GRATEFUL WEDNESDAYS - The Power of Growth

Growth is such a liberating experience and this is why today, I am grateful for Growth.

I remember not so long ago, being affected by everything, if someone gave me a constructive criticism I would see it as a personal attack. I was extremely defensive of my stammer and if I walk pass a group of people and they were laughing and talking, no one could convince me that they were not talking about me (how important would I need to be?). I was so obsessed with seeking people's approval and having everyone like me.

Well, I am so happy to say, I am no longer that person. I no longer seek people's approval and does not care so much  what others think or want to say about me. I march to the beat of my own drum and love and embrace all of me - my curves, my edges, my freckles and all my limitations because you know what, our limitations keep us grounded, humble and connected to our source. I don't know about you, but I choose to attribute this liberation to growth.

For those of us who are Christians, growth is equally important and critical to our Christian walk. Growth is how we know that our lives are matching up to God's will. For the pass two weeks, my local Church has being doing a series on 'A time for Celebration' - Walking into our Rest. For their obedience and faithfulness, God promised the Israelites a time of rest and restoration after they settled in the land he had promised them. At that time, they were not to cultivate the land at all but it would still  provide for them even though they were doing no planting. He also instructed them to mark seven times of those seven years (every fifty years) as a celebration of Jubilee - a time when they were to rest from their labors, no planting or harvesting and all slaves bought, should be sent back to their families. He also instructed that all properties sold be restored to its original owner. This was to be a year of restoration and rest (Leviticus 25 V 1-32).  The account of the Israelites journey to the promised land, did not by any means said it was easy, there were times when they grumbled against God and second guessed His will for them.

In the same way, in order for us to receive our rest, restoration and blessings from our Lord, growth must take place, and this mainly is, being obedient to God's divine will for our lives, this is no easy task, as we see regarding the children of Israel, but He promises to to be with us every step of the way. He so wants to give us rest and bestow blessings on us, but we must show him that we are growing sufficiently in him to handle every good thing that he promises us.

Have a grateful day, and a day being mindful of the power growth.

AN EASTER CHARGE

As we reflect this Easter, I encourage us all to remember how blessed a people we are. 

Our Lord Jesus Christ pushed through his humanness and went all the way to Calvary for my sins and yours.

Have you ever paused to wonder what would have happened if in Luke 22 verse 42 (NIV), Jesus had not prayed to his father, “………yet not my will but yours be done?” We would have no hope and would be a people most miserable.

Why then should we not show our Lord how much we adore and appreciate him for this selfless act of love by taking full advantage of this.

Let him carry your burdens, trust me, it is the best way to go.

A HAPPY, HOLY AND BURDEN-FREE EASTER TO YOU ALL!!!! 

image by: http://lezlisblog.blogspot.com/2010_04_01_archive.html

GRATEFUL WEDNESAYS – Vessels of honour

It is just disturbing how some of us live our lives, putting up with indignity and dishonor.

The thing is, some of us, sadly find ourselves in situations where it is hard to escape this indignity and dishonor. In a marriage, a spouse is afraid that they are not worthy of the love of someone else and so they stay in the marriage and accept abuse, or they feel they might not be as financially secure in another relationship or marriage. On another note, because someone is being charitable to you, you feel that the way to pay them back is to allow them to take advantage of you, to the point where you think it is only loyal to go over and beyond your capacity for them.

As a child growing up, I had this ritual where I would be the first to get out of bed and I would proceed to do everybody’s chores so that when they got up, the dishes would have been washed, the yard raked and everybody would be so happy they had a kind sister like me. I needed that validation because I felt I was not good enough and felt that I was not loved the way I wanted to be loved. I felt that by playing the elves and the shoemaker, where the elves completed the shoemaker’s shoes as he and his family slept, my family would be inclined to think more of me and love me more. Now I know I was dishonoring myself, engaging in self sabotage, because firstly, I should never be thinking that I was not good enough and secondly, I should not have to go over and beyond for love.

I am grateful then, that I am at a point in my life where, even though someone is being kind to me, I can recognize when I am being used, taken for granted and dishonored. That does not discount the fact that I am eternally grateful for their kindness and would be equally kind to them in a heartbeat, but they are not allowed to take advantage of me because they think they have this right, given what they are doing for me.

We are all vessels of honour, blessed and highly favoured by God and therefore possess the intuition of recognizing either that we are self sabotaging by causing dishonor and indignity on ourselves or we are allowing others to do it to us (because, trust me you can feel it) and we do have the right to put a stop to it.

FIRST COMES LOVE, THEN COMES MARRIAGE, THEN COMES BABY IN A CARRIAGE?????

image by: http://www.thepersonaldevelopmentguy.com

Even before Catherine and William were married, there have been talks about the babies that they will one day have. I am sure that soon there will be even more of these conversations which will even include some speculations about if whether are not the couple is expecting a royal heir, especially if Kate begins showing signs of being pregnant, like gaining weight etc.

After I was married, these same conversations began. Everyone began asking when will the babies come? My mother even asked me on occasions, when will I pay my husband back for his ring. I guess she sees giving him a child as paying him back for his ring. I was not bothered by these questions at all, why should I, when I had no idea that soon I would be dealing with infertility,which would span most of my productive years.

As my infertility struggles intensified I began dreading these questions to the point where I would get so annoyed at people when they ask. I don’t know if I had the right to be annoyed, but I was. I was annoyed because I was naively thinking that people should at least figure by now, when they saw that no children were showing up, that something could be frustrating our trying to conceive efforts. The questions continued and we began lying, that we were not ready for children. Soon after however, we realised how ridiculous that answer was, when we were by now, years into our marriage and every couple we knew who were married, had children.

These questions can be very devastating for infertile couples to have to deal with, especially if their infertility struggles span years and so I would like to put this out there - this might still sound a bit naive of me, but I know that some of us are quite capable of being this considerate. For all of us who find ourselves asking when those babies will come, when you see that years are passing by and a couple is not producing children, start wondering if something could be frustrating their procreation efforts, this could very well not be the case, as it could also be that they do not want children. If the latter is the case, then many times these couples will not hesitate to tell you this.

After thinking back at how we handled these questions when we were struggling with infertility, I realised that the best answers for infertile couples to give to people when they ask about them having children, is to  say to them politely that, ‘ we will have children when the time is right’ or, ‘it is in God’s hands’. Simple, yet very polite and most of all, these answers remove us from the picture and convey a message of  reliance on a source greater than ourselves, because having children is certainly not at all in our hands. God is the one who ultimately decides if he will allow us the privilege of having them.

In a previous post I did, I spoke about how success comes when we fully let go, and being at a place in our struggles when we can convince ourselves and others that we have indeed let go, is the beginning of reaping the harvest of all the successes in our lives that we so yearn far.

ALL THE VERY BEST

IF I HAD IT MY WAY, ALL WOMEN WOULD BE HONORED ON MOTHER’S DAY.

Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.

Children born to a young man are like sharp arrows in a warrior’s hand

Psalm 127: 3 & 4

"HOPE MAKES ALL THE DIFFERENCE"

I had a great Mother’s Day weekend and I hope you had a great one too. Thanks to my Church, the two men in my life and my friends and family, who sent me kind Mothers’ Day wishes.

At Church on Sunday, when the mothers were called to the front of the congregation to be honored, as is customary, on Mother’s Day, I made a conscious effort to scan the audience to see the faces of the women still sitting there, who are obviously not mothers. I studied their faces, and as I did that, the emptiness, the void I felt for over a decade, when I was sadly, one of those women who had no choice but to remain in the audience, came flooding in.

As the faces of those women differ, I would imagine that the circumstances which led them to be in this position, also differ as well. Their faces somehow, did not convey that they were comfortable sitting there, and I just could not help it, I felt sadness for them.

I was so relieved when the children, after presenting us with our tokens, scattered in the audience and presented those women with tokens as well. I saw one woman remarked, ‘for me’ and took the token with such gratitude. My heart felt at peace, and I thought, this is the way it should be. All women should be honored on mother’s day, whether they are biological mothers are not, because I am almost sure, that at some point in their lives, they must have found themselves acting in this capacity and even if this is not the case for all, for even the mere fact that as women, we do possess this big heart to love and to nurture as only a woman can.

Just thought I would share this.

HAVE A BLESSED DAY.

Children are a gift from God…………Psalms 127 verse 3 & 4

“Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.
Children born to a young man are like sharp arrows in a warrior’s hand.”
Psalm 127: 3 & 4

I have been thinking about writing this post for a while but was a little nervous

and hesitant because I do not want to upset anyone.

I had the privilege of reviewing some interviews done with some street boys, by a Psychology student and they brought tears to my eyes. The boys were living on the streets because they were turned away from school and when they did not find any love at home they chose to live on the streets where they all said they felt more love and a sense of belonging from their fellow street friends.

My question then is, do some of us as parents believe the abovementioned verse, ‘children are a Gift from God……? I’ll go on further to ask, do we believe that children are in fact the leaders of tomorrow. Why then are some of them not given the opportunity to live as the gifts they should be, or have their lives in line with becoming the leaders of tomorrow. What would cause you to turn your child out to live under the cellar of your house or what would cause you to abuse your child so much that they prefer to be on the streets with their fellow street friends and worse yet, what would cause you to send your young child out on the streets to earn money to take care of the rest of his siblings when he should be in school. This is the same child whose eyes you gaze in when they were born and felt that unbreakable bond. That newborn baby who you would not let anyone touch unless approved by you. These innocent little souls are the ones who later on, cannot stay in the school system because of discipline problems and end up becoming some of the most notorious gunmen, who rob and kill us just to get by.

My husband and I yearned for a child for over a decade, and others of us are still yearning, and would give anything to have even just one child, and others get them so easy and mess up, so you can understand my anger at this. We are by no means wealthy parents, but we are doing the best we can. Most importantly we are aware that we must instill a proper value system in our children so that they may be able to make sensible choices later in life to positively impact their future.

I know there are many reasons why some children end up on the streets. There is poverty, there is abuse which can stem from poverty, there is the fact that children are having children and therefore are not at the place to be able to instill in their children a proper value system. Some of us irresponsibly engage in sexual relationships and end up with these children that we are not able to care for. They are past off on the government who finds it challenging to have an adequate system in place for these children and so they end up on the streets.

You see, I am not one to cast blame on anyone, but if I am to do that in this regard, I would blame parents for failing to instill the proper value systems in these children. That is why having children must be a conscious and responsible decision made by adults, so that, even if you are not wealthy, (because it by no means takes wealth to bring up a well placed child) you can instill a proper value system in your children so that later they can make sensible decisions on how they live their lives.

I am from a very poor background and have six other siblings and none of us are on the streets.

Thank God our parents instilled the proper value system in us and so now we are better off for it.

Something to look into and to act upon if you are guilty, and again, my intention was not to hurt anyone.

Until next time, remain positive

image by: http://www.matton.com/budget_image_search.php?next=1&fopen=1&sok=young%20african%20american%20family

My Infertility Story – My infertility and my family cont’d

Wow, when I was diagnosed with infertility, I really did not know how hard it would have been to talk to my family about it, to secure the support that one would need from their family in situations such as this. I thought it would have been easy at least to talk to my husband since he is the closest to me, but sadly this was not the case. It was as my struggle progressed that I realized that I felt embarrassed whenever I thought of sharing my story with my family and became even more embarrassed as time passed, to the point that I did not want to try anymore. I guess apart from the embarrassment I experienced, I just thought they would not understand and would probably say things that would make me even more upset.

My recommendation for anyone experiencing infertility, and families who suspect that one of their love ones might be experiencing infertility…….

I yearned for the day when my family would start asking me questions about my husband and I having children. It would have made it so much easier to talk to them about my infertility, since the ice would already be broken. I waited and waited but unfortunately this never happened.
Infertility in my opinion is such a personal and private issue that they were probably having the same degree of difficulty reaching out to me, as I was having approaching them. Many times I would build myself up to talk but as soon as the time came, I chickened out.
I would suggest to a family who notice that a member is not having children after the necessary time has elapsed, (this is said to be two years, for some it could be more, unless they have made a public statement that they do not wish to have children), as some couples do declare this. If you see that these two years have now turned into four, five six, it is time to think that they might probably be experiencing difficulty in this regard. It would be helpful to stop all the ‘what are you waiting for to have children’ questions and comments and start moving towards finding out more so that you can begin offering your support, once they are open to it, as some persons still try to deal with issues like these privately. Let me hasten to tell you though, IT IS NOT POSSIBLE TO DEAL WITH INFERTILITY PRIVATELY. I tried and see the misery I experienced. I could not even trust my best friends, because of the same fear I had with my family, they not understanding and so I decided to deal with it on my own. BIG MISTAKE, I could have easily committed suicide and not be around to offer my help to others. You need people and especially your family, to help you through this, so allow them. You will be so glad you did.`
It is very important therefore to check for certain change in your love one’s behavior patterns, like sadness, depression and withdrawal. I thought it was so obvious that I was withdrawn, sad and depressed, but apparently I was doing a good job of hiding it.
I am aware that it will not be easy on you, the family’s part as well, as none of us are given a handbook on how to deal with infertility or other issues in our lives as they come, but we should be proactive and care enough to want to push pass all the hindrances and reach out to a love one in crisis. After all our family is the only constant in our lives and if we do not have them for the difficult issues we face on a daily basis, then we have nothing.
I wish I had the connection with my family for this to have happened. I blamed that however on our background, as some of us lead separate lives at some point in time while we were growing up and so that bond was never given the chance to develop. If it had, then I would not have had such a hard time reaching out to them for help and they would not have had such a hard time giving me the love and support I so needed. At times I wanted to be upset with them but could not, as there are so many factors at play in our situation of which we are all just victims.
Many families no doubt are blessed with this connection and I do envy them. Do not at all take it for granted, it can save your love ones’ lives. I am pretty sure you will not have all the expertise to help them deal with infertility, but together you can come up with the best possible resources to help them coop and they would have already been on their way to triumphing over their situation, the fact that they have their family on the journey with them.

GOOD LUCK!!!!!

My Infertility Story - My infertility and my family

Wow, when I was diagnosed with infertility, if anyone told me that talking to my family about it would be so difficult, I would have told them that they were lying. It was one of the hardest part of this jorney for me as I really did not know how difficult it would have been to talk to them, to secure the support that one would need from their family in situations such as this. I thought it would have been easy at least to talk to my husband since he is the closest to me, but sadly this was not the case. It was as my struggle progressed that I realized that I felt embarrassed whenever I thought of sharing my story with my family and became even more embarrassed as time passed, to the point where I just stopped trying. I guess apart from the embarrassment I felt, I just thought that they would just not understand and would probably say things that made me even more upset.

Where my husband is concerned, for a long while he gave me no indication that he was affected by my infertility in anyway and so there were never many opportunities to talk to him about what it was doing to me. As a result of this, on many occasions, I wondered if he really wanted children. The only indication I received was that whenever children were around, they would always gravitate towards him and he seemed very happy as he interacted with them. Children love him a lot. If this was not the case then I would definitely have believed that he did not care too much about having children of his own.
It was only as my yearning intensified and was by that time I believe very obvious to him, (as I was crying all the time and was becoming withdrawn), that I thought, why is it that I am the only one feeling so depressed and miserable, when my husband seem to be going about his normal life with no evidence that he is in any way perturbed by our plight?. It was at this time that I decided to talk to him about it to see exactly where he was psychologically and emotionally. To my surprise, he told me that he is in fact affected by it but because of what I was visibly going through, he did not want to make things worse for me by allowing his yearning to become visible as well. I was really taken by that. I did not know if I was to feel embarrassed for ever doubting that he wanted children, but I did feel embarrassed. There I was being consumed with what was going on with me, that I did not even think that he might just be going through things too that were not visible (from experience I realize that men do deal with issues like these differently). It was then that I realized how strong he was as he was in fact hurting, but unlike me was hurting in private and that takes more than average strength. He was surely my knight in shining armor all this while and I did not even realize it. I was too busy putting him in the ‘dog house’ for not yearning for children out loud as I was. I have not loved him the same since, I love him more.
I am very blessed that my marriage was not affected by my infertility, as there were many occasions where it could have been. I have heard of one such case where a husband just got up and walked out on his marriage because of the stress and strain of infertility and I am pretty sure there are several others.
Thanks firstly to the Grace of God and secondly to a husband whose strength, patience and understanding helped us triumphed even without the help and support of our family and much professional intervention.
Because of this we have been admired by many and have been an encouragement to others who have found themselves in our shoes, and yet to others who just need to know that marriages can in fact still stand the test of time.

Be sure to look out for my next post as I relate the effects of my infertility on the rest of my family. Trust me, you don’t want to miss it!!!!!!