INFERTILITY FACTS, NEWS AND VIEWS: The Power of Love......

Infertility can harm your marriage, there is enough  proof of that. Many couples struggle to have children and often times find themselves struggling to save their marriage as well.

As per my experience, women more often than men, are the ones who end up fighting depression, anxiety, loneliness and all the other symptoms associated with infertility.

I stumbled across this piece of writing by Elizabeth Gilbert , an excerpt from her work, ‘Eat, Pray, Love.’ sometime ago and decided to bookmark it for my blog. I am not sure how I would have used it, since it did not say for sure that this was written about an infertility situation. Nevertheless, I knew from careful reading that it could be used in this context, since I remember myself in this same situation; fighting depression, loneliness and staying up all night crying.

Only a love built on solid foundation can withstand the pangs of infertility. Permit me to introduce to you, such a love.........

"I'm here.
 I love you. 

I don't care if you need to stay up crying all night long,

I will stay with you.

There is nothing you could ever do to lose my love.

I will protect you until you die, 

And after your death, I will still protect you.

I am stronger than depression and I am braver than loneliness

And nothing can ever exhaust me."

                                                  Elizabeth Gilbert - Eat, Pray, Love  

Post image by: http://www.fidson.com/blog-sexual-health/the-agony-of-infertility

INFERTILITY NEWS, FACTS AND VEIWS : Dealing with a miscarriage

A miscarriage is a very distressing experience to deal with, to say the least. When a woman learns that she has miscarried or is about to experience one, the first emotion she feels is shock, can this really be happening? I don’t understand, I took care of myself, I did everything right. Is this a nightmare, I really want to wake up now.

Some of the other emotions which immediately follow are anger, (most times this anger is directed at God, how could you allow this to happen to me, you ask), guilt, sadness, depression and difficulty concentrating. The latter is, I believe, why women are put on leave during this period, because they won’t be as alert at their jobs.

The bonding between a mother and her baby begins at the very first sight of a positive pregnancy test, therefore even if the miscarriage is an early term one, it is still devastating. After the initial emotions felt upon  learning of the loss, others such as fatigue, trouble sleeping, loss of appetite and lots of crying usually set in. Some women might even go to the extreme, like thoughts of suicide. like I did.

The grieving process then, involves 3 steps:-

Step 1. Shock/Denial – Is this really happening, I did everything right..

Step 2. Anger/Guilt/Depression - , Why is this happening to me? (And especially if, like me, you have had to deal with infertility) I came so close in actually realizing my dreams, I will be so sad and depressed for a while.

Step 3. Acceptance : Well, the Lord giveth and he taketh away, I might as well accept this and look towards a better plan he has for me.. Other women have experienced this and they made it through.

Please note,  there is no set timeframe for each step because you may suffer setbacks along the way. Certain things like baby showers/christening, visits to your OB/GYN, insensitive comments etc might hamper your grieving process.

It is important as you survive your miscarriage to  reach out to those closest to you. Ask for comfort,  support. and understanding. Surround yourself with positive people and seek professional help if necessary, for yourself and your partner. Most importantly, allow yourself time to grieve and hold firmly to the memories of your experience.; how you celebrated when you first saw the positive on the pregnancy test, your friends and family’s reaction when you broke the news to them and the attention you received as your pregnancy progressed..  

For couples, do  remember that women and men grieve differently. Women grieve out loud, while men will immerse themselves in work, just to not have to show how much they are grieving. Of course this can cause tension in the relationship and so it is important that both of you understand this.  To ensure that your relationship survive you have to then  be respective of each other’s needs, feelings and coping styles and most importantly, keep the lines of communication open.

Lastly, healing from a miscarriage does not mean that you forget the experience. It means that you refocus and regroup. You seek to find out all the details surrounding your loss. Study medical records and ask questions. Find out your chances for a subsequent successful pregnancy. If you had already collected items for your baby, seek out the best way to get rid of them. I gave my items to a friend in need and apart from the initial crying when she left with them because I felt that  I was getting rid of a piece of my experience and I was not ready for that yet, I felt good to know that out of this experience help was rendered to someone else.

There will be times when you feel sad and want to cry and others when you feel hopeful, this is perfectly naturally as the healing process is still taking place because there is no set time frame for grieving, just do not give up on that will to get better,

My sister, my friend, as you deal with your loss, my prayer is for God to embrace you at this time and give you comfort, understanding and peace..

Post image by: http://babyandblog.com/2014/01/coping-and-growing-how-i-survived-two-miscarriages-in-2013/

GRATEFUL WEDNESDAYS Feature –15 - Live In The Sunshine

As a people, we are very ambitious and this is good, there can however be a downside to this, if we are not careful. We could find that we lose ourselves in pursuing self-advancement; a bigger degree for that bigger salary, a bigger house, a newer car, and find ourselves wondering, why are we not happy, why does our life feel so dull and empty. The thing is, we forget to be thankful for the little things that we already have, without which, our lives would not mean much. Our relationships, our health, our faith, our freedom, I could go on.

There are times in my life when I feel I could have achieved more in certain areas, and as a result I beat upon myself and take on a 'woe is me' attitude. Thankfully, I am soon reminded that less I be accused of being ungrateful, I do have many other things to be thankful for.

In my pursuit to become a more thankful and happier person, in general then, I am urged to add a new posting feature to my blog, a segment dedicated to being thankful, which I have decided to call ‘GRATEFUL WEDNESDAYS', my gratitude journal, if you will, where I will, on Wednesdays of each week, post one thing in my life that I am thankful for, regardless of how small. 

-------------------------------------------------

Today I am grateful for Growth.

I speak in particular of growth as a result of life lessons. We should all grow from the darts that life throws our way, whether it be interpersonal relationship issues, financial issues, health issues. The thing is though, from my experience, we can only achieve this growth when we allow ourselves to see the underlining lessons that these issues are teaching us and challenge ourselves to employ these lessons for growth.

Many times I look back at my life issues and feel a little bit ashamed of how I handled some of them. I  caused undue pain and hurt to myself and the persons I love, as a result. I am consoling myself though. I am telling myself that I just did not know better at the time and that was just my journey. It would not have happened any other way, because we all have a unique life journey. I had allowed these issues to define me, I allowed them to cause me to feel like a victim who the whole world was out to get and I was able to get others in my dark corner to support and cry with me.

The good thing for me is that, I did not choose to purchase property and remain in that dark corner for the rest of my life, because after a while this attitude towards life was sapping my energy and making me into someone I did not like and so I began my push toward the sunlight, a little at a time, and as I pushed, I dealt with my issues, what I could not do alone, I sought help, until I could see the sun in all its glory. My breakthrough came and now as my mother would say, I am living in the sunshine. Not without other challenges I might add, because what is life without challenges, they keep you grounded and connected to God. However, I am a happier person and the world is a brighter place for me.

The thing is, though, some of us find it very difficult to come out of our dark corners. We love to romance the depression, the low self esteem, the bitterness and feel that we would not survive if we give these companions notice and kick them out.  A word of caution here, You could be living in this dark corner with these companions as roommates for the rest of your life and rob you of quality life. So then, I encourage you to find the will to get up, deal with your issues, if you cannot deal with them on your own, get help, because there is a whole new life in the sunshine, awaiting you. I think I am qualified enough, having been there, to tell you that it will be hard, but with perseverance and focus, as I have done it, I believe you can too.

Be aware that when you choose to step out into the sunshine of life, persons who were with you, who shared the same situations you were dealing with and continue to be affected by these situations, might expect you to continue to enable them as they wallow in their self pity, and cry woe is me, when they realize that you are not able to because you have moved on and so want for them to move on too, they might turn on you and even call you names, like self righteous.

They call it self righteous, I choose to call it Growth.

STRESS, DEPRESSION AND ANXIETY ASSOCIATED WITH INFERTILITY

I hid my infertility struggles for most of the time that I struggled. My friends did not know how miserable, sad and lonely I was. The closest people to me, my family did not know either.

I hid it because I was ashamed of my inability to conceive, I did not want anyone to know me in my incompleteness. I hid my struggles because I did not want anyone to think that I was over-reacting because I did not know that the symptoms caused by my infertility were really very real and therefore could be embraced.

As I slowly but cautiously began to open up about my struggles, I heard comments such as: ‘I don’t know if I was in your position if I would be feeling as miserable as you are;' I had no use for God and I should live in the sunshine; I should search my life to see if there are un-confessed sins that I am being punished for; that I was stressing my husband out. I was so glad I had hidden my struggles for so long or I probably would have heard worst comments.

Can I still say that this post is not really about me? It is to examine up close, the various symptoms of infertility, why they happen and how you can get help in dealing with them.

See link below, courtesy of the Massachusetts General Hospital Center for Women’s Health for information in this regard:-

http://www.womensmentalhealth.org/specialty-clinics/infertility-and-mental-health/?gclid=CKS2xqrSpLUCFQ0GnQodKnAAIA

From the site

“Parenthood is one of the major transitions in adult life for both men and women. The stress of the non-fulfillment of a wish for a child has been associated with emotional sequelae such as anger, depression, anxiety, marital problems, sexual dysfunction, and social isolation. Couples experience stigma, sense of loss, and diminished self-esteem in the setting of their infertility (Nachtigall 1992). In general, in infertile couples women show higher levels of distress than their male partners (Wright 1991; Greil 1988); however, men’s responses to infertility closely approximates the intensity of women’s responses when infertility is attributed to a male factor (Nachtigall 1992). Both men and women experience a sense of loss of identity and have pronounced feelings of defectiveness and incompetence.”

http://www.mentalhelp.net/images/root/infertility.jpg?0.1536280284048676
image by:

THE PSYCHOLOGICAL EFFECTS OF INFERTILITY

I have focussed a lot on this subject on my blog and this is largely because, from experience, psychological symptoms are the most common and difficult to deal with, in any struggle with infertility.

The psychological effects of infertility are many and varied and very real. Parenting is viewed as a natural transition in life and so when our efforts to this end, is frustrated, then anxiety, stress and depression results.

In my struggles with infertility, I hid my feelings and struggled alone for the greater part, because I felt that people would think that I was over reacting. What I was feeling, I did not understand that they were as natural as air is to breathing. I did not know that feeling jealous of persons, including close friends and even my family members who were having babies, was natural. I did not know that feeling a sense of loss, anger, pity and inadequacy was also natural. How could I, when I knew of no one who was going through similar circumstances, which would make me understand more. As a result of this, I held on to the notion that I was overreacting and for far too long, until I started believing it and felt a lot of shame. Sadly when people finally found out about my struggles, some did in fact felt that I was over reacting. I guess the saying “don’t judge a man unless you have walked a mile in his shoe” comes to mind here.

I came across an article recently that looks, in detail, at the psychological effects of infertility and how these symptoms, continue into treatment. It also looks at types of interventions that might help to deal with these symptoms. 


Please refer to the link below for more on this subject.

http://www.womensmentalhealth.org/specialty-clinics/infertility-and-mental-health/?gclid=CMDGq4rDoLACFQiynQodSUuaWQ

 From the article:-

“Stress, depression and anxiety are described as common consequences of infertility. A number of studies have found that the incidence of depression in infertile couples presenting for infertility treatment is significantly higher than in fertile controls, with prevalence estimates of major depression in the range of 15%-54% (Domar 1992; Demyttenaere 1998; Parikh 2000; Lukse 1999; Chen 2004). Anxiety has also been shown to be significantly higher in infertile couples when compared to the general population, with 8%-28% of infertile couples reporting clinically significant anxiety (Anderson 2003; Chen 2004; Parikh 2000).”

LIGHT MOMENT FRIDAYS – FEATURE 34 - “WE ARE FAMILY........”

This Friday’s light moment feature will have a teachable moment as well, and it is once again courtesy of our four year old son, so here goes:

Recently my husband had reasons to scold our son and he did it in a raised tone. Our son  responded soon after, “daddy you should not talk to me like that, because we are family.” His dad then responded, it is because you did not obey me at first why I had to talk to you like that. He was still quite obviously upset.

For us both it was a light moment, but I was soon forced to really look into what he was saying. As family we do cause each other hurt, albeit, unintentionally but sadly, sometimes it is intentional. During my struggles with infertility, my mom said some things to me that made me quite upset. I was able to forgive her and move on only because I knew it was not intentional that she was hurting me. I also believe in the love she has for all her children and I knew it was because she could not deal with the fact that one of us was hurting so deeply and wanted me to snap out of the depression and misery that I was in.

 It challenges me to think that an innocent four year old would know that as family, we should always thrive to, not hurt, but to honour and love each other. I do know that sometimes hurt is caused unintentionally, but we should not hesitate to validate each other’s feelings and apologise. When next you are in a conflict with a loved one, do remember that when everything else in your life changes, your family is the only constant.

The latter part of a verse from the passage Matthew 21 verse 15 (KJV) comes to mind........Yea: out of the mouth of babes and sucklings thou hast perfected praise. Do not take too lightly then, what our children say to us from time to time, because we could indeed learn quite a few things from them and be better for it. Do know also that children are closer to the heart of God than we are.


As May, being child month approaches, followed by family month, June, let us be mindful of this. 

HAPPY FRIDAY ALL  

FOR BETTER OR WORSE - Suporting your spouse during infertility

Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.

Children born to a young man are like sharp arrows in a warrior’s hand

Psalm 127: 3 and 4

“HOPE MAKES ALL THE DIFFERENCE"

Guest Post by Brittany 

Infertility primarily refers to the biological inability of a person to contribute to conception. Worldwide it is estimated that one in seven couples have problems conceiving, and in America about 5.3 million people suffer from infertility, which tends to affect men and women equally. 

Infertility can be a huge obstacle for a couple to cope with, and it is absolutely critical for two partners to support and rely on each other during this trying time.

This post was written to offer suggestions for supporting your partner during infertility. Whilst every couple is different and your partner may respond to different approaches with varying emotions, these tips will help you be more responsive and sensitive to your partner's needs during an all-too-often disheartening time.  

Be Respectful of Your Partner's Feelings

Be respectful of your partner's feelings about infertility, even if they are different from your own. Both of you must recognize that you''ll have different feelings and different reactions at different times. If you expect your partner to behave in a certain way, you may create additional stress. Do not become angry, disappointed, or turned off to your partner's response to the situation. Rather, talk through your emotions and reactions together in a calm and supportive manner. Together, you should become informed about infertility and its treatment.

Worry About What's In and NOT What's Out of Your Control

Learn to focus on those factors which are within your control (for example, stop smoking) rather than those over which you have no control (for example, your age). Certain infertility causes are related to age, genetic inheritance, or anatomical abnormality--all conditions that you nor your partner can contain. If you spend your time and energy focusing on these things, you may devote less time and effort to constructive planning and coping. Furthermore, do not pressure or make your spouse feel guilty about a condition that they cannot control. 

Learn to Share Your Feelings

Sharing your feelings is essential when dealing with the emotional aspect of infertility. Don't assume that your partner knows exactly what you're going through unless you tell them. If your partner makes discouraging comments, try not to close them out. You may want to attempt to let them know how you feel and how they can help you. Your partner can't always predict your needs or what you are thinking at any particular moment. Try to identify your feelings before sharing them. Putting your thoughts down on paper is often a helpful exercise.

Be a Sensitive Listener

When your partner is ready to share their feelings with you, be a sensitive and compassionate listener. Be mindful of what you say to them, and do not make insulting or discouraging remarks. Your partner is already in a world of pain, and the two of you must channel support and sympathy for one another. Be aware of the fact that your partner may say mean, hurtful, or unusual things as a result of their shock and pain. Do not greet their animosity with more animosity--try to be gentle, compassionate, patient, and understanding.  

Become aware of your own anger directed towards your body and your partner. It is important to recognize its effect on you and your ability to communicate. Do not assume that you have to be a doctor or therapist to exchange effective dialogue with your grieving partner. Your gentle presence is often times what your lonely and afraid spouse needs most. 

Don't Be Afraid to Look to Others For Help

Many times infertile couples feel as if no one else in the world understands their pain. Infertility can feel very lonely and isolating, but it doesn’t have to. Support is available in many forms, online through message boards and chat rooms, through individual counseling, or group support such as peer-led or professionally-led support groups.

If you are experiencing signs of depression such as problems sleeping, eating, or concentrating, see a mental health professional. If the experience feels like a spiritual crisis see your rabbi, priest, or minister for emotional support.

Brittany Johnson is a guest blogger for An Apple a Day and a writer on medical transcriptionist training for Guide to Healthcare Schools.

 

“Do you think God would do that to you?” she asked.

Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.

Children born to a young man are like sharp arrows in a warrior’s hand

Psalm 127: 3 & 4

"HOPE MAKES ALL THE DIFFERENCE"

If I had ever doubted the fact, for one minute that our son is a miracle baby,a total gift from God who have angels watching over him, then what happened on Sunday, would have taken away all doubts in that regard.

I accompanied my son as usual to Junior Church on Sunday. When I attempted to rejoin Church, which was in its final moments, I realized that he did not want to go inside, and so we stopped outside (an open foyer). All this time, I was holding him on and off, because I wanted to keep him within reach, being mindful of the nearby roadway. He had picked some flowers and wanted to take some to a female usher who was sitting at the door (awww), and so I allowed him to, watching him closely of course. I also allowed him to walk around a bit afterwards, because he was resisting me holding him at points, and so I decided to just give him some space to move around by himself. That decision came out of the fact that recently my husband and I were saying that he seemed to be settling down a bit, he was not as animated anymore and we were saying that sending him out to the nursery was having this positive effect on him. As a parent who beleives its important to give a child room to grow, when you think they should be able to handle it, this was just a test to see if and how much we could trust him, without hovering too much.

Then for the moment which almost changed my life forever. Our Church is nearby a somewhat busy roadway, and the gate remains opened, until church is finished. There is however, still a little distance between the church and the actual road, and that is why I thought it would have been alright to let him go a bit. I saw him paused, facing the road way and somehow I knew it, (a mother’s instinct as a friend said, when I was relating the incident to her yesterday). He took off with ‘Bolt like’ speed towards the road, I immediately tried to stop him, but did not reach him in time and soon enough, I knew I had to run with all the speed I could muster up, in high heel shoes. My speed was no match for his however, and so I was conscious that I had to strategize in those few precious seconds I had. I lounged at him, and before I knew it, he fell. I tripped over him and fell as well. I fell out of both my shoes, and he fell out of one of his and we both layed sprawled out on the sidewalk. Mission accomplished, he was stopped, right in time, as he had just reached the sidewalk, and would have ran into the road right then and there, between two parked cars, so there is no way, any motorist would have seen him. I was shaking as I picked him up, embarrassed, thankful, frightened (all those emotions in one). I found enough courage to give him a good spanking right there. He cried, probably wondering why I was spanking him, when all he had done was just to run. One of the ushers came, took him from me, said ‘hush son’ and put his shoe back on, all this time, not even looking at me or saying a word to me. I guess he was as shocked as I was, because I knew I wanted to tell him thanks, but words had left me.

I have to say that it was God who came right at that moment, and blocked his way. I thought for a moment that I had pulled him, thus causing his fall, when I lounged at him, but on second thought, I really do not remember touching him at all and so I have no choice but to say that, it is the Almighty God that stepped in, because that is just how he works, right in the moment before the worst happens.

Church was almost disrupted, because it was my husband who was chairing the service and he had a good view from the platform of all that was taking place and some members said, that it was the look on this face, which alerted them that something was happening outside. As soon as my husband ended service, he was right with us, and scooped our son up in his arms.

Members of the church surrounded us, trying to calm me down. Some even anger me with some comments, meaning to help of course, but they did not. There were comments like ‘you have to be careful in those high heels.’ I said to that person, it did not matter what happened to me, high heels and all, it was important for me to save my son, by all means necessary. Another one made a comment saying ‘it’s a boy you know,’ I guess she meant that it’s a boy so I am to expect these things. I said to her, it took me over a decade to have my son, and I knew in that moment, regardless of the gender he is, that I had to do all that I could to save him. She redeemed herself by asking me the question, after hearing that we had difficulties having him (which I chose to use as the heading of this post, because it is what stood out for me in all that happened), "so do you think that God would do that to you?” I could not answer her at that moment, but I immediately felt, a sudden calm, a sudden peacefulness, because somehow I knew in that moment, without doubt, that my God, the God who saw me through all the distress from struggling with infertility, the suicidal thoughts, the depression, you name it, he would never do this to me, and I say this with the strongest of conviction.

When I got home from Church that afternoon, I was so haunted by the fact that I could have been returning home, without my son, engulfed in grief and everything that happened that evening, hearing him cheerfully play, hearing his cute innocent chatter, folding his laundry, watching him sleep, provoked the questions, how would I be cooping now, how could I go on from here, if I was not able to still indulge in these things, because he was cruelly ripped from us, and I must say, those questions, left a deep feeling of pain way in the depth of my being. We went to look for a dear old lady, later that evening and on our way there, I could not help but think, that if the worst had happened, we would never have been on our way, to brighten up another person’s evening, we would have been the ones needing that.

This incident, I believe, had to happen, so that we could know how much we can trust him because maybe, if it did not happen, somewhere later on, we would have decided to give him a little more space and then would not have been able to immediately intervene and save him from the worst, and so the overwhelming feelings of guilt that I had used bad judgment, which flooded me immediately after the incident, are somewhat subsiding, as I am comforted, knowing this incident has served its purpose and I have learnt my lesson well and I/we will be a lot more present and careful next time, to prevent this or anything worst from happening again.

In the meantime, we remain forever grateful to God, for stepping in when he did and saving our precious son. He is so worthy to be worshipped and praised.

KNOWING THE SYMPTOMS OF POLYCYSTIC OVARIAN SYNDROME (PCOS)

Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.
Children born to a young man are like sharp arrows in a warrior’s hand
Psalm 127: 3 & 4

I have posted previously on this subject and will post information from time to time, as PCOS is the condition that caused my infertility and it is my desire to use my experience in this regard to help others manage and treat this condition and most of all, like I did, have the family they so desire.


What is PCOS – PCOS is a condition in women with ovaries which secrete excessive amounts of male hormones (mostly testosterone) into their blood. A polycystic ovary is one with many cysts – the remains of follicles that never released mature eggs.

Have you recently been diagnosed with PCOS or think you might have this condition, based on symptoms you are experiencing, but has not yet been diagnosed. Listed below are popular symptoms associated with PCOS.

Irregular periods

Excessive hair growth on face and body

Scalp hair thinning

Acne

Excess weight, sugar craving and inability to lose weight (plus abnormal blood lipid levels and a tendency to an apple shape).

Darkening of skin areas, particularly on the nape of the neck, known as acanthosis nigricans

Skin tags

Grey-white breast discharge

Sleep apnea

Pelvic pain

Depression, anxiety, sleep disturbances and other emotional disorders

Infertility

Please note that these symptoms vary among individuals but some will experience the above symptoms.

Please also note that you can get pregnant even though you have been diagnosed with PCOS, ask your doctor and read widely about this condition as this will greatly help you to understand what you are up against and therefore positively impact your treatment process. There are a lot of websites with information on this condition as well as books that are available to help you with proper management.

Please note most of all that you can be treated for the above symptoms to have you feeling well again, just ask your doctor.






Source: A patient’s guide to PCOS by Walter Futterweit, M.D., with George Ryan

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME………It’s the little things that matters

Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.

Children born to a young man are like sharp arrows in a warrior’s hand
Psalm 127: 3 & 4

If I had written this post yesterday as I originally wanted to, based on how I was feeling, it would have been one so gloomy, I probably would have depressed you all.

Well, it is another birthday for us, my husband’s was yesterday and mine is today and no, we did not plan it as many have been asking. The weird thing about this one though, is that I have not been feeling even a twinge of joy as it approached and this almost sent me into depression because for all my birthdays, no matter what I was going through that year, as soon as November stepped in, I started feeling excited about my birthday. This year, it was not so at all, I felt nothing, I dug and dug deep but came up empty.

This morning, I woke up bright and early and decided to check my email before my husband was off to work with the lap top and what I saw changed my mood, as I had no hopes of having a great day. My inbox was filled with birthday greetings, thirty-eight messages to be exact and that cloud of sadness and despair was lifted immediately. There was another forty-six messages with birthday wishes, waiting on me when my husband returned from work a short while ago. Thanks so much to my facebook friends and to those who sent e-cards. I am truly feeling blessed.

While retrieving these messages, it occurred to me that I have no reason at all to feel down because so many people care and care enough to send me greetings on my special day. It was then I started feeling guilty, so guilty for not being more appreciative of the little things in life. I did not receive big expensive gifts or got taken out to expensive restaurants for lunch, but people who care, took time out to pen their personal birthday greetings to me. I feel so blessed.

I then look again and saw something else that I should not take for granted. My beautiful, perfect healthy baby boy who is wreaking havoc in the house and giving me a heart attack every time he did a flip or climb on the burglar bars. If nothing else, I should be feeling blessed and grateful for this, grateful for the fact that this birthday, I am not dealing with the difficult issue of childlessness.

I am still trying to figure out why I was feeling like this, this birthday. Is it the fact that we recently moved house and had a difficult time settling in? Is it my PMS symptoms or is it just how birthdays feel as you make your way into your forties? The thing is though, I do not feel older than twenty-five, therefore age could not be the reason that I was feeling like this, because I have no problem with my age except people do not believe me when I tell them how old I am. I remember having to show someone my driver’s license for them to believe me. My husband and I have been told that we do not look our age, time and time again and we consider this a blessing.

I am feeling much better now and my day turned out great. Later, my husband and I will celebrate over wine and cake. Don’t worry its non-alcoholic, therefore our son can be a part of it if he is not sleeping, as we include him in everything.

I am now looking towards the challenges and stand ready to embrace the joys that this next year of my life brings.

To all those who share this birthday with me, Happy Birthday and may the peace of gold enfold you and may his spirit guide you into this new year of your life.

Be blessed and until next time, keep clinging to hope.

Depression and Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS)

“Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.
Children born to a young man are like sharp arrows in a warrior’s hand.”
Psalm 127: 3 & 4

I began having symptoms of PCOS in my late teens but was however diagnosed way into my twenties. Since then, depression has plagued me. What I did not know until recently, was that depression is one of the symptoms of PCOS. PCOS causes an imbalance in your hormones that is why depression is associated with it. I thought that my depression was caused from my infertility and a speech impediment, which has crippling effects on my life. I was never diagnosed with depression, but the little I know about the condition, I knew I was depressed, as I had some of the symptoms that it is associated with, low self esteem, sadness and hopelessness, to name a few.

My reason for doing this post is because I witnessed someone who I was told has PCOS having a meltdown recently and even declared that for the past two weeks she has been battling depression to the point where she was having suicidal thoughts. I have had my experience with these thoughts and it is frightening. Might I say that suicidal thoughts should not be taken lightly and these individuals should be constantly checked up on and they should get the help they need.

The state I saw this poor girl in, caused something to clicked within me as she reminded me so much of my years struggling with depression where I was misundertsood and judged in such an unfair way. She is a young girl, a teenager to be exact who I am sure does not understand fully what she is dealing with and neither does her parents or friends. I realize that I am the best person to reach out to her at this point to let her know exactly what is happening to her and to educate her parents so that they can get her the help she so badly needs. I have began to educate her friends as well because they must coexist with her. I must act soon because if she actually acts upon these suicidal thoughts (God forbid), I know I will never forgive myself for not helping, having gone through it myself.

I am still battling depression as my PCOS has re-occurred. About a year after giving birth to my son, I realized that I was depressed again. I began feeling ungrateful that instead of being happy for my son, I was again depressed. Little did I know that it was my PCOS that had returned and it had been causing my recent depression. I knew this after suffering a miscarriage a few months ago. I am now on treatment again for this condition and has now vowed that I will certainly do my little part in bringing awareness to depression of this kind to all who suffer with PCOS and all others concerned.



For more on helping others who may be having suicidal thoughts, click on the link:- http://www.emedicinehealth.com/suicidal_thoughts/article_em.ht



For more on depression caused by PCOS, click on the link:- http://pcos.about.com/od/whatispcos/a/depressionover.ht



Until next time, keep hope alive.

My Infertility Story – My infertility and my family cont’d

Wow, when I was diagnosed with infertility, I really did not know how hard it would have been to talk to my family about it, to secure the support that one would need from their family in situations such as this. I thought it would have been easy at least to talk to my husband since he is the closest to me, but sadly this was not the case. It was as my struggle progressed that I realized that I felt embarrassed whenever I thought of sharing my story with my family and became even more embarrassed as time passed, to the point that I did not want to try anymore. I guess apart from the embarrassment I experienced, I just thought they would not understand and would probably say things that would make me even more upset.

My recommendation for anyone experiencing infertility, and families who suspect that one of their love ones might be experiencing infertility…….

I yearned for the day when my family would start asking me questions about my husband and I having children. It would have made it so much easier to talk to them about my infertility, since the ice would already be broken. I waited and waited but unfortunately this never happened.
Infertility in my opinion is such a personal and private issue that they were probably having the same degree of difficulty reaching out to me, as I was having approaching them. Many times I would build myself up to talk but as soon as the time came, I chickened out.
I would suggest to a family who notice that a member is not having children after the necessary time has elapsed, (this is said to be two years, for some it could be more, unless they have made a public statement that they do not wish to have children), as some couples do declare this. If you see that these two years have now turned into four, five six, it is time to think that they might probably be experiencing difficulty in this regard. It would be helpful to stop all the ‘what are you waiting for to have children’ questions and comments and start moving towards finding out more so that you can begin offering your support, once they are open to it, as some persons still try to deal with issues like these privately. Let me hasten to tell you though, IT IS NOT POSSIBLE TO DEAL WITH INFERTILITY PRIVATELY. I tried and see the misery I experienced. I could not even trust my best friends, because of the same fear I had with my family, they not understanding and so I decided to deal with it on my own. BIG MISTAKE, I could have easily committed suicide and not be around to offer my help to others. You need people and especially your family, to help you through this, so allow them. You will be so glad you did.`
It is very important therefore to check for certain change in your love one’s behavior patterns, like sadness, depression and withdrawal. I thought it was so obvious that I was withdrawn, sad and depressed, but apparently I was doing a good job of hiding it.
I am aware that it will not be easy on you, the family’s part as well, as none of us are given a handbook on how to deal with infertility or other issues in our lives as they come, but we should be proactive and care enough to want to push pass all the hindrances and reach out to a love one in crisis. After all our family is the only constant in our lives and if we do not have them for the difficult issues we face on a daily basis, then we have nothing.
I wish I had the connection with my family for this to have happened. I blamed that however on our background, as some of us lead separate lives at some point in time while we were growing up and so that bond was never given the chance to develop. If it had, then I would not have had such a hard time reaching out to them for help and they would not have had such a hard time giving me the love and support I so needed. At times I wanted to be upset with them but could not, as there are so many factors at play in our situation of which we are all just victims.
Many families no doubt are blessed with this connection and I do envy them. Do not at all take it for granted, it can save your love ones’ lives. I am pretty sure you will not have all the expertise to help them deal with infertility, but together you can come up with the best possible resources to help them coop and they would have already been on their way to triumphing over their situation, the fact that they have their family on the journey with them.

GOOD LUCK!!!!!

My Infertility Story - The Psychological, Social and Emotional effects cont’d.

…..Later on in my struggle, I realized that this was consuming me. I grew tired, so tired and weary of all this as it took so much energy not to go over the edge. I grew tired of hating myself for doing things only because they were the socially acceptable thing to do or that they made others happy……..what about my happiness, I thought.

I could not continue to live like this as I was too miserable and fighting chronic depression and so I decided to start thinking about me, my happiness. After all, my happiness should be priority. So what if there is a baby christening at church today and I do not want to go, I do not have to, and guess what, why should I feel so bad. I do not have to do anything I don’t want to do. At this point I decided that I would have to be brave and make a statement that I would appreciate not being invited to baby showers anymore. This was particularly hard to do as I was usually instrumental in planning these events and so I really had to think carefully about how to convey this message without causing hurt to myself and others. I did and I was surprised that it was taken so well. I thought persons would have said I was selfish but instead they seemed to have understood where I was coming from and they were very accommodating. I felt really empowered after this and I could almost hear myself saying, “thank you.” The knots in my stomach and shoulders suddenly disappeared and I was able to breathe again, smile again and live again.
It felt good, so good. It felt like having hot chocolate on a rainy chilly day. I felt I had accomplished so much by just making that one statement and it was all the more gratifying because now I finally felt that I was on the road to getting my story out in its honest form. This was no small step, this was big indeed, and it was the first of many that I would have to take to sensitize all who are near and dear to me, about my pain, which I was never brave enough to do before.
I believe this was the beginning of my breakthrough, so much so that when we lost our last pregnancy, people became even more aware of what we were going through and was very sympathetic. This loss was really not just mine and my husband’s, it was everybody’s, who was near and dear to us and who watched us silently struggle with infertility for all these years. This I believe was one of things that brought us through this difficult time.
In closing this post, let me re-iterate the point that I believe that your happiness should always take precedence.
Of course you can put yourself behind at times for another person’s happiness, but not always and especially not when it makes you miserable and sad to the point where you do not even know yourself anymore.
No one is obligated to do anything that they would rather not do at a point in time, and others should understand this. Sadly, we usually do not and so we cause each other unnecessary pain and discomfort. Hence, the statement, ‘we are our worst enemies.’
Thanks to infertility, I learnt to say enough is enough and I challenge all of you, my readers who are in the same position at this time, to try this. It is very liberating, it is healing and it can change your perspective of your situation and life on a whole. I learnt to love myself again and I am learning to transfer this and everything else that I have learnt from this struggle into my daily relationship with others. THANKS INFERTILITY!!!!!!.

Do not just take my word for it, read from someone else’s perspective:-
http://www.resolve.org/site/DocServer/06_Family_and_Friends.pdf?docID=5702

Also, infertility can consume you. I am a testimony to that. You can feel so overwhelmed that you are unable to see yourself as anything more that your infertility. I felt that way on numerous occasions and it was worst because I had nothing much left to validate myself on, as I was nowhere where I wanted to be in my career and others areas of my life.
Check this site out, if you are currently in this position, you should find helpful information there. http://iammorethanmyinfertility.wordpress.com/2009/01/23/the-infertility-journey-a-body-mind-approach/