MONDAY RAMBLINGS: A Matter of Life and Death

As a child, I remember being terrified of death, If I heard of the passing of someone and worst, if I knew them personally, I would go into full panic attack mode, to the point where I felt as if I was dying too. As an adult, I confess that some of that is still with me, but now I have made my peace with death. After the death of our unborn child, due to complications from infertility, and seeing persons I know having to deal with death in such a personal way, got me thinking, well if others have to deal with this, why not just prepare prepare myself too, since death is as natural, a part of life as anything else.

My son, who is now 6, I am not sure how the issue of death came up, some time ago, but his dad told me that he witnessed him go into full panic attack mode and started shaking and crying hysterically. I thought to myself, poor child, he sure got that from me. I also remember hearing him tell his dad one day that he does not want to marry and then die. I am still not sure what he meant by that, but my guess is that, because we marry when we are older, death automatically comes quicker. Children these days are just too smart.

A classmate of his, from Kindergarten and now Grade 1, who has been ill and in and out of the hospital, since the beginning of the school year passed on Friday. We  are not quite sure what really happened, but he did surgery sometime ago and then recently he slipped into a coma and passed on Friday. My husband broke the news to me Friday evening after our son’s teacher texted him. As soon as he told me, he told my son, who was within earshot at the time. I remember reprimanding my husband for breaking the news to him in such an abrupt manner, as I think, a more gradual thoughtful approach would have been better. I watched carefully for his reaction and thankfully, he did not seem too disturbed,  he just responded casually, oh well, I guess I will have to tell my other classmates when I go to school on Monday.

                                                                                                    

While giving him his shower later that evening, I carefully brought up the subject again as I wanted to see exactly how he was feeling. He still seemed alright, but said to me that one of his classmates, after hearing that he was born in Trinidad, W.I., said that all Trinidadians were just going to die. He then said to me that what his friend said to him really got to him and I got from that, that he was in fact disturbed a bit and so, in an effort to help him, I said, well, Trinidadians are sure not going to die any more than the rest of us, as we all have to die one day. He quickly told me to stop talking like that and I dropped the subject immediately. The matter of death did not come up again for the rest of the weekend and he so far, still seems like his normal self. I am not sure how school for he and his classmates will go today.

I am not sure if we will let him attend the funeral though because that might be where he is impacted. I know his class might be planning to go, but I am not sure, his dad and I are still processing this, plus being hampered by the theft of the family car, that might prevent us from going as well.

At this point, I am more impacted than my son because it is always very sad for me when I hear of the passing of a child because I am thinking that this is a life hardly lived. He was just 7 years old.

Michael, may your little soul rest in peace.

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GRATEFUL WEDNESDAYS – Better now than later…..

Last week my son went off to camp, it was such a difficult week for me as I was missing him terribly, so much so, that by the time he was half way through camp, I remember thinking to myself, “who am I kidding, I cannot do this.”

By this time, his father got a chance to speak to him, thanks to the camp nurse. Of course I was very happy for that, but when my husband told me that he began crying that he wanted to come home, I felt so guilty that we had made him do something he was not ready for. I soldiered on, however, thinking that at least he is halfway through camp so he should be home before we knew it.

I remember telling someone on Sunday last, that I was missing my son terribly. She said to me in a matter of fact kind of way  “this is good for you and your son, you had better do this now than later when he is getting married and moving out, because then it will be more difficult.” She did speak to my core and I was very grateful and indeed comforted.

In our son’s own words, when asked if he enjoyed camp, “I did enjoy camp, like the first day, but after that my friend (His buddy that went only because he was going) and I were missing home. I told him we are sorry he had to go though that but it is normal and all a part of life. We did get a call from someone we knew well, who was part of the camp’s administration, who confirmed that there were times when she saw him looking sad and so she made it her duty to hug him and comfort him those times, we are so appreciative of this.

As it relates to bathing, he said an adult soap his rag for him and he bathed himself. We asked him about brushing his teeth, he said, “well, I could not find my toothbrush.” I was horrified, what do you mean, I packed it with the toothpaste, soap etc., you mean for the whole week, you did not brush your teeth? He said, well, I used my finger. Kudos to him for thinking to do this, and I immediately turned to my husband and said, well, he will have to get a thorough bath and his mouth a thorough brushing, before anything else.

He came back looking a bit like he had lost some weight, I almost cried. “What have they done to my boy?” I screamed inside. He told us how hungry he was and asked for mash potatoes and a grilled cheese sandwich. He had it all and asked again for a snack.

He did not come back empty handed though, he won a Bible competition and won some races on sports day. That’s our son, the achiever, we are so proud of him and we are very happy and indeed grateful that we were able to give him the chance, as hard as it was, to have this experience.

MONDAY RAMBLINGS – ‘A camping he has gone……’

My son went off a few hours ago to his first camp, which is an annual event put on by our Church and last for a week. This happens to also be the first time he will be away from home for an extended period of time and so I have been taking comfort in the fact that I have due reason to be feeling such anxiety. I am comforted in the fact though, that a couple other children from Church, one of which is his cousin and another, his best buddy, (who his parents sent only because our son was going), is there.

I have been missing my boy a lot and so I have resorted to using this as my post today, just to see if I will feel better.

This past week, as camp drew near, I realized that I was feeling a lot of anxiety. First of all, he will be about 4 hours away, on the other side of the country and it just freaks me out to imagine these little ones sitting in a bus for all this time. The other thing is, how competent is the driver? I remember saying to my husband a couple times this past week, that I hope whoever the driver is, knows that he is carrying precious cargo and many of these kids are only children, so this makes them all the more special. I know they will have a safe journey though, because prayer was said over them and I know God is control. 

There goes my anxiety over just the journey, As you can well imagine, I do have others, like how well will he be taken care of, as he has not yet mastered taking a bath, brushing his teeth and cleaning himself after using the toilet. He is afraid of being alone and he is terrified of the dark. At nights, he asks that his father tuck him into bed and will not settle down for sleep unless his father is snuggled up in bed with him. We tried to prepare him, by telling him that his daddy won’t be around to tuck him into bed and asked if he wanted to take his pillow pet, which would serve the purpose of pillow and something to cuddle and go to sleep. He responded like a big boy would, I want to take my regular pillow and so we take it that he will sort himself out at bed time. I know there will be adults there to help them, but as any parent can attest to, no one takes care of your child as good as you.

On a much lighter note, the setting for our Church camp is usually a school out in the countryside and so the classrooms become dormitories. My son seems to think that he will be camping in a tent outdoors (thanks to television) and even though we tried to explain to him, he does not seem to get it. Last night before he went to bed, he was building a forte and saying that he was practicing for camp. I decided to let him be and even helped him out a bit.  I guess when he arrives at camp and see that the setting is totally different from what his little mind has conjured up, he will be disappointed.

They should be getting there soon and the organizers told us that they will call when they have arrived and so my husband and I are anxiously waiting for this call, as we contemplate how we will spend this time without him and wait with open arms to greet him and hear all about his adventure, when he returns.

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GRATEFUL WEDNESDAYS – Feature 29 – “Train up a Child……”

Today I am grateful for the firm hand of my parents. 

I remember mentioning a few times in previous posts that our 6 year old son can be cheeky and rude at times, and so we have had to be keeping a close eye on him. ‘Mmm,’ I wonder where he got that? Well, as a child I am told that I was quite cheeky myself and so it is appropriate then to say that our son is really a mirror for me.

Anyway, last Sunday while at Church, we received a complaint that our son was rude to two ladies, the day before (He had accompanied his Dad to help set up for our Harvest Thanksgiving Service the next day and so he was playing outside while his dad worked). Apparently he was playing in some dirt and the two ladies called out to him, telling him to stop. I supposed they must have called out to him more than once and so, he turned his back to the ladies and put out his hand (open palm), I guess to say, “stop talking to me, can’t you see I don’t wish to listen to you.” I can only imagine how taken aback these ladies were.

I was horrified and embarrassed when I heard and so I went straight to find him. I found him sitting at the back of Church playing with his cousin’s I-phone. I began talking to him calmly about the incident, (this has always been my approach with him as I want to establish a calm line of communication to get him talking). I asked him why he was so rude to the two ladies. He was visibly upset and I later found out that this was because his father had a conversation with him earlier about the incident. He then said to me, tearing up, that he was angry with his Dad. I take it, for scolding him. I then went on to tell him that he had no right to be angry with his Dad, neither did he have any right to be rude to the ladies. To my dismay, he began turning away from me, displaying a bit of the same behavior he displayed when he was spoken to by the ladies. I was so upset, I took his cousin’s I-phone and sent him inside to sit until we were ready to leave for home. I further told him that certain privileges (computer, cake, ice cream) would be withheld from him for the rest of the day.

Amid'st all of this though, we were comforted when the lady who made the report to us, who we know very well as she is a member of our church, told us that she was happy to have spoken on our behalf to the other lady, of the type of well disciplined parents we were and there was no way our son’s behavior was a reflection of how he is being raised. This made me so thankful that we try as best as we can,

(these days our children come to us with such challenging characteristics), to raise our children with good traits.

I am grateful too that what we are able to impart to our children, is largely what has been embedded in us from our own parents. Then we thought that they were sometimes too hard on us, but now as parents ourselves, we do understand a little better. Thank God for them.

LIFE HAPPENS IN THE PRESENT!!!!!

After having children, we have to change our perspective on life whether we like it or not. If not, no worries, they will change for us. Children teach us so much and one thing in particular that I want to focus on in this post is, they teach us how to stay in the moment.

Recently, one of my sisters visited from overseas and she planned for us a day with our Dad, out in the country, which she termed a ‘cookout’, even though it was more like a ‘cook in’, because we cooked inside.

After the first phase of my duties in the kitchen was over, my son, who is an energetic 5 year old, decided to indulge me in a nature walk, which he termed an adventure. We walked through almost all of my father’s property, among the lush vegetation and I was having fun with my boy. I decided to draw on my creative self and use this as a learning activity for him and so I began to identify some fruit trees and introduce him to them. He totally enjoyed that, wow am I a good mom or what, I beamed to myself. What made me uncomfortable though, was that I had to make so much effort to stay in the moment as I kept wondering if I am needed in the kitchen or if I really shouldn’t  be resting a little, as I did felt tired, until I was needed again in the kitchen to assist.

We finished our nature walk and no sooner had we finished, he was begging for another round. This time with added incentive, we now would be searching for treasure (thanks to Dora). By this time our daughter was awake from her 15 minutes nap (well, it sure felt like that because like her mommy, she is not a day sleeper) and my husband was off parenting duties because he had taken some work to finish up due to a deadline. I therefore had to make this second nature/adventure trek again, this time with added weight, as our daughter weighs over 25 pounds, well, 27 as I pen this post. This second time around was definitely no fun, and I tried very hard to show my son that I was enjoying this quality time with him. I begged him to cut this one short as I was really winded with his sister on my side. He did not give in, but somehow I succeeded in manipulating him to return to the house.

What saved me from a third nature walk was the call that dinner was ready.

When I was struggling to have children, I very often romanticized the idea of how great a mom I would be if given the chance. Reality now strikes and I am thinking, well, this one sure seem to have gotten away from me. I am only comforted by the fact that, I know I am not alone in this, because as parents we do come up short in one way or another.

The lesson here then is not just to us who are parents, but to all who have become so wound up from the spin cycle that our lives have become. We have to make special effort to remain present in life. Cease the moments when we can just kick back, relax and smell the roses.

My son taught me well, this lesson that day. After all mom, you are in the country where the vegetation is lush, no hustle, no bustle and more than all, the air is clean, why not take it all in, cease the moment.

My children continue to teach me daily, that LIFE HAPPENS IN THE PRESENT!!!!!

Why Did You Choose Me?????

Our five year old son is very witty. The problem is though, there are times when this wittiness comes off as  rude and so we have been looking out for those instances and try to deal with them appropriately, because my husband and I are on the same page, where we have zero tolerance for rudeness from any of our children.

With this said, just last evening our son asked for what he called his favorite night time snack, grilled cheese sandwich. The thing is, early that day I had a mishap, which resulted in a spill, which resulted in the bread being wet. I only noticed this when I was making the grilled cheese sandwich for him and I proceeded in hopes that the toaster oven would dry the excess moisture out of the bread. He returned a little time after he received the sandwich and said to his dad and I, “It is like someone wet up this bread, and I do not like it.” The tone came off in a ‘just so you know’ kind of way. My husband glanced at me and said, I am scared of this little boy, he is just too smart and witty.

On two occasions he asked me, stopping whatever he was doing and looking eagerly as he awaits my response, “why did you and daddy chose me?” (I guess in his innocent little world, this is his spin to procreation). The first time he asked me this question, I could not answer right away because this is not a question I was ever expecting from a 5 year old. Anyway, I gained my composure and responded, “we chose you because you are a handsome and smart little boy.” He did not seem to have gotten it at first and so I repeated my response. Sometime after this, he asked me the same question and remembering very well my response from the last time, I answered him without hesitation.

While pondering how to formulate this post in the wee hours of this morning, I realized that I was by no means satisfied with the response I gave to his question. I should have told him more. I should have told him how difficult it was for us to have him and how God sent him as a special miracle and gift to us after a long time of struggling, at least the parts of our story that he can understand at this time.

Our son stutters. You might have remembered me mentioning this in a few of my past posts. Well, last night I dreamed that I saw him struggling to say something that he wanted to say so much. When I saw his face getting red and his blocking becoming more and more severe, I rushed over to him, cupped his face in my hands and whispered to him, you will be alright son, you will be alright. I picked him up and began to cry. I guess I was just reacting to the difficulties I had as child who stutter and just felt scared for my child, now that it is his turn.

I have been preparing him as much as he can understand at this age. I have asked him if he noticed that he speaks a little differently from his peers, I tell him it is called stuttering to which I give him an example, ‘it is when you are trying to say a word and it comes out like mmmommy.’ I have also been looking out for signs of him being targeted for ridicule. I am happy to report that there is none to date, and he does not seem the least bit bothered about how he talks. I am  comforted in knowing though, that with his sharp wit, whenever he becomes aware, he should be able to handle, much better than me, all that will be thrown at him, as a result of his stutter.

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GRATEFUL WEDNESDAYS – Feature 14

As a people, we are very ambitious and this is good, there can however be a downside to this, if we are not careful. We could find that we lose ourselves in pursuing self-advancement; a bigger degree for that bigger salary, a bigger house, a newer car, and find ourselves wondering, why are we not happy, why does our life feel so dull and empty. The thing is, we forget to be thankful for the little things that we already have, without which, our lives would not mean much. Our relationships, our health, our faith, our freedom, I could go on.

There are times in my life when I feel I could have achieved more in certain areas, and as a result I beat upon myself and take on a 'woe is me' attitude. Thankfully, I am soon reminded that less I be accused of being ungrateful, I do have many other things to be thankful for.

In my pursuit to become a more thankful and happier person, in general then, I am urged to add a new posting feature to my blog, a segment dedicated to being thankful, which I have decided to call ‘GRATEFUL WEDNESDAYS', my gratitude journal, if you will, where I will, on Wednesdays of each week, post one thing in my life that I am thankful for, regardless of how small. 

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Today I am grateful for health.

I am grateful for the health of my children. For all my pregnancies, my main prayer was that my babies  be born healthy. All parents, I believe have that prayer as well and do believe they got their wish, only to find that before their baby’s first birthday, they are faced with devastating news that their baby has a terminal illness. Such was the case for a young couple, of which the mother appeared on the Today Show on NBC just last week. She said that when she received the diagnosis that her son had a fatal genetic condition, she peed in her pants. At that moment, she became me, as I vividly remembered how I fainted on my OB’s examination table, when my husband and I received the devastating news that our SaraMarie (our first miracle) was gravely ill. I could not hold back the tears, and the host of that segment had problems holding back hers too. They lost their son two weeks ago.

I am grateful for my health and the health of all my loved ones. Our health is not by any chance 100%, but at the moment neither am I, or any of my loved ones battling any terminal illnesses, that I am aware of.

For this I am extremely grateful. 

WHY AM I AN ONLY CHILD??????

We had more or less settled on the idea that we would not be trying to have anymore children, when we unexpectedly became pregnant. Our son was about 20 months old and my husband and I, after the initial shock had worn of, began embracing the idea of having another child around. We lost the pregnancy almost as soon as we found out we were expecting, to a missed abortion.

We continued however, to embrace the idea of having another child and took our doctors advice seriously, to change my diet, because my PCOS condition, which seemed to have intensified after the birth of my son, was the cause of us losing this pregnancy. I took the liberty of going on some fertility herbs, not by any means forgetting that it was as a result of a course of treatment from a herbalist that we were  proud parents of our son.

After being on this course of treatment for a while, we began trying to conceive. I could not shake the feeling though that maybe, God just had one child in his plan for us and even more so, many times throughout my infertility struggles, I had prayed that he just be merciful to us and give us, if only just one.

When we failed to become pregnant for while, I became even more convinced that we would only be parents of just one child. We sold all the baby gear we had purchased for our son, not only for this reason, but because we were moving from a house to an apartment and we needed the space in his room to set up for his growing years. I remember the lady who purchased his crib said to me, so you are not planning on having any more? A question I struggled to answer, but still convinced we were doing the right thing.

After we settled into our new space, I became overcome with guilt. What right do we have to deny our son the chance of having a sibling? What right to we have to think we know the mind of God? What if he is not yet finished with us, but just want our testimony to be fuller and richer.  The yearning for another child intensified and I had no choice but to give in.

Just last night, we were in the supermarket where we met a young man and woman  (not sure if they were a married couple) and a sweet 10 month old baby girl. We began chit chatting about everything from the age of our babies, to weaning. My husband, in trying to make a point, said to them, if another one comes…….The young lady responded immediately “if…..no if.’’ Thinking that she was probably saying, no if, we definitely want more, I decided to help her along and said, “not if, but when.” She looked at me with a smile on her face that seems to be saying, we are pretty sure, then quickly pointed to the young man and said, “we spoke about it and we have decided on no more.

When we got home, remembering my struggle in this regard, said to my husband. What is with this couple? Unless it is for monetary or health reasons (for us, we had both these reasons to contend with), what other right do they have to deny their daughter the chance of having a sibling. Let’s say that it is because she was traumatized by child birth (I know of one such case). From experience, Child-birth pain and trauma pales as your body heals and so, for me,  this is hardly an accepted excuse.

In my view, I believe any child with siblings around, makes them more rounded, with fuller lives, thus making them better placed adults and we have little right to deny them that.

What are your views?

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LIGHT MOMENT FRIDAYS - FEATURE 40 - "Why I love her"

Why I love her

A man was wandering around in a field, thinking about how good his wife had been to him and how fortunate he was to have her.
He asked God, "Why did you make her so kind-hearted?"
The Lord responded, "So you could love her, my son."
"Why did you make her so good-looking?"
"So you could love her, my son."
"Why did you make her such a good cook?"
"So you could love her, my son."
The man thought about this. Then he said, "I don't mean to seem ungrateful or anything, but ... why did you make her so stupid?"
"So she could love you, my son."

Light moment courtesy of Sustain Jamaica

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LIGHT MOMENT FRIDAYS – FEATURE 35 - “DO UNTO OTHERS..........”

When I started my light moment Fridays, at first I wondered if I would be able to find material that would make it worth it. Turns out our 4 year old son has all the material we need, as he is just so funny and comes up with the most witty and unexpected things.

The other day I heard his dad scolding him for wetting up the bathroom. I could not believe what he said next – “Do unto others.........thyself.” You know the Golden rule, “Do unto others as you would like them do unto you? Well he apparently could not remember all of it but it was still impacting. I could not believe he was actually saying this and thought I probably heard wrong.  He repeated it and for sure that was what he said and it was used in the proper context. I could not help but laugh. His Dad said to me later, "see how your son is chastising me.

I guess he is just reminding his Dad that if he himself does not want to be scolded, he should not scold others. Another teachable moment, I dare say, from the school of ethical and practical living, administered by our son.

How do children too often become the subject of abuse. You ‘gotta’ love them

LIGHT MOMENT FRIDAYS – FEATURE 34 - “WE ARE FAMILY........”

This Friday’s light moment feature will have a teachable moment as well, and it is once again courtesy of our four year old son, so here goes:

Recently my husband had reasons to scold our son and he did it in a raised tone. Our son  responded soon after, “daddy you should not talk to me like that, because we are family.” His dad then responded, it is because you did not obey me at first why I had to talk to you like that. He was still quite obviously upset.

For us both it was a light moment, but I was soon forced to really look into what he was saying. As family we do cause each other hurt, albeit, unintentionally but sadly, sometimes it is intentional. During my struggles with infertility, my mom said some things to me that made me quite upset. I was able to forgive her and move on only because I knew it was not intentional that she was hurting me. I also believe in the love she has for all her children and I knew it was because she could not deal with the fact that one of us was hurting so deeply and wanted me to snap out of the depression and misery that I was in.

 It challenges me to think that an innocent four year old would know that as family, we should always thrive to, not hurt, but to honour and love each other. I do know that sometimes hurt is caused unintentionally, but we should not hesitate to validate each other’s feelings and apologise. When next you are in a conflict with a loved one, do remember that when everything else in your life changes, your family is the only constant.

The latter part of a verse from the passage Matthew 21 verse 15 (KJV) comes to mind........Yea: out of the mouth of babes and sucklings thou hast perfected praise. Do not take too lightly then, what our children say to us from time to time, because we could indeed learn quite a few things from them and be better for it. Do know also that children are closer to the heart of God than we are.


As May, being child month approaches, followed by family month, June, let us be mindful of this. 

HAPPY FRIDAY ALL  

SPARE THE ROAD AND SPOIL THE CHILD?????

Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.
Children born to a young man are like sharp arrows in a warrior’s hand
Psalm 127: 3 & 4

I know many parents have never spanked their children and do not believe in spanking children at all.

Infertility was difficult, as I have said over and over but raising a child, especially a boy,(I have heard these are harder) is now the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I hope I am not scaring anyone.

My son is at the stage which is termed the ‘terrible two’s,’ where he does not listen and throws tantrums. When he is doing things where he would hurt himself, climbing flipping etc., and I tell him to stop, I find myself sounding like a scratch record, telling him over and over to stop, to the point where I have to resort to physically stopping him or removing him, only to see him return to doing what I just tried to stop him from doing. By this time, I can hear my father’s voice, saying, ‘what is wrong with you parents these days?, you are allowing the child to rule you, you need to let him know who the parent is, meaning that he needs a spanking.’ Not wanting to feel like a total failure at being a parent, I am left with no choice but to give him two slaps. Then, the voices of all those parents who do not believe in spanking seem to chime in immediately thereafter, why are you spanking the child, do you want him taken away from you?

On Sunday, my son wanted to be with his father in the sound room, where he helps to operate the sound on Sundays. It would be difficult for my husband to carry out his duty because our son would be getting into things, as he is at the curious stage. He was so mad, he refused to sit quietly in church, instead he was throwing the program and hymn books on the ground, then he himself ended up on the ground. He was being a distraction so I took him outside. He lost his spine the entire way outside so I had to drag him like a ragged doll. By this time I was flushed with anger and embarrassment, I gave him two slaps. Junior church is usually held for them, but there was none today but he still wanted to go into the room. I went to the room with him where he kept himself occupied with the items used for Junior Church.

In episode two, I was sitting at the back of church with a friend waiting for church to end. We had just left the Junior Church room and he wanted to go back. I tried to stop him because I had no energy left to clean up after he had had his way in the room and that was when he ended up on the ground again. I decided to leave him there to cry out the tantrum. He cried and cried until his face was soaked with tears and mucus was coming for his nose. My friend attempted to pick him up but he did not want to be picked up. After crying for a while, he came towards me and I tried to pick him, he resisted and ended up on the ground again. I had had it, and so I gave him two more slaps. I regret having to do this in front of my friend as my husband and I had made a promise that we would not attempt to discipline him in the presence of other people, but I felt he had asked for it.

He soon calmed down enough that I could pick him up in my arms. At this point I felt like crying, having to see my child fall to pieces like this and worst, in the presence of someone else. I also felt inadequate as here I was unable to calm him and give him what he really needed. He soon completely calmed down and was about to go to sleep, but by this time, church had ended and soon as my husband appeared, I handed him over to him. For the rest of the day, I felt like I had ran a marathon, I could hardly find the strength to cook dinner.

This is the first time he had ever behaved like this at church.

I am very grateful for my son and it goes without saying that I am very much in love with him, but this is a very challenging time. Worst, I am from a background where our parents, especially our Dad, would just have to give us 'the look' and we would fall right back in line, fearing the spanking that would follow if we did not adhere. I wish I could do that to my son and then spanking would not be an issue at all.

I tell you and I can understand why some parents do not believe in spanking children because you can get really angry and hurt them, not really meaning to, especially when they act up in public and cause you embarrassment. This is especially so if you have other things going on in your life which is causing you stress and for mothers especially, we are often victims of our hormones. Little wonder, there is so much news out there, about parents who hurt children. I often wonder how a parent could hurt a child, but having the experience now, I can see why. This is why, when I am going through anything emotional, I try not to spank my son at all and I believe all parents should try not to do this.

Our son cries when his favorite cartoon ends, he cries when he cannot have his way and he cries of course when he is spanked. Many times I actually feel scared that my neighbors might send the Children’s Authorities on me, thinking that all those cries was because we were spanking him, to the point where the other morning I saw a car parked close to my home and a little while after that I saw a lady slowly walking by my house and looking over the fence, I felt really uncomfortable, what if my neighbors had done what I had been thinking? Mind you, my home is being sold by my Landlord, so it could be that this lady had seen the for sale sign and was checking out the property.

If you are a parent reading this, and you do not believe in spanking, please, please, give us some advice on how to discipline our son effectively, without having to spank him. He is our miracle baby and we really do not want to spank him at all, but on the other hand, we love him too much and really do not want to ‘spare the rod and spoil the child.’ I am thinking time outs could work but I do not think he is at the stage where he can understand what this is about, but I will definitely do that when he is older.

You may notice I use the word spank in my post. This is because I strongly believe no one should beat their children as this is child abuse.

Looking forward to your response.