GRATEFUL WEDNESDAYS - For health and strength........we praise Thy name oh Lord....Amen.....

A couple of days ago, I learnt about the death of a young lady (age 19), whose story I had been following. She was recently diagnosed with a rear form of bone cancer, found mostly in people her age and she died before she could get the appropriate treatment that could have prolonged her life, if only for a little longer. Since her death, I have been constantly thinking about her.

Just moments ago, I learnt about a former co-worker who passed as a result of a heart condition. She took seriously ill recently and sadly, died.

I cannot help but be thankful for my health, and the health of my loved ones and even more, when I hear about cases like these. These are all young people, who have not lived to see old age, they are gone to soon.

Because of the age I had my children, they could have been born with many health issues, but my God is so faithful they have both been born very healthy and perfect children. I am eternally grateful for this and everything else that is good in my life.

Rest In Peace dearest Shakera and Patrice, I personally believe fatal illnesses are fought by the brave.







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MONDAY RAMBLINGS - Babies, babies Everywhere....

This weekend I saw a lot of babies, what is more pleasing to the eyes than cute babies. I heard my husband yelling for me to come and look at something on television. Guess what it was, a cute little girl with natural curl pigtails. Even he was smitten by the cute baby bug.

In Church, it was as if there was a babies convention and I found myself drifting off into babyland, fantasizing about holding a little cutie of my own. I was quickly jolted back into reality though, because my age, physical state and most of all, my finances would never allow having another baby.

I remember saying to a friend of mine recently, that if I found myself pregnant again, I would just walk right into a phsychiatric ward and commit myself. I would not wait for anyone to take me there. I said this only for the above reasons, because if I could, I would want the most, two more to make another even number (4). Why not, especially after such an intense struggle with infertility.

I can see why some women have a lot of children, because we tend to forget the pain and sleepless nights when we see cute cuddly babies.

In my parents days, they had a lot of children, I am the fifth of seven and I personally know of one that my parents lost to stillbirth. Apart from the fact that contraception was not very popular in those days, I am thinking that they were also subject to what I want to call, the 'baby envy syndrome.''

How about you, have you ever been a victim of the 'baby envy' syndrome.

HAPPY MONDAY EVERYONE.







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INFERTILITY FACTS, NEWS AND VIEWS – FERTILITY AND CHEMOTHERAPY

I would imagine that many women of childbearing age, who want children and who are undergoing chemotherapy for breast or other cancers, must wonder from time to time how this will impact on their fertility.

Fertility after chemotherapy  depend on two factors, a woman’s age and the extent of the chemotherapy treatment, as it relates to dosage and type.

Women who are 30 and younger stands a significantly higher chance of conceiving after chemotherapy, because the ovaries of younger women do in fact produce more healthy eggs. Women who are closer to menopause (51 and over) however, will most likely be in menopause after chemotherapy, thereby limiting their chances of conceiving.

As it relates to the extent of chemotherapy received, it is known that certain drugs administered during chemotherapy treatment, does have more likelihood of causing infertility than others.  Cytoxan - chemical name: cyclophosphamide, Platinol  - chemical name: cisplatin and Adriamycin - chemical name: doxorubicin carry a medium risk to fertility. It would therefore be wise to do your research, talk extensively with your doctors, to ensure that they will be using those drugs in your treatment, with lesser risk to your fertility.

For more information, please visit the link below:

http://www.breastcancer.org/tips/fert_preg_adopt/treatments/chemotherapy

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MONDAY RAMBLINGS – Make Every Moment Count........

Experts say that the best time for women to have children is in their 20’s and a woman’s fertility peaks at the age of 24. I got married at age 25 so oops, time was already not on my side as I missed that peak.

Many of my peers by now, have children in high school, some even in college and some looking to become grandparents. It seem then, that I am among the few still raising young children. I am not disgruntled at all, as anyone who knows my story, should get by now that I am extremely grateful to God for the opportunity of being a mom to two beautiful children, regardless of my age. The only grey area is when I realize that some days I am just not physically able to keep up with them. Then I am reminded of my age and silently wished I was younger, in my 20’s maybe.

Over the past 2 weeks, I have been to 2 funerals, the last one being the hardest, as the deceased, not an old person by any means, learnt she had cancer earlier this year and died, just months afterwards. Her children were broken. It was so hard to watch. The program facilitated a slide show of stills from the deceased pass and as the images of her went by, the ones with her at the weddings of her daughters’  got my attention, which brings me then to the reason for my post. Since I had my children at such an advanced age, how far will I make it into their development. Will I be around for their college years, their graduation, their marriage. Will I be around to welcome my grandchildren. I often do the maths and it is certainly far from encouraging.

The only thing in my power, that I can do, then, is to make every moment with them count, because, after all, that is all we are given at a time. I know though, that even if their dad and I are not around for them for some of their important milestones, an aunt, an uncle or even a friend will, as God will not have it otherwise, as we know that they are indeed gifts to us, straight from his heart.

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MONDAY RAMBLINGS – The Legacy We Leave Behind

I had such an intense weekend. Occasion, a funeral - the sad part, but the rest, joyful, as I got to meet a whole host of my husband’s family members and saw some that I knew, but had not seen in many years. It was well worth every moment as they got to meet our children and we got to spend some quality time with them.

Having said that, funerals are such sobering events and this is the time when your thoughts wander off to if your life insurance is up to date, if your health is really what it should be and if your kids will have enough to survive off after you are gone. As I sat there and watch the immediate family members of the deceased grieved, my eyes often welled up with tears, as I gave thought to myself in the position.  I could not fight back the tears as the family members, overwhelmed with grief and clinging to each other for support, made their way to the casket for the last glimpse of their relative before the casket closed.

It was a great funeral as well thought out tributes were received, but what sobered me even more was when the officiating minister began his exhortation by saying, “From the tributes given here today your loved one was a great person, who left such great legacy. He gave you each other for a time like this.” I could not help but feel grateful to God that he allowed us our own legacy, two children and we are trying to make them into phenomenal individuals, equipped with the necessary life skills, because this is more important than the material things you leave them. I am also grateful that they will have each other for support in the grieving period and beyond, should we go before them.

On the way to this funeral, I was talking to a very good friend of mine, whose Uncle passed recently and the funeral was the same day, she said to me, boy so many deaths. I suddenly felt the need to say to her that, this is why we need to make peace with death,  at least I have, because death is sure and no longer dependent on old age. She agreed, but said she would not want to leave her children, (a teenager and younger, about 4 years old) at this stage in their lives. I totally got that, and I would not want to leave mine either, but somehow I knew that since they came to us as such blessing from God, he would make sure that they are alright, if it happens that we should leave them at this tender age.

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GRATEFUL WEDNESDAYS - BULLIES NEED FRIENDS TOO.......

Today I am grateful for the chance I recently had, to make a difference in someone else’s life.

When I was struggling  with infertility, I often thought that If I  ever had children I would be so protective of them and would do everything to prevent any harm from ever coming to them. Nothing strange here though, because that is what a parent is supposed to do.

With this said, I had the chance of working in a Summer camp for two months recently and being a worker at the camp, one of the perks was that my children could attend. Very early into the camp, a little boy saw my son, I guess, an easy target to pick on. He started calling him names and so my son came to me and complained about it. I first said to him don’t worry, we will just see if this continues, (even though the overprotective side of me was screaming, "lets deal with this now, no one interferes with my miracle child and gets away with it). I managed to hold it together though. He came to me a couple times after that complaining that this child was still picking on him and so I decided it was time to act. I at first took a subtle approach, I told him well, I would handle it by trying to find a name to pin on him (from what I have noticed about bullies if they see you as an easy target, that is, you do not retaliate, that boosts their ego and they like that. If you stand up to them, worst, if you retaliate in front of their friends, it embarrasses them and they soon move on to the next easy target). The little boy wears glasses, so I said to my son, he wears glasses right?  Well, call him a blind bat (I am not really proud that I actually resorted to doing that, because as a parent, I should be teaching my child that two wrongs do not make a right -  please forgive my humanness here and I am admitting that my son and I even came up with some more names). Well, he called him the names but apparently it yielded no results. I then decided to go to the camper in person and speak to him. I did that and it did not help that by this time I was a bit on the upset side.  I wanted to say to him, “how dear you chose my son to be a target for your cowardly bullying. Stop this now or answer to me from now on.”

I managed to just to say the first line of my prepared speech to him and then as soon as I looked into his little face I saw far behind the bullying, I saw a child needing attention, a child probably neglected at home, or just not validated as a worthy precious being. I immediately changed my speech and instead asked him if he would like be picked on or called names. He promptly said no. I finished by saying, well do not do to others what you would not want done to you.

You know what, he still picked on my son and other kids too, but soon  though, it was he who came to me on a few occasions to complain that my son was calling him names.

Later in camp, I found that the way I felt about this little boy had changed. I felt like I was his friend, so much so that on occasions I would just go and talk to him to validate him and commend him when he did anything worth commendation.

I left camp feeling grateful for having had the chance to make a difference in this little life of promise.

Let me know your thoughts, would you have dealt with this situation the same way I did?
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MONDAY RAMBLINGS - My name is ‘Mary-Beth’ and I am a stay-at-home parent

I remember watching the game show Family Feud, and when the contestants were introducing themselves, one lady seemed a bit timid or maybe embarrassed even to say that she was a stay at home mom. Steve Harvey the host admonished her to not be so timid to say that she was a stay-at-home mom, because her job is just as important and involved (even more involved), than the parents who work outside of the home.

So then. are stay-at-home parents getting the respect that they deserve. When I thought of this post, I was planning to write it around the heading, stay-at-home moms, but then I remember that more and more men are staying at home these days and taking care of the children and running the home just as women are long known to do.

The common saying goes, a woman’s work is never done, and this is because with children, you are always playing the game of catch up. Depending on their age, you have to watch them closely so that they do not get into things or hurt themselves, as they are naturally curious and do not know their own danger. This does not mean that the other domestic chores get pushed in the corner, you have to balance all these chores to get through the day. 

I heard it said recently that as soon as your kids wake up, you spend the rest of the day trying to get them tired so that they can go to sleep again. I found this quite funny, but had to sober up quickly because once they go to sleep, this does not mean that you get to rest, you find yourself doing the things that you could not do, when they are awake.

Many stay-at-home parents have to deal with the reality that their family has to make do on one income, and many carry around the guilt of not being able to contribute to the family’s finances. Well, do not beat yourself up too much about this, just do the maths:- of course you are contributing to your family’s finances, the nursery care for the babies, the aftercare fees for the older ones, doctor fees for the babies who will get sick from time to time, from all the germs that go around,  in a nursery environment and many and varied other miscellaneous costs. One cost that is hard to compute, is the quality care that only you can give to your children. How about that, this seems like a whole salary you are saving your family to me.

A couple days ago, I was talking to a lady, a grandmother, who seemed like she was a stay-at-home mom for all her children. She expressed how hard it was for her to take care of all these children, and when her husband gets home, as if she did not have a crazy, tiring day as it is, would say, “but you have been at home all day.” She said , he just did not understand how being a stay-at-home parent had you consumed with work all the time. He does understand now though, she says, when he sees how much work his grandchildren are. He was within earshot of the conversation, so he smiled in agreement.

I know our economy does not allow more parents to stay at home, but those who can, feel blessed and be grateful you are part of this fortunate small percentage, which is growing more and more obsolete, and just to encourage you some more, it is never too late to get that dream career or build on the one you already have.

 image by: http://blogs.babycenter.com/mom_stories/being-a-stay-at-home-mom-in-pictures/

GRATEFUL WEDNESDAYS : ” OUT OF THE MOUTH OF BABES……….”

I try to avoid going to the supermarket on the month end, because I hate shopping in a crowded space and hate even more, standing in the checkout lines. Because of this, and by the help of God, we try not to live from paycheck to paycheck. Last month, I seemed to have miscalculated and so we ended up doing our grocery shopping on the month end. When we entered the supermarket, I had to send my husband to take home my mother-in-law, because she had decided to wait for us in the car. Luckily we live close by.

We finished shopping. It did not really take long because we wanted to join the checkout line as soon as possible. We were in the line for almost 45 minutes, as this gentleman in front of us seemed like he was shopping for an entire colony and was asking for bills at intervals. When it seemed like we would have spent the rest of the night in the supermarket, we switched lines. By this time the children were tired, hungry and cranky. Our 6 year old son, deciding to make the most of his time, took a lollipop that he had begged us for earlier and started boring holes in one of the snacks. I slapped him instantly and did not care who was looking on, or who would be judging me. He, being his dramatic self, bawled and bawled. I still did not feel bad for slapping him.

We got out of the supermarket soon after and by this time, I had cooled off. When we got into the car, I calmly said to him, why did you bore holes into the snack? He said, quite matter-a-fact-ly, “mommy, I am a kid and I am going to do kids’ stuff.” I was flabbergasted and did not know how to respond to him. I managed a smile as I thought to myself, who is this child, and why did he have to be so dead on. Knowing fully well that I had lost this battle, I said to him, just to boost my ego and make myself feel that I was still in charge here, well son, the snack you bore holes into, it will be in your lunch kit tomorrow.

That night, I was indeed ushered back into reality by a babe. The common phrase goes ‘out of  the mouth of babes spews knowledge’ (not verbatim). Too often we expect our children to behave like adults, to pick up after themselves, to be quiet, to not touch this or do that, but isn't that the nature of a child? They are by nature curious beings and we should try (as hard as it is sometimes, because they do wear on our last nerve), to remember this as much as possible and believe me, you will experience more peace and joy from having them around.

I am grateful then, for my recent dose of reality.

MONDAY RAMBLINGS: A Matter of Life and Death

As a child, I remember being terrified of death, If I heard of the passing of someone and worst, if I knew them personally, I would go into full panic attack mode, to the point where I felt as if I was dying too. As an adult, I confess that some of that is still with me, but now I have made my peace with death. After the death of our unborn child, due to complications from infertility, and seeing persons I know having to deal with death in such a personal way, got me thinking, well if others have to deal with this, why not just prepare prepare myself too, since death is as natural, a part of life as anything else.

My son, who is now 6, I am not sure how the issue of death came up, some time ago, but his dad told me that he witnessed him go into full panic attack mode and started shaking and crying hysterically. I thought to myself, poor child, he sure got that from me. I also remember hearing him tell his dad one day that he does not want to marry and then die. I am still not sure what he meant by that, but my guess is that, because we marry when we are older, death automatically comes quicker. Children these days are just too smart.

A classmate of his, from Kindergarten and now Grade 1, who has been ill and in and out of the hospital, since the beginning of the school year passed on Friday. We  are not quite sure what really happened, but he did surgery sometime ago and then recently he slipped into a coma and passed on Friday. My husband broke the news to me Friday evening after our son’s teacher texted him. As soon as he told me, he told my son, who was within earshot at the time. I remember reprimanding my husband for breaking the news to him in such an abrupt manner, as I think, a more gradual thoughtful approach would have been better. I watched carefully for his reaction and thankfully, he did not seem too disturbed,  he just responded casually, oh well, I guess I will have to tell my other classmates when I go to school on Monday.

                                                                                                    

While giving him his shower later that evening, I carefully brought up the subject again as I wanted to see exactly how he was feeling. He still seemed alright, but said to me that one of his classmates, after hearing that he was born in Trinidad, W.I., said that all Trinidadians were just going to die. He then said to me that what his friend said to him really got to him and I got from that, that he was in fact disturbed a bit and so, in an effort to help him, I said, well, Trinidadians are sure not going to die any more than the rest of us, as we all have to die one day. He quickly told me to stop talking like that and I dropped the subject immediately. The matter of death did not come up again for the rest of the weekend and he so far, still seems like his normal self. I am not sure how school for he and his classmates will go today.

I am not sure if we will let him attend the funeral though because that might be where he is impacted. I know his class might be planning to go, but I am not sure, his dad and I are still processing this, plus being hampered by the theft of the family car, that might prevent us from going as well.

At this point, I am more impacted than my son because it is always very sad for me when I hear of the passing of a child because I am thinking that this is a life hardly lived. He was just 7 years old.

Michael, may your little soul rest in peace.

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MONDAY RAMBLINGS – You must have a dream…..

As I sat yesterday in the commencement service for our new school year, I could not help the pride I felt as the representative for each school in our group of schools eloquently gave their reports of how well their respective schools were doing. Our high school boasted high passes in Mathematics and English Language in the CXC exams and declare that they are going after a 100% pass rate. I found this quite striking. Mention was also made of a special needs student who was successful in his GSAT examination, which had him placed in one of our better upgraded high schools.

The speaker at the service gave a message that was so relevant and timely, as he challenged us all to have a conversation with ourselves. We must tell ourselves, he says, that we matter and believe in our dreams enough to follow them to fruition. First he said though, that this can in no way happen unless we have a dream.

As far back as I can remember, I have always struggled with low self esteem. The conversation I so often had with myself was that, you are not worthy, you can never measure up. You will never be able to speak eloquently and fluently nor would you possess that which is deemed necessary to live a happy full life. Dreams I had, as I can remember daydreaming about one common dream which I can imagine many of us women have as young girls, marrying the handsome prince and living in the dream house with the white picket fence. The thing is, I started out believing wholeheartedly in my dreams, or else I would not have had them, but as my life unfolded and I became face with challenges, I lost that hope along the way. 

Thank goodness, I no longer think this of myself. Somewhere along life's pathway, my situations changed causing some dreams to be realised and dare I say, growth also happened, as I learnt to accept and honor myself for who I am. After all, no two persons are alike, what boring unchallenging lives we would have, if this was so.

I am happy I was able to make this change before my children came, because, what values as it relates to succeeding in life would I be able to impart to them, if I was still enslaved by this twisted, false value system that I had carved out for myself.

I celebrate with our schools in their achievements. No doubt it is because those who are entrusted with the well being of these precious lives are telling them every day that they matter and is encouraging them to dream big dreams.

Eleanor Roosevelt says, "the future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams."

Happy Monday all!!!!

MONDAY RAMBLINGS – We are all in this thing together…….

Before I had children, I was horrified when I had to attend the birthday parties of my niece and nephews and my friends’ children. Why do you suppose? I could not escape it, there were cute children everywhere and parents sitting around with watchful eyes, engaged in conversations about what else? their children, and where does that leave me, feeling extremely left out.

As you can well imagine, things changed when I had children, I was no longer horrified, instead I accepted each invitation feeling as excited as my child, because I know, this time, I would definitely fit in.

Yesterday I attended a birthday party, it was a pool party and after I got the children prepared for the pool and sent them off with their dad, I began talking with a lady who I know very well and who I know have had a couple of miscarriages. The conversation began with both of us agreeing how dangerous water is, and we each gave a tragic story involving the drowning death of a child.  We both agreed how nervous we get when our children are around water. To further add to the conversation, I said to her that it would be very tragic if after struggling so long to have children, we  lose them in such awful way (not a wise conversation to have in a setting like that I might add). The conversation then head straight into us talking about miscarriages. She told me a little bit about her miscarriages and I began telling her about the miscarriage of my first daughter. What I find is that when I am engaged in conversation with a woman about infertility challenges or miscarriages, one of the first things they say to me, is that people do not understand. This time even as I agreed, I was quickly able to be practical and say to her that people won’t understand if they have not had the experience, she agreed, chimed in and helped me finished this thought.  I know that we were able to agree and say this with such grace and understanding because of how much we have grown since our triumph over infertility and miscarriages.

Throughout the evening, as I found myself in little pockets of conversation, the subject was the same, conversations about our children and I felt like I belonged, It was indeed liberating.

As the children enjoyed themselves in the pool, you could see the parents intently watching, ensuring that they are safe. One parent even confessed to me that whenever she goes to these parties, she comes prepared, should the event arise where she has to jump into the pool to save her children. She did live up to her words that evening as she quickly sprang into action when a child was caught in a difficult situation. I know with the rest of us parents, even if we did not come prepared, we would have jumped into the water in a heartbeat to save ours or any other child, because of how precious these little ones are to us.

 I know if I should have spoken to some other parents at that party, I would have heard more stories of miscarriages and struggles to have children, because many women experience these struggles, its just that some do not talk about it and so  I do believe that for every couple of women we come across, there is a story of infertility and miscarriage. I want to take comfort in the fact then, that as women, we are certainly in this thing together.

Thanks for once again indulging in my Monday ramblings.

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http://www.flickr.com/photos/barkaway/364787802/

GRATEFUL WEDNESDAY – ‘Where there is faith’

Today, I am grateful for the realization, once again, that faith, when put to the test, works.

In my husband’s line of work, his invoices are almost all of the time, paid in parts, a deposit and then the balance and sadly, due to the harsh economic climate, that balance comes in, in parts as well (I guess this is why I was forced to develop good budgeting skills).  As a result of this we have some outstanding tithe and so as not to have it pile up much further, I decided to start paying down on this amount when the next cheque comes in. It did and after paying up some bills, I was face with the dreaded decision of paying the tithe or another very crucial bill (all bills are crucial, I might add), this one the credit card. I soon decided that I would pay the credit card because we all know what happens when a credit card payment is late. For the rest of the days leading up to Sunday, I was conflicted, I felt like I was under scrutiny by God and so Sunday morning I got up, placed the money in my bag and took it to church.

The time for offering came and I confidently asked for an envelope, tagged the envelope and paid my tithe. I felt relieved. The Pastor soon after, announced that he was asking for a second offering to assist two youngsters to go to the Church camp. I became convicted, I need to help these youngsters, I thought, but remembered that I had not walked with any extra money. only some to stop by the grocery store to pick up snacks for our son’s camp trip. The conviction did not go away and so as soon as the offering plate approached I quickly went into my bag, took out half of that money and dropped it in the offering plate. Wow, that was a rush, I thought, let me now see if God will honor this obedience, by providing the balance of the money for my son’s snacks and also the credit card payment, which becomes due by midweek. I began to wait with anticipation.

Monday came, no words of any funds, by Tuesday, I began having very serious and honest conversations with God. “God, do hear me out,” I said, “you want us to use our faith to challenge you to provide for us, and here it is you are about to let me down.” My husband, realizing that we were in danger of defaulting on our credit card, decided to call the bank just to let them know. They made a note of our call and our promise to make good this payment later in the week. I went through the rest of the day still having that conversation with God, but somehow optimistic that he would come through for us. I went to bed feeling a little flustered but still optimistic.

This morning at about 9:30, the phone rang and by husband took the call. After the call, he came to the kitchen to tell me that a job he had done for a client, even though he was already paid, because the client’s Architect had requested some work which should have been part of the overall work for the client, the Architect was now calling to tell my husband that he could submit an invoice for this work. My husband said he began saying to the Architect that he did not expect to be paid any more money because the client had already paid him in full. The Architect responded, thanks for being so honest, but I have no problem paying you for the work I requested.

The Architect then went on to tell him that he is requesting his services on a project for the next 2 months. I smiled and over breakfast, told my husband how I had proven God. I told him about all the events from Sunday leading up to this call  (he knew nothing of this as I am the one who handles the family's finances) and how God is now providing the money that I gave up in faith on Sunday in over tenfold. What I realize is that even though I was experiencing such anxiety, this provision is not late by any means, God is an on time God, as the money was provided on the day that the credit card is due, it just will not make it in time to be paid to the bank and so that call that my husband made, will give us some time.

God is truly awesome and this is not the first time that myself and my family have proven this. A few years ago, when my husband was laid off from one of his jobs, we went to Church that Sunday, and when the time came for the offering I went through the same conflicting decision of whether to pay offering or hold on to every cent we have, given the fact that we did not know when we would start earning again. Well, I gave the offering and just as I stretched my hands out to drop the money in the offering bag, a lady who was sitting in front of me, crossed her hands over mine and placed an envelope in my hand, it was some money, as she had heard that my husband had lost his job. I almost fainted.

I challenge us all who are children of God, to take his promises seriously. Put God to the test in our lives and watch him work. Notice how secure and confident our children feel, knowing that we as parents have their backs, do you see them worrying about their well-being? Let us therefore employ that same childlike trust with our Heavenly Father, being secure and confident of his provision. 

Blessings be yours.

MONDAY RAMBLINGS – ‘A camping he has gone……’

My son went off a few hours ago to his first camp, which is an annual event put on by our Church and last for a week. This happens to also be the first time he will be away from home for an extended period of time and so I have been taking comfort in the fact that I have due reason to be feeling such anxiety. I am comforted in the fact though, that a couple other children from Church, one of which is his cousin and another, his best buddy, (who his parents sent only because our son was going), is there.

I have been missing my boy a lot and so I have resorted to using this as my post today, just to see if I will feel better.

This past week, as camp drew near, I realized that I was feeling a lot of anxiety. First of all, he will be about 4 hours away, on the other side of the country and it just freaks me out to imagine these little ones sitting in a bus for all this time. The other thing is, how competent is the driver? I remember saying to my husband a couple times this past week, that I hope whoever the driver is, knows that he is carrying precious cargo and many of these kids are only children, so this makes them all the more special. I know they will have a safe journey though, because prayer was said over them and I know God is control. 

There goes my anxiety over just the journey, As you can well imagine, I do have others, like how well will he be taken care of, as he has not yet mastered taking a bath, brushing his teeth and cleaning himself after using the toilet. He is afraid of being alone and he is terrified of the dark. At nights, he asks that his father tuck him into bed and will not settle down for sleep unless his father is snuggled up in bed with him. We tried to prepare him, by telling him that his daddy won’t be around to tuck him into bed and asked if he wanted to take his pillow pet, which would serve the purpose of pillow and something to cuddle and go to sleep. He responded like a big boy would, I want to take my regular pillow and so we take it that he will sort himself out at bed time. I know there will be adults there to help them, but as any parent can attest to, no one takes care of your child as good as you.

On a much lighter note, the setting for our Church camp is usually a school out in the countryside and so the classrooms become dormitories. My son seems to think that he will be camping in a tent outdoors (thanks to television) and even though we tried to explain to him, he does not seem to get it. Last night before he went to bed, he was building a forte and saying that he was practicing for camp. I decided to let him be and even helped him out a bit.  I guess when he arrives at camp and see that the setting is totally different from what his little mind has conjured up, he will be disappointed.

They should be getting there soon and the organizers told us that they will call when they have arrived and so my husband and I are anxiously waiting for this call, as we contemplate how we will spend this time without him and wait with open arms to greet him and hear all about his adventure, when he returns.

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GRATEFUL WEDNESDAYS – Feature 31 – It’s a matter of perspective

In these turbulent financial times, We are one of the few families who can have a parent staying home with the children, until they are ready for school. 

We did not start out with this being the plan, because when our son was 8 months old, I went out to work, only to have him get sick at the nursery a couple days after and because I had to take time off to tend to him, I lost the job. This made us decide that I would stay home with him until he was school age. Our daughter came and because of this past experience, we chose to make the same decision.

So how can you afford to do this, when times are so hard? you may be eager to ask. That is a fair question I might add, so here is the answer -We are able to do this, not because my husband makes a lot of money, but because with a lot of practice we have now grasped very well, how to live on a budget and further, we owe a lot of gratitude to my in-laws as they unselfishly decided to give of themselves, to have us stay with them since our return back home, until we decide on our next move, which should be soon. I must add that this has its challenges too, because we all love our own space to be ourselves, instead of always wondering if the people you are with are tired of you yet. Thank goodness, if our in-laws even feel this way, they have never made us aware, and the trade off for them is that they have their grandchildren around them at all times. I know saying goodbye when the time comes will be very hard.

Another psychological issue associated with the decision to be a stay at home parent, is guilt. I do suffer much guilt at times, especially when the finances decide that they will not be subjected to severe stretching and bending to be adequate. Thank goodness I have found a very effective way of dealing with this - I put things into perspective – as a result of my staying home with the children, I am able to save my family nursery fee for the baby, after school care fees for our son, doctor fees, because babies do get sick a lot when they are in nurseries and not to mention the cost associated with me going out to work – clothes, lunch etc. When I do the math, this is greater than or equal to a salary that I would take home. I must admit that I do get very tired at times and wish I was out working, just to get a break, but I am soon thrust back into the reality of this perspective.

I therefore no longer suffer any guilt from being a stay at home parent, instead I am grateful everyday that I have the opportunity of spending such quality time with my children, something a lot of parents with young children wished they could do and now look forward with great anticipation to what I will do, when our daughter goes off to school next year.  

GRATEFUL WEDNESDAYS – Feature 29 – “Train up a Child……”

Today I am grateful for the firm hand of my parents. 

I remember mentioning a few times in previous posts that our 6 year old son can be cheeky and rude at times, and so we have had to be keeping a close eye on him. ‘Mmm,’ I wonder where he got that? Well, as a child I am told that I was quite cheeky myself and so it is appropriate then to say that our son is really a mirror for me.

Anyway, last Sunday while at Church, we received a complaint that our son was rude to two ladies, the day before (He had accompanied his Dad to help set up for our Harvest Thanksgiving Service the next day and so he was playing outside while his dad worked). Apparently he was playing in some dirt and the two ladies called out to him, telling him to stop. I supposed they must have called out to him more than once and so, he turned his back to the ladies and put out his hand (open palm), I guess to say, “stop talking to me, can’t you see I don’t wish to listen to you.” I can only imagine how taken aback these ladies were.

I was horrified and embarrassed when I heard and so I went straight to find him. I found him sitting at the back of Church playing with his cousin’s I-phone. I began talking to him calmly about the incident, (this has always been my approach with him as I want to establish a calm line of communication to get him talking). I asked him why he was so rude to the two ladies. He was visibly upset and I later found out that this was because his father had a conversation with him earlier about the incident. He then said to me, tearing up, that he was angry with his Dad. I take it, for scolding him. I then went on to tell him that he had no right to be angry with his Dad, neither did he have any right to be rude to the ladies. To my dismay, he began turning away from me, displaying a bit of the same behavior he displayed when he was spoken to by the ladies. I was so upset, I took his cousin’s I-phone and sent him inside to sit until we were ready to leave for home. I further told him that certain privileges (computer, cake, ice cream) would be withheld from him for the rest of the day.

Amid'st all of this though, we were comforted when the lady who made the report to us, who we know very well as she is a member of our church, told us that she was happy to have spoken on our behalf to the other lady, of the type of well disciplined parents we were and there was no way our son’s behavior was a reflection of how he is being raised. This made me so thankful that we try as best as we can,

(these days our children come to us with such challenging characteristics), to raise our children with good traits.

I am grateful too that what we are able to impart to our children, is largely what has been embedded in us from our own parents. Then we thought that they were sometimes too hard on us, but now as parents ourselves, we do understand a little better. Thank God for them.

GRATEFUL WEDNESDAYS – Feature 19 - A Life and Death Situation

Today I am grateful for the fact that I have come to accept and embrace the reality that there is life and then there is death.

I was once very terrified of death. When I heard about a death and worst if it was someone I knew, I would  go into full mode panic attack, to the point where I felt as if I was dying as well.

Recently I have been hearing a lot of news about persons who have died. For some, it is expected because these individuals are up in age and have been ailing for a while. Then there are others, young people, my age group, who have died suddenly, giving us no notice. You are then forced to wonder what is really causing people your age to be dropping like flies - just like that. Of course you are forced to think about your own mortality. What if you are not as well as you think you are, what if you should go now, what about your spouse, what about your young children, is there adequate savings and life insurance to make a difference to their lives.

Honestly, I do think about these things, but I am finding that I am not as terrified of death as before, because one thing I have come to totally accept, is the fact that there are just some things you have no control over. Life usually goes on after people die and you would be surprised to see how God causes things to fall in place and work themselves out.

I am grateful therefore that I have come to a place where death no longer scares me and as a result of this I am able to try to live each day as if it is my last, ensuring as much as possible, that I am being my best self.

Good News for Cancer Patients of Childbearing Age

Sadly, many women of childbearing age who has cancer, and are undergoing chemotherapy, do not  know that their ability to conceive can be severely hampered, because of the drugs administered in this process. As a result, women in this regard are encouraged to have this conversation with their doctor.

There is renewed reasons to hope though, that they still will be able to conceive, as Northwestern Medicine scientists have now found a way to prevent the demise of immature ovarian eggs due to chemotherapy.

Read more in this regard, by following the link below:-

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2013/06/130617142332.htm

From the article:

"This research advances the efforts to find a medical treatment to protect the fertility and hormone health of girls and young women during cancer treatment, " said So-Youn Kim, the lead investigator and a postdoctoral fellow in the laboratory of Teresa Woodruff, chief of fertility preservation at Northwestern University Feinberg School of Medicine. 

Adding imatinib mesylate to the drug cisplatin blocks the action of a protein that triggers a cascade of events resulting in death of the immature eggs. Kim discovered the protein that triggers the oocyte's ultimate death is Tap63.

 Previous research suggested that imatinib is a fertility-protecting drug against cisplatin, but reports of the drug's effectiveness have been contradictory, Kim said. Her research confirms its effectiveness in an animal model."

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GRATEFUL WEDNESDAYS – Feature 18 – “You raise me up.”

Many nights I wake up at about 2:30 am and find that I cannot go back to sleep. Since the birth of our daughter it is as if my body feels that 4 to 5 hours of sleep is adequate. Anyway, one such night last week, after not being able to go back to sleep, I began scanning the television channels to see if there was anything worth watching at that time of the night. I stumbled across a talk show where they were featuring backup singers. What came out of this program was that these people, do desire to be in the limelight but they do not have the courage to and so it is those who possess this courage, are the ones in the spotlight. These individuals are then forced to just be the support while those who they assist shine. They featured about three sets of backup singers who support a lot of big name artistes. Towards the end of the show the host gave them their time in the spotlight and they were so good, you wonder why they do not have their own recording contracts.

So it is in our daily lives, there are persons whose shoulders we stand on, who allow us to be all that we can be. They, in their small corner, make it their duty to do everything to ensure that we shine. The rank and file workers in an organization who keep the organization operating at its best, those friends who are always there to encourage us, to push us along. The spouses who strive to bring out the best in each other, the teachers who want to see every student in their class do well, the parents who deny themselves just to ensure that their children have the best opportunities so that they can at least live a little better life than they did.

What I find with me is that I am at my best when I am working in the background. I will be honest and say that I do wish at times that I could be in the spotlight and have tried on occasions but find that I do not operate at my best there and so I have to be satisfied with others standing on my shoulders to be the best that they can be. You might say I am cheating myself, but I do see their success as mine too and that is adequate for me.

I would like therefore to use this space today to offer my gratitude and to honour all the unsung heroes around us. Just know that the spotlight would be overcrowded if all of us were jostling for a spot there.

GRATEFUL WEDNESDAYS – Feature 17 - GRATITUDE ENCOURAGES BLESSINGS.

Today I am grateful for gratefulness.

I started this grateful Wednesday segment on my blog, about a year now and one thing I notice is that once you have decided to be a grateful person, it takes some amount of effort to foster this grateful attitude, because there are days when you wake up and because of circumstances in your life, you will find it challenging to be grateful.

When I was struggling with infertility, if anyone had ever told me to be grateful, I would have probably snapped at them. What would I be grateful for, when what I believe that every woman has a birthright to (the right to be a biological mom) was eluding me. On even the brightest, sunniest of days, there was always a dark cloud hovering above me. The thing is, I still had a lot to be grateful for, life, family, love, I could go on, but this unhappiness was robbing me of the opportunity to see this.

I would want to hope that even if I had not overcome my infertility issues, as hard as it might be, by now, I would have come to a place of acceptance and recognize that I am still whole even without children and can still strive to be my best self.

From experience, when you foster a grateful heart, you are a happier, lighter spirited person and even when things go wrong, and you are tempted to revert to a woe is me attitude, because of this resolve, you can still push through and be grateful for even the trials, because most times they do make us better  individuals. 

Just thought I would let you in on a little secret, if you do not already know, gratitude encourages blessings.

Why Did You Choose Me?????

Our five year old son is very witty. The problem is though, there are times when this wittiness comes off as  rude and so we have been looking out for those instances and try to deal with them appropriately, because my husband and I are on the same page, where we have zero tolerance for rudeness from any of our children.

With this said, just last evening our son asked for what he called his favorite night time snack, grilled cheese sandwich. The thing is, early that day I had a mishap, which resulted in a spill, which resulted in the bread being wet. I only noticed this when I was making the grilled cheese sandwich for him and I proceeded in hopes that the toaster oven would dry the excess moisture out of the bread. He returned a little time after he received the sandwich and said to his dad and I, “It is like someone wet up this bread, and I do not like it.” The tone came off in a ‘just so you know’ kind of way. My husband glanced at me and said, I am scared of this little boy, he is just too smart and witty.

On two occasions he asked me, stopping whatever he was doing and looking eagerly as he awaits my response, “why did you and daddy chose me?” (I guess in his innocent little world, this is his spin to procreation). The first time he asked me this question, I could not answer right away because this is not a question I was ever expecting from a 5 year old. Anyway, I gained my composure and responded, “we chose you because you are a handsome and smart little boy.” He did not seem to have gotten it at first and so I repeated my response. Sometime after this, he asked me the same question and remembering very well my response from the last time, I answered him without hesitation.

While pondering how to formulate this post in the wee hours of this morning, I realized that I was by no means satisfied with the response I gave to his question. I should have told him more. I should have told him how difficult it was for us to have him and how God sent him as a special miracle and gift to us after a long time of struggling, at least the parts of our story that he can understand at this time.

Our son stutters. You might have remembered me mentioning this in a few of my past posts. Well, last night I dreamed that I saw him struggling to say something that he wanted to say so much. When I saw his face getting red and his blocking becoming more and more severe, I rushed over to him, cupped his face in my hands and whispered to him, you will be alright son, you will be alright. I picked him up and began to cry. I guess I was just reacting to the difficulties I had as child who stutter and just felt scared for my child, now that it is his turn.

I have been preparing him as much as he can understand at this age. I have asked him if he noticed that he speaks a little differently from his peers, I tell him it is called stuttering to which I give him an example, ‘it is when you are trying to say a word and it comes out like mmmommy.’ I have also been looking out for signs of him being targeted for ridicule. I am happy to report that there is none to date, and he does not seem the least bit bothered about how he talks. I am  comforted in knowing though, that with his sharp wit, whenever he becomes aware, he should be able to handle, much better than me, all that will be thrown at him, as a result of his stutter.

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