another child around. We lost the pregnancy almost as soon as we found out we were expecting, to a missed abortion.

We continued however, to embrace the idea of having another child and took our doctors advice seriously, to change my diet, because my PCOS condition, which seemed to have intensified after the birth of my son, was the cause of us losing this pregnancy. I took the liberty of going on some fertility herbs, not by any means forgetting that it was as a result of a course of treatment from a herbalist that we were  proud parents of our son.

After being on this course of treatment for a while, we began trying to conceive. I could not shake the feeling though that maybe, God just had one child in his plan for us and even more so, many times throughout my infertility struggles, I had prayed that he just be merciful to us and give us, if only just one.

When we failed to become pregnant for while, I became even more convinced that we would only be parents of just one child. We sold all the baby gear we had purchased for our son, not only for this reason, but because we were moving from a house to an apartment and we needed the space in his room to set up for his growing years. I remember the lady who purchased his crib said to me, so you are not planning on having any more? A question I struggled to answer, but still convinced we were doing the right thing.

After we settled into our new space, I became overcome with guilt. What right do we have to deny our son the chance of having a sibling? What right to we have to think we know the mind of God? What if he is not yet finished with us, but just want our testimony to be fuller and richer.  The yearning for another child intensified and I had no choice but to give in.

Just last night, we were in the supermarket where we met a young man and woman  (not sure if they were a married couple) and a sweet 10 month old baby girl. We began chit chatting about everything from the age of our babies, to weaning. My husband, in trying to make a point, said to them, if another one comes…….The young lady responded immediately “if…..no if.’’ Thinking that she was probably saying, no if, we definitely want more, I decided to help her along and said, “not if, but when.” She looked at me with a smile on her face that seems to be saying, we are pretty sure, then quickly pointed to the young man and said, “we spoke about it and we have decided on no more.

When we got home, remembering my struggle in this regard, said to my husband. What is with this couple? Unless it is for monetary or health reasons (for us, we had both these reasons to contend with), what other right do they have to deny their daughter the chance of having a sibling. Let’s say that it is because she was traumatized by child birth (I know of one such case). From experience, Child-birth pain and trauma pales as your body heals and so, for me,  this is hardly an accepted excuse.

In my view, I believe any child with siblings around, makes them more rounded, with fuller lives, thus making them better placed adults and we have little right to deny them that.

What are your views?

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https://www.google.com.jm/search?hl=en&site=imghp&tbm=isch&source=hp&biw=1280&bih=909&q=couple+and+only+child&oq=couple+and+only+child&gs_l=img.12...1156.8324.0.10255.32.15.5.12.3.0.95.1165.15.15.0...0.0...1ac.1.3.img.VMCZZa9BWzs#imgrc=hzdnVe8vQvRMuM%3A%3B88V9c5yBeGVrUM%3Bhttps%253A%252F%252Fflipter_test_2.s3.amazonaws.com%252Fmedia%252Fphotos%252Fchild.jpg%3Bhttp%253A%252F%252Fflipter.com%252FMimiSendico%252F%3B550%3B400

INFERTILITY AND YOUR MARRIAGE

A couple of days ago, I was watching the reality show ‘Kloe and Lamar’, a spinoff of the Keeping up with the Kardashians series on E-Television,  (yes I watch that show and I am glad that I have been watching it because now I have information for my blog. It is not a guilty pleasure, but I found myself watching it because there is absolutely nothing else to watch on cable on Sunday nights).

Kloe and Lamar have been married for almost two years now and they have been trying to conceive for about a year or so. After some nagging from her mother together with her frustration from trying and not being successful in conceiving, she decided to visit her doctor to find out if something is wrong with her.

The doctor did an examination and sent her home to await the results. As is expected, she was anxious and began googling possible problems that she could be experiencing which could have contributed to her failure to conceive. At one point I heard her ask if anyone had ever heard of endometriosis. Deep down I was hoping that this was not her problem, because this could further compromise her chances of getting pregnant, depending on the stage endometriosis she has.

After a while, the anxiety of waiting got to her and I heard her exclaim that she will probably turn out to be the infertile wife, who have her husband leave her, because she cannot give him children. That struck me, because in this age of technology and information, I thought we were ways from that notion. I have been reading a lot of infertility stories through my blogging and I have not come across any woman, who has had their husband leave them because of their struggles with infertility. Instead, these men are doing everything they can to support their wives, even if sometimes they trip over themselves.

I am not saying that cases where a husband leaves his wife due to infertility does not exist, because I have heard of one such case, but this is certainly in the minority and is cruel, if you should ask me. Why should  a woman be so severely punished for something that is happening to her, that she has little or no control over.


Men, in all fairness I know this is also a difficult time for you, because it is indeed hard to keep up with the roller coaster of emotions that you wife will subject you to. Let's face it, we are not given a handbook for any struggles that life throws our way, but you still can offer support to your wife without having all the answers. You can simply just be there to wipe her tears and to hold her. My husband did not do much by way of physically supporting and comforting me during my struggles with infertility, and I know now, that this is because he did not know how. The amazing thing however, was that in his silence, he was still there and I felt his presence, enough to assure me that we were indeed, in this thing together and as a result of this, our marriage benefited by becoming richer and stronger and when our prize for enduring this difficult period came (our son), we were able to celebrate, with confidence, that God had truly favoured us.

I wish the same for all of you who are struggling with infertility. May your marriage benefit tremendously from this struggle and may you find God’s favour as we did, and may you emerge better wives and husbands as a result.

N.B. Men, do check out this post that I did earlier on 'what he can expect when she is not expecting' which is really a book written by a man who found himself dealing with infertility in his marriage.

http://onereachinganother.blogspot.com/2011/03/what-he-can-expect-when-she-is-not.html

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DEALING WITH UNEXPLAINED INFERTILITY

Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.

Children born to a young man are like sharp arrows in a warrior’s hand

Psalm 127: 3 & 4

"HOPE MAKES ALL THE DIFFERENCE"

 

 

It is estimated that about 15 to 25% of persons struggling with infertility, will be told that their diagnosis is unexplained infertility and this is when all initial tests done, comes up with no reason for not being able to conceive.

This I believe, is the most difficult infertility diagnosis to receive, because you won’t know what kind of treatment to undertake for your condition, as you really don’t know what to treat, and this can prove to be very frustrating.

Here are some sites that talk about unexplained infertility and which tell you also, how to deal with this, if you have been so diagnosed.

http://pregnancy.families.com/blog/dealing-with-unexplained-infertility

http://www.conceive.com/unexplained-infertility-tests.php

From the site:

“It can be hard to deal with the fact that you are infertile but some couples have experienced what is known as unexplained infertility. It can be heartbreaking to want to get pregnant, and not know what is wrong with you. Usually women who have gone through intrauterine insemination and in vitro fertilization unsuccessfully are given an unexplained infertility diagnosis.”

The book, If at First You Don't Conceive: A Complete Guide to Infertility from One of the Nation's Leading Clinics by Dr. William Schoolcraft, MD HCLD, has very helpful information on this subject as well. Get your copy today.

Be encouraged, and until next time, keep clinging to hope.

WOMEN ARE STRONG AND RESILIENT BEINGS

Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.
Children born to a young man are like sharp arrows in a warrior’s hand
Psalm 127: 3 & 4

Last Sunday at Church, a young lady approached me and asked if I was not going to try for a baby girl. I wanted so much to tell her oh yes, because we do need a sibling for our darling boy as he currently thinks that we are his siblings, but sadly I could not.

I instead proceeded to tell her of all the odds that were against us in trying for another baby, (health, age, finances and a promise I made to God when I was struggling with infertility, that if he allowed me to conceive even just one child, I would adopt a sibling for this child. I would help an unfortunate child, who would otherwise not have the gift of a loving home and family and this would be my way of thanking him for granting me the desire of my heart). I strongly believe God is holding me to this promise, in light of the fact that I did get pregnant earlier this year and lost it. I am sorry, I really have to think so, because I really did not believe God would allow me to go through the pain of another loss, after such a painful struggle with infertility. We are finding out now though that adoption is not as easy as we originally thought but we still intend to pursue it though and pray that God in his mercy, will see us through this as well, and even more so because we intend to honour the promise I made to him

As the conversation with this young lady on Sunday progressed, we were by then joined by another, who is the mother of a son and this part of the post reflects the reason for the caption as I believe you might by now be wondering when will I get to this. I quickly found myself telling them both that I do have my girl, only she is not with me, she is fulfilling her higher calling. That was when the young lady who started the conversation with me said, you are so strong for surviving the loss of a pregnancy, if it were me, I would have ended up in the mental hospital.

The conversation did not allow me time to give her any details of how I dealt with this loss, or she probably would have changed her statement, how I cried until I felt I had no more tears, how close I came to ending up in the mental hospital and could have also ended up in the morgue as I had intentions of ending my life, because I was not sure I could go on living. I had invested everything emotionally in this pregnancy and was feeling that I was well on my way to overcoming infertility only to have it ripped from my grasp.

Ever so often, my thoughts wander back to that loss and with tears in my eyes, I relive the horror, the despair and the pain I felt. This is pain compared to none other I have felt. The thing is though, women are resilient beings and just as I bounced back from this tragedy, this young lady, like many of us who have had losses, would have bounced back from a loss of a pregnancy herself, she just does not know this, because she was never given the chance.

I have heard on many occasions how strong I am to have dealt with infertility and the losses that came with it, but I do not hasten to revel in this glory or give myself any credit over any other woman who have walked or will walk this scary road, as I must conclude that women are indeed strong and resilient beings who bounces back from any tragedy, any difficult situation, to complete the task that has been given them on this journey of life. You might have heard or have noticed that more men actually end up committing suicide than women and this I strongly believe, is because women will show their grief, they will grieve deeply but openly, they will show their pain but men on the other hand are not known not to, they instead internalize things.

Women, be encouraged therefore, and until next time, keep clinging to hope.

Disciplining our ‘miracle baby’

“Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.
Children born to a young man are like sharp arrows in a warrior’s hand.”
Psalm 127: 3 & 4

During my journey of trying to conceive, I often came across kids that were rude, would not listen to their parents and even hit them back when they try to discipline them. I said to myself on many occasions that no way would I allow any child of mine to do that to me, especially in public.

When we took our son home from the hospital, he was so defenseless, so calm. We were on cloud nine and did not even bother to think that soon things would change, as we will be faced with the challenges of disciplining him. He is now at the age where he is defiant and is throwing tantrums, when you take things from him he throws himself on the ground and how we usually deal with this is to just walk away from him and let him cry it off.

A few weeks ago, he threw a new one and guess what, we were out, we were around people. Apparently someone had taken something from him that did not belong to him and he was upset. I was frightened and all the thoughts I had of not allowing any child of mine to get away with being rude like this in public, went through the window, as I was now the parent in the spotlight being subjected to scrutiny and faced with the challenge of doing the right thing. This child began the worst cry I ever heard coming from a child, while scratching at both myself and his dad, with nails that he would not allow us to cut unless he is asleep.

The situation turned into a nightmare as a male parent who was there, saw what was happening and said his son tried that, and he was only allowed to try it once. The tone he said it in made me flush with embarrassment and a little anger as I thought to myself, ok, what does he want me to do abuse my child and worst of all publicly? I also know disciplining them in public is not the best either, as it causes them embarrassment and might actually make the situation worse. We decided there and then to take him aside and managed to muster up enough courage to give this out of control child a slap and he bawled and scratched for the better. Everyone’s eyes were glued on us and all of them knew that this child was special, our miracle child, and I could see in their stares that they were not impressed at how we were handling the situation. We probably did not seem serious enough about disciplining our son. I decided to lighten up things a bit by declaring that this was a new tantrum, one that he had never done before. I don’t know what I really wanted to achieve from saying that, maybe that we were not prepared for this one.

Upon reaching home, the tantrum was obviously one that he had planned to reserve for when we are out in public, as he never repeated it.

That was a lesson learnt and even though it pains our hearts deeply to have to slap him real hard at times because he does get defiant, we know we have to do it, because we really do not want a repeat of that situation. He has the habit of cowering so much, when we attempt to slap him and that makes it a little difficult as well, because you then begin to feel sorry for him. I remember saying to my husband that this child will get us into trouble if he does that in public because it might seem as if we are abusing him at home. They know how to get to you.

I am told that you cannot be too easy on especially boys because they will test you to the limit and so we have to make the effort daily to keep him in line, knowing that we are doing it purely out of love for him and he will be a better man for it one day so that he too can be effective at disciplining his own children. I also know that the journey to conceiving him was by no means easy and therefore we will not settle for less than a disciplined and well-placed child.

I know some of you who have such miracle babies can identify with us on this, therefore your comments and any advice are welcomed.

Until next time, others of you struggling to have your miracle babies, keep clinging to hope and do take lessons from this.

Romance, where are you, I did not hear you leave

“Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.

Children born to a young man are like sharp arrows in a warrior’s hand.”
Psalm 127: 3 & 4

Over the years that I struggled with infertility, sadly sex became so monotonous and such a chore as I was just so consumed with trying to conceive a child. Sex most times had to be planned around my fertile days, if I ever knew when they were. I did so much charting of my fertile days over that period that I drove myself crazy, which is to be blamed on my PCOS condition.

Everyone knows that planned sex is not necessarily best but that became our regime. I remember on many occasions getting so overwhelmed afterwards that I cried thinking, here goes another month when my hopes would be shattered. Little wonder the romance in our relationship began to fade and we watch helplessly as this happened. I would even vent at times thinking, what is the purpose of sex for us then when it is not doing what it was designed to do, procreate.

I know many couples who are currently battling infertility and those who have battled it, can attest to this, infertility does affect the romance and passion in your relationship. Sadly this can damage your marriage beyond repair as we see evident in couples getting divorced because of this and other issues with infertility.

I was reading another infertility blog and the writer did a post on this same subject with some recommendations for keeping that ‘loving feeling.’ I will share them with you, as I could not have said these better myself:-


“ Plan a date night: Make time to be alone and together, ideally on a weekly basis. Do things that encourage interaction, especially the types of things you enjoyed doing when you first became a couple. Talk about anything that comes to mind EXCEPT money, your jobs, and–you guessed it–fertility!

Plan for nonsexual physical connection: It’s important to start to link up having fun and being together physically. Some great ways to do this are to consider nonsexual physical activities like ballroom dancing, taking a yoga class, working out at the gym–things that make you feel physically good about yourself, and one another.


Plan getaways: There are times when you need to throw caution (and your fertility protocol) to the wind, and just get away. Sometimes a change in scenery can help recharge a relationship. Plan for these breaks–even an overnight can do wonders.”

http://iammorethanmyinfertility.wordpress.com/2009/02/23/infertility-and-sex-a-reminder-of-the-problem/ Feel free to check this blog out, it is very encouraging.

When I was trying to get pregnant, I remember thinking that if we were blessed with a child, I would so happy, so in love with my husband and this child. Everything would be perfect.
Well I am for most of those parts, but you all who have children know how much attention they take and worst if you are in our position, having yearned for a child for so long, you just want to fuss over them and smother them with all the attention possible. The downside to this is, having a relationship that is already strained romantically, gets more complicated when there is a third party (one so special) involved. I am not discouraging anyone, just telling you the facts as they are.


We are using the above recommendations as well even though we are now further along in our struggle. I wish we had this advice earlier on in our struggles but it is not too late to draw on them . It is a work in progress but we have a strong foundation, one built in love and founded in Christ. We wouldn’t want it any other way, not when we have been through so much together and now have so much to be thankful for, and so we know we will be able to bring back that loving feeling.

I hope the same for you too.







Until next time

My Infertility Story - My diagnosis & treatment journey

There is a saying that goes, “first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes baby in a carriage.” I looked and looked for my baby in a carriage but he chose to turn up after a decade long of struggling with infertility and I am so happy he did.
I love children so much and as a child growing up I was the baby sitter on Saturdays for children of our family friends who had to engage in domestic duties away from home. I seemed to have been a natural at this even at that early age, as I was able to balance this baby sitting with my Saturday duties. I enjoyed this privilege so much and so at that early age, I knew I wanted children of my own some day. I day dreamed a lot when I was a young girl growing up. I guess this was because of my humble beginnings, where we did not have much and so I always yearned for a better life and that life included a handsome husband, the home with the white picket fence and of course the ‘pitter patter’ of little feet in my home.
Little wonder I was so eager to start having children after I was married, and as soon as a year afterwards, (even though it is recommended that two years after marriage is a good time to start), my husband and I began trying to conceive. I am not sure how ready for children my husband was at that time, but he did not object to this and I was all the more eager as my mother-in-law was becoming quite anxious to have grandchildren as well. Unfortunately, we tried to conceive for a while but with no success.
A little background into the history of my condition, at about age 19, I realized that my periods were irregular and sometimes would not show up for about three months. I was referred to a doctor and the only diagnosis he gave me was that I was not ovulating. He prescribed birth control pills to induce ovulation and so my period would show up whenever I took them and disappeared it I did not continue to take them.
I went back on birth control pills on a more permanent basis after marriage, but of course discontinued them when we started trying to conceive, and so my periods became irregular again. Even though this was the case, I was still very hopeful that I would become pregnant, but no pregnancy resulted. This lasted for about a year after we began trying. At this point we decided to get a doctor’s intervention and we were referred to a one who told me once again that I was not ovulating. He also suspected I might have endometriosis, another common condition that causes infertility. He later ruled that out however, as I was not displaying most of the symptoms. We told him of our desire to have children and he recommended that I go on the fertility drug Climophene Citrate (Clomid), which I did.
Look out for more of my diagnosis in next post.
Irregular Periods:-
Having suffered with irregular periods for quite a while, I know firsthand that it can be a very inconvenient issue to have to deal with. Your period can show up at the wrong place and at the wrong time, causing you embarrassment. It also makes conceiving even more difficult than it already can be. You also cannot shake the feeling that your body is just not performing as it should be.
Are you having irregular periods? Please check out the following link for helpful information:-
http://www.womentowomen.com/menstruation/irregularperiods.aspx
From site:-
“……A textbook period happens every 24-29 days, but in truth what is “regular” covers a wide range.
Cycles between 23–35 days are very common.
A woman may get her period only one to four times a year.
Or she might have periods that occur two to three times in a month and involve spotting or extremely
heavy flow.
Alternatively, she may have heavy episodes of bleeding every two to three months.
Irregular periods are simply what is irregular for you.”


What is Endometriosis?


Endometriosis may have many appearances.
This photo includes white endometriosis,
clear endometriosis, red endometriosis and powder burn lesions.

From site:
“ Endometriosis is the growth of cells similar to those that form the inside of the uterus (endometrial cells), but in a location outside of the uterus.
Endometrial cells are the same cells that are shed each month during
menstruation.
The cells of endometriosis attach themselves to tissue outside the uterus and are called endometriosis implants.
These implants are most commonly found on the ovaries, the Fallopian tubes, outer surfaces of the uterus or intestines, and on the surface lining of the pelvic cavity.
They can also be found in the vagina, cervix, and bladder, although less commonly than other locations in the pelvis.
Rarely, endometriosis implants can occur outside the pelvis, on the liver, in old surgery scars, and even in or around the lung or brain.
Endometrial implants, while they can cause problems, are benign (not cancerous).”

Please check the following site for further information:-
http://www.medicinenet.com/endometriosis/article.htm

The issue of infertility

Infertility is a reproductive problem across virtually all cultures and societies and affects an estimated 10% to 15% of couples of reproductive age.
Infertility is suspected when a couple under the age of 35 has been trying to conceive a child with no success for a year, and when a couple over 35 has been trying to conceive a child for six months with no success.
When I was first diagnosed with infertility, I thought it only affected women. It was only after fertility drugs failed to help me achieve pregnancy (which my doctor said could), and he suggested that my husband got tested as well, to see if he was also contributing to our infertility, that I found out it affected men as well. After further reading on the subject overtime, I found out that infertility does affect the male gender almost as equally as it does the female. There is, as a result, female factor infertility and male factor infertility.
Some of the common causes of female infertility are, blocked fallopian tubes, endometriosis and Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, to name a few. Some of the common causes of male infertility are impaired shape (morphology) and movement (motility) of sperms and sexual issues for example, Erectile Dysfunction, premature ejaculation.
Fortunately, infertility does not have to be a ‘no children sentence,’ there are treatments available relevant to most diagnosis. When treatment is being chosen for you, you must ensure that you know very well about your condition and the relevant treatment options, so that you can participate with your doctor in the process, in an informed manner. This will allow you to use your time and resources effectively towards a quicker and more favorable result. The internet is a good resource to use to find information about infertility and your specific condition, and the treatments available.
I wish I had someone to tell me this when I was being treated, or my struggle would not have lasted over a decade.
I was not proactive enough, which I think is largely because I did not have the wealth of information that is available today, to make more informed and practical decisions about my treatment, instead, I relied only on information my doctor gave me.
Please visit this site for more general information on infertility and more of the causes and treatments available:-
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/infertility/DS00310

Read also about the new treatment for infertility that requires no drugs or surgery. I wish I knew about this when I was treating my infertility, or else I probably would not have had to suffer through those side effects from fertility drugs taken:-
http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/32110.php.

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