MONDAY RAMBLINGS - My name is ‘Mary-Beth’ and I am a stay-at-home parent

I remember watching the game show Family Feud, and when the contestants were introducing themselves, one lady seemed a bit timid or maybe embarrassed even to say that she was a stay at home mom. Steve Harvey the host admonished her to not be so timid to say that she was a stay-at-home mom, because her job is just as important and involved (even more involved), than the parents who work outside of the home.

So then. are stay-at-home parents getting the respect that they deserve. When I thought of this post, I was planning to write it around the heading, stay-at-home moms, but then I remember that more and more men are staying at home these days and taking care of the children and running the home just as women are long known to do.

The common saying goes, a woman’s work is never done, and this is because with children, you are always playing the game of catch up. Depending on their age, you have to watch them closely so that they do not get into things or hurt themselves, as they are naturally curious and do not know their own danger. This does not mean that the other domestic chores get pushed in the corner, you have to balance all these chores to get through the day. 

I heard it said recently that as soon as your kids wake up, you spend the rest of the day trying to get them tired so that they can go to sleep again. I found this quite funny, but had to sober up quickly because once they go to sleep, this does not mean that you get to rest, you find yourself doing the things that you could not do, when they are awake.

Many stay-at-home parents have to deal with the reality that their family has to make do on one income, and many carry around the guilt of not being able to contribute to the family’s finances. Well, do not beat yourself up too much about this, just do the maths:- of course you are contributing to your family’s finances, the nursery care for the babies, the aftercare fees for the older ones, doctor fees for the babies who will get sick from time to time, from all the germs that go around,  in a nursery environment and many and varied other miscellaneous costs. One cost that is hard to compute, is the quality care that only you can give to your children. How about that, this seems like a whole salary you are saving your family to me.

A couple days ago, I was talking to a lady, a grandmother, who seemed like she was a stay-at-home mom for all her children. She expressed how hard it was for her to take care of all these children, and when her husband gets home, as if she did not have a crazy, tiring day as it is, would say, “but you have been at home all day.” She said , he just did not understand how being a stay-at-home parent had you consumed with work all the time. He does understand now though, she says, when he sees how much work his grandchildren are. He was within earshot of the conversation, so he smiled in agreement.

I know our economy does not allow more parents to stay at home, but those who can, feel blessed and be grateful you are part of this fortunate small percentage, which is growing more and more obsolete, and just to encourage you some more, it is never too late to get that dream career or build on the one you already have.

 image by: http://blogs.babycenter.com/mom_stories/being-a-stay-at-home-mom-in-pictures/

GRATEFUL WEDNESDAYS – Feature 31 – It’s a matter of perspective

In these turbulent financial times, We are one of the few families who can have a parent staying home with the children, until they are ready for school. 

We did not start out with this being the plan, because when our son was 8 months old, I went out to work, only to have him get sick at the nursery a couple days after and because I had to take time off to tend to him, I lost the job. This made us decide that I would stay home with him until he was school age. Our daughter came and because of this past experience, we chose to make the same decision.

So how can you afford to do this, when times are so hard? you may be eager to ask. That is a fair question I might add, so here is the answer -We are able to do this, not because my husband makes a lot of money, but because with a lot of practice we have now grasped very well, how to live on a budget and further, we owe a lot of gratitude to my in-laws as they unselfishly decided to give of themselves, to have us stay with them since our return back home, until we decide on our next move, which should be soon. I must add that this has its challenges too, because we all love our own space to be ourselves, instead of always wondering if the people you are with are tired of you yet. Thank goodness, if our in-laws even feel this way, they have never made us aware, and the trade off for them is that they have their grandchildren around them at all times. I know saying goodbye when the time comes will be very hard.

Another psychological issue associated with the decision to be a stay at home parent, is guilt. I do suffer much guilt at times, especially when the finances decide that they will not be subjected to severe stretching and bending to be adequate. Thank goodness I have found a very effective way of dealing with this - I put things into perspective – as a result of my staying home with the children, I am able to save my family nursery fee for the baby, after school care fees for our son, doctor fees, because babies do get sick a lot when they are in nurseries and not to mention the cost associated with me going out to work – clothes, lunch etc. When I do the math, this is greater than or equal to a salary that I would take home. I must admit that I do get very tired at times and wish I was out working, just to get a break, but I am soon thrust back into the reality of this perspective.

I therefore no longer suffer any guilt from being a stay at home parent, instead I am grateful everyday that I have the opportunity of spending such quality time with my children, something a lot of parents with young children wished they could do and now look forward with great anticipation to what I will do, when our daughter goes off to school next year.