GRATEFUL WEDNESDAYS – Feature 31 – It’s a matter of perspective

In these turbulent financial times, We are one of the few families who can have a parent staying home with the children, until they are ready for school. 

We did not start out with this being the plan, because when our son was 8 months old, I went out to work, only to have him get sick at the nursery a couple days after and because I had to take time off to tend to him, I lost the job. This made us decide that I would stay home with him until he was school age. Our daughter came and because of this past experience, we chose to make the same decision.

So how can you afford to do this, when times are so hard? you may be eager to ask. That is a fair question I might add, so here is the answer -We are able to do this, not because my husband makes a lot of money, but because with a lot of practice we have now grasped very well, how to live on a budget and further, we owe a lot of gratitude to my in-laws as they unselfishly decided to give of themselves, to have us stay with them since our return back home, until we decide on our next move, which should be soon. I must add that this has its challenges too, because we all love our own space to be ourselves, instead of always wondering if the people you are with are tired of you yet. Thank goodness, if our in-laws even feel this way, they have never made us aware, and the trade off for them is that they have their grandchildren around them at all times. I know saying goodbye when the time comes will be very hard.

Another psychological issue associated with the decision to be a stay at home parent, is guilt. I do suffer much guilt at times, especially when the finances decide that they will not be subjected to severe stretching and bending to be adequate. Thank goodness I have found a very effective way of dealing with this - I put things into perspective – as a result of my staying home with the children, I am able to save my family nursery fee for the baby, after school care fees for our son, doctor fees, because babies do get sick a lot when they are in nurseries and not to mention the cost associated with me going out to work – clothes, lunch etc. When I do the math, this is greater than or equal to a salary that I would take home. I must admit that I do get very tired at times and wish I was out working, just to get a break, but I am soon thrust back into the reality of this perspective.

I therefore no longer suffer any guilt from being a stay at home parent, instead I am grateful everyday that I have the opportunity of spending such quality time with my children, something a lot of parents with young children wished they could do and now look forward with great anticipation to what I will do, when our daughter goes off to school next year.  

WHAT REALLY IS HAPPENING WITH OUR CHILDREN???????

Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.
Children born to a young man are like sharp arrows in a warrior’s hand
Psalm 127: 3 & 4

Lately there has been so much news about violence among children. There were about two videos shown with children fighting in school buses. Then there was news a couple weeks ago about a school boy who stabbed another one to death, allegedly, over a girl.

The latest one, and the one that I want to focus on is about a group of boys (young boys, the youngest being 13), who lit another one on fire because he reported them as having stolen his father’s bicycle.

I cannot imagine that so much anger and hatred is in the minds of our children these days and I cannot help but wonder if it is the current climate of anger and unforgiveness around us that is rubbing off on these children, or is it the homes for which they come, who do we hold responsible for this? When I was a child, we fought with fists, and very rarely we would use sticks. But there was hardly any incidents including weapons like guns and knives.

This poor youngster has burns, some third degree, over 80% of his body and is currently fighting for his life and in an interview the other morning on the Today Show, with his mom and his doctor, the doctor was saying that he is not in the woods yet, much more to be out of it, so all in all, they are dealing with a very grave situation.

After the interview, the boy’s mother broke down, as she was understandably in so much pain and was trying hard to fight back the tears as she spoke. The Today Show asked her permission to show this breakdown on air, so that it will hopefully send the message out that incidents like these leave families in too much unnecessary pain and something needs to be done about them.

Right about this time, it hit me because it is really hard to see a parent in pain, as you start picturing yourself in the same position. Tears understandably, began welling up in my own eyes as I thought, what kind of world am I getting ready to send my son in? I really felt at this point that I would keep him home, home school him or something and just lock him away from all this callousness, because no one is exempted from falling victim to this.

Imagine so many of us have to fight the ravages of infertility to have our children and then only to have to face the reality that a brutal world awaits them and there is not much that we can do by way of protecting them from it because, let’s face it, they have to face the challenges of this world and we just simply cannot be there at all times to shield them from what it will throw their way. All we can do, is our best to prepare them, but that’s about it.

This is when we have to draw heavily on our faith in God and entrust them into his care and keeping.

I wrote recently about couples who begin praying for their unborn children from as early as the intercourse stage and I must re-iterate that this is a good thing for every God-fearing person to do, because I do believe that this results in better children, who will result in better people in our world, thus eventually making our world a better place.

Be encouraged therefore, and until next time, keep clinging to hope.

Can you believe the ‘Octopulet Mom’??????

I was not going to say anything about this issue as I think it has now become redundant, but everyday something new comes up and so it continues to be in the news. You must by now have heard of the ‘Octopulet Mom,’ she already has six children via Invitro-Fertilization and went back for more, got eight and so now she has fourteen, while some women are hoping that their IVF would just work, even once.

My heart goes out to women who cannot have children, those who are frustratingly trying and those who want just one more so that their only one can have company to grow up with. These women I am quite sure are financially able to take care of children, mind you maybe not fourteen, but the amount that they desire to have, and are robbed of this opportunity. While women, like Nadya are allowed to have so many and is in no way able to take care of them. I understand that her doctor is under fire for implanting so many embryos, as it is illegal altogether or illegal in some states.

You cannot help but wonder why good things happen to bad people. I term Nadya bad people because she has made some bad decisions and does not seem to have any remorse, as she desperately tries to rationalize the reason for her actions, which she said is because she is an only child, she feels she must have a lot of children. By all means have them, but if you can take care of them. This woman is a single mom, has no job and will soon have no place to live because she is behind on her mortgage.

I heard that she has been offered a roll in a pornographic movie so if she decide to accept it then I guess that is her way of seeking to take care of her children, since she has refused help that was offered to her. The problem with that though is that it will certainly further mess us these children when they learn that their mom is involved in things of that nature.

I once had very low tolerance for some of the shows on television featuring families with a lot of children. The difference with these though, are that they actually get compensation for these shows and so they are able to live comfortably. John and Kate Plus 8 I am alright with, as this couple previously had twins and went back for just one more and got six. Before I had my son, I could not watch these shows as they would just make me more sad, angry and depressed. Now I am able to watch some of them and I marvel at how they keep things together.

I want to say to my readers who are childless because of infertility, do not let women like Nadya cause you to lose focus. Pray for her, she sure needs it and pray that people’s heart will open up to these children and give them the help they need and the Mom will see it necessary to accept this help.

I continue to pray for you in your efforts to have a family. Catch up with you next post.