“PROMISES, PROMISES”

Yesterday, in my daily devotional reading, the author was talking about promises. Have you ever been disappointed by someone who had promised you something?

A lot of us have claimed promises from God and wonder from time to time if he has forgotten about us and begin to feel abandoned and disillusioned. We do not understand many times how God works, but from my experience with waiting on him, I have surmised that that he makes us wait so that we can come to a place of total dependence on him, when our efforts to take matters into our own hands fail, because we do try and  they always somehow does not work out. I believe this wait is part of his divine preparation process for us as well, to be mature spiritually and otherwise to receive these promises.

The author went on to focus on Abraham and Sarah, most of us know that they were not able to have children and Abraham had been promised by God that he would make him the father of many nations. Well, that promise took a very long while, 25 years to be exact (Gen. 21 v 5).

I too had claimed God’s promise to make me a mother and my wait took over a decade. Did I wait patiently on God’s promise? Quite the contrary. I was conflicted within, became even angry at God at times and even attempted to take matters in my own hand by exploring Invitro Fertilization (IVF) and adoption. (Gen.15 v 2) accounts that Abraham did not wait patiently either, he questioned God about his childlessness and even went as far as fathering a child through one of Sarah’s handmaiden (16 v 15).

Is any of you currently in the position myself or Abraham and Sarah was in. Well, we are proof that God does fulfil his promises. You might be in the waiting process and is conflicted, disillusioned and growing impatient, take heart and be encouraged by our stories.

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THOUGHTS ON ADOPTION

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As a result of our struggles with infertility, my husband and I had plans to adopt, but since our son came, these plans have been put on hold, thinking still that one day, we will adopt.

 Adopting a child, in my opinion is such a noble thing to do because you are giving a deserving child a chance of having the love and stability of a family, which they would otherwise not have. Many people prefer to adopt infants, because they think the transition would be easier for all involved. I somewhat believe that too.

My mind however, still many times fast forward to the moment when these infants are grown and it now becomes necessary for them to be told, that they are adopted. I try to think of ways that this news could be broken to them, and have found that there is really no easy way and after the task of breaking this news to them is achieved, then comes the more difficult part of how they will really react. Will they begin to rebel, will they become depressed and become a recluse wondering why their biologically parents decided to give them up and if they are not good enough for their parents to want to keep. There are many questions that they will have and the bigger question is, how do the adopted parents help them through this very frightening and difficult time?

I remember when I told one of my brothers that my husband and I were thinking of adopting, his advice was that we try to choose a child that has no health issues. This is very important as well, but I was more preoccupied with the kind of personality that the child I would adopt, would turn out with, because a child’s biological parents have a lot to do with their personality and also how I would break the news to them when it becomes necessary, that they are adopted and of course what their reaction would be.

I have no experience in dealing with anything of this kind, but I can well imagine that these children are going to need their adopted parents more than ever. They are going to need your love, your understanding and your patience and most importantly, they might be needing space, as they process this very new bit of information.

My mother was adopted and even though she now has a family of her own, who loves her dearly, she still deals with these questions. Once my sister-in-law found her crying and later found that she was crying because she felt alone, as she knows no other immediate family members. I remember when I was younger, she tried to use various methods to find her family, but to no avail. I can only imagine how she feels at times, having no one to identify with, to say, oh my sister looks like me, or oh, my brother likes the same foods I like, or be given the chance to care for her parents in their old age. 

This post is not to discourage anyone from adopting, because as I said in my opening statement, this is a noble thing to do and to take it a step further, it is very essential for the growth and well-being of any economy, and our children are indeed our future. My intention is simply to have us who have adopted or who are thinking of adopting, prepare as much as we can for these moments, which can be very difficult to deal with.

ALL THE BEST IN YOUR EFFORTS

MR. STORK, ARE YOU PLANNING ON EVER COMING MY WAY AGAIN???

Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.

Children born to a young man are like sharp arrows in a warrior’s hand

Psalm 127: 3 and 4

“HOPE MAKES ALL THE DIFFERENCE"

Our son is home for a month for Christmas holidays and every day, more and more, I find myself thinking about a certain very elegant ,white, feathered fellow, and wondering if he has any plans of ever coming our way again.

Our son needs a sibling so badly, as he seems to think that we, his parents are his siblings. Throughout the days, he constantly wants me to build fortes on his bed and read stories to him under those fortes, (picture a three year old and an adult on a toddler bed, and he does not seem to understand that the bed is just not big enough for both of us). I must say, I enjoy reading stories to him, even if it is on a toddler bed, under a forte, because I have tried on many occasions to read to him when he was a baby and all he wanted to do, was to spin the pages of the book himself and eat them. He also wants me to bounce with him on the beds and for me, after a couple of bounces, I have to collapse on the bed because I am out of breath. The other day he had me outside doing laps around the apartment with him. Before long I was totally out of it and he seemed as if he had just started. I sat down for a while with my hand on my cheeks, only to have him come up to me and asked ‘Mommy, why so sad, what’s wrong?’ I told him I was tired from running. He immediately said to me,” that’s alright mommy we can still run” and before I knew it, he had me running again. By the way, can anyone guess my age? Medical experts say, the best time to have children is in your twenties and it is not only for the reason that women are more fertile at that age, they also have more energy to deal with these babies who, before long turn into very active toddlers. It was never the intention, for a woman aged  forty-something be running behind toddlers (smile). I am however, not complaining at all, in fact I am very grateful for my son, and would not exchange him for anything.

I am finding out that almost everyone I know who had just one child, has a second one on the way and that is giving me the encouragement to continue our efforts in this regard. I would be lying if I said that my age was not scaring me, because it is and I also have my PCOS issues to contend with.  All in all, I owe it to myself, my husband and most of all, our son, to do this, because I strongly believe that every child needs at least one sibling to be there beside them as they grow up. I had the privilege of having six siblings and my life would not have been the same if I did not have them.

I talk a lot about adopting, if our efforts to have another biological child fails, but more and more I am hearing how long and tedious adoption is, and so I would prefer to see what our chances are with a biological one first, then if those efforts fail, we will then put all those efforts into adoption and be prepared to be in it for the long haul, because our bottom line is, We are scared to think that our son might have to grow up alone and it was never our intention for that to happen. He does have cousins, but they are far away and many are much older than he is and so even when they get together, he would still be disadvantaged, given his age.

I know God is on our side and I know you are too, continue to keep us in your thoughts and prayers.

IS THE DECISION UP TO US, REALLY?

Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.

Children born to a young man are like sharp arrows in a warrior’s hand

Psalm 127: 3 & 4

“HOPE MAKES ALL THE DIFFERENCE”

I always knew I wanted more than just one child, but my struggles with infertility, saw me bargaining with God, telling him that if he just give me one, I would be pretty fine with that and would adopt another, as a thank you to him, for answering my prayers.


After I had my son, I was convinced that I was quite fine with just him, and more so, given the fact that I was so nervous and anxious with this pregnancy, I really did not want to have to experience this amount of anxiety and nervousness again, because it truly wore me out. We were then totally convinced that we would do adoption, to give him company.

Then I became pregnant unexpectedly last January, but found I had experienced a missed abortion early in the pregnancy. I was sure now, that I did not want to go down this road again, the miscarriages, the anxieties, the unknown and so my husband and I decided that this would be it and we started thinking of beginning adoption proceedings. Soon I began wondering, we have banked on this adoption thing, but what if it is not as easy as the brochure makes it out to be? Thankfully, not long afterwards, we began hearing stories of persons who had difficulties adopting and these are persons who we believe would be easy to be approved to adopt a child, given their status, and realized that we, without a doubt would be sure to experience even more difficulties in this regard.

Before long I realized that I was grieving for the pregnancy I had just lost, and wishing I had carried it, if for the only reason that my son would be sure of a sibling to grow up with, as I am one who does not believe that a child should grow up alone, if it can be prevented, and having seen how difficult it is for only children, not to mention the questions and conversations that the parents have to deal with, it began haunting me that my family might be subjected to this as well, given our plans. We immediately began rethinking our decision.

Then came the feeling of guilt, how could we have banked on adoption and made the decision not to have any more children, without thinking about the pros and cons and not thinking enough, about the needs of our son, How would we handle the questions when he starts asking them, ‘how comes I do not have a brother or a sister?’ Further, how would we feel when he draws his first picture of his family in kindergarten and realized that his picture has only three persons and those of his classmates have more and he is demanding answers from us. I personally would feel very guilty and feel that we have betrayed him, because life is just too difficult as it is, for a child not to have a sibling to grow up with, someone to lean on as they chart their course through life, someone to be themselves with, someone to share little secrets with, someone who they can count on to be there for them.

It is with this in mind that we are working closely with our doctor to give our son the company he deserves, because is it up to us, really, to make the decision, not have any more children after having just one? This decision, I believe, would be up to us to make, if we were told that having another pregnancy would be detrimental to my health, or if financially we could not afford any more, even though, who is ever totally convinced up front, that they can afford a child, when they begin thinking of having them. My Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) and age is a factor for anxiety yes, but we live in an age where women with fertility issues are still getting pregnant and women who are forty and over are also becoming pregnant and having healthy babies, so why can’t I do it too.

If our efforts does not bring about the result we desire, then we would be satisfied that we did our part and it sure would be easier to explain to our son, when he starts asking questions. I have already come up with a response if that time should come, and it goes, well son, we tried to give you company, but you are so special that God wants us to have just you.

We are forever grateful to God for our son, but we really believe he needs a sibling and we are still thinking of adopting, but much later down the road.

If there are anyone currently caught in this situation, I hope this post will be encouraging to you.

Be blessed, and until next time, keep clinging to hope.

ADOPTION GONE AWRY?????

Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.

Children born to a young man are like sharp arrows in a warrior’s hand

Psalm 127: verses 3 & 4

"HOPE MAKES ALL THE DIFFERENCE"

Towards the latter part of our struggles with infertility, we began thinking about the option of adopting and after I lost our daughter in 2006, We visited our local adoption bureau, for an information package.

Throughout this time, all I could think of was, what kind of personality and character would the child we adopt have, and because these thoughts were so foremost in my mind, my husband and I decided that we would adopt a very young child, age up to three months old. Sometimes I think that because we would love that child so much, this would not be an issue, but it still haunts me. We made the decision to adopt a very young child because we think this would give us a chance to mold this child into what we want him/her to be even though we know that children are born with their personality and character traits, but we would try nevertheless.

I remember when one of my brothers found out that we were thinking of adopting, he said to me, make sure you check all the medical records of this child, to ensure that you get a healthy one. I think this is important too, but I just cannot get past the personality and character issue, and then I realize that I am really very scared.

There was a story recently in the news, about this seven year old child, Justin, who was adopted six months ago. His adopted mother sent him back to Russia alone, because she did not want him anymore. She says he has violent and psychological problems and had plans to burn their house down and even had a hit list of persons he was going to kill, including his adopted mother. There is currently an outrage, as people are upset with this woman, because she sent the child back to Russia alone. It is said that she had someone from the Orphanage in Russia, where the boy is originally from, meet him at the airport. Russia is very upset with America because of this and is considering suspending all future adoptions from that country.

When I heard this story, my mind went back to my thoughts about adoption, and our decision to adopt a very young child, is even more cemented, if and when we should revisit this. Barbara Walters, on her show, The View, said, ‘if you want a perfect child do not adopt, and was even relating some problems she had with her adopted daughter. I know the chances are high that I might not get a perfect child, whether I adopt them from infant stage or not. I also know that all kids up for adoption need a chance at a loving family and home, but stories like this, does make it harder for kids like Justin.

If you were this adopted mother, how would you have dealt with this situation? This is a legetimate reason I beleive, to want to return an adopted child, because you have to think about your safety, the child's safety and the safety of your family as well. With this said, I would have contacted the proper authorities in Russia to let them know of the problems I was having with the child and also the authorities in my country, to get their advice on how to proceed, and then if returning him, becomes the option, I would accompany this little boy back to Russia, because I believe at least, I owe him this, if I want to be looked on as a capable parent. He is also a minor and this makes it even more necessary for him to have an adult accompany him.

The gift – A parent’s love for a child

“Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.
Children born to a young man are like sharp arrows in a warrior’s hand.”
Psalm 127: 3 & 4

Today this will be short and sweet.

Among the last words that Farrah Faucet wrote to her son Redmond, was thanks for giving me the gift of the love for a child. She was writing to her son who is in jail for charges relating to drugs and the fact that she can say this without any reservation is a testament to how forgiving, how pure, how powerful yet simple, a parent’s love for their children can be. I must say, those words went straight to my heart and my soul. What made those words even more impacting on me is that I can now say that I know fully well this love that she is talking about and I am very grateful that I have been given this great gift. When you are afforded the privilidge of having a child, this is indeed a great gift and one that should never be taken for granted. Notice the verse above that is permanently affixed to all my posts, a child is a gift from God.......Psalms 127 verses 3 & 4, well this is indeed so.

Michael Jackson, yes, I know his story has been playing out so much in the media and you are probabably saying, please, please nothing else about Michael Jackson. I will be saying something positive about the man, so bare with me. He certainly lived a strange and difficult life and had terrible things happened and said about him in life and now has even more terrible things being said about him in death. Amidst that all however, I saw a father who loved his three children, whether they be biologically his or not. I saw one video with him and his children one Christmas, opening gifts and taking pictures. I saw another of him feeding the youngest a bottle and yet another with his kids out in public and trying to protect them from the media. If I can use these images to judge that he has every bit of a father that he should be to these children, then I will. His actions were certainly those of a normal father I must say, nothing abnormal there. The only abnormality I saw was when he dangled his youngest child out of a hotel window to the paparazzi. That surely was poor judgement and could have ended differently. For someone who did not have a childhood and spoke of how is father abused him as a child, he has surely made up for that with being a good and normal father to his children. Michael surely experienced this gift that I am talking about, the gift of a parent’s love for their children and I am sure if, like Farrah, he knew that he was going to die, he probably would have written them the same letter. He is gone, too soon of course, but I am sure he is a better man because he is gone knowing this love, the love of a parent for their children.

It is certainly not fair for anyone who wants to have children to be deprived of experiencing this love due to infertility or other reasons. As one who thought I would never have experienced it, let me say I am in your corner, and you know that fully well by now. I know the pain all too well and let me say further that fostering or adoption can fill that void. I can imagine it might not be the same as loving a biological child but it should be able to fill that emptiness.

In the mean time though, keep clinging to hope.

How come I have no siblings?

“Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.
Children born to a young man are like sharp arrows in a warrior’s hand.”
Psalm 127: 3 & 4

I am back, thank you for missing me, my vacation was good.

Part of why my vacation was so good was because my sister and I spoke in a way that we do not usually. Firstly, she is a couple years older than I am and secondly growing up we did not bond due to circumstances beyond our control. But my sister and I spoke, with our past challenges remaining in the past, we spoke, we spoke about so many things, from our medical issues to having an only child. Yes I can now talk with my sister on issues like these because guess what, I am now a mother and mothers do speak similar language as we have so much in common and share a special bond.

Some people say that sometimes they feel so dried up for material to post. What I do is search through my daily life for material, a conversation with someone or something I heard or did. Our daily life is filled with so much to blog about. My post today will therefore be based on something my sister and I spoke about on my vacation, having an only child.

Many of us parents who for some reason or another end up with just one child, must have heard the question on occasions, how come I have no siblings?

I am sure this question dig deep into your soul and you have feelings of guilt and regret, especially if you are not able to have anymore biological children. I am sure you have managed to come up with some good reasons to tell your child why they are the only one, but sadly most of them are not able to understand and so the question returns from time to time.

I can imagine the guilt is especially worse if you put off having children until later in your life and now find that you are only able to have one. For those of us who fertility is the cause of us having only one child, the guilt is there but it is not as bad, as I can imagine you can work your way around a reason which can be more understood by your child. You can start by saying your body was not working as it should and so you were not able to have more than the one.

For us, our child is still young and so we have time before he starts asking this question. It is our hope though that he will not have to ask it as we intend to get him a sibling whether by adoption or biologically. I have not ruled out having another biological child entirely especially because I am now hearing that adoption is not as easy as I thought and some persons are having to opt to do fostering because this is easier.

Having your own child rule out all red tapes, all uncertainty if you qualify or not to adopt and so even though the odds are against me, (my Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, (PCOS) is back and is worst than ever), I am willing to fight on because it is sure not over until it is over. (I would say, it is not over until the fat lady sings, but poor lady, give her a break already).

No child deserves to be an only child if this can be avoided. When we found out that we were expecting a couple months ago, we were overjoyed for just the mere reason that our son would not have to be an only child (sadly we lost this pregnancy). Life is filled with so many challenges and so they need even one more sibling to chart the course of life with. My niece said to my sister, after asking her the famous question, “So mom, when you and dad are old I will have to be the only one to care for you both?” My sister said she believed she asked this question because she saw her taking care of our dad, taking him to his doctor’s appointments etc. I am sure that reached deep into my sister’s soul and I emphasized with her so much and vowed again that I would not allow our son to ask us those questions.

This post is in no way geared at making anyone feel uncomfortable and if it has, I sincerely apologize. These are purely my thoughts and that is why what we do is called blogging ‘our own thoughts.’

Remember, you are indeed very fortunate and blessed to have your one child.

Until next time, keep clinging to hope.

I AM BACK!!!!!!!

Hello all, you don’t have to miss me any longer, I am back. The problem with my internet has been sorted out. Can you imagine they suspended our internet account for over a month simply because of a mix up with my landlord’s name, (as the internet account is in his name), and took so long to sort it out. Sometimes we are subjected to such unnecessary inconvenience. Anyway, that is over and thank God I am back.

As I said in my last post, so much has happened over the time that I was away and I know you are anxious to hear about them. Let’s see, where do I begin? Well, I suffered another miscarriage at two months gestational age and found out to my horror, that my polycystic ovarian syndrome (pcos) is back and worst than ever, my husband lost his job, then the car was taken, as it was attached to my husband’s job, then a few days afterwards, our internet was suspended.

I felt so victimized, it was as if someone had targeted us and was again subjecting us to misery. Blogging has been the best way so far for me to fully come to grips with the struggles I had to endure in my life so far and when that opportunity was taken from me, I felt really empty. I also felt like I was living in the United States of America as everyday you hear stories of persons who have fallen victim to this global recession. Thank God though, our situation is not as bad as we still have good kind people around and we are being truly blessed by them.

Anyway, back to the issue of the miscarriage I suffered, as this is partly what this blog is about. We really was not trying for a baby, at least not right now because we knew that my husband’s job was in jeopardy. When we found out that we were expecting, we were frightened and confused at first but soon after started to embrace it to the point where we became so excited as we had in fact had discussions about a sibling for our son. We were therefore very sad when we learnt that we had lost it. I for one, was horrified as I thought that I was through with miscarriages, but I guess that choice is not mine to make. I was further horrified when I learnt that my pcos was back and was the cause for the miscarriage. My doctor reacted in such a dramatic way when she saw the cysts on my ovaries that I thought she was going to tell me that I had ovarian cancer. I was so relieved when she told me that they were in fact cysts.

And so, I am once again dealing with the effects of a miscarriage and feeling so guilty that I am grieving this loss when we have already been blessed with such a beautiful son. I am loving him and appreciating him even more these days and is even more grateful to God for him. Miscarriages are such horrible experiences that, if I had enemies, I would not wish it on even them. They have such crippling effects and once you experience them you never fully get over them. I gave birth to our daughter's dead body on April 2, 2007 and last week I could not understand why I was feeling so empty and depressed and why certain places (the UWI hospital, Mona, my sister's home where I spent the days following our loss) were appearing in my memory. I soon realised that it was because I was about to relive the horrible loss of our daughter this time two years ago, and this has been happening every year since.

I do not know what to draw from this experience at this time because we were not trying. I remember however, in the years that I was struggling to have a child, I often asked God for even just one and then we would adopt the other so that they can grow up together. If our request was granted, we saw the adoption as our way of giving thanks to God for his blessing of a child by also giving one other child the love of a family which he probably would otherwise not experience. I cannot help but think now that maybe God is holding me to this promise. We are therefore now actively thinking about adoption as soon as we are financially able to do so as our son definitely needs someone to grow up with. Let me hasten to say that when I spoke in one of my earlier posts that as a child I often dreamt of the ‘pitter patter’ of little feet around my home when I was grown, I never meant just two feet, I meant more, and four is such a whole and complete number. I never saw myself with just one child. An old saying goes, “one pickney is not pickney.” I hope I am not discounting the fact that some of us for whatever reason end up with just one. No need to feel cheated or guilty as this is just for me. You just hug your one child and thank God eternally for them because you are still more fortunate than many who have not been able to experience this blessing. You such, continue to be in my thoughts and prayers.

I am somewhat over this miscarriage now because given our present situation, if this child was still on the way, I am not sure how we would be cooping financially and so I must conclude that God knows best. He alone knows tomorrow and so we trust him enough to rest in his care and keeping.

Do not forget to join me for my next post.

My Infertility Story – C O N C L U S I O N

You have now read my story and normally I would have said, I hope you are encouraged, but I know you have in fact been encouraged, as I have heard from some you.

Part of the reason why I decided to put my story out via blogging was because I knew I would be able to offer encouragement to those who are struggling with infertility in a way that few probably can, having struggled for over a decade (twelve years exactly) and in such an incredibly difficult way. I am still to hear of someone who has struggled for as long as we did. I have heard of persons struggling for up to six years but none over a decade so far. I remember my mother-in-law was offering encouragement to a co-worker of hers who has been struggling with infertility. She told her how long it took us to finally have our baby, and the person responded, "am I to sit around and wait that long?" If someone told us that we would have had to sit around for that long, I would have said the same thing to them because it is really a difficult thing to have to do.

We who have struggled and those who are currently struggling with infertility are connected in a way that few could ever understand, and even though we maybe worlds apart, it is comforting to know that with the use of technology, we can read each other stories and find comfort in knowing that we are not alone, we struggle in the same way. We might not be connected by blood, but we are certainly connected in tears, in yearning, in shattered dreams and in hope that one day infertility will just be something we once struggled with.

Those of you who have read my story and did not know much about infertility and how it affects us who struggle with it, I am sure now has a clearer picture and can empathize with those you know who are currently on this journey. During my time of struggle I was judged by some and sadly these persons do have children and therefore could not possibly understand the pain associated with struggling with infertility. I remember one comment someone made, and every time I remember it, it breaks my heart all over again. The comment is, I have walked off my job because of trying to have a child and is stressing out my husband. Clearly this person does not understand how this thing can consume you to the point where you are not able to function normally. She also knows nothing about my struggles and I am hoping that she will access my story so that she can understand and feel sorry that she ever judged me in that way.

Finally, I hate to sound like a scratch record, but that is what my blog is set up to do, to encourage and give hope to you struggling with infertility. Therefore, I want to say, do not give up hope. Do everything in your power to beat this. It is said that when you have done your best, angels in heaven cannot do more, so fight on and remember, as I have said before, if you have exhausted all your other options, then adoption can be considered. Adoption can even be considered if you have not yet exhausted all your options and can afford to. Persons have done this and still go on to having their biological child, as the body now becomes more relaxed as that yearning ceases for the time being, therefore causing pregnancy to be achieved.

Thanks for taking time out to read my story and do join me as I continue to offer encouragement and hope and information geared at helping you with your struggle, through this blog.

DO REMEMBER, WE DID IT, SO YOU CAN DO IT TOO!!!!!!!!

My Infertility Story – Dealing with miscarriages cont'd.

As promised, here are some tips for picking up the pieces and moving on after a miscarriage or miscarriages, for you my readers who find yourselves in this position:-

Your miscarriage/s could be recently or a while now, but the point is, you never get over them and its worst if you have not had subsequent successful pregnancies, to take some of the focus off those that you have lost. If we were not blessed to have had our son a year after we lost our daughter, then I am scared to even think how I would be feeling now.

• With that said, what I want to say to persons dealing with miscarriages, is to grieve in your own way. Do not let anyone tell you how to grieve and when to stop grieving and move on. This is all up to you, or else you’ll find that you are not able to pick up the pieces and move on at all. I remember during my grief period, I took some time off from going out socially, as I did not think I would have been able to coop with normal life as it were. After a while, a friend said to me, Annetta, it is now time to come back out. I knew she meant well and I figured it was because I was missed, especially at Church, but I was upset as I felt it was not up to her to tell me when to move on.
• You also must cry, crying is good when nothing else can comfort you. After a good cry, you are left with enough energy to make it to the next cry. It is like a rest stop, it rejuvenates and gives you the resolve to forge ahead.
  You also need a support base. My family and friends were there for me in such an amazing way. My husband was phenomenal. Even my doctor was there for me too, he even called me on Mother’s Day, which was the next month. I was so touched by this. Grief of this kind, you cannot handle alone.
• Chances are you are feeling angry and betrayed by God. This is normal, as I felt that way too. Thanks to Dr. Dobson, his book “when God does not make sense,” puts it all in perspective for me. Just to reiterate what he is saying, we do not know why bad things befall us and it is not that we are targeted either. That’s just how life is. Why did my best friend have to die so tragically, or why is it your mother who is diagnosed with cancer, or why am I the only one out of five sisters to be diagnosed with infertility or the only child out of seven to get my father’s stuttering. No one knows, and the sooner we make peace with this, it will save us the energy we use to be angry with God so that we can channel that energy into picking up the pieces and moving on.
• You might also be having suicidal thoughts. This seem normal as I had them too and others I know of. My opinion with suicidal thoughts is that for some, they are just co-oping mechanisims and for others they are more than just that as sadly they are actually acted up on. When you have them you are actually picturing yourself dead and therefore rid of the problems that you face and this infact makes them a little lighter to carry for the moment. I find that soon after I had those thoughts, I was jolted back into reality, as I began to feel so guilty and selfish that I would actually want to put my loved ones through that kind of pain.
• If you feel you want to hold on to something from the experience, do that, it helps, it is comforting and the time will come when you can let it go. I chose to hold on to my shower items and after a while, I was able to share them with another friend who was pregnant. It was hard as I cried so much when she left with them, because I felt she was taking away a piece of my daughter.
• If you find that you are approaching the end of your reproductive years, and you have exhausted all your options, then adoption is still a good alternative. I know you might have contemplated it before and so it is now good time to visit this option. Adoption can also be a good option while you are considering your next plan, once you are financially able to do it. I am sure you will have a lot of love to give to this fortunate child who otherwise probably would not have it. I thought of adoption many times, I even went to the Agency for a package which turned out to be my security blanket, as I could not shake the feeling that I in fact wanted my own child.
• Most importantly, DO NOT GIVE UP. Just when you feel like giving up, that is when your triumph could be just around the corner. Many women lose a couple of pregnancies first before they have successful ones, so be encouraged.
  

Trials like these only come to make us strong and I am a testimony to that and I know you will get there too. Just stay the course, let the trials redefine you as a person, let them redefine your life’s purpose. Trust me you will be better off for it.

ALL THE VERY BEST!!!!!!!

In my next posts, I will be talking about my triumph, I cannot believe I am at that point in my story already and I am so excited to share it with you. Do join me.