MONDAY RAMBLINGS: "A little wisdom goes a long way……."

It won’t  hurt  if we use wisdom when we speak to each other concerning certain subjects, like, for someone who  is struggling with infertility, don’t tell them that their struggles is a blessing in disguise because of how expensive  and difficult it is to raise children. Trust me, they won’t see it that way and they will resent you.  During my infertility struggles, I had  it said to me a few times, why was I so stressed about having children, It got to me even more when someone I cared about a lot told me that she does not thin k that she would be so stressed and troubled if she had to struggle to have children. I knew she meant well, but I just could not receive that at the moment, instead I said to myself, how cruel, how could she say this when she has a child.

In the same way, you , a married individual, cannot say to someone who wants to be married  to never do it because marriage is hard  work and that they should be happy they are  currently alone and have no one to answer to. I know you most likely mean well, but they will resent you for saying this.

The thing is , we all yearn for things in our lives which we feel would make us complete, I yearned so much for  children, because I felt they would make my life more meaningful and complete and how dare someone to say to me to turn down or shut off my yearning, when they are having the experience of  raising children, whether difficult or not.

It is important then to use wisdom when we try to help each other out  along certain lines, in life. We have to allow people to pave their own pathways and have their own  experiences  so that they can learn from these experiences, which should make them better, stronger  individuals.

DON’T CHEAT THEM OUT OF THIS.

image byhttp://purplevineclub.com/a-daily-dose-of-wisdom-goes-a-long-way/

MONDAY RAMBLINGS - When the shoe is on the other foot.......

When my husband and I began trying to start our family, I had no problem when people asked us if we had plans to have children. Some even wanted to know what we were waiting for.

As soon as I became aware that I had infertility issues and my struggles intensified, I felt differently about those questions, to the point where when persons asked the question and then add, 'you guys are not ready yet? I quickly responded 'no, we are not ready' just so I was not tempted to give additional information.  This worked for a while and then I started feeling like a fraud. Why was I misleading people, I asked myself, when I would have moved heaven and earth just to become pregnant. Why was I so cruel to myself.

The questions did not stop, they became more frequent even, but this time my answers changed. I started responding with, 'its in God's hands,' hoping that persons would read between the lines and get the message that something was preventing us from realizing this dream.

Well, there are persons that I do know of now, who have been married for just about the time when you would expect them to start their family and dare I ask. I am tempted though, but when the shoe is on the other foot, it is an entirely different story. Knowing the difficulty I had with these questions, I do not wish for anyone else to experience this on my account, and so I am happy to join the wait to see what unfolds.

In the same way, there are persons I know who are struggling with infertility and I am so careful what I say around them and stands eager to offer any assistance, as a result of my journey.

All around us, there are persons struggling with one thing or another and so for the few who are so blessed to not have any struggles, it should not be too hard to understand that pain is pain  I want to encourage us all then to try and put on someone else's shoe, (the saying goes - 'never judge a man until you have walked a mile in his shoes), you will be amazed to see how much more there is to understand about life's struggles and pain, and as a result be there for each other and empathize more.

I hope this Monday Ramblings feature makes sense, if not, then I guess it would have lived up to the segment name.

HAVE A BLESSED MONDAY






post image by: http://mychinaconnection.com/english-proverb/the-shoe-is-on-the-other-foot-or-walking-in-someone-elses-shoes/

GRATEFUL WEDNESDAYS – Better now than later…..

Last week my son went off to camp, it was such a difficult week for me as I was missing him terribly, so much so, that by the time he was half way through camp, I remember thinking to myself, “who am I kidding, I cannot do this.”

By this time, his father got a chance to speak to him, thanks to the camp nurse. Of course I was very happy for that, but when my husband told me that he began crying that he wanted to come home, I felt so guilty that we had made him do something he was not ready for. I soldiered on, however, thinking that at least he is halfway through camp so he should be home before we knew it.

I remember telling someone on Sunday last, that I was missing my son terribly. She said to me in a matter of fact kind of way  “this is good for you and your son, you had better do this now than later when he is getting married and moving out, because then it will be more difficult.” She did speak to my core and I was very grateful and indeed comforted.

In our son’s own words, when asked if he enjoyed camp, “I did enjoy camp, like the first day, but after that my friend (His buddy that went only because he was going) and I were missing home. I told him we are sorry he had to go though that but it is normal and all a part of life. We did get a call from someone we knew well, who was part of the camp’s administration, who confirmed that there were times when she saw him looking sad and so she made it her duty to hug him and comfort him those times, we are so appreciative of this.

As it relates to bathing, he said an adult soap his rag for him and he bathed himself. We asked him about brushing his teeth, he said, “well, I could not find my toothbrush.” I was horrified, what do you mean, I packed it with the toothpaste, soap etc., you mean for the whole week, you did not brush your teeth? He said, well, I used my finger. Kudos to him for thinking to do this, and I immediately turned to my husband and said, well, he will have to get a thorough bath and his mouth a thorough brushing, before anything else.

He came back looking a bit like he had lost some weight, I almost cried. “What have they done to my boy?” I screamed inside. He told us how hungry he was and asked for mash potatoes and a grilled cheese sandwich. He had it all and asked again for a snack.

He did not come back empty handed though, he won a Bible competition and won some races on sports day. That’s our son, the achiever, we are so proud of him and we are very happy and indeed grateful that we were able to give him the chance, as hard as it was, to have this experience.