A
miscarriage is a very distressing experience to deal with, to say the least.
When a woman learns that she has miscarried or is about to experience one, the
first emotion she feels is shock, can this really be happening? I don’t understand,
I took care of myself, I did everything right. Is this a nightmare, I really
want to wake up now.
Some
of the other emotions which immediately follow are anger, (most times this anger is directed at God, how could you allow this to happen to me, you ask), guilt, sadness,
depression and difficulty concentrating. The latter is, I believe, why women
are put on leave during this period, because they won’t be as alert at their
jobs.
The
bonding between a mother and her baby begins at the very first sight of a
positive pregnancy test, therefore even if the miscarriage is an early term
one, it is still devastating. After the initial emotions felt upon learning of the loss, others such as fatigue,
trouble sleeping, loss of appetite and lots of crying usually set in. Some
women might even go to the extreme, like thoughts of suicide. like I did.
The
grieving process then, involves 3 steps:-
Step 1.
Shock/Denial – Is this really happening, I did everything right..
Step 2.
Anger/Guilt/Depression - , Why is this happening to me? (And especially if,
like me, you have had to deal with infertility) I came so close in actually
realizing my dreams, I will be so sad and depressed for a while.
Step 3. Acceptance
: Well, the Lord giveth and he taketh away, I might as well accept this and look
towards a better plan he has for me.. Other women have experienced this and
they made it through.
Please
note, there is no set timeframe for each
step because you may suffer setbacks along the way. Certain things like baby
showers/christening, visits to your OB/GYN, insensitive comments etc might
hamper your grieving process.
It
is important as you survive your miscarriage to reach out to those closest to you. Ask for
comfort, support. and understanding. Surround
yourself with positive people and seek professional help if necessary, for
yourself and your partner. Most importantly, allow yourself time to grieve and
hold firmly to the memories of your experience.; how you celebrated when you
first saw the positive on the pregnancy test, your friends and family’s
reaction when you broke the news to them and the attention you received as your
pregnancy progressed..
For
couples, do remember that women and men
grieve differently. Women grieve out loud, while men will immerse themselves in
work, just to not have to show how much they are grieving. Of course this can
cause tension in the relationship and so it is important that both of you
understand this. To ensure that your
relationship survive you have to then be
respective of each other’s needs, feelings and coping styles and most
importantly, keep the lines of communication open.
Lastly,
healing from a miscarriage does not mean that you forget the experience. It
means that you refocus and regroup. You seek to find out all the details
surrounding your loss. Study medical records and ask questions. Find out your
chances for a subsequent successful pregnancy. If you had already collected
items for your baby, seek out the best way to get rid of them. I gave my items
to a friend in need and apart from the initial crying when she left with them
because I felt that I was getting rid of
a piece of my experience and I was not ready for that yet, I felt good to know
that out of this experience help was rendered to someone else.
There
will be times when you feel sad and want to cry and others when you feel hopeful,
this is perfectly naturally as the healing process is still taking place
because there is no set time frame for grieving, just do not give up on that
will to get better,
My sister, my friend, as you deal with your loss, my prayer is for God to embrace you at this time and give you comfort, understanding and peace..
Post image by: http://babyandblog.com/2014/01/coping-and-growing-how-i-survived-two-miscarriages-in-2013/
