“Monday Ramblings” – On to a new milestone…….

I remember like it was yesterday, the birth of our second little miracle, a little over 6 years ago, signaling our triumph over a long struggle with infertility and now he is starting first grade. I can hardly wrap my head around it.

He had a great summer, three weeks of summer school, one week of camp, with a birthday pool party thrown in the mix. He could have been gone to another camp for two weeks, quite near this time and no sleepover, but he did not want to go to another one I guess he thought one was enough, as he seemed to have been traumatized by the fact that he was away from home for all of one week, so the sound of another camp just threw him over the edge.

I was not complaining at all when I found out that he would have only spent three weeks at home, because the combination of he and his little sister can be quite lethal, so much so that quite early into his first week home, I felt like running away and not looking back. He provokes his sister and she does not back down. At one point his face looked like he was attacked by a Cheshire cat as he had scrapes all over courtesy of his little tyrant of a sister.

Today, I strongly believed that he was trying his best to give me everything he has left before he goes back out and so at one time I had to say to him, why do you give me so much talking? He replied instantly, I don’t give my teachers talking though, which is true, he is quite a saint at school and so I really believe we have two sons somewhere in there.

One thing with him is, when he ask you to do something he does not back down, until he wears you out. One morning, found me making a pirate patch and playing pirate with him and just a couple days ago I had to play engineer and make him a plane called ‘Dusty Crophopper’ from the movie Disney’s Planes, which his father took him to watch a couple days before. When my husband came home and saw it, he was quite impressed and said he did not think he could have done a better job. Who would think that my husband who eats, sleeps and dreams architecture, allows himself to be outdone by his wife.  

So then, our son starts his first day in first grade tomorrow and we endeavour to give him all the support he needs to continue to excel, because the very way he came to us, have us strongly believing that God’s intention for him is for greatness.

We love you son, and we are watching you grow with such delight. Continue to colour our world and make us proud.  

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GRATEFUL WEDNESDAYS – Feature 30 – Life is our greatest teacher.....

Today I am grateful for forgiveness.

As I pondered earlier today what to write for my grateful Wednesday post, when forgiveness came to me, I immediately remembered that I had done a previous post on this. I did not have any second thoughts about doing another though, because forgiveness is something that we should forever be grateful for.

Last Sunday I witnessed my eldest niece graduate from High School. Her birth has mixed memories for me, because this was the time that my infertility struggles began taking a pyschological toll on me. I was happy to learn that my sister was pregnant and as any sister should do, I was instrumental in planning her shower. As she prepared and subsequently went into the hospital to give birth, I was no where around. I did not even know when my niece was born and only learnt when my sister-in-law called to find out if I knew. I was upset, how comes I was not called? I however went to visit them both in the hospital, still feeling upset. I later learnt that I was not called about the birth of my niece because my sister was upset with me, as I did not come around when I was needed, to offer help or support to her, being the only sister around, as all the others live overseas.

Why was she upset with me I thought, couldn’t she guess the reasons for my actions. Didn’t she know that I was struggling to have children?  I stayed upset for a good couple of weeks and did not visit my sister all this time. When I eventually built up the courage to go, was only when a friend of mine wanted me to accompany her to visit with my sister and baby. I went with mixed feelings, embarrassed being the most distinct one I can remember.

Thankfully, after a while things between my sister and I did sort themselves out and I was able to embrace her and be the aunt to my niece which I always wanted to be. Somewhere forgiveness came into play and I am so happy it did, as I would not have had the chance to share in this milestone of my beautiful niece, who has been so much to me since the birth of my daughter. She gives herself so willingly to babysit for me and I cannot say enough how much this means to me.

As time passed and I processed things some more, more embarrassment set in. How could I have been so selfish and self-serving? How could she have known what I was going through at the time when I had not told her? Why did I want that special time for my sister to be about me?

When I lost my first baby, my sister was there in the most amazing way for my husband and I and for the birth of my daughter she was again there.

Love you my sister and love you my niece, keep excelling, you both are two very special persons.

LIFE HAPPENS IN THE PRESENT!!!!!

After having children, we have to change our perspective on life whether we like it or not. If not, no worries, they will change for us. Children teach us so much and one thing in particular that I want to focus on in this post is, they teach us how to stay in the moment.

Recently, one of my sisters visited from overseas and she planned for us a day with our Dad, out in the country, which she termed a ‘cookout’, even though it was more like a ‘cook in’, because we cooked inside.

After the first phase of my duties in the kitchen was over, my son, who is an energetic 5 year old, decided to indulge me in a nature walk, which he termed an adventure. We walked through almost all of my father’s property, among the lush vegetation and I was having fun with my boy. I decided to draw on my creative self and use this as a learning activity for him and so I began to identify some fruit trees and introduce him to them. He totally enjoyed that, wow am I a good mom or what, I beamed to myself. What made me uncomfortable though, was that I had to make so much effort to stay in the moment as I kept wondering if I am needed in the kitchen or if I really shouldn’t  be resting a little, as I did felt tired, until I was needed again in the kitchen to assist.

We finished our nature walk and no sooner had we finished, he was begging for another round. This time with added incentive, we now would be searching for treasure (thanks to Dora). By this time our daughter was awake from her 15 minutes nap (well, it sure felt like that because like her mommy, she is not a day sleeper) and my husband was off parenting duties because he had taken some work to finish up due to a deadline. I therefore had to make this second nature/adventure trek again, this time with added weight, as our daughter weighs over 25 pounds, well, 27 as I pen this post. This second time around was definitely no fun, and I tried very hard to show my son that I was enjoying this quality time with him. I begged him to cut this one short as I was really winded with his sister on my side. He did not give in, but somehow I succeeded in manipulating him to return to the house.

What saved me from a third nature walk was the call that dinner was ready.

When I was struggling to have children, I very often romanticized the idea of how great a mom I would be if given the chance. Reality now strikes and I am thinking, well, this one sure seem to have gotten away from me. I am only comforted by the fact that, I know I am not alone in this, because as parents we do come up short in one way or another.

The lesson here then is not just to us who are parents, but to all who have become so wound up from the spin cycle that our lives have become. We have to make special effort to remain present in life. Cease the moments when we can just kick back, relax and smell the roses.

My son taught me well, this lesson that day. After all mom, you are in the country where the vegetation is lush, no hustle, no bustle and more than all, the air is clean, why not take it all in, cease the moment.

My children continue to teach me daily, that LIFE HAPPENS IN THE PRESENT!!!!!

THOUGHTS ON ADOPTION

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As a result of our struggles with infertility, my husband and I had plans to adopt, but since our son came, these plans have been put on hold, thinking still that one day, we will adopt.

 Adopting a child, in my opinion is such a noble thing to do because you are giving a deserving child a chance of having the love and stability of a family, which they would otherwise not have. Many people prefer to adopt infants, because they think the transition would be easier for all involved. I somewhat believe that too.

My mind however, still many times fast forward to the moment when these infants are grown and it now becomes necessary for them to be told, that they are adopted. I try to think of ways that this news could be broken to them, and have found that there is really no easy way and after the task of breaking this news to them is achieved, then comes the more difficult part of how they will really react. Will they begin to rebel, will they become depressed and become a recluse wondering why their biologically parents decided to give them up and if they are not good enough for their parents to want to keep. There are many questions that they will have and the bigger question is, how do the adopted parents help them through this very frightening and difficult time?

I remember when I told one of my brothers that my husband and I were thinking of adopting, his advice was that we try to choose a child that has no health issues. This is very important as well, but I was more preoccupied with the kind of personality that the child I would adopt, would turn out with, because a child’s biological parents have a lot to do with their personality and also how I would break the news to them when it becomes necessary, that they are adopted and of course what their reaction would be.

I have no experience in dealing with anything of this kind, but I can well imagine that these children are going to need their adopted parents more than ever. They are going to need your love, your understanding and your patience and most importantly, they might be needing space, as they process this very new bit of information.

My mother was adopted and even though she now has a family of her own, who loves her dearly, she still deals with these questions. Once my sister-in-law found her crying and later found that she was crying because she felt alone, as she knows no other immediate family members. I remember when I was younger, she tried to use various methods to find her family, but to no avail. I can only imagine how she feels at times, having no one to identify with, to say, oh my sister looks like me, or oh, my brother likes the same foods I like, or be given the chance to care for her parents in their old age. 

This post is not to discourage anyone from adopting, because as I said in my opening statement, this is a noble thing to do and to take it a step further, it is very essential for the growth and well-being of any economy, and our children are indeed our future. My intention is simply to have us who have adopted or who are thinking of adopting, prepare as much as we can for these moments, which can be very difficult to deal with.

ALL THE BEST IN YOUR EFFORTS