MONDAY RAMBLINGS – Why we manipulate

Handling, exploitation, management are some of the words used by the English Thesaurus (United States) to define manipulation.

Because there is manipulation of other kinds, I must say that the focus of this post is manipulation as it relates to interpersonal relationships. All of us at some time engage in some level of manipulation in our relationships.

Why do we manipulate then? I am in no way writing as any interpersonal relationship scholar, but I do qualify to respond because I have engaged in some manipulation myself. I strongly believe therefore, that we manipulate because of selfishness, insecurity and the need for power. In order to feel secure and comfortable in our own skin and to satisfy our own selfish egos, we manipulate. From this the manipulator gain power and because I have also been a victim of manipulation, the person being manipulated feels diminished and used. I have seen recently a very classic case of manipulation where the manipulator is so skilled, (yes, some of us are very skilled in this area), she pulls in her victims by embracing them and showering them with acts of kindness and then she strikes. The  manipulated,  feeling diminished, no longer possesses the power to defend their own honour and integrity. When the opportunity arises, the person crumbles like a building constructed without reinforcement from the elements and this of course gives the manipulator more power. It would be good then, if we are able to identify when we manipulate and when we are being manipulated and if we can, nip it in the bud before it takes root.

The other day I wrote a post about honouring and respecting ourselves as we should be, because we are all vessels of honour. If we engage in manipulation or allow ourselves to be victims of it, this is also a way of dishonouring and disrespecting ourselves, thus causing damage to our vessels.

Interesting, I recently heard it said that it is not the person that is doing manipulating who is really the manipulator, it is the person who allows themselves to be manipulated. I am still processing this and so I have no comment at the moment, yours are most welcomed though.

HAPPY MONDAY ALL!!!!!!




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GRATEFUL WEDNESDAYS Feature –15 - Live In The Sunshine

As a people, we are very ambitious and this is good, there can however be a downside to this, if we are not careful. We could find that we lose ourselves in pursuing self-advancement; a bigger degree for that bigger salary, a bigger house, a newer car, and find ourselves wondering, why are we not happy, why does our life feel so dull and empty. The thing is, we forget to be thankful for the little things that we already have, without which, our lives would not mean much. Our relationships, our health, our faith, our freedom, I could go on.

There are times in my life when I feel I could have achieved more in certain areas, and as a result I beat upon myself and take on a 'woe is me' attitude. Thankfully, I am soon reminded that less I be accused of being ungrateful, I do have many other things to be thankful for.

In my pursuit to become a more thankful and happier person, in general then, I am urged to add a new posting feature to my blog, a segment dedicated to being thankful, which I have decided to call ‘GRATEFUL WEDNESDAYS', my gratitude journal, if you will, where I will, on Wednesdays of each week, post one thing in my life that I am thankful for, regardless of how small. 

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Today I am grateful for Growth.

I speak in particular of growth as a result of life lessons. We should all grow from the darts that life throws our way, whether it be interpersonal relationship issues, financial issues, health issues. The thing is though, from my experience, we can only achieve this growth when we allow ourselves to see the underlining lessons that these issues are teaching us and challenge ourselves to employ these lessons for growth.

Many times I look back at my life issues and feel a little bit ashamed of how I handled some of them. I  caused undue pain and hurt to myself and the persons I love, as a result. I am consoling myself though. I am telling myself that I just did not know better at the time and that was just my journey. It would not have happened any other way, because we all have a unique life journey. I had allowed these issues to define me, I allowed them to cause me to feel like a victim who the whole world was out to get and I was able to get others in my dark corner to support and cry with me.

The good thing for me is that, I did not choose to purchase property and remain in that dark corner for the rest of my life, because after a while this attitude towards life was sapping my energy and making me into someone I did not like and so I began my push toward the sunlight, a little at a time, and as I pushed, I dealt with my issues, what I could not do alone, I sought help, until I could see the sun in all its glory. My breakthrough came and now as my mother would say, I am living in the sunshine. Not without other challenges I might add, because what is life without challenges, they keep you grounded and connected to God. However, I am a happier person and the world is a brighter place for me.

The thing is, though, some of us find it very difficult to come out of our dark corners. We love to romance the depression, the low self esteem, the bitterness and feel that we would not survive if we give these companions notice and kick them out.  A word of caution here, You could be living in this dark corner with these companions as roommates for the rest of your life and rob you of quality life. So then, I encourage you to find the will to get up, deal with your issues, if you cannot deal with them on your own, get help, because there is a whole new life in the sunshine, awaiting you. I think I am qualified enough, having been there, to tell you that it will be hard, but with perseverance and focus, as I have done it, I believe you can too.

Be aware that when you choose to step out into the sunshine of life, persons who were with you, who shared the same situations you were dealing with and continue to be affected by these situations, might expect you to continue to enable them as they wallow in their self pity, and cry woe is me, when they realize that you are not able to because you have moved on and so want for them to move on too, they might turn on you and even call you names, like self righteous.

They call it self righteous, I choose to call it Growth.

ARE YOUR INTERPERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS DRAINING YOU??

Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.

Children born to a young man are like sharp arrows in a warrior’s hand

Psalm 127: 3 and 4

“HOPE MAKES ALL THE DIFFERENCE"

While this is an infertility space, because I have no other medium of expressing myself, as it relates to other subjects, from time to time, some of my posts will not reflect anything about infertility.  I hope my readers wont mind and I remain mindful that I cannot deviate too far from my purpose.

With that said, I am no expert here, but I do know from experience, that interpersonal relationships are draining? Interpersonal relationships, both family and otherwise are very difficult and take up a lot of our time. This is because we are all created so differently and so process things just as differently.

I have had my share of interpersonal relationship conflicts and I have taken away something from each and every one of them. One of things I have learnt over all, is that life would be so much easier if we just acknowledge that we are all different and as such will never see things the same. One of my eldest sisters said this to me many years ago, when I was dealing with some of these conflicts, ‘always bear in mind that each of us are at a different stage in our life.’ It is therefore very important that we do not hold each other to too high a standard and do not expect perfection from anyone, not even ourselves.

From experience, I know that whenever a conflict occurs sometimes it is only time that can heal these wounds. Often times we try to fix things and in so doing only make them worst and this is sadly, often for selfish reasons because we still want to manipulate things in our favour. It is therefore very crucial that we realise when we are only making things worst and step back and leave it to God and time. Sometimes we do not even get around to apologising to those who we have wronged, time does this for us and at the end of this time, usually comes the opportunity for renewal.

Conflicts are necessary and does not mean that we love and care for each other any less. Conflicts  usually allow opportunity for growth and we should never let these opportunities pass us by.

In closing I want to challenge us all, we are only responsible to be the best we can so therefore do not let anyone hold you responsible for anything more than that.