INFERTILITY FACTS NEWS AND VEIWS – 10 reasons for wanting another child

The other day I was checking my blog traffic feed as I often do, to see the traffic on my blog and what people are reading, I came across this post that I did some time ago entitled, “10 reasons for wanting another child.”  I found it quite interesting and just thought that it would be a good idea to refer to that post on days when I feel physically inadequate to deal with my two energizer bunnies, just to make sure that I was not out of my mind when we decided to have another child.

Our son is involved in extra-curricular activities at school and that I am indeed grateful for, because this means that I just have my daughter for some days. On a day like today, though, I felt totally inadequate caring for just her. Even though the ratio was even, I was no match for her and many times had to resort to locking us both in our bedroom just to save on my energy.

My husband’s parents on many occasions would just take one look at our children and say, "that is exactly how their father was, busy, busy". Today I asked my father-in-law again, did you say my husband was quite busy as a child, just to confirm that my gene is not at play here. He responded, “oh yes.”

 As for me, my parents said I was an easy baby. All I needed was to be placed in my crib with my pillow and all was well with the world. She said I did not even cry when I was hungry, she just knew based on my meal timing.

So, here goes, read for yourselves, 10 reasons for wanting another child:-

http://onereachinganother.blogspot.com/2012/05/ten-reasons-for-wanting-another-child.html

Post image by: http://blog.zisboombah.com/2013/01/07/reader-question-help-my-son-fights-with-his-siblings-after-school/

HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY TO YOU!!!!!

Throughout my struggles to conceive, many Valentine’s Day had me hoping that this would be the time I finally conceived, and so I would make the Day special for us. If I am not mistaken, I think our daughter was conceived somewhere around Valentine’s Day in 2011.

With this said, trying to conceive can be so consuming and leaves not much room for romance. Here are 8 creative ways designed to make things sizzle this Valentine’s Day, courtesy of Fertility Centers of Illinois.

Who knows, this might be well worth it.......

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Valentine’s Day While Trying to Conceive: Keeping the Romance Sizzling

Fertility Centers of Illinois Shares 8 Ways to Spice Up Your Relationship When Trying to Get Pregnant

Trying to have a baby can be, well, trying.

For couples trying to conceive, staying up-to-date on monitoring ovulation, charting basal body temperatures, and timing intimacy can take a steamy bedroom setting into the cold.

For couples pursuing fertility treatment, it is very common for emotional and physical intimacy to decrease. Going through fertility treatment can be emotional, grueling, and exhausting for couples. Life’s everyday challenges can cause any couple to hit bumps in the road. When infertility is added to the mix, couples may feel overwhelmed with how to overcome this challenge as a strong, balanced unit.

“Treatment can take couples through a rollercoaster of emotion,” explains Dr. Jane Nani of Fertility Centers of Illinois. “Couples find great help in speaking with a counselor, and often find their relationships are stronger at the end of the journey.”

It is important for couples to understand they are not alone. Working together equally during the entire process – learning about infertility, supporting each other, and making treatment decisions – will strengthen your relationship.

With a little creativity, couples can make a swift u-turn back to the romance they once had.

1.    Recall Your Most Romantic Moments

What was it that made you fall in love?  What were the most “swoon-worthy” moments? Close your eyes and imagine those moments all over again, but don’t keep them to yourself. Write a love note to your partner recalling the reasons and events that made you fall for him or her, and seal it with a kiss.

2.    Get Your Heart Pumping

Working out decreases stress, improves health and increases happiness. Go for a walk or hike together, or try a new physical activity together. Partner Yoga at Pulling Down the Moon on February 15^th is a perfect opportunity – couples of any experience level will learn how to stretch and breathe away stress, while reconnecting the body and mind – together. Learn more or register on their website.

3.    Set A Fun Goal Together

Want to have a weekly date night for the next month? Have you always wanted to ballroom dance? Want to finish a half marathon in the summer? Want to start a couple’s food and entertainment blog? Studies show that the more couples invest time in doing fun things together, the happier they are in the long-term. In the name of science and happiness, pick a fun goal that you can work towards together, and focus on achieving it.

4.    Mum’s the Word on Trying to Conceive

Taking a break from infertility talk can give you the strength to revisit treatment with new resolve and optimism. What you are going through as a couple can be tough, and everyone deserves a break. Make a 48-hour rule to take a break from infertility, and focus on fun instead.

5.    Get Out of Town

Changing your environment can shift your mental outlook, allowing the head space you need to gain perspective, release stress, and have fun. Take the weekend to ski in the Rocky Mountains, drink wine in Napa Valley, sit on the beach in Mexico, or surf the waves in Florida. Kick back, relax, and focus only on enjoying each moment together.

6.    Love Me Tender

See where your partner is truly at and what they need, both in life and in the treatment process. Infertility can affect your partner’s self-esteem and depending on the diagnosis, can make a man or women feel “defective” or “incomplete.” Discuss where you're at, what you need, and how you can help each other. If treatment has caused challenges, being tender and attentive can help put a relationship back in balance.

7.    Recreate A Movie Moment

Kiss under a full moon, hold hands as the sun sets, embrace in the middle of a rain storm, watch the clouds while holding hands during a picnic lunch. Who says that romantic movie moments can only star John Cusack or Ryan Reynolds? Make your own!

8.    Double Date

Spend some time with another couple -- preferably one without children.  Go on a double date, and spend the evening having fun together, discussing current events, upcoming travel plans, and the latest in entertainment.

# # #

Fertility Centers of Illinois, S.C., is one of the nation's leading fertility treatment practices, providing advanced reproductive endocrinology services in the Chicago area for more than 30 years.  FCI physicians, embryologists and support staff are stringently chosen based on educational background, medical skills and their ability to collaborate. With a team of 10 nationally and internationally recognized reproductive physicians who treat thousands of patients each year, the practice has earned a reputation for overcoming hard-to-solve fertility issues. FCI is dedicated to medical and clinical excellence and continues to invest in the latest technologies and research. FCI offers a comprehensive range of fertility treatment options including intrauterine insemination, in vitro fertilization, donor egg, gestational carrier, and preimplantation genetic diagnosis, as well as extensive resources to address financial and emotional needs. Fostering a culture for continuous innovation has made FCI home to the annual Midwest Reproductive Symposium which attracts experts in the field of reproductive endocrinology from around the world.  FCI has 10 offices conveniently located throughout the Chicagoland area (Buffalo Grove, Chicago/River North, Crystal Lake, Glenview, Highland Park, Hoffman Estates, Lindenhurst, Naperville, Oakbrook Terrace, and Orland Park). FCI is a member of the Attain Fertility Network which provides discounted fertility treatment programs. For more information visit www.fcionline.com

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'GRATEFUL WEDNESDAYS' - POST 2 - "All good gifts around us are sent from heaven above ....................."

As a people, we are very ambitious and this is good, there is however a downside to this. We can lose our selves in pursuing self-advancement; a bigger degree for that bigger salary, a bigger house, a newer car, and find ourselves wondering, why am I not happy, why does my life feel so dull. The thing is, we forget to be thankful for the little things that we already have, without which, our lives would not mean much. Our relationships, our health, our faith, our freedom, I could go on.


There are times in my life when I feel I could have achieved more in certain areas, and as a result I beat upon myself and take on a 'woe is me' attitude. Thankfully, I am soon reminded that less I be accused of being ungrateful, I do have things to be thankful for.


In my pursuit to become a more thankful and happier person, in general then, I am urged to add a new posting feature to my blog, a segment dedicated to being thankful, which I have decided to call ‘GRATEFUL WEDNESDAYS', where I will post all the things in my life that I am thankful for, regardless of how small. 

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POST 2

Today we took the baby for a doctor's appointment and decided to just stay out until it was time to pick up our son. We grab a bite to eat and still had time, so we went to one of our popular spots for hanging out.

As we sat on one of the park benches, there was a cool, strong but welcomed wind (as the summer heat is certainly on) blowing   The baby sat on my lap sleeping and I thought to myself, this is really a great way to pass some time. My husband remarked almost immediately, "it is funny, we can hardly find time any more to do things like this. I instantly agreed, thinking how we have become a people so busy and stuck in survival mode.

I felt so grateful that we could afford the time today to just enjoy some of the good gifts that God has afforded us by way of His beautiful creation.

FOR THIS I AM ETERNALLY GRATEFUL

“ ITS MY TURN TO BE THE BABY”

Yesterday morning, after giving the baby her morning feeding, hubby came and took her. No sooner had he taken her, our four year old son jumped into my lap, assumed the nursing position and remarked, “its my turn to be the baby”. I could not believe how big he felt in my arms and wondered, where did the time go, where did my first little baby go? I did not waste the opportunity to bond with him as I have been quite delinquent where that is concerned. He was a little out of sorts when we took the baby home but now he is doing quite all right, and enjoying his precious little gift of a sister.

I told him that mommy used to hold him just like that and feed him ‘chu chups milk.’ (When he was born his grandmother gave my breast the name tu tups, and so since then this is the name we have used and because he did not quite get the correct pronunciation, it became ‘chu chups’ for him and still is). For his sister, he now refers to it as ‘mommy’s magic chu chups’ as she falls asleep as soon as she starts nursing. Much to his dismay though, as he always wants her awake so that he can play with her. I went on to sing him the lullaby ‘hush little baby don’t you cry’ and he laughed hysterically (he has a laugh that no matter how down you are, it warms your heart and cheer up your soul).

He too seemed to have wanted to cease every moment of this opportunity because any minute, his father would be calling to get ready for school. He then requested that we play forte (for him it is ‘house sheets). I am sure most of you know forte and used to play it when you were kids, where chairs and cushions are used to create an enclosure. For our son though, he uses a sheet (hence the term ‘house sheets’) and our bodies do the function of the chairs. He has a dictionary of terms like no other, for things. His first name for cheese sandwich was ‘triangle cheese,' because we used to cut the sandwich into two triangles. Soda for him is ‘burny hot juice’ because it burns the throat when being consumed, and if it is grape flavour, it is ‘burny hot juice, purple.’ He is quite a little comic around the home, and makes us laugh so much. So under the forte, I began to ask him about school, who his best friends are etc.

The time was short but it worked for me and seemed to have worked for him as well. This got my day off to a great start and was reminded again, that our struggle with infertility was so worth it and how blessed we are to have these precious little miracles in our lives.

A MOTHER’S LOVE

"The heart of a home is a mother's love"

The expanse of a Mother’s love cannot be overstated. It nourishes, it heals.

The story is told in an article, compliments of Circle of Moms, of a baby boy, a preemie twin, whom the mother was told, had died shortly after she had given birth to him. The nurses placed the precious lifeless body of the little boy on his mother’s chest for her to say her goodbyes and a miracle happened. The baby began to move and grew stronger and stronger by the minute.

In this Easter season, I have been thinking a lot about Mary the mother of Jesus. The bible did not mention specifically about her agonies in the events leading up to the crucifixion and the crucifixion of her son. The accounts given in the four gospels mentioned that people followed as these events unfolded and watched the crucifixion from afar and women were among this crowd, which included Mary the mother of Jesus.

I can only imagine that she was in agony, especially seeing her child being whipped and mocked and then seeing him on that cruel cold cross, bloody all over. What mother would not feel that in the bottom of her stomach.

In this Easter season, let us all as women reflect on the role we play here on earth. As women we are given the ability to love in such great expanse. What a blessing. We love our children no matter the heartaches they give us. We love our husbands no matter how imperfect they come to us and we work tirelessly to make our family environment comfortable and nourishing.

Think of how different this world would be if we all practice love of this nature.

HAPPY EASTER EVERYONE

Read the full story of the baby whose mother’s love brought him back to life here:-

http://www.circleofmoms.com/article/miracle-baby-revived-from-death-mother-s-hug-03270?trk=digest_editorial_3270&email_enc=ldCm0N6nmtfcz8TLk5aRZXmc0azYy5yllc3Vzg%253D%253D&email_src=13316154384d705db652bf26b50998f3387259f089&template_name=digest_weekly_4&subject_id=04ff3a5f3f15f183f8cad0ca67e10b87:0&has_fb=1

Post image by: http://www.google.com.jm/imgres?

FIRST COMES LOVE, THEN COMES MARRIAGE, THEN COMES BABY IN A CARRIAGE?????

image by: http://www.thepersonaldevelopmentguy.com

Even before Catherine and William were married, there have been talks about the babies that they will one day have. I am sure that soon there will be even more of these conversations which will even include some speculations about if whether are not the couple is expecting a royal heir, especially if Kate begins showing signs of being pregnant, like gaining weight etc.

After I was married, these same conversations began. Everyone began asking when will the babies come? My mother even asked me on occasions, when will I pay my husband back for his ring. I guess she sees giving him a child as paying him back for his ring. I was not bothered by these questions at all, why should I, when I had no idea that soon I would be dealing with infertility,which would span most of my productive years.

As my infertility struggles intensified I began dreading these questions to the point where I would get so annoyed at people when they ask. I don’t know if I had the right to be annoyed, but I was. I was annoyed because I was naively thinking that people should at least figure by now, when they saw that no children were showing up, that something could be frustrating our trying to conceive efforts. The questions continued and we began lying, that we were not ready for children. Soon after however, we realised how ridiculous that answer was, when we were by now, years into our marriage and every couple we knew who were married, had children.

These questions can be very devastating for infertile couples to have to deal with, especially if their infertility struggles span years and so I would like to put this out there - this might still sound a bit naive of me, but I know that some of us are quite capable of being this considerate. For all of us who find ourselves asking when those babies will come, when you see that years are passing by and a couple is not producing children, start wondering if something could be frustrating their procreation efforts, this could very well not be the case, as it could also be that they do not want children. If the latter is the case, then many times these couples will not hesitate to tell you this.

After thinking back at how we handled these questions when we were struggling with infertility, I realised that the best answers for infertile couples to give to people when they ask about them having children, is to  say to them politely that, ‘ we will have children when the time is right’ or, ‘it is in God’s hands’. Simple, yet very polite and most of all, these answers remove us from the picture and convey a message of  reliance on a source greater than ourselves, because having children is certainly not at all in our hands. God is the one who ultimately decides if he will allow us the privilege of having them.

In a previous post I did, I spoke about how success comes when we fully let go, and being at a place in our struggles when we can convince ourselves and others that we have indeed let go, is the beginning of reaping the harvest of all the successes in our lives that we so yearn far.

ALL THE VERY BEST

YES, MEN DO SUFFER FROM POSTPARTUM DEPRESSION AS WELL

image by: http://iamatrapstar.com/

I really did not know that men suffer from postpartum depression, in almost the same way as women do. Sadly, this is not common knowledge, not even among health professionals and as a result, many men, are forced to suffer alone.

Below is a website (PostpartumMen) which explains exactly what postpartum depression in men is and offers more information on this subject along with much needed advice and encouragement to men suffering in this regard.

http://www.postpartummen.com/

From the site:

What Is Men’s Postpartum Depression or PPND?

“Remember seeing your baby for the first time? You were probably filled with pride and excitement. That’s what you always heard it was like having a child – pure joy. Baby bliss.

Then, reality sets in. Sleepless nights. A screaming infant needing nearly constant care. Fights with your partner. Going to work exhausted.

Then, over time, you’ve noticed things have gotten worse.

Now, you’ve lost your sense of humor, and there’s not much to look forward to. You’ve started getting more anxious or panicky. You’ve had trouble sleeping. And you’re miserable a lot of the time.

Or perhaps you’ve been irritable. You’re getting more stressed at work and getting angry with your wife. Maybe you’ve noticed you’re drinking more – or withdrawing from people.

These are all signs of men’s depression. You may think you should just “get over it” – and that you must be the only guy who can’t. But you’re not the only one.”

CRAMPING IN PREGNANCY

image by: http://babyzen.biz

I experienced cramping before I even knew I was pregnant and it was such a discomfort that I had to ask my local pharmacist for something to give me some ease. Luckily what she gave me, had no negative effects on my pregnancy.

There are many reasons why women experience cramping during pregnancy. In early pregnancy, (first trimester) cramping usually results because of implantation, which usually takes place anywhere from 8 to 10 days after ovulation and as this trimester progresses into the second, cramping results because your abdomen and ligaments are now stretching to accommodate your growing baby.

In the third trimester, cramping usually results, because of  what is commonly known as Braxton Hicks contractions. These occur because your muscles are now stretching and preparing for childbirth. Gas, usually result in some cramping as well.

Please note that if your cramping is severe and accompanied by bleeding, chills, fever, vaginal discharge etc., you should be checked out by a doctor immediately.

Having said that, there are other reasons that you might be experiencing cramping that should be checked out by your doctor as well, and these are:-

• Stomach virus
• Food poisoning
• Appendicitis
• Urinary infection
• Pre-clampsia
• Kidney infection

If you have ascertained that your cramping is not an indicator of anything serious happening to you or 

your baby, here are some simple  techniques that you can employ, to help with your discomfort:-

• Avoid quick positional changes
• Try bending backward to relieve the pain. Be careful not to bend too far backwards as you could end up having back pains as well
• If gas is why you are experiencing cramps, try walking around and doing other light exercises to ease the discomfort. 

Source:- http://www.pregnancy-calendars.net/cramping.aspx

PREGNANT WITH SOMEONE ELSE'S BABY (an update)

Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.

Children born to a young man are like sharp arrows in a warrior’s hand

Psalm 127: 3 & 4

"HOPE MAKES ALL THE DIFFERENCE"

 I don’t know if you remember me doing a post on this story about a couple who was pregnant with another couple’s baby, after being implanted with the wrong embryo.

Read previous post at:

http://onereachinganother.blogspot.com/2009/09/pregnant-with-someonelses-baby.html

The baby has since being born (now seven months) and is with his rightful parents, who has since written a letter to the couple who brought their baby into the world, telling them thanks for doing this for them.

Below is recently published book from this couple, entitled 'Misconception' documenting their journey on this very difficult road which, when they started out to enlarge their family, had no plans of ever travelling on. 














I would imagine this book, will be a very good read, so why not get a copy.

MY FIRST BABY

Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.
Children born to a young man are like sharp arrows in a warrior’s hand
Psalm 127: 3 & 4

Yes, I had a baby before I had my son, he was a ‘fur-baby,’ an adorable German Shepherd pup called Diego, named after the football hero, Diego Maradona. He was my baby, but technically not mine. He belonged to my brother-in- law and I was chosen to be his pup-sitter for the first few weeks of his life, because he had to be taken from his mother.

That bond is one that I can never forget as I was in the most difficult period of my struggle with infertility and he showed up at a time when I needed a distraction from what I was going through. I needed to release some of the love that was building up inside of me for my own baby, a love that was becoming frustrated, as it was waiting too long to be released on a deserving baby.

Diego gave me a reason to wake up every morning for those few weeks as I was so anxious to see him, to care for him as any mother would care for their own baby. You could not help but fall in love with him because he was so cute and after my neighbor met him, she too fell in love and came by each morning just to see him before she went off to work.

Diego soon grew into a little dog who thought he was big enough to do big dog things. I remember one day I was in the kitchen preparing his lunch and there he was trying to sit up like a big dog with his ears all up in the air and he kept falling over because he could not maneuver himself properly just yet. It reminded me of a baby who is trying to walk and keep falling over. I laughed so hard because it was so hysterical to watch. In the days we would watch television together and he would have his head on my lap. I was in love, I almost begged my brother-in-law for him.

I remember one day when he was still pretty small, I took him outside for a walk. My yard is very secure so I let him roam freely about, which he was enjoying very much, Suddenly, I was urged to look towards the sky and there was a vulture which appeared to be swooping down to pick him up. I grabbed him so fast and went inside, very shaken up. What would I have done if this vulture had taken away my ‘fur-baby’ which is really not mine. I remember some feelings of inadequacy began to creep in and I suddenly began remembering an incident that happened to me. If I am not mistaken, I must have shared it before in one of my earlier posts. I was holding someone’s baby once, and the baby’s head came down with a thud on the table I was sitting around. This baby was big for his age and so I honestly thought he had control of his limbs. I was so frightened, I felt I could cry and it did not help when someone around the table said, ‘it had to be Marie to do that.’ No one could convince me otherwise that the reason I was having problems conceiving children of my own was because I would suck at taking care of them. I would hurt them, and so here I was feeling that if this vulture had taken this pup, it would be a confirmation that I was probably not going to be a mother because I would suck at it.

From many of the Infertility blogs I have read, I see where these people have pets whom they refer to as their ‘fur-babies’ and I know these precious creatures are helping these people in their struggles a lot. After all, what like a human baby, could be so loved and loves back unconditionally , does not judge you and is always very happy to see you, than a cute cuddly pet that makes it worth it to carry on from day to day despite the challenges you face.

For those of you who are struggling with infertility and does not have a pet, I would recommend you get one. You will be surprised to see what it does for you and how much lighter your struggles appear. I only had one for a few weeks and look how it helped me, so much so, that I thought of getting a puppy for myself. I remember after telling a friend of my new found job of pup-sitting, she said, intending for it to be a joke, that I was being prepared for mine which is to come. I really believed that somehow and so I threw myself into it even more.

Thanks Diego, you were not human, but you made an impact in my life more than most human did and you made my struggles that much lighter because you came.

image by: http://images.google.tt/imgres?imgurl=http://www.geocities.com/mrsjacksonsclass/petsall.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.geocities.com/mrsjacksonsclass/pets.htm&usg=__Gv2rBEMAIGuU-SBNII1d-y7_zz8=&h=346&w=432&sz=71&hl=en&start=2&tbnid=DDWAHlLI1m4JjM:&tbnh=101&tbnw=126&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dimages%2Bof%2Bpets%26gbv%3D2%26hl%3Den%26sa%3DG

PREGNANT WITH SOMEONELSE’S BABY

Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.
Children born to a young man are like sharp arrows in a warrior’s hand
Psalm 127: 3 & 4

This story has been in the news recently about a couple who became pregnant through invitro-fertilization, with what was supposed to be their fourth child, only to find out very soon into the pregnancy that they were pregnant with another couple’s baby, as there was a mixed up with the embryos.

The worst part of this is, she was given two choices, one to terminate the pregnancy or to give the baby to the rightful parents when its born. They are understandably in a lot of pain and I can just imagine how emotionally traumatized the wife is, because she is the one carrying the baby and is, I am sure trying everything in her power not to create a bond. This has to be difficult, if it is even possible.

When asked what will be the hardest part of this process for them, they replied, the birth, which is supposed to be soon. The wife says all she asks of the couple to whom the baby belongs, is to give her some time to say hello and goodbye to the baby. I could not hold back my tears at that point and after a while, the television was no longer visible and I immediately began to envision myself in this very difficult position. Can you imagine after struggling with infertility for so many years, I became pregnant through invitro-fertilization only to have this happened to me. I am so sure I would have found a way to keep this baby as I do not think I would be able to give it back. I would have to secure the services of the best lawyer, once I can afford it, to fight this.

It seem the couple is pursuing legal action in this regard and I really hope that, as difficult as this is for them, they will be able to find some peace and eventually closure.

They will not be able to become pregnant again because of medical issues the wife has, but luckily they still has embryos and is contemplating using a surrogate to have another child. I really hope this will work out for them as this will help them deal with the some of the emotional pain.

My thoughts and prayers are with them.

If you were in this couple’s shoes, how do you think you would deal with it? Your comments are welcomed and until next time, keep clinging to hope.

Follow the link below to see the complete story

http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/32950836/ns/today-today_health/?gt1=43001

How much do you know about Ectopic Pregnancies???

Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.

Children born to a young man are like sharp arrows in a warriors hand

Psalm 127: verses 3&4

"An ectopic pregnancy occurs when the fertilized egg is implanted outside of the uterus. In ninety-five percent of cases, the fertilized egg is implanted in the fallopian tubes......."

This can be a very serious situation because it can be detrimental to the life of a woman. Someone I know suffered one recently and her situation was quite serious because she was diagnosed with a bladder infection at first, but thankfully, it was later found out that she was having an ectopic pregnancy. An emergency surgery was performed and she is doing well now.

With my first missed abortion, one of the doctors I later saw, saw was wondering why they did not check if it was an ectopic pregnancy I had had. With the symptoms that ectopic pregnancy carries, both my doctor and I would have known if I had had an ectopic pregnancy, because it comes with a lot of pain and some bleeding.

I am just thinking that so much can go wrong with a pregnancy and when one has been completed sucessfully, I can fully understand why there is usually so much joy when a healthy child is presented to his/her parents. I never felt that I had conquered infertility until I awoke from surgery for a c-section and saw my son. I reached out and touch him, just to make sure he was real. He sure was, I was overjoyed because I know if he was not healthy and well, he would not have been in the room with me.

Pregnancy is a beautiful thing and is such a miracle. I remember when I was pregnant in 2006, I saw this guy at the place I was working at the time staring at me and he made it quite obvious. Soon after, he came over to me and said, I am just admiring you being pregnant and is thinking, what a blessed miracle this is. He sure knows what he is talking about and would probably think it more so if he knew that I was finally pregnant after years of struggling with infertility.

Please follow the link below to continue reading about ectopic pregnancy so that, God forbid this should happen to you, you will have information on it.

http://kidshealth.org/parent/pregnancy_newborn/pregnancy/ectopic.html

ALL THE BEST and until next time, keep clinging to hope.

IS IT WRONG TO WANT SOMETHING SO BADLY???

Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a real blessing.

Children born to a young man, are like sharp arrows in a warrior's hand.

Psalm 127 verses 3 & 4

I love children, and after marriage and the time was right, I thought it would be easy having some of my own. Unfortunatley, infertility set in and I saw my dream shattering before my very eyes. I wanted to have children so badly and as my struggles progressed, my yearning only intensified.


My yearning was so overwhelming and crippling and many times I felt guilty that I was yearning so much. I even felt I was doing something terribly wrong by yearning so much.


I remember one day, I was feeling particularly tired and beaten up by my struggles with infertility and had the chance to talk to a friend. It was the first time she was hearing of my struggles with infertility and so I was at least expecting some words of encouragement, after pouring my heart out to her, but instead she said to me, "you want to have a baby so badly, oh." I was taken aback, whatever does she mean, I thought, is it wrong to want to have a child so badly? It did not make it any easier to hear this from her for the mere fact that she herself was a mother and therefore would never know what it feels like to want to have a child and is being prevented. Her comment however still left me feeling guilty that I was yearning so much for a child and this guilt was greater than before.


There were other instances in my struggle that made me feel as if I was yearning too much for a child. I remember hearing that someone had said that I was allowing my yearning for a child to cause distress to my husband. I was saddened and angry to hear this and if I had not heard it from a third party I would have confronted the person. She too is a mother and even a grandmother. This particular incident had me feeling that persons were seeing me as this obsessed person who was consumed with my struggles to have a child so this added greatly to my guilt of yearning. It did not help either that by this time I was also consumed with the feeling that I wanted to prove to other women that I was as normal as they were, I could conceive a child just as they could, I could be a mother, have a family just as they do, after all, am I not deserving of even just that. I was however wondering if it was because my motives for wanting a child seemed a little bit selfish at times, why God was not answering my prayers.


My question therefore is, "is it wrong to want something so badly." I know it can be wrong to yearn for things that are not necessarily good for us, the job with the office with a view, the beachhouse where we can take our family for summer vacations, the bank account with the huge overdraft facility, but how can it be wrong to want a child, to want a family to whom we can give and experience unconditional love. A family that is there for us when others can't. My answer then can only be no, it is not wrong at all to yearn for these things as they are very much a natural part of our lives, a part of who we are and a part of who we will ever become.


I have been reading a lot of blogs by people experiencing infertility and with each one I read, there is one thing that stands out, there is a strong yearning for children, for a family to call their own and they are leaving no stones unturned nor sparing any costs to satisfy this yearning.


In closing I want to say to you who continue to yearn in this way, do not for one minute feel guilty for yearning so much, do not for one minute feel like you are doing anything wrong in yearning so much, yearn on, fight on, in the end it will be well worth it.



ALL THE BEST TO YOU, and until next time, keep clinging to hope.

ONLY A MOTHERS LOVE

“Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.
Children born to a young man are like sharp arrows in a warrior’s hand.”
Psalm 127: 3 & 4

I don’t know if you all are following this unfortunate story of a young girl, Jaycee Dugard, who was kidnapped eighteen years ago by a couple and was unfortunately not found after much search by the authorities. She was however discovered last week, now twenty-nine years old and not alone, she has two daughters the eldest of which is fifteen, both fathered by the husband of the woman, who was said to have snatched her eighteen years ago, as she stood at a bus stop in her community waiting for her school bus.

As this story unfolds, it is said that it was because this man’s wife could not have children why they resort to doing this.

As this story is playing out in the media every day, all I can think about is this young woman’s mother. There is no mention of her father, only a stepfather who has been speaking to the media from time to time, but this poor mother. I can only imagine how she prayed earnestly for the return of her daughter, how she desperately held on to hope that her daughter would be returned to her alive, seeing that no body had been discovered that was identified as her daughter’s.

I can only imagine the emotions that she must be feeling since her daughter’s return. The joy, the anger at the perpetrators and the police who failed to carry out their duties in a thorough manner, which would have put an end to this case a couple years sooner. Most of all though, what I think might be forefront in her mind is getting reacquainted with her daughter and not just her but to get to know her granddaughters as well. I know she had no idea if and when her daughter was returned, the magnitude of all that she would have to be deal with as I know she was not expecting grandchildren and certainly not in this way.

This is when the power of a mother’s love comes into play as she now must put aside all the emotions she is currently feeling for a moment, and must concentrate on the rehabilitation of her daughter and her granddaughters because no doubt they have been traumatized by these persons and the situation they existed in. Her daughter must be able to resume a normal life and the sooner she gets to do that, the better it is for herself and her children. Nothing better than a mother’s love to have her trusting in life again, to give her confidence to love herself again and most of all love her children so that they all can move forward to living a life they probably had no idea they would ever be able to live.

You all should remember the Elizabeth Smart story. She too was kidnapped but lucky for her, she returned to her family after eight or nine months. I was fortunate to have watched an interview with her last week and I was very impressed to see how she handled herself in the interview. This is, I think a testament of her parent’s love and how they work to rehabilitating her so that she now speak so confidently and look back at her experience and relate the lessons she has taken from this experience to the point where she can now offer encouragement and advice to Jaycee. Her father sat with her in the interview and I saw how proud he was of her as he watched her respond to the questions that were thrown at her.

I cannot say enough how painful infertility is, and even though what this couple did is cruel and warrants punishment, I am writing from a place of complete understanding. I am in no way saying that I would have kidnapped a young girl to have mine and my husband’s baby, because this is cold and callous, to say the least, but many times the pain was so unbearable that I can see how one could actually resort to doing something like this. I can actually see how a woman could walk into a hospital and steal a baby because nothing can soothe the pain of childlessness but to hold a baby in your arms, and might I add, however you get one.

Keep this family in your prayers, I ask, and until next time, keep clinging to hope.

Image by:

http://images.google.tt/images?hl=en&source=hp&q=a+mother+embracing+her+children&btnG=Search+Images&gbv=2&aq=f&oq=

Many nights I saw you……….

“Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.
Children born to a young man are like sharp arrows in a warrior’s hand.”
Psalm 127: 3 & 4

“Many nights I saw you, I held you, you looked at me,
My heart melted, you were so real.
I woke from my sleep, you were just a dream…….”

The above is an excerpt from a poem I wrote to my daughter when I was pregnant with her. The rest of the poem went on to say how I waited long and anxiously to see her and she finally came, but sadly she was taken back from me because God wanted her more as she was just too beautiful. He wanted her to shine from heaven as one of his brightest stars. The poem is entitled “Heaven’s Star.” For our son, I wrote a song entitled, “It was worth it my love.”

When I was struggling with infertility, I had many, many, dreams of my baby. Some of them were so real that I could not wait to wake up and see my baby and when I awoke, I would actually be looking around for them. When I realized that it was just a dream, I actually became annoyed that I had awoken. I often tried to remember what these babies actually looked like but I could not remember anything of how they looked. All I could remember was that all the dreams had one thing in common, I felt so happy, so triumphant and so relieved.

Were these dreams telling something? Telling me to take heart and one day we would overcome infertility. That one day, I would hold my baby and my heart would melt, thinking that I am one of the most fortunate and blessed persons in the world.

I know this is not unique to just me, nor am I the only fortunate one to have had these dreams, many or all of you who are struggling with infertility is having them. I believe they have a place in this whole process as I do believe they make things a little easier to deal with, at least they did for me because when I had those dreams, I woke up, (even though disappointed that they are not real), feeling a little lighter and they did give me something to hold on to, even if it was just for a day. They also gave me new energy to fight on thinking that one day I would wake up and realize that it is not just a dream anymore but a reality.

So many more dreams to you. Chances are one day you too won’t have to dream anymore, you’ll wake up to realize that your dreams have now turned into a reality.

All the best to you and keep clinging to hope.

image by: http://images.google.tt/images?gbv=2&hl=en&q=young+woman+sleeping+and+dreaming&sa=N&start=40&ndsp=20

H A P P Y B I R T H D A Y T H E O D O R E

“Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.

Children born to a young man are like sharp arrows in a warrior’s hand.”
Psalm 127: 3 & 4

Our son will be two tomorrow, June 16. Two years ago we welcomed our miracle baby and now he is growing up, we have no baby anymore. We will not be celebrating his birthday in any public way, we will doing something private. We are not big on throwing him birthday parties, instead we try to invest in more tangible and meaningful things for him and that was one of the reasons why we made the effort to have him visit with his grandparents recently and believe me, the bonding I saw with his grandparents was better than any party you could have thrown him.

I have learnt so much about parenting in this short time. I have learnt what it really means to love unconditionally. To have to discipline our son because of something naughty he did and then watch him run into your arms a few minutes later with a special hug or kiss for you, totally forgetting the discipline he just received. I would imagine that, that is how it should be with our relationship with God as well. He disciplines us and wants us to run into his arms soon after when we need comfort.

Throughout our struggle with primary infertility, I have often heard mothers say that whenever their children hurt, they feel that hurt in the bottom of their stomach, some even hold on to the bottom of their stomachs and cry in pain. I always felt jealous of these moms because I was not sure I would ever be able to relate in this way to what they were feeling. Thank goodness I now totally understand and can relate, even though thankfully my son has not suffered any real hurt, only the occasional falls where he hit his head on the floor. Those do terrify me and I do feel the hurt in my stomach, especially that he cries so hard whenever he suffers one of those falls.

Last night we were watching the movie, ‘not easily broken’ by T.D. Jakes and the physiotherapist in the movie lost her son to a swimming accident. He won his race but he went too hard into the wall of the pool and seemed to have suffered a head injury and sadly died. This overwhelming sadness came over me and I suddenly pictured myself in the same position. Believe me, this was not my child and it was acting, but I felt the pain deep down in my stomach as if it was my child, it was frightening. I saw my husband turned on two occasions and looked at our son who was sleeping on the sofa beside us and I knew he was going through the same thing I was going through. What came to me forcefully was that this child was an only child and his mom was a single mom and so she is now all alone. I revisited the whole issue of having an only child and vowed again that there is no way I will settle with just one child, as long as I can do something about it.

I had no idea parenting was so challenging, but so worth it. Mind you I have heard stories and I have witnessed enough parenting going on around me, but you never know the extent of something until you experience it yourself. At times it has me wondering if this is probably why God seem to not have wanted to give me children, the fact that I might not be able to co-op with it. Trust me with a child as active and daring as ours, you would be wondering too, ‘what did I get myself in.’ The thing is, the minute I start having those thoughts, he does something so sweet, so cute that those thoughts immediately disappear and I start thanking God for him all over again. While visiting with family recently, one of my brother-in-laws said to me that I deserved a medal for parenting, after seeing the amount of energy that our son has and how you constantly have to have an eye on him in case he hurts himself or someone else. I was able to respond to him in the most practical way, that I came into this experience with an open mind. Of course we all would like to think that we will have the calmest and easy to control children, but what a quiet and dull world that would be. Can you imagine it? Quite frankly, I prefer the noise, to me its a sign of life and good health.

What can I say, parenting has taught me unconditional love, unselfishness, patience, “to cry a little, live a little and let my poor heart break just a little, for that’s the glory of, that’s the story of love.” These are the words of a song I heard sang once and I have remembered them since. Parenting has also taught me trust in a new way, because when our efforts to be the parents we ought to be to our son seem insufficient, we can only move onward through faith in God, that everything will turn out well.

One of the vows I have made is to ensure that our son enjoy and live in the moment of his childhood as much as possible, so that when he is older, he does not come up missing anything.

To all of you struggling with infertility, my prayer is that one day you will be able to write a post on your blog site such as this, but you have to hold on to hope. You have to picture it happening for you. You cannot afford to lose heart or hope or else you lose everything.

Until next time, keep clinging to this hope.