MONDAY RAMBLINGS – Why we manipulate

Handling, exploitation, management are some of the words used by the English Thesaurus (United States) to define manipulation.

Because there is manipulation of other kinds, I must say that the focus of this post is manipulation as it relates to interpersonal relationships. All of us at some time engage in some level of manipulation in our relationships.

Why do we manipulate then? I am in no way writing as any interpersonal relationship scholar, but I do qualify to respond because I have engaged in some manipulation myself. I strongly believe therefore, that we manipulate because of selfishness, insecurity and the need for power. In order to feel secure and comfortable in our own skin and to satisfy our own selfish egos, we manipulate. From this the manipulator gain power and because I have also been a victim of manipulation, the person being manipulated feels diminished and used. I have seen recently a very classic case of manipulation where the manipulator is so skilled, (yes, some of us are very skilled in this area), she pulls in her victims by embracing them and showering them with acts of kindness and then she strikes. The  manipulated,  feeling diminished, no longer possesses the power to defend their own honour and integrity. When the opportunity arises, the person crumbles like a building constructed without reinforcement from the elements and this of course gives the manipulator more power. It would be good then, if we are able to identify when we manipulate and when we are being manipulated and if we can, nip it in the bud before it takes root.

The other day I wrote a post about honouring and respecting ourselves as we should be, because we are all vessels of honour. If we engage in manipulation or allow ourselves to be victims of it, this is also a way of dishonouring and disrespecting ourselves, thus causing damage to our vessels.

Interesting, I recently heard it said that it is not the person that is doing manipulating who is really the manipulator, it is the person who allows themselves to be manipulated. I am still processing this and so I have no comment at the moment, yours are most welcomed though.

HAPPY MONDAY ALL!!!!!!




http://www.godadgo.ie/my-3-yr-olds-learning/
post image by:

GRATEFUL WEDNESAYS – Vessels of honour

It is just disturbing how some of us live our lives, putting up with indignity and dishonor.

The thing is, some of us, sadly find ourselves in situations where it is hard to escape this indignity and dishonor. In a marriage, a spouse is afraid that they are not worthy of the love of someone else and so they stay in the marriage and accept abuse, or they feel they might not be as financially secure in another relationship or marriage. On another note, because someone is being charitable to you, you feel that the way to pay them back is to allow them to take advantage of you, to the point where you think it is only loyal to go over and beyond your capacity for them.

As a child growing up, I had this ritual where I would be the first to get out of bed and I would proceed to do everybody’s chores so that when they got up, the dishes would have been washed, the yard raked and everybody would be so happy they had a kind sister like me. I needed that validation because I felt I was not good enough and felt that I was not loved the way I wanted to be loved. I felt that by playing the elves and the shoemaker, where the elves completed the shoemaker’s shoes as he and his family slept, my family would be inclined to think more of me and love me more. Now I know I was dishonoring myself, engaging in self sabotage, because firstly, I should never be thinking that I was not good enough and secondly, I should not have to go over and beyond for love.

I am grateful then, that I am at a point in my life where, even though someone is being kind to me, I can recognize when I am being used, taken for granted and dishonored. That does not discount the fact that I am eternally grateful for their kindness and would be equally kind to them in a heartbeat, but they are not allowed to take advantage of me because they think they have this right, given what they are doing for me.

We are all vessels of honour, blessed and highly favoured by God and therefore possess the intuition of recognizing either that we are self sabotaging by causing dishonor and indignity on ourselves or we are allowing others to do it to us (because, trust me you can feel it) and we do have the right to put a stop to it.