Before I had children, I was horrified when I had to
attend the birthday parties of my niece and nephews and my friends’ children.
Why do you suppose? I could not escape it, there were cute children everywhere
and parents sitting around with watchful eyes, engaged in conversations about
what else? their children, and where does that leave me, feeling extremely left
out.
As you can well imagine, things changed when I had
children, I was no longer horrified, instead I accepted each invitation feeling
as excited as my child, because I know, this time, I would definitely fit in.
Yesterday I attended a birthday party, it was a pool
party and after I got the children prepared for the pool and sent them off with
their dad, I began talking with a lady who I know very well and who I know have
had a couple of miscarriages. The conversation began with both of us agreeing
how dangerous water is, and we each gave a tragic story involving the drowning
death of a child. We both agreed how
nervous we get when our children are around water. To further add to the
conversation, I said to her that it would be very tragic if after struggling so
long to have children, we lose them in
such awful way (not a wise conversation to have in a setting like that I might
add). The conversation then head straight into us talking about miscarriages.
She told me a little bit about her miscarriages and I began telling her about
the miscarriage of my first daughter. What I find is that when I am engaged in conversation
with a woman about infertility challenges or miscarriages, one of the first
things they say to me, is that people do not understand. This time even as I
agreed, I was quickly able to be practical and say to her that people won’t
understand if they have not had the experience, she agreed, chimed in and helped me
finished this thought. I know that we were
able to agree and say this with such grace and understanding because of how
much we have grown since our triumph over infertility and miscarriages.
Throughout the evening, as I found myself in little
pockets of conversation, the subject was the same, conversations about our
children and I felt like I belonged, It was indeed liberating.
As the children enjoyed themselves in the pool, you
could see the parents intently watching, ensuring that they are safe. One
parent even confessed to me that whenever she goes to these parties, she comes
prepared, should the event arise where she has to jump into the pool to save
her children. She did live up to her words that evening as she quickly sprang into action when a child was caught in a difficult situation. I know with the rest of us parents, even if we did not come prepared, we would have jumped into the water in a heartbeat to save ours or any other child, because of
how precious these little ones are to us.
I know if I
should have spoken to some other parents at that party, I would have heard more stories of miscarriages and struggles to have children, because many women experience these struggles, its just that some do not talk about it and so I do believe that for
every couple of women we come across, there is a story of infertility and miscarriage. I
want to take comfort in the fact then, that as women, we are certainly in this thing
together.
Thanks for once again indulging in my Monday ramblings.
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