‘GRATEFUL WEDNESDAYS’ – POST 9 " .........DANCE WITH MY FATHER..........."

I have not been able to spend any quality time with my father in a while because of the path life has been leading me.

For the greater part of last week my father was with me for follow up visits with his doctor, after his recent hospitalization. I was so busy making sure that my husband, my children and my dad were well catered to and started panicking at a point when it seemed I would not have been able to just sit with dad and talk. I was even jealous of my husband as he was able to do this on many occasions.

The opportunity came and did we chat. I found out how he and my mom met and when myself and each of my siblings were born. I even found out how the property which I came to know as our home, was acquired.
Very interesting story and I now feel particularly closer to my dad.

It is interesting how we wake up each day, not knowing how our day will turn out and I am extremely grateful for how that particular day turned out for me..........I got the chance to dance with my father again.

'GRATEFUL WEDNESDAYS' - POST 2 - "All good gifts around us are sent from heaven above ....................."

As a people, we are very ambitious and this is good, there is however a downside to this. We can lose our selves in pursuing self-advancement; a bigger degree for that bigger salary, a bigger house, a newer car, and find ourselves wondering, why am I not happy, why does my life feel so dull. The thing is, we forget to be thankful for the little things that we already have, without which, our lives would not mean much. Our relationships, our health, our faith, our freedom, I could go on.


There are times in my life when I feel I could have achieved more in certain areas, and as a result I beat upon myself and take on a 'woe is me' attitude. Thankfully, I am soon reminded that less I be accused of being ungrateful, I do have things to be thankful for.


In my pursuit to become a more thankful and happier person, in general then, I am urged to add a new posting feature to my blog, a segment dedicated to being thankful, which I have decided to call ‘GRATEFUL WEDNESDAYS', where I will post all the things in my life that I am thankful for, regardless of how small. 

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POST 2

Today we took the baby for a doctor's appointment and decided to just stay out until it was time to pick up our son. We grab a bite to eat and still had time, so we went to one of our popular spots for hanging out.

As we sat on one of the park benches, there was a cool, strong but welcomed wind (as the summer heat is certainly on) blowing   The baby sat on my lap sleeping and I thought to myself, this is really a great way to pass some time. My husband remarked almost immediately, "it is funny, we can hardly find time any more to do things like this. I instantly agreed, thinking how we have become a people so busy and stuck in survival mode.

I felt so grateful that we could afford the time today to just enjoy some of the good gifts that God has afforded us by way of His beautiful creation.

FOR THIS I AM ETERNALLY GRATEFUL

OUR CHILDREN AND THE IMPACT THEY HAVE ON US

image by: http://thumbs.dreamstime.com

Recently I heard my doctor said that our children are capable of having us switch between emotions  instantaneously. This minute you can love them with every fibre of your being, literally loving them to pieces and the next minute you can be so upset with them. I was immediately able to identify with what he was saying.

When I was struggling with infertility, on many occasions, I would picture myself being the best mom ever. I would be my children’s friend and confidant and they would be so happy to have me as their mom.  As my son began developing his own identity and personality, I was jolted into reality, however. You certainly cannot be your children’s friend, if it is at the detriment of proper and effective discipline.

It is so warming and overwhelming when you see your children interact with their grandparents, knowing that they love them almost as much as you do and probably even more, if this is at all possible. This was a great frustration of mine when I was struggling to conceive, because I was so eager to be able to see this interaction. The other day a friend and I were having a conversation about our children and she said to me that it is such a pleasure watching her parents interact with her daughter and that they would not allow a day to go by without them spending time with her. My response to her, was, ‘it warms your heart, doesn’t it?. Knowing fully well that this is what happens to me as well.

Our children are capable of bringing out so much in us. A few times, sadly, it could possibly be the worst. Case in point, the other day, we made a trip to the barber so that my husband and son could have a haircut. After our son was finished with his hair, I took him for a walk. To my dismay, there were some toy stores around and I reluctantly went with him inside as he wanted to go in, knowing fully well that things could go downhill from there.  Well, it did, I had to force him to leave the store as he was taking the people's things and they were not amused. He unwillingly came out of the store and on our way back to his Dad's, he began protesting even more, I held him and had to literally drag him along and there were some nos and loud screams in protest and so by this time we had gotten everyone's attention. I made the decision to spank him, which I did, and after that he came willingly with me.  Everyone was still looking on and did I feel embarrassed? Not an ounce, I was just relieved to have him adhere and so I held my head high and continued on to meet with my husband feeling very proud of myself for bringing this situation under control. Was that the worst that was brought out in me? I am still not sure. Most most times though, it is the best that they bring out in you, so do not panic. 


This minute you are out in the backyard indulging in childhood play with them and the next you have to put on the hat of disciplinarian and still at any minute you could find yourself playing the role of doctor, seamstress, handyman, judge, you name it. To your children, you are the best cook ever and no member of the iron chef team can prepare macaroni and cheese like you. The other day my six year old niece asked me to make pancakes for her and sadly it did not come out tasting  like her mom’s.  She did not hesitate to tell me that I was not as good as her mom as she makes the best pancake ever. My son ate his share and asked for seconds. Thank goodness for my son, as to date I would be feeling like a very bad cook.

Our children are mini versions of us and this is evident as their personality develops and based on what our parents say from time to time about us, when we were growing up, we realize that our children are just like us. This is when we finally get our parents and is forced to appreciate and love them so much more for all that they had to go through in molding us into the persons we are today, and now parents ourselves.

Parenting is a beautiful thing and it is all of the above and more that makes it so noble and honourable, yet difficult and we are such better individuals on account of this. For those who are yearning to become parents, it is a good thing for which you yearn and my hope is that, one day soon your dream will be realized.

All the best and KEEP CLINGING TO HOPE.

Age and Fertility

From website:-

“More of us are leaving it later to start a family than ever before. Figures from National Statistics for England and Wales show that, since the 1980s, the rates for women giving birth at age 30 or over have gone up, while the rates for women giving birth aged under 30 have fallen. There are many factors which make having babies less important or more difficult for young couples than it used to be, including going on to higher education, developing a career, and financial pressures to stay in the job market. Also, many people don't find a partner they want to have children with until later in life or just don't feel ready to become parents when they're younger.”

For further reading on age and fertility, please visit:-
http://www.babycentre.co.uk/preconception/activelytrying/ageandfertility/

For us, it was none of the above factors, we were battling infertility and when I woke up one day and found that I was over 35, I was terrified, as I knew too well of the challenges now facing me. I refused to let that deter me though and so I pressed on.

At one point I heard that age 40 was the cut-off point to have children and would watch helplessly as it approaches, then when I heard that it was 45, I was relieved as this now gave me a few more years. I do not know how much these numbers stand true though, as more and more I am finding that women 40 and over are having their children and many are born normal and healthy. It is therefore all up to the woman I would think, as I have heard of women having children much older than that. Rare cases I might add, but it does happen.

Having had our son, We are thinking now that he needs company and so we will be trying to give him a sibling. Mind you, it is stressful to want to get pregnant again at my age because I know too well of the odds. It will be harder to conceive for sure as you now have less healthy eggs, but you just have remain positive, trust God, stay close to your doctor and try to do everything in your power to have a healthy pregnancy. An anomaly scan is very vital at this stage. This is performed at about four months into the pregnancy and tells if the baby has any abnormalities.

When we found that our son was developing normally, we were so overjoyed.
If you are trying to have a family and are concerned about your age, I hope this post will help to put your mind at ease so that you can focus on getting pregnant and having a healthy pregnancy.

I found this site to be very encouraging:-

http://www.azcentral.com/families/articles/0604oldmoms0604.html

From site:-

"When Cynthia Goodwin's doctor told her she might be pregnant, "I started laughing hysterically," the Phoenix resident says.Goodwin was 47, childless and menopausal - she thought. That was in July 2003. Today, her and husband George's daughter, Anna, is 17 months old and keeps Mommy running. "She's kept me more active than I was before," says Goodwin, one of the growing number of older women enjoying first-time motherhood."

ALL THE BEST.

My Infertility Story – Our triumph

As promised, here is the triumphant part of our story which I am so excited to tell.

Our triumph came, after more than a decade long of struggling with infertility, our triumph came and we were elated……..

We had just relocated from our home country and we were busy settling in to what would now be our new home. I was preoccupied with trying to secure a job and my husband was settling into his new job. There were no immediate plans to resume trying to get pregnant as yet, as we wanted to be settled into our new environment enough to take this next step and I was still allowing my body to recover from my last miscarriage. Our plans were not to be delayed for too long though as we were encouraged by one of our doctors to try to become pregnant by the end of that year, given my issue with age, and this was September. We were however oblivious to what was about to unfold that would change our lives forever.

I was expecting my period as usual that month and it had not shown up as yet. I did not take it for anything as I just thought I was experiencing anxiety with everything new that was happening to me. Days passed and still no period showed up and I started to feel a little nausea and some fatigue. I still thought I just had nervous stomach. The symptoms intensified and we decided to do a pregnancy test. There was no great hurry as we really were not expecting anything and was also not in any mood for any more disappointments. We did the test, quite timely I might add, and left it on the nightstand. As we re-entered the room to check the results, we realized that we could see the positive result from the door, (yes it was that bright, it’s like it was screaming at us, ‘you guys are pregnant, hip, hip hooray’).

We were dumbstruck at first as we were thinking, wow, this is certainly not the right time for us but were also elated because with our struggles, we did not want to give up on any opportunity to be excited about being pregnant, plus given our long struggle with infertility, we have no right saying this was not the right time, how dare us. We then began to get into pregnancy mode. I was scared at first not knowing any doctors or hospitals as yet and so I took the telephone directory and began to randomly call around to get information. It turns out no one wanted to give me any information, they wanted me to make an appointment and come in to see them and I did not want that, not just yet, I just wanted to check them out so that I can choose the best place for my prenatal care and the delivery of our child.

I remember getting so frustrated I called my friend back home and told her I was pregnant and think I might just come back home. Of course she gave me a dose of reality check and advised me against it. Fortunately, soon afterwards, we were recommended to a maternity centre and luck was on our side. We found a doctor and staff that made us feel so at home almost immediately. After that we knew without a doubt that this pregnancy was God’s doing and we had no choice but to embrace this great blessing as our timing surely by no means is His.

The pregnancy, from the time we saw the positive result, was packed with stress and anxiety because even though were feeling blessed and had accepted it as God’s doing, being human as I am, I could not shake the feeling that I would again suffer another miscarriage……

Join me in my next post as I relate how we made it through the longest and most stressful pregnancy ever

My Infertility Story – Dealing with miscarriages cont'd.

As promised, here are some tips for picking up the pieces and moving on after a miscarriage or miscarriages, for you my readers who find yourselves in this position:-

Your miscarriage/s could be recently or a while now, but the point is, you never get over them and its worst if you have not had subsequent successful pregnancies, to take some of the focus off those that you have lost. If we were not blessed to have had our son a year after we lost our daughter, then I am scared to even think how I would be feeling now.

• With that said, what I want to say to persons dealing with miscarriages, is to grieve in your own way. Do not let anyone tell you how to grieve and when to stop grieving and move on. This is all up to you, or else you’ll find that you are not able to pick up the pieces and move on at all. I remember during my grief period, I took some time off from going out socially, as I did not think I would have been able to coop with normal life as it were. After a while, a friend said to me, Annetta, it is now time to come back out. I knew she meant well and I figured it was because I was missed, especially at Church, but I was upset as I felt it was not up to her to tell me when to move on.
• You also must cry, crying is good when nothing else can comfort you. After a good cry, you are left with enough energy to make it to the next cry. It is like a rest stop, it rejuvenates and gives you the resolve to forge ahead.
  You also need a support base. My family and friends were there for me in such an amazing way. My husband was phenomenal. Even my doctor was there for me too, he even called me on Mother’s Day, which was the next month. I was so touched by this. Grief of this kind, you cannot handle alone.
• Chances are you are feeling angry and betrayed by God. This is normal, as I felt that way too. Thanks to Dr. Dobson, his book “when God does not make sense,” puts it all in perspective for me. Just to reiterate what he is saying, we do not know why bad things befall us and it is not that we are targeted either. That’s just how life is. Why did my best friend have to die so tragically, or why is it your mother who is diagnosed with cancer, or why am I the only one out of five sisters to be diagnosed with infertility or the only child out of seven to get my father’s stuttering. No one knows, and the sooner we make peace with this, it will save us the energy we use to be angry with God so that we can channel that energy into picking up the pieces and moving on.
• You might also be having suicidal thoughts. This seem normal as I had them too and others I know of. My opinion with suicidal thoughts is that for some, they are just co-oping mechanisims and for others they are more than just that as sadly they are actually acted up on. When you have them you are actually picturing yourself dead and therefore rid of the problems that you face and this infact makes them a little lighter to carry for the moment. I find that soon after I had those thoughts, I was jolted back into reality, as I began to feel so guilty and selfish that I would actually want to put my loved ones through that kind of pain.
• If you feel you want to hold on to something from the experience, do that, it helps, it is comforting and the time will come when you can let it go. I chose to hold on to my shower items and after a while, I was able to share them with another friend who was pregnant. It was hard as I cried so much when she left with them, because I felt she was taking away a piece of my daughter.
• If you find that you are approaching the end of your reproductive years, and you have exhausted all your options, then adoption is still a good alternative. I know you might have contemplated it before and so it is now good time to visit this option. Adoption can also be a good option while you are considering your next plan, once you are financially able to do it. I am sure you will have a lot of love to give to this fortunate child who otherwise probably would not have it. I thought of adoption many times, I even went to the Agency for a package which turned out to be my security blanket, as I could not shake the feeling that I in fact wanted my own child.
• Most importantly, DO NOT GIVE UP. Just when you feel like giving up, that is when your triumph could be just around the corner. Many women lose a couple of pregnancies first before they have successful ones, so be encouraged.
  

Trials like these only come to make us strong and I am a testimony to that and I know you will get there too. Just stay the course, let the trials redefine you as a person, let them redefine your life’s purpose. Trust me you will be better off for it.

ALL THE VERY BEST!!!!!!!

In my next posts, I will be talking about my triumph, I cannot believe I am at that point in my story already and I am so excited to share it with you. Do join me.

My Infertility Story – Dealing with miscarriages

This is, as you can well imagine, the most difficult part of my story to tell and I know I will be tearing up as I will have to relive the devastation and sadness to relate it to you. I am alright with that though, because as long as my story helps even one person, then it would be well worth it.
With that said, when I was diagnosed with infertility, I did not know that I would have had to deal with miscarriages as well, and in all honesty, I was not expecting to deal with any. It was while recently reading up on my diagnosis (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, as I still do so), I am finding out that there seems to be a higher rate of miscarriage among women with this diagnosis. Not that it would have made much of a difference had I known this before, as you cannot be really prepared for tragedies such as miscarriages, but I would have known to at least expect them.
As a result of this when I had my first miscarriage, I was totally devastated. I longed for the day when I would receive a positive pregnancy test and often wondered if I was so unlucky that the tests I bought were defective. This was seven years into my struggle and numerous occasions that I had tested. The manufacturers of pregnancy test must have seen a dramatic increase in their profits over this period, because of me. I was overjoyed, to say the least, when I received my first positive pregnancy result. I thought I was dreaming as my husband and I stood over the test and stared at it. It felt like Christmas. We hugged and I did not know if I was to laugh or cry. One thing I knew though, I wanted to climb on my roof top and declare to the world that we were finally pregnant. It was such a surreal experience. I remember calling up our family right away and telling them the good news, which I learnt very soon after, was really not the right thing to do. I also began planning my pregnancy wardrobe, the nursery, I was totally in ‘pregnancy zone.’
The next day I called my doctor, made an appointment and went in to see him. He confirmed the pregnancy and told me to come back for an ultrasound as it was too early to do one. I went back and my doctor did the ultrasound. He found the sac for the pregnancy, but sadly there was no fetus to be found. I really could not believe what was happening. How can there be no fetus, where else could it be, I thought. He seemed quite perturbed himself and decided he would comfort me by saying, "well you are indeed pregnant as the sac is there." Whatever does he mean, I thought, I don’t want to only know that the sac is there, I want to know that our baby is there as well.
I was diagnosed with a ‘missed abortion’ which is the term given to a pregnancy where no fetus is found. We were totally devastated. I cannot forget the look on my husband’s face, he was so distraught. He just stood gazing in space. I felt so helpless and sorry for him. Then it was time to break the news to our family. My mother-in-law would be the hardest one to break the news to, as she was ecstatic when we told her we were pregnant. When we did, I could sense the sadness in her. The whole feeling of guilt began welling up in me again that I lost touch of how I was feeling and began feeling that I had betrayed my mother-in-law, having lost the grandchild she had longed for, for so long.
I just could not function after that and had to ask my doctor for some sick leave. I stayed in bed and cried for most of the time, only coming out to study for an in-house exam, which surprisingly I passed. I could not believe it.
We managed to pick up the pieces and move on with our lives, ofcourse not giving up on our dream to have children. Shortly afterwards, I began feeling pregnancy symptoms. We did a test and sure enough it was positive again, I felt as if we had hit the jackpot, luck was on our side. I was in 'pregnancy zone' again and on an emotional high, only to quickly hit another low, when our doctor attempted to confirm the pregnancy and found out it was a ‘false positive’ one. We were not pregnant. He explained that my hormones were out of balance and that was what tricked my body into acting as if I was pregnant.
We were again devastated. I felt as if someone was playing a cruel joke on us and I was not amused. What did we ever do to deserve this, I thought.

We were only halfway into our experience with miscarriages, with the worst still to come.

More in next post, you cannot afford to miss it, or you’ll be missing out.