GRATEFUL WEDNESDAYS : “He gives peace in the midst of the storm.”

Today I am grateful for peace.

This morning we woke up and the family car was gone. After the initial checking to see if anyone of the family members had taken it, we realized it was stolen.

There was really no  panic, everyone was calm and even as my husband parents left to report it to the police, they were calm and they returned calm.

Later my husband said to me, is something wrong with me, I don’t feel upset about this at all, a little out of sorts yes, but not upset. His mother said the same thing to me as well and  further said that she believes her calm is as a result of her thinking that it could have been worst as,  they could have held up anyone of the family members driving the car, stole it and killed them, as some very recent cases. 

My husband has not given me any apparent reason for him being so calm, but I know it is God  giving him that peace in the midst of this storm, because that car is the family’s work –horse and it will be quite challenging, to say the least, not having it.

I am grateful for peace though and grateful for the fact that nothing worst happened.

GRATEFUL WEDNESDAYS – Who or what is your source?

The other day, someone we knew relatively well, committed suicide. What I gather is that, his marriage was his source, and when his wife died almost a year ago, he felt like he just could not go on, on his own and so he took his life. Really sad and this is taking us a while to process.

Which leads me to the question, who or what is your source? It is quite helpful to note that your source should never be temporal, in other words it should never be temporary where it can cut out on you at any time, leaving you to fend for yourself. I am quite thrilled to say then, that the Almighty God is my source, let me also say that this does not mean that we who claim God as our source won’t find ourselves in similar situations like this gentleman. Which really is because, at times we seem to forget, or we become so blinded and overwhelmed by our problems that we try to go it alone. We fly solo.

When I lost our first pregnancy, I romanced the idea of suicide because I just did not think that I could bear this overwhelming pain, which had me so blinded that I really did not think to give it all to God. In fact, he was the first person I took it out on. I was so angry with him and refused to have anything to do with him in the first few days following my lost. How could this God who promised his children good things, allowed such a horrible thing to happen to one of his own, I thought. It was not long before I was feeling even more miserable and helpless and so I felt I had no choice but to put my tail between my legs and crawl back into his embrace, because I realized that no one was able to help me deal with my pain. No husband, no friend, no one.

God took control and I allowed him to heal my broken heart, certainly not instantly but surely gradually and he has since blessed me more abundantly than I could ever ask or imagine. Even more importantly, he is allowing me to use this pain to minister to and help others. What an awesome source to have and I am indeed grateful that I found it.

Let me therefore encourage those of you who are dealing with situations that have left you feeling broken, hopeless and helpless, if you do not know the Almighty God as your source, I challenge you to find him, he stands ready to rid you of your burdens and lead you into quality life everlasting if you will allow him.

Thanks for your indulgence.

“Monday Ramblings” – On to a new milestone…….

I remember like it was yesterday, the birth of our second little miracle, a little over 6 years ago, signaling our triumph over a long struggle with infertility and now he is starting first grade. I can hardly wrap my head around it.

He had a great summer, three weeks of summer school, one week of camp, with a birthday pool party thrown in the mix. He could have been gone to another camp for two weeks, quite near this time and no sleepover, but he did not want to go to another one I guess he thought one was enough, as he seemed to have been traumatized by the fact that he was away from home for all of one week, so the sound of another camp just threw him over the edge.

I was not complaining at all when I found out that he would have only spent three weeks at home, because the combination of he and his little sister can be quite lethal, so much so that quite early into his first week home, I felt like running away and not looking back. He provokes his sister and she does not back down. At one point his face looked like he was attacked by a Cheshire cat as he had scrapes all over courtesy of his little tyrant of a sister.

Today, I strongly believed that he was trying his best to give me everything he has left before he goes back out and so at one time I had to say to him, why do you give me so much talking? He replied instantly, I don’t give my teachers talking though, which is true, he is quite a saint at school and so I really believe we have two sons somewhere in there.

One thing with him is, when he ask you to do something he does not back down, until he wears you out. One morning, found me making a pirate patch and playing pirate with him and just a couple days ago I had to play engineer and make him a plane called ‘Dusty Crophopper’ from the movie Disney’s Planes, which his father took him to watch a couple days before. When my husband came home and saw it, he was quite impressed and said he did not think he could have done a better job. Who would think that my husband who eats, sleeps and dreams architecture, allows himself to be outdone by his wife.  

So then, our son starts his first day in first grade tomorrow and we endeavour to give him all the support he needs to continue to excel, because the very way he came to us, have us strongly believing that God’s intention for him is for greatness.

We love you son, and we are watching you grow with such delight. Continue to colour our world and make us proud.  

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MONDAY RAMBLINGS - When the shoe is on the other foot.......

When my husband and I began trying to start our family, I had no problem when people asked us if we had plans to have children. Some even wanted to know what we were waiting for.

As soon as I became aware that I had infertility issues and my struggles intensified, I felt differently about those questions, to the point where when persons asked the question and then add, 'you guys are not ready yet? I quickly responded 'no, we are not ready' just so I was not tempted to give additional information.  This worked for a while and then I started feeling like a fraud. Why was I misleading people, I asked myself, when I would have moved heaven and earth just to become pregnant. Why was I so cruel to myself.

The questions did not stop, they became more frequent even, but this time my answers changed. I started responding with, 'its in God's hands,' hoping that persons would read between the lines and get the message that something was preventing us from realizing this dream.

Well, there are persons that I do know of now, who have been married for just about the time when you would expect them to start their family and dare I ask. I am tempted though, but when the shoe is on the other foot, it is an entirely different story. Knowing the difficulty I had with these questions, I do not wish for anyone else to experience this on my account, and so I am happy to join the wait to see what unfolds.

In the same way, there are persons I know who are struggling with infertility and I am so careful what I say around them and stands eager to offer any assistance, as a result of my journey.

All around us, there are persons struggling with one thing or another and so for the few who are so blessed to not have any struggles, it should not be too hard to understand that pain is pain  I want to encourage us all then to try and put on someone else's shoe, (the saying goes - 'never judge a man until you have walked a mile in his shoes), you will be amazed to see how much more there is to understand about life's struggles and pain, and as a result be there for each other and empathize more.

I hope this Monday Ramblings feature makes sense, if not, then I guess it would have lived up to the segment name.

HAVE A BLESSED MONDAY






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MONDAY RAMBLINGS – ‘A camping he has gone……’

My son went off a few hours ago to his first camp, which is an annual event put on by our Church and last for a week. This happens to also be the first time he will be away from home for an extended period of time and so I have been taking comfort in the fact that I have due reason to be feeling such anxiety. I am comforted in the fact though, that a couple other children from Church, one of which is his cousin and another, his best buddy, (who his parents sent only because our son was going), is there.

I have been missing my boy a lot and so I have resorted to using this as my post today, just to see if I will feel better.

This past week, as camp drew near, I realized that I was feeling a lot of anxiety. First of all, he will be about 4 hours away, on the other side of the country and it just freaks me out to imagine these little ones sitting in a bus for all this time. The other thing is, how competent is the driver? I remember saying to my husband a couple times this past week, that I hope whoever the driver is, knows that he is carrying precious cargo and many of these kids are only children, so this makes them all the more special. I know they will have a safe journey though, because prayer was said over them and I know God is control. 

There goes my anxiety over just the journey, As you can well imagine, I do have others, like how well will he be taken care of, as he has not yet mastered taking a bath, brushing his teeth and cleaning himself after using the toilet. He is afraid of being alone and he is terrified of the dark. At nights, he asks that his father tuck him into bed and will not settle down for sleep unless his father is snuggled up in bed with him. We tried to prepare him, by telling him that his daddy won’t be around to tuck him into bed and asked if he wanted to take his pillow pet, which would serve the purpose of pillow and something to cuddle and go to sleep. He responded like a big boy would, I want to take my regular pillow and so we take it that he will sort himself out at bed time. I know there will be adults there to help them, but as any parent can attest to, no one takes care of your child as good as you.

On a much lighter note, the setting for our Church camp is usually a school out in the countryside and so the classrooms become dormitories. My son seems to think that he will be camping in a tent outdoors (thanks to television) and even though we tried to explain to him, he does not seem to get it. Last night before he went to bed, he was building a forte and saying that he was practicing for camp. I decided to let him be and even helped him out a bit.  I guess when he arrives at camp and see that the setting is totally different from what his little mind has conjured up, he will be disappointed.

They should be getting there soon and the organizers told us that they will call when they have arrived and so my husband and I are anxiously waiting for this call, as we contemplate how we will spend this time without him and wait with open arms to greet him and hear all about his adventure, when he returns.

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Oh, this one’s a scorcher

This must be the hottest summer that I can remember and the water restrictions are just making it worst. I am seriously thinking of getting a plastic pool for these children so that they can splash around in it in the days as a way to keep cool and pass time. Our refrigerator has an ice maker and because of the water restrictions we have to revert to making ice in the good old trays or any appropriate container we can find. Can you imagine, things change, but do remain the same.

It is so hot our daughter barely gives us one hour sleep these days, even though the fan is at its highest and positioned as closely as possible to her. As soon as she is up from that short nap, you would think that she slept out her full nap, because she is rearing and ready to go, so much so, that by the time the day reaches two o’clock, my energy is sapped and I am literally in collapse mode. Kids are just made up with an extra amount of energy because they just keep going and our daughter goes with the same intensity until about 8 at nights, stopping only to be refreshed by some juice, water or mommy’s breast, whichever she grabs first. Man, I live for that hour.

My husband works from home, and we have to function as if he is out working, because he has to bring in the bacon. Now and then he stops to give me a hand but that’s about it, the rest is all up to me. Some days it is three kids that I have to deal with because our niece comes over a few days a week. Today I looked at my husband’s face and felt sorry for him, He looked so tired and beaten up by the heat, but I could not help it, I had to take a nap, or else I would have collapsed. It might have been a 10 minutes nap, but believe me, it helped.  

Thankfully our son is still at Summer school, but the problem is though, he gets home just about the time when my energy has failed me and with him, he demands another type of energy from you, because he is quite cheeky, persistent and also full of life.

I hope you do not think that I am complaining because I am not as I am the one who fought heaven and earth to have them. I have a way of telling people that I literally plucked them from God’s embrace, as he never seemed sure that he wanted to give them to us at all. The first one he took back and the other two, he did seem reluctant to give up.

God favoured us and let us have these children I cannot say enough how blessed we feel. No matter how. in this case hot and tough the going gets, we will soldier on, giving of the best we can to these beautiful, precious product of ours.

Thanks for indulging in my Monday ramblings.

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OUR STORY…….STILL TOUCHING LIVES

On occasions lately, when I am contemplating what to post to my blog, in the back of my mind I am wondering, if people have had enough of our infertility story. Yes, we triumphed against all odds to become parents, albeit after the better part of a decade, but I am pretty sure we are not the only ones. Then I am reminded that our story is still quite amazing and still relevant….

Recently my sister-in-law emailed me from abroad, asking me permission to use information from my blog in a talk she was doing at her Church on Mothers’ Day. I was delighted, and I quickly responded, of course, I would be deeply honored.

Just last week a friend of ours came by. My husband is doing some work for his wife and so, while they were involved in a meeting, our friend and I began catching up, because we had not seen each other in a little while. Where is my daughter? he asked. I told him she was asleep. Immediately a big smile appeared on his face and then he said, “you now have your pair, I just can’t believe it, I think about you guys every day.” I was so taken by this. Isn’t it nice to know that you are in some one’s thoughts every day, especially knowing that this is because of something positive, your triumph in life.

Yesterday at Church, I was holding our daughter when a young lady and I began talking. As a result of the conversation we were having, I began telling her that every time my father sees our daughter, he would remark that my husband and I have brought back his mother to life, because she reminds him so much of his own mother. She said she has had the same experience with her daughter as well. I then said to her that one of the reasons that I fought so hard to have children of my own, was because I really wanted to see how they would look, and who they would look like. I then went on to say to her that there is a lady, now deceased, who would say to me from time to time, “I really want to see what your children would look like and this would motivate me even more to continue my infertility fight. You could see how delighted she was to hear this and then she quickly remarked. “God is truly awesome, I use your story from time to time in practice. (she is a OBGYN).

I came home from Church yesterday thinking, I do have a post for my blog tomorrow and while muddling over how I would formulate this post, one thing kept jumping out at me. Our story is big, bigger than us,  and the sooner we realize this, the better we are able to grasp the depth and width it reaches and the fact that it will forever be relevant. 

Last week in my 'Grateful Wednesday; post, I wrote that each of us have a unique life journey and things that happens to us in our lives are for the most part divinely ordered, according to this journey. Our infertility struggle, I know was divinely ordered and so we would not have had it any other way. God gave us this cross on our journey so that he could be glorified.

As added bonus, last evening while having dinner, our son remarked, “I love my family, I love my daddy, I love my mommy and I love my sister. He then got up and hugged each of us. My heart was full. My husband looked over at me with a smile and said, post for your blog, I said, of course. How could I not find a way to include this in my post today.

GOD IS TRULY AMAZING. 

GRATEFUL WEDNESDAYS – Feature 16 - Divinely Ordered

Today I am grateful for Divine Order.

I believe that the way each of us life unfolds, is to a great degree, a result of Divine Order. Each of us have our unique life journey and sometimes this life journey takes us away from our friends and family for extended periods of time.

Recently our Church held their annual convention and for the past 6 years I was not in attendance because my husband and I was living abroad for 5 of those years and for the one year since we had been back home,  our daughter was an infant. I made special effort then to attend this recent one.

My heart was warmed and my spirit refreshed to see faces I had not seen in years. I remember saying to one of those individuals, that I dreamed about her recently, (It is often said that when your mind runs on someone or you dream about them, you are to say a prayer for them). It was therefore quite in order that she asked me if I said a prayer for her. I hesitated to answer because I did not pray for her specifically, usually in my prayers I pray generally, if there is nothing specific, for my friends and loved ones, and that in my view should be adequate.

I am grateful then for how life unfolds, so that we can get a lift in our hearts and spirits from time to time, because God knows, we sure need it. 

LIFE HAPPENS IN THE PRESENT!!!!!

After having children, we have to change our perspective on life whether we like it or not. If not, no worries, they will change for us. Children teach us so much and one thing in particular that I want to focus on in this post is, they teach us how to stay in the moment.

Recently, one of my sisters visited from overseas and she planned for us a day with our Dad, out in the country, which she termed a ‘cookout’, even though it was more like a ‘cook in’, because we cooked inside.

After the first phase of my duties in the kitchen was over, my son, who is an energetic 5 year old, decided to indulge me in a nature walk, which he termed an adventure. We walked through almost all of my father’s property, among the lush vegetation and I was having fun with my boy. I decided to draw on my creative self and use this as a learning activity for him and so I began to identify some fruit trees and introduce him to them. He totally enjoyed that, wow am I a good mom or what, I beamed to myself. What made me uncomfortable though, was that I had to make so much effort to stay in the moment as I kept wondering if I am needed in the kitchen or if I really shouldn’t  be resting a little, as I did felt tired, until I was needed again in the kitchen to assist.

We finished our nature walk and no sooner had we finished, he was begging for another round. This time with added incentive, we now would be searching for treasure (thanks to Dora). By this time our daughter was awake from her 15 minutes nap (well, it sure felt like that because like her mommy, she is not a day sleeper) and my husband was off parenting duties because he had taken some work to finish up due to a deadline. I therefore had to make this second nature/adventure trek again, this time with added weight, as our daughter weighs over 25 pounds, well, 27 as I pen this post. This second time around was definitely no fun, and I tried very hard to show my son that I was enjoying this quality time with him. I begged him to cut this one short as I was really winded with his sister on my side. He did not give in, but somehow I succeeded in manipulating him to return to the house.

What saved me from a third nature walk was the call that dinner was ready.

When I was struggling to have children, I very often romanticized the idea of how great a mom I would be if given the chance. Reality now strikes and I am thinking, well, this one sure seem to have gotten away from me. I am only comforted by the fact that, I know I am not alone in this, because as parents we do come up short in one way or another.

The lesson here then is not just to us who are parents, but to all who have become so wound up from the spin cycle that our lives have become. We have to make special effort to remain present in life. Cease the moments when we can just kick back, relax and smell the roses.

My son taught me well, this lesson that day. After all mom, you are in the country where the vegetation is lush, no hustle, no bustle and more than all, the air is clean, why not take it all in, cease the moment.

My children continue to teach me daily, that LIFE HAPPENS IN THE PRESENT!!!!!

Keepsakes and Letting Go

What I find for the past 4 years that I have been blogging, is that, many times I have no idea what my post will be up to the very day of posting, then something happens, something comes to mind, and just like that I have a post. Oh the joys of blogging!!!

I am not a pack rat as I like getting rid of stuff I have no use for. I like space to breathe, space for air to circulate and so I have a limit for the time that I keep stuff for, just in case I might need them for something. When that time elapses and I have not yet find use for the items, I bid them farewell.

With this said, this morning while my husband and the kids were still sleeping, I decided to do a little cleaning up. The thing with kids is that there is no order with them around, things are just generally chaotic and out of place, and as someone who likes order, I have to be making special effort to embrace and appreciate this chaos. I have to find it beautiful too, because, after all, would I be writing such a post without having my beautiful chaotic children around.

Oops, I strayed a bit here, so here I go back on track. While cleaning up this morning, I stumbled across my pregnancy tests, each still baring the signs which herald news of the conception of our three miracles. I took  them out and looked at them, still remembering how we reacted when we saw the positive sign on each test. I looked over at the children in their beds sleeping and I felt an overwhelming sense of being highly favoured by The Almighty once again.

These tests are going nowhere I thought, I will never throw them out. One of the reasons I kept them in the first place, is to incorporate them in the memories we want to soon set up for each child.

I know there are other reasons why I kept them. It might not be as easy to put into words as the first, but I am thinking that I have held on to them because I do not want to let go of any part of my struggles with infertility. I kept them because I also do not want to let go of any part of my triumph over this life altering condition.

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Why Did You Choose Me?????

Our five year old son is very witty. The problem is though, there are times when this wittiness comes off as  rude and so we have been looking out for those instances and try to deal with them appropriately, because my husband and I are on the same page, where we have zero tolerance for rudeness from any of our children.

With this said, just last evening our son asked for what he called his favorite night time snack, grilled cheese sandwich. The thing is, early that day I had a mishap, which resulted in a spill, which resulted in the bread being wet. I only noticed this when I was making the grilled cheese sandwich for him and I proceeded in hopes that the toaster oven would dry the excess moisture out of the bread. He returned a little time after he received the sandwich and said to his dad and I, “It is like someone wet up this bread, and I do not like it.” The tone came off in a ‘just so you know’ kind of way. My husband glanced at me and said, I am scared of this little boy, he is just too smart and witty.

On two occasions he asked me, stopping whatever he was doing and looking eagerly as he awaits my response, “why did you and daddy chose me?” (I guess in his innocent little world, this is his spin to procreation). The first time he asked me this question, I could not answer right away because this is not a question I was ever expecting from a 5 year old. Anyway, I gained my composure and responded, “we chose you because you are a handsome and smart little boy.” He did not seem to have gotten it at first and so I repeated my response. Sometime after this, he asked me the same question and remembering very well my response from the last time, I answered him without hesitation.

While pondering how to formulate this post in the wee hours of this morning, I realized that I was by no means satisfied with the response I gave to his question. I should have told him more. I should have told him how difficult it was for us to have him and how God sent him as a special miracle and gift to us after a long time of struggling, at least the parts of our story that he can understand at this time.

Our son stutters. You might have remembered me mentioning this in a few of my past posts. Well, last night I dreamed that I saw him struggling to say something that he wanted to say so much. When I saw his face getting red and his blocking becoming more and more severe, I rushed over to him, cupped his face in my hands and whispered to him, you will be alright son, you will be alright. I picked him up and began to cry. I guess I was just reacting to the difficulties I had as child who stutter and just felt scared for my child, now that it is his turn.

I have been preparing him as much as he can understand at this age. I have asked him if he noticed that he speaks a little differently from his peers, I tell him it is called stuttering to which I give him an example, ‘it is when you are trying to say a word and it comes out like mmmommy.’ I have also been looking out for signs of him being targeted for ridicule. I am happy to report that there is none to date, and he does not seem the least bit bothered about how he talks. I am  comforted in knowing though, that with his sharp wit, whenever he becomes aware, he should be able to handle, much better than me, all that will be thrown at him, as a result of his stutter.

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Our Children, Our Greatest Legacy

My husband and I have been told on many occasions that we have adorable children, and I am starting to believe this more and more every day.

Our children pull people in. When we are out with them you can see the many eyes of admiration that they get. Some people even come up to you and start talking to the children, some totally ignoring you the parents and some polite enough to say a few words to us as well. Because of this, I love to dress them up and take them out.

While pondering how to further pen this post, the question arise, how can we fall so in love with our children, the minute they are presented to us after birth, then turnaround and hurt them. What really happens? I am then comforted in thinking that something has to be wrong with the individual. Something has to happen to make them snap, financial problems, mental problems etc. Case in point, the Sandy Hook shooting in December, which we now know that the person had mental issues. There just has to be some disconnect. With this said, I figure for persons like myself who had infertility challenges and had such a difficult time having children, it would be much harder for us to hurt these precious little ones given to us.

Just last evening our children were playing on the floor in front of us and my husband remarked, “our legacy.” This is where I got the title of this post. Our children are our greatest legacy indeed and it is sad that they are subjected to such hurt from the persons who should be molding and positioning them to be better adults, thus making them better leaders for the tomorrow they will soon inherit from us.

Just sharing my thoughts for today.

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STRESS, DEPRESSION AND ANXIETY ASSOCIATED WITH INFERTILITY

I hid my infertility struggles for most of the time that I struggled. My friends did not know how miserable, sad and lonely I was. The closest people to me, my family did not know either.

I hid it because I was ashamed of my inability to conceive, I did not want anyone to know me in my incompleteness. I hid my struggles because I did not want anyone to think that I was over-reacting because I did not know that the symptoms caused by my infertility were really very real and therefore could be embraced.

As I slowly but cautiously began to open up about my struggles, I heard comments such as: ‘I don’t know if I was in your position if I would be feeling as miserable as you are;' I had no use for God and I should live in the sunshine; I should search my life to see if there are un-confessed sins that I am being punished for; that I was stressing my husband out. I was so glad I had hidden my struggles for so long or I probably would have heard worst comments.

Can I still say that this post is not really about me? It is to examine up close, the various symptoms of infertility, why they happen and how you can get help in dealing with them.

See link below, courtesy of the Massachusetts General Hospital Center for Women’s Health for information in this regard:-

http://www.womensmentalhealth.org/specialty-clinics/infertility-and-mental-health/?gclid=CKS2xqrSpLUCFQ0GnQodKnAAIA

From the site

“Parenthood is one of the major transitions in adult life for both men and women. The stress of the non-fulfillment of a wish for a child has been associated with emotional sequelae such as anger, depression, anxiety, marital problems, sexual dysfunction, and social isolation. Couples experience stigma, sense of loss, and diminished self-esteem in the setting of their infertility (Nachtigall 1992). In general, in infertile couples women show higher levels of distress than their male partners (Wright 1991; Greil 1988); however, men’s responses to infertility closely approximates the intensity of women’s responses when infertility is attributed to a male factor (Nachtigall 1992). Both men and women experience a sense of loss of identity and have pronounced feelings of defectiveness and incompetence.”

http://www.mentalhelp.net/images/root/infertility.jpg?0.1536280284048676
image by:

‘GRATEFUL WEDNESDAYS’ – POST 9 " .........DANCE WITH MY FATHER..........."

I have not been able to spend any quality time with my father in a while because of the path life has been leading me.

For the greater part of last week my father was with me for follow up visits with his doctor, after his recent hospitalization. I was so busy making sure that my husband, my children and my dad were well catered to and started panicking at a point when it seemed I would not have been able to just sit with dad and talk. I was even jealous of my husband as he was able to do this on many occasions.

The opportunity came and did we chat. I found out how he and my mom met and when myself and each of my siblings were born. I even found out how the property which I came to know as our home, was acquired.
Very interesting story and I now feel particularly closer to my dad.

It is interesting how we wake up each day, not knowing how our day will turn out and I am extremely grateful for how that particular day turned out for me..........I got the chance to dance with my father again.

‘GRATEFUL WEDNESDAYS’ POST 7 – They say, life begins at 40.........

It is often said that life begins at 40 and I am totally buying into that. I am, as a result, very grateful for this time in my life. I feel so different from when I was in my 30's. I am less impulsive, more calculative,a lot more patient and empathetic and no longer feels the need to be validated by anyone.

I am also a lot calmer and this helps a great deal, as my husband is the total opposite. He tends to freak out at the smallest mishap, especially when it has to do with the children. As soon as I have ascertained that they are in one piece and still breathing, I then turn the focus on my husband as I try to calm him down. I feel that God deliberately had me wait so long to become a mother because he knew I would be better at it, at this point in my life.

Each day, I feel my faith at work and I am getting a little better at learning how to be content with whatever I have, whether it be a little or a lot and I am also learning to accept the things that I cannot change, as I take comfort in knowing that,  “this too shall pass.”


I tell you, I feel so liberated and alive and myself and those around me are reaping the benefits as I feel overall less stressed. I don’t know, but I want to credit this emerging new me, to life in the forties lane.

'GRATEFUL WEDNESDAYS' - Post 5 – “What is man without friends?”

As a people, we are very ambitious and this is good, there is however a downside to this. We can lose
our selves in pursuing self-advancement; a bigger degree for that bigger salary, a bigger house, a newer car, and find ourselves wondering, why am I not happy, why does my life feel so dull. The thing is, we forget to be thankful for the little things that we already have, without which, our lives would not mean much. Our relationships, our health, our faith, our freedom, I could go on.


There are times in my life when I feel I could have achieved more in certain areas, and as a result I beat upon myself and take on a 'woe is me' attitude. Thankfully, I am soon reminded that less I be accused of being ungrateful, I do have things to be thankful for. 


In my pursuit to become a more thankful and happier person, in general then, I am urged to add a new posting feature to my blog, a segment dedicated to being thankful, which I have decided to call ‘GRATEFUL WEDNESDAYS', where I will post all the things in my life that I am thankful for, regardless of how small and especially those things which I have learnt the most from.

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I have very few friends. In fact there is a joke that my husband has on me, that he makes my friends for me and I take it, that it is because of my stutter why I have such a problem. One characteristic of a stutterer is that we do not readily open up ourselves to people, in case we be judged prematurely, because of the way we talk. As a result of this, we do not do so well socially.

Thanks to my husband then, among my few special friends are some that he indeed passed on to me. Today I want to use this space to say how grateful I am for my friends and their friendship. They lend not only their ears, when I need to talk, but their understanding that we all have and are entitled to our own unique view of things and we are also entitled to feel how we want to feel about issues in our lives and so they never judge me as a result.

It is my wish that they feel the same way about me too, if not though, I beg of them some time to become a better friend to them.

THANKS AND GOD BLESS YOU MY FRIENDS.

OUR STORY....... Touching Lives.........

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When one of my Pastors told me some time ago, that my struggles will one day help others, I did believe him, but I had no idea to what degree.

I wrote in a post recently, how a friend, in a telephone conversation acknowledged us for a fight well fought. She was speaking about our Infertility struggles and how we came out of it with two beautiful children.

I am happy to report that the acknowledgements continue to come in. The other day my husband ran into a former teacher of his, and when the conversation turned to his family life, he mentioned that he had great struggles to have children, but after approximately a decade long of struggling, he now has two. His former teacher was so taken by this and remarked how incredible it was that we held out hope for so long, as he knows of cases where people have simply given up after struggling for a much shorter time. He then asked of my husband, “Can I use your story?.”

On another recent occasion, a Church sister asked my permission to hold our daughter, shortly afterwards, I heard her said, You and your husband’s story is a testament to the fact that where there is faith, God  keeps his promise. I was at a lost for words and was deeply moved. I did write in the first post of my ‘Grateful Wednesday’ segment that I am grateful for my infertility struggles and this is one of the many reasons.

Let me not hesitate then, to use this opportunity to encourage those of you who are facing challenges in your lives. Though you are probably not at the point where you can see the good in your situations (Yes, I can attest to the fact that there is, most times, some good in your struggles), just hang in there and remain expectant because sooner or later, it will be revealed to you. In the mean time though, ask yourself, what is this struggle teaching me and in what way will this knowledge make me a better person to the point where I can even use it to help others.

BE ENCOURAGED, THEREFORE.





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