MONDAY RAMBLINGS – The Legacy We Leave Behind

I had such an intense weekend. Occasion, a funeral - the sad part, but the rest, joyful, as I got to meet a whole host of my husband’s family members and saw some that I knew, but had not seen in many years. It was well worth every moment as they got to meet our children and we got to spend some quality time with them.

Having said that, funerals are such sobering events and this is the time when your thoughts wander off to if your life insurance is up to date, if your health is really what it should be and if your kids will have enough to survive off after you are gone. As I sat there and watch the immediate family members of the deceased grieved, my eyes often welled up with tears, as I gave thought to myself in the position.  I could not fight back the tears as the family members, overwhelmed with grief and clinging to each other for support, made their way to the casket for the last glimpse of their relative before the casket closed.

It was a great funeral as well thought out tributes were received, but what sobered me even more was when the officiating minister began his exhortation by saying, “From the tributes given here today your loved one was a great person, who left such great legacy. He gave you each other for a time like this.” I could not help but feel grateful to God that he allowed us our own legacy, two children and we are trying to make them into phenomenal individuals, equipped with the necessary life skills, because this is more important than the material things you leave them. I am also grateful that they will have each other for support in the grieving period and beyond, should we go before them.

On the way to this funeral, I was talking to a very good friend of mine, whose Uncle passed recently and the funeral was the same day, she said to me, boy so many deaths. I suddenly felt the need to say to her that, this is why we need to make peace with death,  at least I have, because death is sure and no longer dependent on old age. She agreed, but said she would not want to leave her children, (a teenager and younger, about 4 years old) at this stage in their lives. I totally got that, and I would not want to leave mine either, but somehow I knew that since they came to us as such blessing from God, he would make sure that they are alright, if it happens that we should leave them at this tender age.

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MONDAY RAMBLINGS - My name is ‘Mary-Beth’ and I am a stay-at-home parent

I remember watching the game show Family Feud, and when the contestants were introducing themselves, one lady seemed a bit timid or maybe embarrassed even to say that she was a stay at home mom. Steve Harvey the host admonished her to not be so timid to say that she was a stay-at-home mom, because her job is just as important and involved (even more involved), than the parents who work outside of the home.

So then. are stay-at-home parents getting the respect that they deserve. When I thought of this post, I was planning to write it around the heading, stay-at-home moms, but then I remember that more and more men are staying at home these days and taking care of the children and running the home just as women are long known to do.

The common saying goes, a woman’s work is never done, and this is because with children, you are always playing the game of catch up. Depending on their age, you have to watch them closely so that they do not get into things or hurt themselves, as they are naturally curious and do not know their own danger. This does not mean that the other domestic chores get pushed in the corner, you have to balance all these chores to get through the day. 

I heard it said recently that as soon as your kids wake up, you spend the rest of the day trying to get them tired so that they can go to sleep again. I found this quite funny, but had to sober up quickly because once they go to sleep, this does not mean that you get to rest, you find yourself doing the things that you could not do, when they are awake.

Many stay-at-home parents have to deal with the reality that their family has to make do on one income, and many carry around the guilt of not being able to contribute to the family’s finances. Well, do not beat yourself up too much about this, just do the maths:- of course you are contributing to your family’s finances, the nursery care for the babies, the aftercare fees for the older ones, doctor fees for the babies who will get sick from time to time, from all the germs that go around,  in a nursery environment and many and varied other miscellaneous costs. One cost that is hard to compute, is the quality care that only you can give to your children. How about that, this seems like a whole salary you are saving your family to me.

A couple days ago, I was talking to a lady, a grandmother, who seemed like she was a stay-at-home mom for all her children. She expressed how hard it was for her to take care of all these children, and when her husband gets home, as if she did not have a crazy, tiring day as it is, would say, “but you have been at home all day.” She said , he just did not understand how being a stay-at-home parent had you consumed with work all the time. He does understand now though, she says, when he sees how much work his grandchildren are. He was within earshot of the conversation, so he smiled in agreement.

I know our economy does not allow more parents to stay at home, but those who can, feel blessed and be grateful you are part of this fortunate small percentage, which is growing more and more obsolete, and just to encourage you some more, it is never too late to get that dream career or build on the one you already have.

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GRATEFUL WEDNESDAYS : Be Careful what you wish for…….

Today I am grateful for the health of   my children.

Our 2 year old daughter is so active  and we are hardly able to keep up with her. She seldom gets sick (one of the benefits of being on breast  milk for so long), and recently, I found myself wishing that she could pick up a bug, not anything too serious, just a little something to slow her down a bit.

Well, she got sick, and ha s been sick for the past week. Did we get any break? From having to keep vigil over a bad fever that at times did not seem to be responding to the conventional fever reducers and waking up odd hours at nights to administer her prescription drugs, we did not get a break. She was not eating and so she took this out on me ,as breastfeeding became her only source of food and probably what kept her alive, because she was not drinking either and would have been extremely dehydrated.

We also found that what she was diagnosed with initially, tonsillitis, was really not what the problem was, and so we found ourselves treating another problem. It broke my heart to see her so sick and had to rebuke myself for wishing illness on her. She is much better now, thank God, almost back to her normal self and as for me, so tired from this intense week but happy to see her smile and play again and vow to be careful what I wish for, next time I become tempted.

Even as I cuddle my daughter’s fever ridden body in my arms, I am comforted   knowing that she will get better. Some parents find themselves not being so fortunate at all, as they are told that their sick child will never get better and have just a matter of time to be with them. The parents of my son’s classmate who passed recently, I am sure got to the point where they knew their son would not be around for much longer. I just cannot even imagine that grief.

I am indeed grateful for the health of my children. 

MONDAY RAMBLINGS: Your marriage after Infertility

Infertility can  have  adverse  effects on a marriage and sadly some  marriages succumb to the pressures of this common condition.

I  must say that fortunately for me, infertility did not affect my marriage in any adverse way but what I recall though was resenting my husband for not showing any signs of yearning for children as I was. Near to the end of my struggles, I had a conversation with him about this and he quickly admitted to me that he was indeed yearning for children, but decided to conceal his feelings so that I was not made to feel any worst. How noble is that, and I  suddenly  felt like the luckiest wife ever. God honored his nobility and faithfulness shortly thereafter, with the birth of our son.

After the birth of our children, our marriage felt new, we had been married for 14 years at the time of the birth of our son  and it felt like we were newly weds again because the path life was about to take us on was entirely new, as we had never been parents before. We felt close to each other, as we learned and grew as parents and as we revel in the triumph of  overcoming infertility. Now everyday with our precious gifts  is like a continuous adventure, filled with new challenges and learning experiences.

I would say then, that my marriage has certainly benefited from  infertility, how about yours, is it stronger after infertility?

Be encouraged, therefore.

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GRATEFUL WEDNESAYS – Vessels of honour

It is just disturbing how some of us live our lives, putting up with indignity and dishonor.

The thing is, some of us, sadly find ourselves in situations where it is hard to escape this indignity and dishonor. In a marriage, a spouse is afraid that they are not worthy of the love of someone else and so they stay in the marriage and accept abuse, or they feel they might not be as financially secure in another relationship or marriage. On another note, because someone is being charitable to you, you feel that the way to pay them back is to allow them to take advantage of you, to the point where you think it is only loyal to go over and beyond your capacity for them.

As a child growing up, I had this ritual where I would be the first to get out of bed and I would proceed to do everybody’s chores so that when they got up, the dishes would have been washed, the yard raked and everybody would be so happy they had a kind sister like me. I needed that validation because I felt I was not good enough and felt that I was not loved the way I wanted to be loved. I felt that by playing the elves and the shoemaker, where the elves completed the shoemaker’s shoes as he and his family slept, my family would be inclined to think more of me and love me more. Now I know I was dishonoring myself, engaging in self sabotage, because firstly, I should never be thinking that I was not good enough and secondly, I should not have to go over and beyond for love.

I am grateful then, that I am at a point in my life where, even though someone is being kind to me, I can recognize when I am being used, taken for granted and dishonored. That does not discount the fact that I am eternally grateful for their kindness and would be equally kind to them in a heartbeat, but they are not allowed to take advantage of me because they think they have this right, given what they are doing for me.

We are all vessels of honour, blessed and highly favoured by God and therefore possess the intuition of recognizing either that we are self sabotaging by causing dishonor and indignity on ourselves or we are allowing others to do it to us (because, trust me you can feel it) and we do have the right to put a stop to it.

GRATEFUL WEDNESDAYS – Feature 29 – “Train up a Child……”

Today I am grateful for the firm hand of my parents. 

I remember mentioning a few times in previous posts that our 6 year old son can be cheeky and rude at times, and so we have had to be keeping a close eye on him. ‘Mmm,’ I wonder where he got that? Well, as a child I am told that I was quite cheeky myself and so it is appropriate then to say that our son is really a mirror for me.

Anyway, last Sunday while at Church, we received a complaint that our son was rude to two ladies, the day before (He had accompanied his Dad to help set up for our Harvest Thanksgiving Service the next day and so he was playing outside while his dad worked). Apparently he was playing in some dirt and the two ladies called out to him, telling him to stop. I supposed they must have called out to him more than once and so, he turned his back to the ladies and put out his hand (open palm), I guess to say, “stop talking to me, can’t you see I don’t wish to listen to you.” I can only imagine how taken aback these ladies were.

I was horrified and embarrassed when I heard and so I went straight to find him. I found him sitting at the back of Church playing with his cousin’s I-phone. I began talking to him calmly about the incident, (this has always been my approach with him as I want to establish a calm line of communication to get him talking). I asked him why he was so rude to the two ladies. He was visibly upset and I later found out that this was because his father had a conversation with him earlier about the incident. He then said to me, tearing up, that he was angry with his Dad. I take it, for scolding him. I then went on to tell him that he had no right to be angry with his Dad, neither did he have any right to be rude to the ladies. To my dismay, he began turning away from me, displaying a bit of the same behavior he displayed when he was spoken to by the ladies. I was so upset, I took his cousin’s I-phone and sent him inside to sit until we were ready to leave for home. I further told him that certain privileges (computer, cake, ice cream) would be withheld from him for the rest of the day.

Amid'st all of this though, we were comforted when the lady who made the report to us, who we know very well as she is a member of our church, told us that she was happy to have spoken on our behalf to the other lady, of the type of well disciplined parents we were and there was no way our son’s behavior was a reflection of how he is being raised. This made me so thankful that we try as best as we can,

(these days our children come to us with such challenging characteristics), to raise our children with good traits.

I am grateful too that what we are able to impart to our children, is largely what has been embedded in us from our own parents. Then we thought that they were sometimes too hard on us, but now as parents ourselves, we do understand a little better. Thank God for them.

GRATEFUL WEDNESDAYS – Feature 18 – “You raise me up.”

Many nights I wake up at about 2:30 am and find that I cannot go back to sleep. Since the birth of our daughter it is as if my body feels that 4 to 5 hours of sleep is adequate. Anyway, one such night last week, after not being able to go back to sleep, I began scanning the television channels to see if there was anything worth watching at that time of the night. I stumbled across a talk show where they were featuring backup singers. What came out of this program was that these people, do desire to be in the limelight but they do not have the courage to and so it is those who possess this courage, are the ones in the spotlight. These individuals are then forced to just be the support while those who they assist shine. They featured about three sets of backup singers who support a lot of big name artistes. Towards the end of the show the host gave them their time in the spotlight and they were so good, you wonder why they do not have their own recording contracts.

So it is in our daily lives, there are persons whose shoulders we stand on, who allow us to be all that we can be. They, in their small corner, make it their duty to do everything to ensure that we shine. The rank and file workers in an organization who keep the organization operating at its best, those friends who are always there to encourage us, to push us along. The spouses who strive to bring out the best in each other, the teachers who want to see every student in their class do well, the parents who deny themselves just to ensure that their children have the best opportunities so that they can at least live a little better life than they did.

What I find with me is that I am at my best when I am working in the background. I will be honest and say that I do wish at times that I could be in the spotlight and have tried on occasions but find that I do not operate at my best there and so I have to be satisfied with others standing on my shoulders to be the best that they can be. You might say I am cheating myself, but I do see their success as mine too and that is adequate for me.

I would like therefore to use this space today to offer my gratitude and to honour all the unsung heroes around us. Just know that the spotlight would be overcrowded if all of us were jostling for a spot there.

OUR STORY…….STILL TOUCHING LIVES

On occasions lately, when I am contemplating what to post to my blog, in the back of my mind I am wondering, if people have had enough of our infertility story. Yes, we triumphed against all odds to become parents, albeit after the better part of a decade, but I am pretty sure we are not the only ones. Then I am reminded that our story is still quite amazing and still relevant….

Recently my sister-in-law emailed me from abroad, asking me permission to use information from my blog in a talk she was doing at her Church on Mothers’ Day. I was delighted, and I quickly responded, of course, I would be deeply honored.

Just last week a friend of ours came by. My husband is doing some work for his wife and so, while they were involved in a meeting, our friend and I began catching up, because we had not seen each other in a little while. Where is my daughter? he asked. I told him she was asleep. Immediately a big smile appeared on his face and then he said, “you now have your pair, I just can’t believe it, I think about you guys every day.” I was so taken by this. Isn’t it nice to know that you are in some one’s thoughts every day, especially knowing that this is because of something positive, your triumph in life.

Yesterday at Church, I was holding our daughter when a young lady and I began talking. As a result of the conversation we were having, I began telling her that every time my father sees our daughter, he would remark that my husband and I have brought back his mother to life, because she reminds him so much of his own mother. She said she has had the same experience with her daughter as well. I then said to her that one of the reasons that I fought so hard to have children of my own, was because I really wanted to see how they would look, and who they would look like. I then went on to say to her that there is a lady, now deceased, who would say to me from time to time, “I really want to see what your children would look like and this would motivate me even more to continue my infertility fight. You could see how delighted she was to hear this and then she quickly remarked. “God is truly awesome, I use your story from time to time in practice. (she is a OBGYN).

I came home from Church yesterday thinking, I do have a post for my blog tomorrow and while muddling over how I would formulate this post, one thing kept jumping out at me. Our story is big, bigger than us,  and the sooner we realize this, the better we are able to grasp the depth and width it reaches and the fact that it will forever be relevant. 

Last week in my 'Grateful Wednesday; post, I wrote that each of us have a unique life journey and things that happens to us in our lives are for the most part divinely ordered, according to this journey. Our infertility struggle, I know was divinely ordered and so we would not have had it any other way. God gave us this cross on our journey so that he could be glorified.

As added bonus, last evening while having dinner, our son remarked, “I love my family, I love my daddy, I love my mommy and I love my sister. He then got up and hugged each of us. My heart was full. My husband looked over at me with a smile and said, post for your blog, I said, of course. How could I not find a way to include this in my post today.

GOD IS TRULY AMAZING. 

LIFE HAPPENS IN THE PRESENT!!!!!

After having children, we have to change our perspective on life whether we like it or not. If not, no worries, they will change for us. Children teach us so much and one thing in particular that I want to focus on in this post is, they teach us how to stay in the moment.

Recently, one of my sisters visited from overseas and she planned for us a day with our Dad, out in the country, which she termed a ‘cookout’, even though it was more like a ‘cook in’, because we cooked inside.

After the first phase of my duties in the kitchen was over, my son, who is an energetic 5 year old, decided to indulge me in a nature walk, which he termed an adventure. We walked through almost all of my father’s property, among the lush vegetation and I was having fun with my boy. I decided to draw on my creative self and use this as a learning activity for him and so I began to identify some fruit trees and introduce him to them. He totally enjoyed that, wow am I a good mom or what, I beamed to myself. What made me uncomfortable though, was that I had to make so much effort to stay in the moment as I kept wondering if I am needed in the kitchen or if I really shouldn’t  be resting a little, as I did felt tired, until I was needed again in the kitchen to assist.

We finished our nature walk and no sooner had we finished, he was begging for another round. This time with added incentive, we now would be searching for treasure (thanks to Dora). By this time our daughter was awake from her 15 minutes nap (well, it sure felt like that because like her mommy, she is not a day sleeper) and my husband was off parenting duties because he had taken some work to finish up due to a deadline. I therefore had to make this second nature/adventure trek again, this time with added weight, as our daughter weighs over 25 pounds, well, 27 as I pen this post. This second time around was definitely no fun, and I tried very hard to show my son that I was enjoying this quality time with him. I begged him to cut this one short as I was really winded with his sister on my side. He did not give in, but somehow I succeeded in manipulating him to return to the house.

What saved me from a third nature walk was the call that dinner was ready.

When I was struggling to have children, I very often romanticized the idea of how great a mom I would be if given the chance. Reality now strikes and I am thinking, well, this one sure seem to have gotten away from me. I am only comforted by the fact that, I know I am not alone in this, because as parents we do come up short in one way or another.

The lesson here then is not just to us who are parents, but to all who have become so wound up from the spin cycle that our lives have become. We have to make special effort to remain present in life. Cease the moments when we can just kick back, relax and smell the roses.

My son taught me well, this lesson that day. After all mom, you are in the country where the vegetation is lush, no hustle, no bustle and more than all, the air is clean, why not take it all in, cease the moment.

My children continue to teach me daily, that LIFE HAPPENS IN THE PRESENT!!!!!

Our Children, Our Greatest Legacy

My husband and I have been told on many occasions that we have adorable children, and I am starting to believe this more and more every day.

Our children pull people in. When we are out with them you can see the many eyes of admiration that they get. Some people even come up to you and start talking to the children, some totally ignoring you the parents and some polite enough to say a few words to us as well. Because of this, I love to dress them up and take them out.

While pondering how to further pen this post, the question arise, how can we fall so in love with our children, the minute they are presented to us after birth, then turnaround and hurt them. What really happens? I am then comforted in thinking that something has to be wrong with the individual. Something has to happen to make them snap, financial problems, mental problems etc. Case in point, the Sandy Hook shooting in December, which we now know that the person had mental issues. There just has to be some disconnect. With this said, I figure for persons like myself who had infertility challenges and had such a difficult time having children, it would be much harder for us to hurt these precious little ones given to us.

Just last evening our children were playing on the floor in front of us and my husband remarked, “our legacy.” This is where I got the title of this post. Our children are our greatest legacy indeed and it is sad that they are subjected to such hurt from the persons who should be molding and positioning them to be better adults, thus making them better leaders for the tomorrow they will soon inherit from us.

Just sharing my thoughts for today.

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HERBS FOR INVITRO-FERTILIZATION

Since herbs played a huge role in making my husband and I parents, I am always happy to share information on my blog about other herbs that I come across which can help in this regard.

This one I am particularly interested in because it is the first time that I am coming across one that has a part to play in invitro-fertilization.

Embryo Implantation Herbal Support (Prenatal Herbal Support) contains a balanced combination of herbs which helps in the embryo implantation process. 

I know there is a lot of stress associated with the Invitro-Fertilization process, as I have read many stories in this regard. Some good news then, this product is said to also relieve stress and prevents weight gain.

If you are so interested, follow the link below to learn more:-

http://ivfherbalsupport.com//ivf-embryo-implantation-herbal-support-p-2.html?gclid=CJSmlfq7ybUCFQGunQod6lkAtg

SPARE THE ROAD AND SPOIL THE CHILD?????

Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.
Children born to a young man are like sharp arrows in a warrior’s hand
Psalm 127: 3 & 4

I know many parents have never spanked their children and do not believe in spanking children at all.

Infertility was difficult, as I have said over and over but raising a child, especially a boy,(I have heard these are harder) is now the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I hope I am not scaring anyone.

My son is at the stage which is termed the ‘terrible two’s,’ where he does not listen and throws tantrums. When he is doing things where he would hurt himself, climbing flipping etc., and I tell him to stop, I find myself sounding like a scratch record, telling him over and over to stop, to the point where I have to resort to physically stopping him or removing him, only to see him return to doing what I just tried to stop him from doing. By this time, I can hear my father’s voice, saying, ‘what is wrong with you parents these days?, you are allowing the child to rule you, you need to let him know who the parent is, meaning that he needs a spanking.’ Not wanting to feel like a total failure at being a parent, I am left with no choice but to give him two slaps. Then, the voices of all those parents who do not believe in spanking seem to chime in immediately thereafter, why are you spanking the child, do you want him taken away from you?

On Sunday, my son wanted to be with his father in the sound room, where he helps to operate the sound on Sundays. It would be difficult for my husband to carry out his duty because our son would be getting into things, as he is at the curious stage. He was so mad, he refused to sit quietly in church, instead he was throwing the program and hymn books on the ground, then he himself ended up on the ground. He was being a distraction so I took him outside. He lost his spine the entire way outside so I had to drag him like a ragged doll. By this time I was flushed with anger and embarrassment, I gave him two slaps. Junior church is usually held for them, but there was none today but he still wanted to go into the room. I went to the room with him where he kept himself occupied with the items used for Junior Church.

In episode two, I was sitting at the back of church with a friend waiting for church to end. We had just left the Junior Church room and he wanted to go back. I tried to stop him because I had no energy left to clean up after he had had his way in the room and that was when he ended up on the ground again. I decided to leave him there to cry out the tantrum. He cried and cried until his face was soaked with tears and mucus was coming for his nose. My friend attempted to pick him up but he did not want to be picked up. After crying for a while, he came towards me and I tried to pick him, he resisted and ended up on the ground again. I had had it, and so I gave him two more slaps. I regret having to do this in front of my friend as my husband and I had made a promise that we would not attempt to discipline him in the presence of other people, but I felt he had asked for it.

He soon calmed down enough that I could pick him up in my arms. At this point I felt like crying, having to see my child fall to pieces like this and worst, in the presence of someone else. I also felt inadequate as here I was unable to calm him and give him what he really needed. He soon completely calmed down and was about to go to sleep, but by this time, church had ended and soon as my husband appeared, I handed him over to him. For the rest of the day, I felt like I had ran a marathon, I could hardly find the strength to cook dinner.

This is the first time he had ever behaved like this at church.

I am very grateful for my son and it goes without saying that I am very much in love with him, but this is a very challenging time. Worst, I am from a background where our parents, especially our Dad, would just have to give us 'the look' and we would fall right back in line, fearing the spanking that would follow if we did not adhere. I wish I could do that to my son and then spanking would not be an issue at all.

I tell you and I can understand why some parents do not believe in spanking children because you can get really angry and hurt them, not really meaning to, especially when they act up in public and cause you embarrassment. This is especially so if you have other things going on in your life which is causing you stress and for mothers especially, we are often victims of our hormones. Little wonder, there is so much news out there, about parents who hurt children. I often wonder how a parent could hurt a child, but having the experience now, I can see why. This is why, when I am going through anything emotional, I try not to spank my son at all and I believe all parents should try not to do this.

Our son cries when his favorite cartoon ends, he cries when he cannot have his way and he cries of course when he is spanked. Many times I actually feel scared that my neighbors might send the Children’s Authorities on me, thinking that all those cries was because we were spanking him, to the point where the other morning I saw a car parked close to my home and a little while after that I saw a lady slowly walking by my house and looking over the fence, I felt really uncomfortable, what if my neighbors had done what I had been thinking? Mind you, my home is being sold by my Landlord, so it could be that this lady had seen the for sale sign and was checking out the property.

If you are a parent reading this, and you do not believe in spanking, please, please, give us some advice on how to discipline our son effectively, without having to spank him. He is our miracle baby and we really do not want to spank him at all, but on the other hand, we love him too much and really do not want to ‘spare the rod and spoil the child.’ I am thinking time outs could work but I do not think he is at the stage where he can understand what this is about, but I will definitely do that when he is older.

You may notice I use the word spank in my post. This is because I strongly believe no one should beat their children as this is child abuse.

Looking forward to your response.

PRAYER AND INFERTILITY

Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.
Children born to a young man are like sharp arrows in a warrior’s hand
Psalm 127: 3 & 4

Throughout my struggles with infertility, I constantly prayed to God to take this hurdle out of my life and allow me to have the children I so desperately wanted. I know those of you currently struggling with infertility is praying this prayer as well and hoping that God , in his mercy, will answer you.

As the years passed and I realized that no answer to my prayers were forthcoming, II began feeling desperate, and wanted to at experience what it felt like to become pregnant, and so, I began saying to God, maybe your will for my husband and myself is not to become parents, this I have to work on accepting but in the meantime, could you just allow me to see what a positive pregnancy test looks like, to experience the symptoms of pregnancy, the nausea, the vomiting the bloating and lo and behold, he answered that prayer. I became pregnant with what was to later be a missed abortion and believe me, I felt all the symptoms and more. I remember asking him again that he allow me to wear maternity clothes that I so often pictured myself in and wanted to wear so badly, because I thought I would make a gorgeous pregnant woman (smile) and that I be allowed to experience the pampering and attention that pregnant women received and I so envied. Well, he answered that too and I became pregnant again and carried that pregnancy to seven months.

I remember telling this to a friend and her advice to me, was that I try praying for what I actually wanted, a child and probably God will grant me this at long last. Would he, I thought, I had been praying for so many years and none was forthcoming. Anyway I left that at that.
When I became pregnant with my son, I was not trying and was not praying for a child either, at least not as yet, because I was on treatment to resume trying again and also had just relocated. When I found out I was pregnant, I began praying in earnest for my unborn child, because I was not prepared to lose this child like the last one. I even told God that if he took this one, he should take me as well because I did not feel that I could go through another loss. Every morning, I would pray and rub my stomach with olive oil (a symbol used in Christianity along with prayers for healing and well-being) and I did this for the duration of my pregnancy. I was still, however, very anxious and frightened, not that I did not trust God, it was because of my previous losses.

I recently heard that some couples begin praying for their unborn child right before intercourse. I found that truly amazing as I had never thought of doing that, I prayed but it was usually after sexual intercourse, that God would not allow this opportunity to go to waste. I wonder if it would have made a difference if I had prayed before. My friend who brought this to my attention was so taken by this as well, she knows of people praying for their unborn child when they actually became pregnant, but not before.

One thing I believe is that these couples must have a special relationship with God and want him involved in all aspects of their plans to have a family, to actually think of doing this. Having done this also, their pregnancy should be anxiety and stress free as they already know that God has ordained it and will have them in his divine care and keeping until delivery. I don’t know about you, but this sounds pretty good to me.

This is truly commendable and I feel that every Christian should begin praying for their unborn child even before conception, as I believe the world would be a much better place with more children being born, who are shaped and molded in Christ even before conception.

Be blessed, therefore and until next time, keep clinging to hope.

Our son showed up right on time…………..

“Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.
Children born to a young man are like sharp arrows in a warrior’s hand.”
Psalm 127: 3 & 4

Our son's birthday, June 16, 2007.

Recently, my husband and I were at the park with our son, while my husband was off playing with him, I was talking with a neighbor and upon realizing that our son was having a hard time trying to find someone of his age to play with, I remarked that this is happening because he came too late and that is the reason he is having a hard time fitting in with other kids, as most times he is the youngest child around. My neighbor said, ‘do not say that at all, he came right on time.’

It was only after my neighbor made that comment that it came home to me, what I had really said and I began to feel really guilty and ungrateful. How could I have said that our son came too late, when it was never in my power when he should show up. My husband and I did everything to beat infertility so that he could come, but it was really up to God when he came or if, despite our efforts he should show up at all. It is therefore, in my opinion never late when a child shows up.

My husband and I began trying for a child when I was twenty-six years old and when I realized that infertility would play a part in our efforts, at first I was not at all too bothered because I thought time was on my side. Unfortunately, the years began slipping by and soon I was staring right into the face of thirty-five when it is said that a woman's fertility starts to decline, and panic took over, as I thought forty was not too far off, the deadline which was said at the time to stop trying to conceive . Well I did it before forty thankfully. I conceived our son when I was thirty-seven and he was as healthy as could be.

These days, I think of how late in our lives, our son came and wonder if he had come when we were much younger, (say we were one of those very blessed fertile young couple) and he came the minute we began trying to conceive? Would we have been ready to be the parents we need to be to him. Maybe not and so I think God knew that and that was why he chose to put us in the refinery (allowing us to have to go through infertility, because believe me, it is character building), so that we could come out as fine gold, mature parents, who are far more equipped now than if we were younger and had not have to deal with the challenge of infertility, to take on the challenges of parenthood.

Many of you struggling with infertility at this point do have age on your side but many also are in a race with time, because your age is not co-operating with you. What I want to say to you such is, do not feel frightened, do not be dismayed, God knows what he is doing and he will send those precious little ones your way when he deems you ready for them. Sometimes we think that we are so ready for things but it turns out we are not as ready as we think. I would suggest not watch the age factor too much then, just continue to do all that is in your power to have your family and leave the rest up to God, who has final say in the ultimate.

Take comfort in this therefore, and until next time, keep clinging to hope.

‘Beatitudes for parents’

“Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.
Children born to a young man are like sharp arrows in a warrior’s hand.”
Psalm 127: 3 & 4

This was the daily devotion from my copy of The Word for Today Caribbean Edition, for Friday July 10, 2009. This actually caused me to think more objectively about parenting, as I found these so interesting and right-on, so I am sharing them with you all, especially those of you who are parents.

I know my blog is about infertility support, but as you can see, because I am also a parent, a new one too, who is open to learning something new every day, in an effort to becoming the best parent I can be. As a result of this, some of my posts will shift a bit to parenting, as you have already seen of some earlier posts.

“The following ‘Beatitudes for Parents’ were written 45 years ago by Marion E. Kinnerman, when her daughters were raising her six grandsons. They’re still spot-on!

‘Children…….learn……from their parents.’ Ephesians 4:1 TM

Blessed are those who make peace with spilled milk and mud, for of such is the kingdom of childhood

Blessed is the parent who engages not in the comparison of his child with others for precious unto each is the rhythm of his own growth.

Blessed are those who have learnt to laugh, for it’s the music of a child’s world.

Blessed and mature are those who without anger can say ‘No,’ for comforting to a child is the security of firm decisions.

Blessed is the gift of consistency, for it brings heart’s-ease in childhood

Blessed are they who accept the awkwardness of growth, for they are aware of the choice between marred furnishings and damaged personalities.

Blessed are the teachable, for knowledge brings understanding and understanding brings love.

Blessed are the men and women who in the midst of the unpromising mundane, give love, for they bestow the greatest of all gifts to each other, to their children and, in an ever-widening circle, to their fellowman.’

One successful entrepreneur said, ‘I may be a self-made man, but the blueprints came from my mom and dad.’ Bottom line” ‘Children…..learn……from their parents.’ What are you teaching yours?”

Profound isn’t it. I like the last ‘Beatitude’ a lot, simply because what is man without love and despite our accomplishments, we have nothing if we are not able to give love.

As for the rest, well lets just say, my stereo system is broken, the bedside lamps, broken and we went from three television sets to just one, which has to be on a cartoon chanel and heaven help us if we should change it to watch something else. My mother-in-law got a taste of this too on our recent visit, as he broke some of her rather prized items in her house. She seemed to have recovered from this rather quickly, I would imagine it is because she waited for him to come about for so long that she cannot afford for material things to ruin it for her.

We were really upset at first and thought what a destructive child this is, when he broke so many things in the house, but thanks to these beatitudes, I can now just smile and say:

'Blessed are they who accept akwardness of growth, for they are aware of the choice between marred furnishings and damaged personalties.'

........and let the verses permanently displayed at the top of my blog pages, play over and over in my head.

Until next time, be inspired.

Children are a gift from God…………Psalms 127 verse 3 & 4

“Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.
Children born to a young man are like sharp arrows in a warrior’s hand.”
Psalm 127: 3 & 4

I have been thinking about writing this post for a while but was a little nervous

and hesitant because I do not want to upset anyone.

I had the privilege of reviewing some interviews done with some street boys, by a Psychology student and they brought tears to my eyes. The boys were living on the streets because they were turned away from school and when they did not find any love at home they chose to live on the streets where they all said they felt more love and a sense of belonging from their fellow street friends.

My question then is, do some of us as parents believe the abovementioned verse, ‘children are a Gift from God……? I’ll go on further to ask, do we believe that children are in fact the leaders of tomorrow. Why then are some of them not given the opportunity to live as the gifts they should be, or have their lives in line with becoming the leaders of tomorrow. What would cause you to turn your child out to live under the cellar of your house or what would cause you to abuse your child so much that they prefer to be on the streets with their fellow street friends and worse yet, what would cause you to send your young child out on the streets to earn money to take care of the rest of his siblings when he should be in school. This is the same child whose eyes you gaze in when they were born and felt that unbreakable bond. That newborn baby who you would not let anyone touch unless approved by you. These innocent little souls are the ones who later on, cannot stay in the school system because of discipline problems and end up becoming some of the most notorious gunmen, who rob and kill us just to get by.

My husband and I yearned for a child for over a decade, and others of us are still yearning, and would give anything to have even just one child, and others get them so easy and mess up, so you can understand my anger at this. We are by no means wealthy parents, but we are doing the best we can. Most importantly we are aware that we must instill a proper value system in our children so that they may be able to make sensible choices later in life to positively impact their future.

I know there are many reasons why some children end up on the streets. There is poverty, there is abuse which can stem from poverty, there is the fact that children are having children and therefore are not at the place to be able to instill in their children a proper value system. Some of us irresponsibly engage in sexual relationships and end up with these children that we are not able to care for. They are past off on the government who finds it challenging to have an adequate system in place for these children and so they end up on the streets.

You see, I am not one to cast blame on anyone, but if I am to do that in this regard, I would blame parents for failing to instill the proper value systems in these children. That is why having children must be a conscious and responsible decision made by adults, so that, even if you are not wealthy, (because it by no means takes wealth to bring up a well placed child) you can instill a proper value system in your children so that later they can make sensible decisions on how they live their lives.

I am from a very poor background and have six other siblings and none of us are on the streets.

Thank God our parents instilled the proper value system in us and so now we are better off for it.

Something to look into and to act upon if you are guilty, and again, my intention was not to hurt anyone.

Until next time, remain positive

image by: http://www.matton.com/budget_image_search.php?next=1&fopen=1&sok=young%20african%20american%20family

Age and Fertility

From website:-

“More of us are leaving it later to start a family than ever before. Figures from National Statistics for England and Wales show that, since the 1980s, the rates for women giving birth at age 30 or over have gone up, while the rates for women giving birth aged under 30 have fallen. There are many factors which make having babies less important or more difficult for young couples than it used to be, including going on to higher education, developing a career, and financial pressures to stay in the job market. Also, many people don't find a partner they want to have children with until later in life or just don't feel ready to become parents when they're younger.”

For further reading on age and fertility, please visit:-
http://www.babycentre.co.uk/preconception/activelytrying/ageandfertility/

For us, it was none of the above factors, we were battling infertility and when I woke up one day and found that I was over 35, I was terrified, as I knew too well of the challenges now facing me. I refused to let that deter me though and so I pressed on.

At one point I heard that age 40 was the cut-off point to have children and would watch helplessly as it approaches, then when I heard that it was 45, I was relieved as this now gave me a few more years. I do not know how much these numbers stand true though, as more and more I am finding that women 40 and over are having their children and many are born normal and healthy. It is therefore all up to the woman I would think, as I have heard of women having children much older than that. Rare cases I might add, but it does happen.

Having had our son, We are thinking now that he needs company and so we will be trying to give him a sibling. Mind you, it is stressful to want to get pregnant again at my age because I know too well of the odds. It will be harder to conceive for sure as you now have less healthy eggs, but you just have remain positive, trust God, stay close to your doctor and try to do everything in your power to have a healthy pregnancy. An anomaly scan is very vital at this stage. This is performed at about four months into the pregnancy and tells if the baby has any abnormalities.

When we found that our son was developing normally, we were so overjoyed.
If you are trying to have a family and are concerned about your age, I hope this post will help to put your mind at ease so that you can focus on getting pregnant and having a healthy pregnancy.

I found this site to be very encouraging:-

http://www.azcentral.com/families/articles/0604oldmoms0604.html

From site:-

"When Cynthia Goodwin's doctor told her she might be pregnant, "I started laughing hysterically," the Phoenix resident says.Goodwin was 47, childless and menopausal - she thought. That was in July 2003. Today, her and husband George's daughter, Anna, is 17 months old and keeps Mommy running. "She's kept me more active than I was before," says Goodwin, one of the growing number of older women enjoying first-time motherhood."

ALL THE BEST.