WHAT REALLY IS HAPPENING WITH OUR CHILDREN???????

Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.
Children born to a young man are like sharp arrows in a warrior’s hand
Psalm 127: 3 & 4

Lately there has been so much news about violence among children. There were about two videos shown with children fighting in school buses. Then there was news a couple weeks ago about a school boy who stabbed another one to death, allegedly, over a girl.

The latest one, and the one that I want to focus on is about a group of boys (young boys, the youngest being 13), who lit another one on fire because he reported them as having stolen his father’s bicycle.

I cannot imagine that so much anger and hatred is in the minds of our children these days and I cannot help but wonder if it is the current climate of anger and unforgiveness around us that is rubbing off on these children, or is it the homes for which they come, who do we hold responsible for this? When I was a child, we fought with fists, and very rarely we would use sticks. But there was hardly any incidents including weapons like guns and knives.

This poor youngster has burns, some third degree, over 80% of his body and is currently fighting for his life and in an interview the other morning on the Today Show, with his mom and his doctor, the doctor was saying that he is not in the woods yet, much more to be out of it, so all in all, they are dealing with a very grave situation.

After the interview, the boy’s mother broke down, as she was understandably in so much pain and was trying hard to fight back the tears as she spoke. The Today Show asked her permission to show this breakdown on air, so that it will hopefully send the message out that incidents like these leave families in too much unnecessary pain and something needs to be done about them.

Right about this time, it hit me because it is really hard to see a parent in pain, as you start picturing yourself in the same position. Tears understandably, began welling up in my own eyes as I thought, what kind of world am I getting ready to send my son in? I really felt at this point that I would keep him home, home school him or something and just lock him away from all this callousness, because no one is exempted from falling victim to this.

Imagine so many of us have to fight the ravages of infertility to have our children and then only to have to face the reality that a brutal world awaits them and there is not much that we can do by way of protecting them from it because, let’s face it, they have to face the challenges of this world and we just simply cannot be there at all times to shield them from what it will throw their way. All we can do, is our best to prepare them, but that’s about it.

This is when we have to draw heavily on our faith in God and entrust them into his care and keeping.

I wrote recently about couples who begin praying for their unborn children from as early as the intercourse stage and I must re-iterate that this is a good thing for every God-fearing person to do, because I do believe that this results in better children, who will result in better people in our world, thus eventually making our world a better place.

Be encouraged therefore, and until next time, keep clinging to hope.

PREGNANT WITH SOMEONELSE’S BABY

Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.
Children born to a young man are like sharp arrows in a warrior’s hand
Psalm 127: 3 & 4

This story has been in the news recently about a couple who became pregnant through invitro-fertilization, with what was supposed to be their fourth child, only to find out very soon into the pregnancy that they were pregnant with another couple’s baby, as there was a mixed up with the embryos.

The worst part of this is, she was given two choices, one to terminate the pregnancy or to give the baby to the rightful parents when its born. They are understandably in a lot of pain and I can just imagine how emotionally traumatized the wife is, because she is the one carrying the baby and is, I am sure trying everything in her power not to create a bond. This has to be difficult, if it is even possible.

When asked what will be the hardest part of this process for them, they replied, the birth, which is supposed to be soon. The wife says all she asks of the couple to whom the baby belongs, is to give her some time to say hello and goodbye to the baby. I could not hold back my tears at that point and after a while, the television was no longer visible and I immediately began to envision myself in this very difficult position. Can you imagine after struggling with infertility for so many years, I became pregnant through invitro-fertilization only to have this happened to me. I am so sure I would have found a way to keep this baby as I do not think I would be able to give it back. I would have to secure the services of the best lawyer, once I can afford it, to fight this.

It seem the couple is pursuing legal action in this regard and I really hope that, as difficult as this is for them, they will be able to find some peace and eventually closure.

They will not be able to become pregnant again because of medical issues the wife has, but luckily they still has embryos and is contemplating using a surrogate to have another child. I really hope this will work out for them as this will help them deal with the some of the emotional pain.

My thoughts and prayers are with them.

If you were in this couple’s shoes, how do you think you would deal with it? Your comments are welcomed and until next time, keep clinging to hope.

Follow the link below to see the complete story

http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/32950836/ns/today-today_health/?gt1=43001

IS IT POSSIBLE TO FIND TOTAL FULFILLMENT IN LIFE WITHOUT HAVING CHILDREN?

Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.
Children born to a young man are like sharp arrows in a warriors hand
Psalm 127: 3 & 4

I was reading a post by a young lady the other day, who suffers from infertility, who, after various failed treatments, have now decided to stop trying to get pregnant and go back to living her life.

I can well imagine that this is one of the hardest decisions she has ever had to make and she is also very aware that having made this decision, just as when she was trying to get pregnant, there will be difficult day to day issues that she will have to face.

For people suffering with infertility, this is also a very important decision to make because it is recommended that you come to terms with the fact that at some point you really have to consider stop trying to get pregnant, whether it be for financial, emotional or other reasons.
From her post, I want to highlight and comment on some of the arguments she has put forward supporting her decision, as she now seeks to transition into living a life without children.

“ Meaning quest. I thought a child would imbue my life with a new sense of focus and purpose. Infertility has created a meaning vacuum. It has ignited in me a renewed sense of obligation to unearth my passions and work towards goals. Mothers often describe the experience of giving birth as the most incredible thing they ever experienced, holding their infant for the first time as transcendent, and raising children as “the toughest job you’ll ever love.” I feel the need to create comparable peak experiences and ongoing projects. There is a pressure to craft a life well lived, even though I will never raise children.”

There is nothing really wrong in wanting to craft a life well lived, even though you will never raise children, and it is very natural to want to do this. The problem is though, there still remains a vacuum that nothing else except children can fill. You can seek to create experiences comparable to that of having and raising children, get involved in ongoing projects, but from experiences, all that happens here is that you get so busy that you are forced to think about your inability to have children less. This is not by any means a bad thing, but it does not take away the pain, or the yearning, nor does it take away the empty space that children would have filled.

I tried all these things, I travelled to the extent that I could afford, I at times even did a little bit of shopping to boost my spirits, I do the expensive dining out, I enrolled in courses and threw myself deeply into things I was involved in. None of these things helped, I was still as sad, as empty and unfulfilled as ever.

Further in her post, she had this to say, “Writing this, I am for the first time acknowledging my own strength and courage in living with infertility and finally making the decision to be childfree. Emboldened, I ask of those blessed with their own children to consider the following: Your family is your good fortune. Not everyone else is as lucky. Please be self-aware about when, to whom, how and especially how much you talk about your children. Just as it is not flattering to be openly bitter about infertility, nor is it becoming to be boastful about one’s parental pride.”

Before I had my son, I was on the same page as this person, I would be annoyed with people whose company I was in, some of whom knew about my infertility and the conversations became of their children and I too thought these people were ‘boastful about their parental pride.’

It was only after I had our son and I realized how fortunate and blessed we were and find that we jumped at every opportunity to talk about our son, that I realized that parents are generally very eager to talk about their children, even boast a little. Further, if they have never experienced infertility, it is not fair to expect them to know exactly how you are feeling and avoid causing you discomfort in situations, even if they know that you are struggling in this regard.

To further drive home my point, I remember when we lost our daughter in 2007, I was in the hospital and had some visitors. I was understandably very grief-stricken and felt even worse when those same visitors began talking about their children. Who was off visiting grandma, who was just enrolled in preschool and who was adjusting to day-care. I thought these people were insensitive,as I was lying there about to give birth to our dead child. How much clearer could it be that this was not the appropriate time to have conversations about your children, as it was not only about infertility now, I was grieving in plain sight, for our daughter whom I had lost and I could not believe they saw it fit to add to my grief in this way. I was on the verge of telling my husband to ask them to leave.

Sincethen, it has come home to me all too clearly that people who struggle with infertility have to find their own resolve, as unfortunately, this world is in no way equipped to be there for such people as they would have liked it to. That is why infertility is such a lonely journey.

In view of the above, I can say that surely this is going to be a difficult journey for this young lady, as she will have to deal with so many difficult situations. There will be constant reminders of the opportunity she has given up. Every pregnant woman or baby she sees will only be a reminder for her and sadly, she will have to endure a lot more conversations and ‘boasting’ about children, and the mere fact that she had to ask others to make adjustments to accommodate her, tells me that she probably was not ready to make this decision, also the fact that it seem she will be in constant pursuit of a fulfilled life, she will never be able to find it because she will not be going about it in a natural and healthy manner, she will be doing it to prove to people with children that she can live a fulfilled life without children and that, I believe, kills it for her. She can have a life ‘well-lived’, I believe, but not one as fulfilled as having children brings. I am very aware that there are some persons who have made the decision from the onset, not to have children and would like to think that these people have their formulae for fulfillment. I however cannot say the same for people who initially wanted children and have to give up on that dream due to infertility, as there are instances in life when a child’s innocent laughter, a cute remark, or just something hilarious that they do, are the only things sometimes that can truly add meaning to a otherwise stressful and mundane life.

Might I add that the effects from making the decision to stop trying for children usually does not disappear after you have passed childbearing age, because now you begin to wonder if you made the right decision. If you would have become pregnant, had you not made this decision, and if you really had children who would they look like, and what they would become in life.

With all that said, I must say, I applaud this woman's courage and strength as she is doing something that I do not think myself and many others could do. I had thoughts of doing this several time in my struggles but just could not find the strength. Please find her complete post by following the link below and until next times, keep clinging to hope.

http://parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/09/10/life-after-infertility-treatments-fail/

How much do you know about Ectopic Pregnancies???

Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.

Children born to a young man are like sharp arrows in a warriors hand

Psalm 127: verses 3&4

"An ectopic pregnancy occurs when the fertilized egg is implanted outside of the uterus. In ninety-five percent of cases, the fertilized egg is implanted in the fallopian tubes......."

This can be a very serious situation because it can be detrimental to the life of a woman. Someone I know suffered one recently and her situation was quite serious because she was diagnosed with a bladder infection at first, but thankfully, it was later found out that she was having an ectopic pregnancy. An emergency surgery was performed and she is doing well now.

With my first missed abortion, one of the doctors I later saw, saw was wondering why they did not check if it was an ectopic pregnancy I had had. With the symptoms that ectopic pregnancy carries, both my doctor and I would have known if I had had an ectopic pregnancy, because it comes with a lot of pain and some bleeding.

I am just thinking that so much can go wrong with a pregnancy and when one has been completed sucessfully, I can fully understand why there is usually so much joy when a healthy child is presented to his/her parents. I never felt that I had conquered infertility until I awoke from surgery for a c-section and saw my son. I reached out and touch him, just to make sure he was real. He sure was, I was overjoyed because I know if he was not healthy and well, he would not have been in the room with me.

Pregnancy is a beautiful thing and is such a miracle. I remember when I was pregnant in 2006, I saw this guy at the place I was working at the time staring at me and he made it quite obvious. Soon after, he came over to me and said, I am just admiring you being pregnant and is thinking, what a blessed miracle this is. He sure knows what he is talking about and would probably think it more so if he knew that I was finally pregnant after years of struggling with infertility.

Please follow the link below to continue reading about ectopic pregnancy so that, God forbid this should happen to you, you will have information on it.

http://kidshealth.org/parent/pregnancy_newborn/pregnancy/ectopic.html

ALL THE BEST and until next time, keep clinging to hope.

ARE OUR DOCTORS COLD AND CALLOUS???

“Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.
Children born to a young man are like sharp arrows in a warrior’s hand.”
Psalm 127: 3 & 4

This post is written with due respect to our doctors and their profession.

Recently this has been on my mind, how can a doctor tell a woman that she will never be able to have children or that she should never get pregnant or try to have any more children.

A friend of mine was told by a doctor that she should never get pregnant. She said this was so hard to hear and she could never picture her life without children. As I sat and listened to her, something came over me, something so familiar because for many years, I was forced to picture my life without children and it was really one of the most difficult things I ever had to do. Today this friend is very pregnant, a difficult pregnancy of course but she is an ardent Christian and is totally relying on God to see her through this pregnancy. She should give birth in a couple of days.

There is someone else I know who had one child at the time and wanted another, her doctor told her she should not try to get pregnant again. Of course, she had her second child and both are doing fine up to this day and I am sure there are many other such stories out there.

I know these doctors are advising their patients against pregnancy because of medical issues that could endanger their lives and the lives of their babies, should they get pregnant, but I still think this is a cold and callous thing to do. Maybe they could find some other way of telling their patients news like this and have them involved in the process as much as possible. I am also thinking that probably, many doctors who are guilty of this are male and therefore will never be able to know what it feels like when a woman finds out she can never have children. I know this affects men too, but not in the same way as it affects women. For women, the pain is more raw and more personal. I guess it is because it is women who carry the pregnancies.

Another thing that doctors do is put timeline on people’s lives. When there is a diagnosis of a terminal illness, doctors tell their patients how much time they have left to live. As a Christian, who believes that God gives life and takes it away, this is one thing that I have a problem accepting. Senator Ted Kennedy was told he was lucky if he lived for six months after his brain tumor diagnosis and he lived fifteen months. The story was told at church on Sunday of a gentleman, a former pastor who was told he had five years to live after a surgery many years ago, and he lived twenty more years and I could go on and on with stories like these.

I cannot help but wonder if a doctor’s program of study trains them to be outright with people in such a callous way. I am all for honesty but I have a hard time dealing with honesty of this nature. I cannot imagine a doctor telling me how much time I have left to live because either I would die before the time the doctor give me from just mere fretting, or I turn the situation completely over to my Heavenly Physician. I am really hoping I would do the latter as one cannot say for sure what they would really do, until they are faced with the situation.

I was watching a television pastor once and he was telling a story that he recently went to his doctor for a check-up. His doctor took a chart and began calling out the names of some diseases and asked him if he had them in his family. Each time the pastor replied yes, the doctor ticked off a disease that he would most likely have to face in his life. The Pastor got angry, took the chart from the doctor and began going down the same list of diseases and ticking off as the doctor replied yes to them. The Pastor then said, well doc, I am just giving you an idea of how it feels to be putting timeline on people’s lives. He was simply saying, doc, you do not have that right, my Almighty God has the right to decide what diseases I get and how long a life he has afforded me here on earth. That story left an impression on me, as it happened many years ago and I am still able to relate it.

When I did my laparoscopy (surgery for PCOS) in 2002, I was so nervous and anxious. It was a minor surgery but there was nothing minor about the anxieties I was feeling. The mere fact that I had to go under anesthetic was enough to drive me crazy, that a few days after the surgery I broke out into a rash, which was later diagnosed as a type of eczema brought on by stress. I remember when I walked into the hospital lobby the morning of the surgery, a picture of a doctor with God bent over his shoulders, apparently giving him some instructions, caught my eye and that was the image I took with me into surgery. This gave me the reassurance I needed that I would have made it out of that surgery because I knew God was in charge, I trusted my doctor but I trust God more. I still use that image today whenever I find myself in situations like these. Let me say also that I was given a timeline after this surgery within which to get pregnant and when this timeline expired I was told that only invitro-fertilization could help me at this point. Well here I am today, I did not do invitro-fertilization and my husband and I are the proud parents of a vibrant and healthy two year old. Is'nt our God good.

Wow, a big mouthful indeed, but what I am really saying is that our doctors can only do for us what Almighty God entrusts them with and when they give us news that is difficult to hear, before we think it is the end, and especially if we are Christians, we should look to our Great Physician, our Head Physician and turn the situation over to him. I know in each of the cases above, these persons called on their Heavenly doctor for a second opinion and I strongly believe that, that is how they were able to rise above their conditions.

Be encouraged therefore and until next time, keep clinging to hope.

Living in a world and feeling like you don’t belong……..

“Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.
Children born to a young man are like sharp arrows in a warrior’s hand.”
Psalm 127: 3 & 4

Persons struggling with infertility live in a world that is their home and yet feel like they do not belong and daily life becomes more and more difficult as they struggle to find places to go and company to be in, that does not remind them of their infertility.

This can certainly shatter your world and it is more painful when you have been dreaming your whole life of how you want your life to turn out, the handsome husband, the beautiful kids and the house with the white picket fence. Then reality strikes and you realize that this dream has now turned into a nightmare as you struggle to feel a part of a world that does not seem to care too much that your dreams have betrayed you.

There were many times in my struggles, when I felt like I would run, just run to the hills and hopefully find a cave where I could spend the rest of my life, with my only company being my self- pity, my pain, my tears and the creatures that makes that environment their home. Yes, it was that difficult. I was feeling so alone in my misery that a cave would not make much of a difference from how I was living every day.

I was angry at the world for shutting me out. I thought it was cruel, insensitive and selfish and at times felt like I did not want to exist in it anymore. There was nowhere that did not remind me of my affliction and hardly any company in which I felt comfortable being who I was. Even the company of my husband reminded me that I was aching so much to give him a family, a family I knew he would love and care for so much, because that is what he does best, love care and nurture.

I often wondered why God allowed this kind of affliction on mankind when the world is obviously not equipped to embrace and include those of us who find ourselves in these positions. You are expected to attend birthday parties, baby showers among other events featuring children and oftentimes have to actually will yourself to show up. I know many did not know the extent of what I was going through because as I mentioned in my last post, I could not talk about it, but the little that people knew and suspected, still did not seem to make much of a difference as it still fueled comments such as, ‘You want a baby so bad oh,’ ‘I do not think that I would be so upset about infertility,’ and ‘Why is she stressing out her family,’ among others (mind you, these are people with family). This is why I became more and more terrified to say what I was really going through to avoid worst comments.

I am wondering if I was able to talk freely about my struggles, what kind of support I would have received? Would I have been helped or would I have come out feeling still judged and misunderstood? This post is in no way one that is casting blame on people for contributing to the misery that I went through, because I know it must be hard to support people dealing with issues like these and worst if they are oblivious to this fact. Now that I am on the other side of the fence, I am finding it difficult, even with my experience, to support people currently dealing with infertility and so I know all too well that this is no easy task. I am just re-iterating the fact that the world we are expected to exist in, is not equipped to help us co-op with many unfortunate circumstances in our lives and so we ourselves have to find and employ the coping skills that we need.

Many of you know by now that I struggled for over a decade and so you might be wondering, apart from the goodness and faithfulness of God, what did I do for myself to make it through this. Well, after examining my situation, I made a choice to do more things for me and that included not being in places that caused me more pain, if it was at all in my control. There were times when my husband and I would just go out and have dinner and if I felt for the most expensive thing on the menu, as long as when the bill comes, they would not have to call the police on us or have us wash dishes, I would order it. I would now and then purchase new items of clothing and this was particularly around Mother’s Day. Then there were times when my husband and I would take off to the beach in the middle of the week (that is when we like the beach anyway) or just go out sighting seeing and then have an ice cream cone afterwards. If we could have afforded more travelling, then I am sure we would have done a lot of that too, because, believe me, those things helped in the chaos, that was my life.

I must apologize if there is a venting tone detected in this post, but today I was reliving some of the struggles I endured fighting infertility and was feeling particularly sorry for myself and others of you struggling in this regard and thinking how sad it is that some of us are subjected to this kind of pain and so, I am sending hugs your way, especially those in 'bloggersland' and reminding you that I am in your corner.

Fight on, though the road be rocky for now, who knows, the best part could be just around the bend and remember, don’t be afraid to employ your coping skills when the need arises.

Until next time, keep clinging to hope.

image by: http://images.google.tt/imgres?imgurl=http://image.guardian.co.uk/sys-images/Arts/Arts_/site_furniture/2007/11/23/alone460.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.guardian.co.uk/music/musicblog/2007/nov/19/week&usg=__Xf3eLAyEqWGmqLUDDC

How can a parent bury their child

“Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.
Children born to a young man are like sharp arrows in a warrior’s hand.”
Psalm 127: 3 & 4

My post was supposed to be very different today, but after watching the memorial service of Michael Jackson, I had to change it because I just cannot concentrate on anything else.

His memorial service was lovely. He is indeed Hollywood royalty and a pop icon, but from just watching this service you would not know if you did not know him. I saw humanness, I saw the genuine, pure, unselfish love of a mother, a father, siblings, children, gripped by grief at the loss of their loved one and I felt as if they were normal people like myself who I knew personally. My heart went out to Catherine, his mother.

What played over and over again in my mind was how the parents, especially the mother, might have been feeling. I am sure she did not think she would have had to bury a child and many parents still do not think they will bury their children, because in the normal sphere of life, this should never be. My son was sleeping beside me while those thoughts played over again in my head and I just thought to myself, no, I could never do it. I could never bury my child. Think in our case where because of infertility, it was such a struggle to have this precious child, how could we bury him? My miscarriage was hard on us, it is the loss of a child that we wanted so much but still that grief I am sure cannot measure up to the loss of a child who you nurture and care for to the point where they can now take care of themselves. The thing is, even though they are now adults, they will always remain your children in your eyes.

A family in my church, some years ago lost their eldest child rather tragically. This child was engaged to be married rather soon and I am sure the whole family was looking foward to this even with much joy. I am sure the parents were also looking forward to the grandchildren they would later embrace from this union . I remember the day of the funeral the parents, especially the mother was so overwhelmed with grief. Usually it is the mother that seem to feel the pain more and this could probably be because we gave birth to these children and felt all the pain associated with their birth. I remember I was the one in charge of the decoration for this funeral and decided to leave them up for church the next day, being Sunday. After church had ended, the mother came to me and asked why the decorations were still up. I felt so embarrassed and bad that I had not used good judgment and was adding to the pain that this family was in because I should have really taken down those decorations right after the funeral. I did not get over it for days.

Parents, as you clearly see, there is no guarantee that you will not bury your children, but God usually provides the additional strength that we need in situations such as this. We therefore have to draw on him in these times to carry us through. I know this family did it and they are doing much better now. I also know that you never get over these losses and so, I am sure that they still continue to lean on him for strength to continue living.

In closing, I want to challenge those of us who are blessed with children to give them all they need to become adults, who will have good judgment and be able to make sensible choices in respect of their lives, so that they will not have to turn to other things to take the place of what they come up lacking in their lives, as this, as you can see, can sadly lead to their untimely demise. Other things can take them out too, but let us not allow these things to be the way they go.

Those of you who continue to yearn for children, do not let opportunities like this pass you by, learn from them so that when you are blessed with your children you will know exactly how to bring them up so that they can survive in this world that can be so cruel to them. Remember, we have to do our part in......."healing the world, make it a better place..........heal the world we live in, save it for our children."




Until next time, keep clinging to hope.

“The sun will come out tomorrow”

“Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.

Children born to a young man are like sharp arrows in a warrior’s hand.”
Psalm 127: 3 & 4

Are you feeling particularly beaten up by infertility today? Are feelings of inadequacy, inferiority and hopelessness crippling you causing you to feel like you want to give up, throw in the towel and find a cave somewhere so that you can be by yourself and wallow in self-pity? As one who has had many of these days during my struggle with primary infertility, I know you have them too.

It is not practical and sensitive of me to say, do not let these days get you down, because that is exactly what they are designed to do, to take the wind out of your sail and cause you to feel like you are being kicked while down.

Instead I will tell you that when those days and those feelings come, it is important that you stay in the moment. Allow yourself to feel the hurt, to feel the pain. Do not get out of bed if you don’t feel like and have to, cry if you feel like, as hard as you possible can because, guess what, “the sun will come out tomorrow, bet your bottom dollar.” The words of this song are so true because I found that somehow when tomorrow came there was usually new energy, new hope and a new resolve steering me onwards. I guess it is because that is what a new day brings, newness. The Psalmist says, “Your mercies are new every morning Lord, great is thy faithfulness.”


I might have mentioned a couple times on my blog that I am a stutterer. Well, I struggle with feelings of inferiority and inadequacy from I was conscious that I stutter. It did not help when I learnt that I would have to deal with infertility as well. To me, that was a double whammy. To say life has been hard for me because of these struggles would be an understatement. With the help of God though, I have managed to overcome one of my struggles as you all know and not only have I overcome this struggle, I have purposed to support and offer encouragement and help in my own small way to others who are struggling in this regard, by way of this blog. That is a great accomplishment I must say, as I did not know that I would ever be at this place in my life.

What I am saying then is if I did not give up (and at times had good reasons to), I have confidence that you won’t either and you will be a better person for it. It was brought to my attention recently by a fellow blogger that we who struggle are more sensitive and empathetic to others. For quite some time now I find that I surround myself with people who at times need a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on, so this seem very true. I guess it is because we understand pain all too well, we understand yearning and most of all we understand that we cannot take anything or anyone for granted and guess what, we are better friends, better brothers, better sisters, overall better individuals because of this, so, when the bad days and the feelings of inferiority and inadequacy comes, just remember this and you won’t feel too shabby at all. I take comfort in this as well, to help me deal with my struggles that continues.



Be encouraged therefore, and as usual, keep clinging to hope.

HAPPY EASTER!!!!

A HAPPY AND HOLY EASTER TO YOU ALL

As I said in my infertility story, when I was battling infertility, around the holidays I was the saddest. I think it is mainly because holidays are a time for family and good cheer but sadly I could not fully indulge.

Across the world at this time, many will be attending church to reflect on the events of that first Easter, many years ago. To those of us battling infertility and feeling beaten down and hopeless as a result of this, use this opportunity for reflection and renewal as you continue to seek God’s guidance and help to someday be triumphant over this hurdle.

I know it probably will be hard to do this, having been there myself. Sometimes I would be in Church but was just physically there. I could not talk to God, I could not pray I was just so consumed by my pain, but I challenge you nevertheless.

To all others, I want to extend to you the same challenge, Use this time in God’s presence and throughout the rest of this Easter season for reflection and renewal and seeking God more. Our world is so overcome by global recession, natural Disasters, hunger and pain, you name it, and we who are Christians cannot afford to lax, as we continue to pray and hope for a breakthrough.
God’s richest blessings to you.

My next post will be on Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) which many women of reproductive age suffer with. If you are one such, you cannot afford to miss this post.

My Infertility Story – C O N C L U S I O N

You have now read my story and normally I would have said, I hope you are encouraged, but I know you have in fact been encouraged, as I have heard from some you.

Part of the reason why I decided to put my story out via blogging was because I knew I would be able to offer encouragement to those who are struggling with infertility in a way that few probably can, having struggled for over a decade (twelve years exactly) and in such an incredibly difficult way. I am still to hear of someone who has struggled for as long as we did. I have heard of persons struggling for up to six years but none over a decade so far. I remember my mother-in-law was offering encouragement to a co-worker of hers who has been struggling with infertility. She told her how long it took us to finally have our baby, and the person responded, "am I to sit around and wait that long?" If someone told us that we would have had to sit around for that long, I would have said the same thing to them because it is really a difficult thing to have to do.

We who have struggled and those who are currently struggling with infertility are connected in a way that few could ever understand, and even though we maybe worlds apart, it is comforting to know that with the use of technology, we can read each other stories and find comfort in knowing that we are not alone, we struggle in the same way. We might not be connected by blood, but we are certainly connected in tears, in yearning, in shattered dreams and in hope that one day infertility will just be something we once struggled with.

Those of you who have read my story and did not know much about infertility and how it affects us who struggle with it, I am sure now has a clearer picture and can empathize with those you know who are currently on this journey. During my time of struggle I was judged by some and sadly these persons do have children and therefore could not possibly understand the pain associated with struggling with infertility. I remember one comment someone made, and every time I remember it, it breaks my heart all over again. The comment is, I have walked off my job because of trying to have a child and is stressing out my husband. Clearly this person does not understand how this thing can consume you to the point where you are not able to function normally. She also knows nothing about my struggles and I am hoping that she will access my story so that she can understand and feel sorry that she ever judged me in that way.

Finally, I hate to sound like a scratch record, but that is what my blog is set up to do, to encourage and give hope to you struggling with infertility. Therefore, I want to say, do not give up hope. Do everything in your power to beat this. It is said that when you have done your best, angels in heaven cannot do more, so fight on and remember, as I have said before, if you have exhausted all your other options, then adoption can be considered. Adoption can even be considered if you have not yet exhausted all your options and can afford to. Persons have done this and still go on to having their biological child, as the body now becomes more relaxed as that yearning ceases for the time being, therefore causing pregnancy to be achieved.

Thanks for taking time out to read my story and do join me as I continue to offer encouragement and hope and information geared at helping you with your struggle, through this blog.

DO REMEMBER, WE DID IT, SO YOU CAN DO IT TOO!!!!!!!!

My Infertility Story - My infertility and my family cont'd.

Now for the good part, my infertility and my in-laws, and I will be focusing on my mother-in-law, as she is the one who was visibly yearning for grandchildren.
I was somewhat able to talk to my mother-in-law about my infertility, but ofcourse not the part where she would have known exactly how much pain I was in. Like my mother, my mother-in-law began making her comments about grandchildren here and there, quite harmless comments, but sadly as time passed, I did not see these comments as harmless anymore. They began to cut deep within me and this became worst as my struggle intensified. This was even harder to take because, since I spoke to her on occasions about our struggle with infertility, to the point where she even recommended some of the doctors we saw. I thought that she should have known better than anyone else and be more supportive of us.
I now began to feel very insecure around her as I often wondered if she was thinking that I was not good enough for her son because I was not able to provide her with the grandchildren she wanted so much. As a result of this, our relationship, in my opinion did not develop in a more meaningful way, as the insecurity from my infertility was interfering with this process.
The biggest blow came when one of my husband’s younger brother and his wife announced that they were expecting a child. My mother-in-law called to share the news with us, and sadly I did not take it very well because I thought she could have been a little more empathetic in how she broke the news to us, given our struggle to have children. She was understandably very ecstatic and sadly, try as I may, I could not share in the moment, as I now saw all our efforts to provide the grandchildren proving futile. We were beaten to the chase.
This soon turned ugly as I began to tell her that over all I found she was not empathetic to what we were going through, as I expected her more than anyone else to understand and that some of her comments were now beginning to hurt and she should by now be thinking of stopping and start to support us in this regard.
This did not go over very well with her and my mother and sister got involved, to the point where I was told that I was jealous of my brother-in-law and his wife, I am faithless and weak and have no use for God and that was why I was going through all this, and that I am known to cause hurt on people as I had done it before. I could have easily taken my life at that point, as I thought now that my family knew the degree of hurt that I was going through because of my infertility, albeit, not in the way I wanted it known to them, I would have received their sympathy and the understanding and support I was so yearning for.
I was happy this happened, because after the initial hurt, something new was given birth to. My family now became sympathetic, apologies were given, relationships restored and I now began receiving the love and support which I think I truly deserved from my family.
This was indeed a new day, because as the saying goes, the darkest hour is just before dawn. This was to be the dawn of my triumph over infertility and now I was able to move towards this triumph, my family with me.

In my next post, I will address how I think a family can help and support another family member experiencing infertility, from my perspective of course. You don’t want to miss this either.