INFERTILITY NEWS, FACTS AND VEIWS : Dealing with a miscarriage

A miscarriage is a very distressing experience to deal with, to say the least. When a woman learns that she has miscarried or is about to experience one, the first emotion she feels is shock, can this really be happening? I don’t understand, I took care of myself, I did everything right. Is this a nightmare, I really want to wake up now.

Some of the other emotions which immediately follow are anger, (most times this anger is directed at God, how could you allow this to happen to me, you ask), guilt, sadness, depression and difficulty concentrating. The latter is, I believe, why women are put on leave during this period, because they won’t be as alert at their jobs.

The bonding between a mother and her baby begins at the very first sight of a positive pregnancy test, therefore even if the miscarriage is an early term one, it is still devastating. After the initial emotions felt upon  learning of the loss, others such as fatigue, trouble sleeping, loss of appetite and lots of crying usually set in. Some women might even go to the extreme, like thoughts of suicide. like I did.

The grieving process then, involves 3 steps:-

Step 1. Shock/Denial – Is this really happening, I did everything right..

Step 2. Anger/Guilt/Depression - , Why is this happening to me? (And especially if, like me, you have had to deal with infertility) I came so close in actually realizing my dreams, I will be so sad and depressed for a while.

Step 3. Acceptance : Well, the Lord giveth and he taketh away, I might as well accept this and look towards a better plan he has for me.. Other women have experienced this and they made it through.

Please note,  there is no set timeframe for each step because you may suffer setbacks along the way. Certain things like baby showers/christening, visits to your OB/GYN, insensitive comments etc might hamper your grieving process.

It is important as you survive your miscarriage to  reach out to those closest to you. Ask for comfort,  support. and understanding. Surround yourself with positive people and seek professional help if necessary, for yourself and your partner. Most importantly, allow yourself time to grieve and hold firmly to the memories of your experience.; how you celebrated when you first saw the positive on the pregnancy test, your friends and family’s reaction when you broke the news to them and the attention you received as your pregnancy progressed..  

For couples, do  remember that women and men grieve differently. Women grieve out loud, while men will immerse themselves in work, just to not have to show how much they are grieving. Of course this can cause tension in the relationship and so it is important that both of you understand this.  To ensure that your relationship survive you have to then  be respective of each other’s needs, feelings and coping styles and most importantly, keep the lines of communication open.

Lastly, healing from a miscarriage does not mean that you forget the experience. It means that you refocus and regroup. You seek to find out all the details surrounding your loss. Study medical records and ask questions. Find out your chances for a subsequent successful pregnancy. If you had already collected items for your baby, seek out the best way to get rid of them. I gave my items to a friend in need and apart from the initial crying when she left with them because I felt that  I was getting rid of a piece of my experience and I was not ready for that yet, I felt good to know that out of this experience help was rendered to someone else.

There will be times when you feel sad and want to cry and others when you feel hopeful, this is perfectly naturally as the healing process is still taking place because there is no set time frame for grieving, just do not give up on that will to get better,

My sister, my friend, as you deal with your loss, my prayer is for God to embrace you at this time and give you comfort, understanding and peace..

Post image by: http://babyandblog.com/2014/01/coping-and-growing-how-i-survived-two-miscarriages-in-2013/

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO A SPECIAL LITTLE SOMEONE

Today, four years ago, after over a decade of struggling with infertility, God sent a miracle into our lives. 

How I can I forget that memorable Saturday, it felt like a heavenly host of  angels had converged at my bedside and with their glorious singing, was ushering me out of my slumber, from the anesthetic of my c-section surgery, to tell me that I had given birth to a healthy baby boy. Help us wish him a Happy Birthday today.

Our son adores ‘Thomas and Friends, for those who do not know, it is a cartoon featuring a train and it’s friends' adventures, set in a place called ‘Sodore.’ He asked us about two months ago, if he could have a Thomas cake for his birthday and we did not hesitate to say yes. Well, it has been very interesting since. Ever so often, I guess so as to check if we were really sincere about our promise, he would ask, ‘Thomas cake for my birthday?’ We soon began using it to keep him in line, which ever so often he finds himself out of. ‘If you do not behave, then you won’t get Thomas cake for your birthday,’ we would tell him. This is usually followed by a tantrum of crying and screaming, ‘I want Thomas cake for my birthday.’ Two days ago, we went to the bakery to make the order for his cake. We had to photoshop an image online because ‘Thomas and Friends’ is not a very popular cake that they do. Thank goodness, he will have his Thomas cake for his birthday.

For the last couple of weeks we have been taking him to toy stores to see what he gravitates to, which should make it easier for us to choose something for him. We went into this store and while I was looking at some remote control monster trucks, (he got a Thomas train last year for his birthday and so we were thinking that he somehow might change his mind from trains and like something else). Well, he did not. His eyes caught a wooden train, which I did not even noticed. He soon drew my attention to it, picked it up and said, ‘I will have this one,’ and was heading for the door with it under his arms, with the store clerks watching him. His Dad and I quickly wrestled the train from his firm grip and promised that we would come back and get it for him. From then on, it has been ‘Thomas cake and brown train for my birthday.’

Two days ago, unfortunately he had to be with us when we went to purchase his gift, so we knew we had to employ some strategy to get through this. We stopped in a store to pick up a little gift for his six year old cousin. We were in the little girls’ section and the store clerk was showing me some handbags which I was interested in purchasing. I picked up one to take a closer look at it, when he remarked, ‘I can’t want that!!!.’ The store clerk and his father and I had a good laugh. Why would my parents be buying me a girl’s handbag, when there are so many  cool boy’s stuff around that I was very much interested in, he was probably thinking to himself. He and his father left to go to the boy’s section of the store and he soon returned with a ‘Thomas and friends’ plate and cup set (He always spot anything Thomas and Friends, as long as it is around). I said to him, if you get that for your birthday you cannot get your train. The store clerk jumped at the opportunity to secure another sale and quickly said,  ‘we have trains’ and took us to that section. He became so excited when he saw them and these trains are a better option because he will have to spend some time putting the tracks together and best of all, it is battery operated with all the fanfare and flashing lights of any little boy’s dream. We had to now employ our strategy to be able to purchase the train without him seeing and so my husband managed to peel him away for a walk and I purchase it and the store clerk offered me a large garbage bag, after which I just walked directly to the car trunk and put it in. Mission accomplished. Thanks to that store clerk, she was really delightfully helpful.

His six year old cousin told us that she has a song to sing at his birthday party, I was blown away when she debut it to me yesterday. It is well written, tune and all. It seems to also have a bridge. I just said to her Dad to try and secure a scholarship for her, later in life at one of the top schools for the Performing Arts, because she is full of promise.

 My husband and I were in the patio where the party will be held, mulling over the setup, when she began enquiring, where will she stand for her performance, she also went on to say that whenever she sings at parties (I guess she is seasoned performer at parties), she usually stands on a chair. I said to her, whatever your little heart desires my dear. I should have asked her if she wanted her own dressing room with a table filled with cheese sandwich and Capri sun juices, because that is all she eats.

Feeling a bit sorry for our son, because to him, it might seem like he has been waiting for all eternity for his birthday, after being promised a Thomas cake, last night I said to him, ‘just one more sleep and it will your birthday. I thought I would get some jubilant emotions, but he just managed to mutter the words, while sucking his thumb, ‘Thomas cake, ma birthday? You think he does not believe that his birthday his actually here and that he will get his Thomas cake for his birthday? Poor fellow.

All in all, I think we will have a good time this evening and Theo will enjoy it more, seeing that his long awaited birthday his here and he is getting everything that his little heart desires, including his own little special birthday song from his cousin. I won’t be selfish, I will share the first line of the song with you.....”Happy Birthday, my dear cousin, you are four today..........”

HAPPY BIRTHDAY son, you have added so much colour and light to our lives and we love you to pieces.

image by: http://www.partystuffonline.co.uk/Largeimages/174397-GEM.jpg 

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IN REMEMBRANCE of Ss. Jeannie Jackson

I want to use this space today as well, to send our thoughts and prayers to a dear friend, who lost her mother today, four years ago.

Karen, your family remain in our prayers as we pray that God continues to grant you comfort and peace. How quickly the years slip by.

We know you are holding tight to those precious  memories of your dear love one. Thank God for those memories.

image by: http://www.chingfordphotographic.com/Images/Projected%20Image%20Comp/2010/Lillies-Large.jpg

Welcome to - Finally a Mom

My name is Annetta Price. My husband and I suffered with infertility for over a decade. Early in our marriage, I was diagnosed with a common condition known as Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome which resulted in infertility.

My plan is to share with you my journey of struggles, anxiety, tears and disappointment and eventually, the triumphant victory of finally becoming a mother. This blog and my website, http://www.finallyamom.com/ exist to provide information, support, comfort and hope to other families who might be having similar experiences.