THOUGHTS ON ADOPTION

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As a result of our struggles with infertility, my husband and I had plans to adopt, but since our son came, these plans have been put on hold, thinking still that one day, we will adopt.

 Adopting a child, in my opinion is such a noble thing to do because you are giving a deserving child a chance of having the love and stability of a family, which they would otherwise not have. Many people prefer to adopt infants, because they think the transition would be easier for all involved. I somewhat believe that too.

My mind however, still many times fast forward to the moment when these infants are grown and it now becomes necessary for them to be told, that they are adopted. I try to think of ways that this news could be broken to them, and have found that there is really no easy way and after the task of breaking this news to them is achieved, then comes the more difficult part of how they will really react. Will they begin to rebel, will they become depressed and become a recluse wondering why their biologically parents decided to give them up and if they are not good enough for their parents to want to keep. There are many questions that they will have and the bigger question is, how do the adopted parents help them through this very frightening and difficult time?

I remember when I told one of my brothers that my husband and I were thinking of adopting, his advice was that we try to choose a child that has no health issues. This is very important as well, but I was more preoccupied with the kind of personality that the child I would adopt, would turn out with, because a child’s biological parents have a lot to do with their personality and also how I would break the news to them when it becomes necessary, that they are adopted and of course what their reaction would be.

I have no experience in dealing with anything of this kind, but I can well imagine that these children are going to need their adopted parents more than ever. They are going to need your love, your understanding and your patience and most importantly, they might be needing space, as they process this very new bit of information.

My mother was adopted and even though she now has a family of her own, who loves her dearly, she still deals with these questions. Once my sister-in-law found her crying and later found that she was crying because she felt alone, as she knows no other immediate family members. I remember when I was younger, she tried to use various methods to find her family, but to no avail. I can only imagine how she feels at times, having no one to identify with, to say, oh my sister looks like me, or oh, my brother likes the same foods I like, or be given the chance to care for her parents in their old age. 

This post is not to discourage anyone from adopting, because as I said in my opening statement, this is a noble thing to do and to take it a step further, it is very essential for the growth and well-being of any economy, and our children are indeed our future. My intention is simply to have us who have adopted or who are thinking of adopting, prepare as much as we can for these moments, which can be very difficult to deal with.

ALL THE BEST IN YOUR EFFORTS