MONDAY RAMBLINGS – Why we manipulate

Handling, exploitation, management are some of the words used by the English Thesaurus (United States) to define manipulation.

Because there is manipulation of other kinds, I must say that the focus of this post is manipulation as it relates to interpersonal relationships. All of us at some time engage in some level of manipulation in our relationships.

Why do we manipulate then? I am in no way writing as any interpersonal relationship scholar, but I do qualify to respond because I have engaged in some manipulation myself. I strongly believe therefore, that we manipulate because of selfishness, insecurity and the need for power. In order to feel secure and comfortable in our own skin and to satisfy our own selfish egos, we manipulate. From this the manipulator gain power and because I have also been a victim of manipulation, the person being manipulated feels diminished and used. I have seen recently a very classic case of manipulation where the manipulator is so skilled, (yes, some of us are very skilled in this area), she pulls in her victims by embracing them and showering them with acts of kindness and then she strikes. The  manipulated,  feeling diminished, no longer possesses the power to defend their own honour and integrity. When the opportunity arises, the person crumbles like a building constructed without reinforcement from the elements and this of course gives the manipulator more power. It would be good then, if we are able to identify when we manipulate and when we are being manipulated and if we can, nip it in the bud before it takes root.

The other day I wrote a post about honouring and respecting ourselves as we should be, because we are all vessels of honour. If we engage in manipulation or allow ourselves to be victims of it, this is also a way of dishonouring and disrespecting ourselves, thus causing damage to our vessels.

Interesting, I recently heard it said that it is not the person that is doing manipulating who is really the manipulator, it is the person who allows themselves to be manipulated. I am still processing this and so I have no comment at the moment, yours are most welcomed though.

HAPPY MONDAY ALL!!!!!!




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MONDAY RAMBLINGS – You must have a dream…..

As I sat yesterday in the commencement service for our new school year, I could not help the pride I felt as the representative for each school in our group of schools eloquently gave their reports of how well their respective schools were doing. Our high school boasted high passes in Mathematics and English Language in the CXC exams and declare that they are going after a 100% pass rate. I found this quite striking. Mention was also made of a special needs student who was successful in his GSAT examination, which had him placed in one of our better upgraded high schools.

The speaker at the service gave a message that was so relevant and timely, as he challenged us all to have a conversation with ourselves. We must tell ourselves, he says, that we matter and believe in our dreams enough to follow them to fruition. First he said though, that this can in no way happen unless we have a dream.

As far back as I can remember, I have always struggled with low self esteem. The conversation I so often had with myself was that, you are not worthy, you can never measure up. You will never be able to speak eloquently and fluently nor would you possess that which is deemed necessary to live a happy full life. Dreams I had, as I can remember daydreaming about one common dream which I can imagine many of us women have as young girls, marrying the handsome prince and living in the dream house with the white picket fence. The thing is, I started out believing wholeheartedly in my dreams, or else I would not have had them, but as my life unfolded and I became face with challenges, I lost that hope along the way. 

Thank goodness, I no longer think this of myself. Somewhere along life's pathway, my situations changed causing some dreams to be realised and dare I say, growth also happened, as I learnt to accept and honor myself for who I am. After all, no two persons are alike, what boring unchallenging lives we would have, if this was so.

I am happy I was able to make this change before my children came, because, what values as it relates to succeeding in life would I be able to impart to them, if I was still enslaved by this twisted, false value system that I had carved out for myself.

I celebrate with our schools in their achievements. No doubt it is because those who are entrusted with the well being of these precious lives are telling them every day that they matter and is encouraging them to dream big dreams.

Eleanor Roosevelt says, "the future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams."

Happy Monday all!!!!