Keepsakes and Letting Go

What I find for the past 4 years that I have been blogging, is that, many times I have no idea what my post will be up to the very day of posting, then something happens, something comes to mind, and just like that I have a post. Oh the joys of blogging!!!

I am not a pack rat as I like getting rid of stuff I have no use for. I like space to breathe, space for air to circulate and so I have a limit for the time that I keep stuff for, just in case I might need them for something. When that time elapses and I have not yet find use for the items, I bid them farewell.

With this said, this morning while my husband and the kids were still sleeping, I decided to do a little cleaning up. The thing with kids is that there is no order with them around, things are just generally chaotic and out of place, and as someone who likes order, I have to be making special effort to embrace and appreciate this chaos. I have to find it beautiful too, because, after all, would I be writing such a post without having my beautiful chaotic children around.

Oops, I strayed a bit here, so here I go back on track. While cleaning up this morning, I stumbled across my pregnancy tests, each still baring the signs which herald news of the conception of our three miracles. I took  them out and looked at them, still remembering how we reacted when we saw the positive sign on each test. I looked over at the children in their beds sleeping and I felt an overwhelming sense of being highly favoured by The Almighty once again.

These tests are going nowhere I thought, I will never throw them out. One of the reasons I kept them in the first place, is to incorporate them in the memories we want to soon set up for each child.

I know there are other reasons why I kept them. It might not be as easy to put into words as the first, but I am thinking that I have held on to them because I do not want to let go of any part of my struggles with infertility. I kept them because I also do not want to let go of any part of my triumph over this life altering condition.

http://www.readscreations.co.uk/products-page/example-category/white-wooden-storage-box-with-keepsakes-in-black/

image by:

THE PSYCHOLOGICAL EFFECTS OF INFERTILITY

I have focussed a lot on this subject on my blog and this is largely because, from experience, psychological symptoms are the most common and difficult to deal with, in any struggle with infertility.

The psychological effects of infertility are many and varied and very real. Parenting is viewed as a natural transition in life and so when our efforts to this end, is frustrated, then anxiety, stress and depression results.

In my struggles with infertility, I hid my feelings and struggled alone for the greater part, because I felt that people would think that I was over reacting. What I was feeling, I did not understand that they were as natural as air is to breathing. I did not know that feeling jealous of persons, including close friends and even my family members who were having babies, was natural. I did not know that feeling a sense of loss, anger, pity and inadequacy was also natural. How could I, when I knew of no one who was going through similar circumstances, which would make me understand more. As a result of this, I held on to the notion that I was overreacting and for far too long, until I started believing it and felt a lot of shame. Sadly when people finally found out about my struggles, some did in fact felt that I was over reacting. I guess the saying “don’t judge a man unless you have walked a mile in his shoe” comes to mind here.

I came across an article recently that looks, in detail, at the psychological effects of infertility and how these symptoms, continue into treatment. It also looks at types of interventions that might help to deal with these symptoms. 


Please refer to the link below for more on this subject.

http://www.womensmentalhealth.org/specialty-clinics/infertility-and-mental-health/?gclid=CMDGq4rDoLACFQiynQodSUuaWQ

 From the article:-

“Stress, depression and anxiety are described as common consequences of infertility. A number of studies have found that the incidence of depression in infertile couples presenting for infertility treatment is significantly higher than in fertile controls, with prevalence estimates of major depression in the range of 15%-54% (Domar 1992; Demyttenaere 1998; Parikh 2000; Lukse 1999; Chen 2004). Anxiety has also been shown to be significantly higher in infertile couples when compared to the general population, with 8%-28% of infertile couples reporting clinically significant anxiety (Anderson 2003; Chen 2004; Parikh 2000).”

LIGHT MOMENT FRIDAYS – FEATURE 34 - “WE ARE FAMILY........”

This Friday’s light moment feature will have a teachable moment as well, and it is once again courtesy of our four year old son, so here goes:

Recently my husband had reasons to scold our son and he did it in a raised tone. Our son  responded soon after, “daddy you should not talk to me like that, because we are family.” His dad then responded, it is because you did not obey me at first why I had to talk to you like that. He was still quite obviously upset.

For us both it was a light moment, but I was soon forced to really look into what he was saying. As family we do cause each other hurt, albeit, unintentionally but sadly, sometimes it is intentional. During my struggles with infertility, my mom said some things to me that made me quite upset. I was able to forgive her and move on only because I knew it was not intentional that she was hurting me. I also believe in the love she has for all her children and I knew it was because she could not deal with the fact that one of us was hurting so deeply and wanted me to snap out of the depression and misery that I was in.

 It challenges me to think that an innocent four year old would know that as family, we should always thrive to, not hurt, but to honour and love each other. I do know that sometimes hurt is caused unintentionally, but we should not hesitate to validate each other’s feelings and apologise. When next you are in a conflict with a loved one, do remember that when everything else in your life changes, your family is the only constant.

The latter part of a verse from the passage Matthew 21 verse 15 (KJV) comes to mind........Yea: out of the mouth of babes and sucklings thou hast perfected praise. Do not take too lightly then, what our children say to us from time to time, because we could indeed learn quite a few things from them and be better for it. Do know also that children are closer to the heart of God than we are.


As May, being child month approaches, followed by family month, June, let us be mindful of this. 

HAPPY FRIDAY ALL  

THIS IS GREAT NEWS!!!!!

I have posted before on more than one occasion about this celebrity couple, Giuliana and Bill Rancic, who stars in their own reality show, ‘Giuliana and Bill on the style network. Part of the storyline of their show includes their public struggle with infertility. As if this is not bad enough, last year, Giuliana was diagnosed with stage 1 breast cancer and later learnt that she would not be able to begin trying to conceive again until after five years and it would probably not be even safe for her to become pregnant.

I admire this couple’s strength and resolve because, against this series of devastating news, while some of us would have probably given up, they began looking at other alternatives to become parents, such as using a gestational carrier or turning to surrogacy.

Turns out, they did decide to use a gestational carrier and they are now expecting a baby in September.

As an infertility sufferer, I love a triumphant infertility story and I am so excited for Giuliana and Bill.

Watch them announce their exciting news on the Today show, via the video link below:-

http://todayentertainment.today.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2012/04/23/11348819-giuliana-and-bill-rancic-were-having-a-baby?lite

Post picture courtesy of http://i2.cdn.turner.com/cnn/dam/assets/120423012256-giuliana-rancic-and-bill-rancic-2012-story-top.jpg

HOW DO WE, AS MOTHERS, TREAT WOMEN AROUND US WHO HAVE NO CHILDREN

image by: http://3.bp.blogspot.com

When I was struggling with infertility, I had many instances when I was in the company of women who are mothers, and the conversations would, most times, be centred around their children.  From experience, this is a very difficult thing for a woman who is yearning for children of her own, to have to experience.

When a very good friend of mine became pregnant, I pulled away from her because of jealousy. I had dreams of our children growing up together and because of my infertility issues, I was by now feeling that this would never happen. As she settled into motherhood and our relationship was showing no sign of mending, my insecure, fertility-challenged self wanted to believe that this was because she probably did not value my friendship anymore because we were now at different places in our lives and as a result, I even began resenting her.

The most difficult instance for me, came when our daughter was still-born in April 2007. I was in the hospital and had visitors, only to find on one occasion, that a conversation between two of my visitors (women) was centred entirely around their children, from day-care experiences to child-hood illnesses.  I was horrified, how could these women think that this was an appropriate time to talk about their children when I laid there dealing with so much grief and pain. As a result of this, I told myself, that if I am ever given the opportunity to become a mother, I would be so mindful of other women who have no children, having had these unpleasant experiences. I am very aware that I do have the upper hand here, and will find this easy to do, being one who, I can now say with much conviction, is  so privileged to have been chosen to struggle with infertility and so I do not, for one minute feel that it will be automatic or easy, or even possible for someone who have never had to walk this painful path.

So, how do we treat women around us, who have no children, be it by choice, infertility or other reasons. Do we exclude them from the birthday party lists or from our lives, for that matter, because we feel that we are at different places? Do we ask for their opinion on issues involving  our children or do we think that they would never be able to understand or help because they are not mothers themselves.

I hated Mothers’ Day so much, when I was struggling with infertility, and on many occasions tried to find an excuse not go to Church. This particular Mother’s Day, when the usual honouring of mothers exercise was being done, I sat in my seat, wondering if I should stay inside or excuse myself and go outside. I stayed and watched as all the mothers walked up to the front. The moderator invited other women who were not biological mothers, but had, had some input in molding the life of a child. I had great hopes that somewhere in that invitation, I would be included, maybe as an Aunt who had nurtured a niece or nephew or even for just being a Godmother. The opportunity never came, and by this time, it was just myself and another young lady, who were left in pews. I saw this as the opportunity to go outside and I did, on the verge of tears and reeling with embarrassment. I was upset for days, so much so that I called my Pastor and spoke to him. I was not expecting what he said to me. He knew of the format that the honouring of mothers exercise would have taken that day and he did caution the person in charge, that it could have an unpleasant outcome for some women who find that they were not included. I suppose he was so connected because he and his wife had struggled for a while to have children. The person said to him that she saw nothing wrong with the approach and so proceeded with it. I was upset with her for a while, and would have pardoned her only for the fact that being a mother, she probably has never experienced the pain of yearning for a child, and probably would not easily understand the need to do what she did differently, but sadly, when I learned that it was brought to her attention that others could be hurt on account of her doing, and she seemed to have not cared enough to give it any thought, It really took a while for me to forgive her.

This incident has left such an impact on me, and my struggles with infertility, so much so that the other young lady who, along with me, was excluded from this celebration, I told my husband that I wanted to name her a Godmother so that we could share our son with her. This was my way of making up for that hurt she had to endure (as she told me that she did, somewhat felt the same way I did). It will not ease her yearning and her pain, but from experience I know that when women who are yearning for children, actually become involved in the lives of children, there is a release and even though, initially you might have had your reservations about doing this, you end up feeling much better about your situation.

With all this said, I know that being mothers, some of us see as the most important role we could ever be allowed to play, in our lives and I also know that our children are equally as important to us and we cease every opportunity to talk and brag about them, and in all fairness, we should be allowed to celebrate this. 


I know all too well, that if we have never felt the pangs of yearning for a child, we will never really understand fully, what those who yearn, face on a daily basis. Despite this, I still want to charge us all, to be mindful of those around us who are childless. I am not saying that you are to walk around on pins and needles because of them, as I know they would not want you to do this, but just a little thought now and then about them and how they are actually cooping in a world that puts so much emphasis on procreating, would be very  helpful, if this is not too much to ask.

Probably the ones who are childless by choice, does not need all this, but I do know that those who yearn, it would make a difference to them that you care enough.

THE POWER OF LOVE

Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.

Children born to a young man are like sharp arrows in a warrior’s hand

Psalm 127: 3 and 4

“HOPE MAKES ALL THE DIFFERENCE"

Love is such a powerful force and without it, we would simply not exist.

Two sisters were featured on television recently on one of the morning shows. One was diagnosed with infertility as a result of premature ovarian failure. There was no doubt she wanted a family badly and so her sister stepped in and did one of the greatest acts of love ever, a great sacrifice for her sister.  She gave her the gift of a family through surrogacy and not just one child, she had twin boys for her sister.

I could not hold back the tears, as I watched how happy this incredible woman made her sister, and I immediately remembered that during my struggles with infertility, one of my younger sisters did mention to me that she could contemplate carrying a child for us. I was so moved by this and even more because my sister and I did not really have a close bond as a child, because she was closer to our youngest sister than she was to me. I suffer from a middle child syndrome because of all my six siblings, as a result of where I fall in the family (the 5^th one), I am not particularly close to anyone, and for my sister to have wanted to do this for me, just made me feel all fuzzy and warm inside.

I know if my husband and I were not blessed with our son, I surely would have taken her up or be thinking of taking her up on that offer, even though her husband at the time, seemingly was not warming up to the idea. This decision is really one that deserves a lot of thought, a lot of preparation of the mind, body and soul because it is such a great sacrifice that everyone involved has to make and so I understood clearly my brother-in-law’s position a the time.

“Though I may be able to speak with the tongues of men and even of angels, and have not love, my speech is no more than a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal………Love suffereth long and is kind, envieth not; love vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up……Love never gives up and its faith, hope and patience never fail.” 1 Corinthians 13 1 to 6 KJB and GNB

Help me salute love.

ARE OUR CHILDREN CONSPIRING AGAINSTS US TO BE SEEN AS BAD PARENTS?????.

Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.

Children born to a young man are like sharp arrows in a warrior’s hand

Psalm 127: 3 and 4

“HOPE MAKES ALL THE DIFFERENCE"

 Over my approximately ten years of struggling with infertility, I had enough time to learn from parents who desperately tried to do their best at parenting and as a result of what I saw, I created a blueprint of what I wanted my child to be like, and the parent I want to be, if and when my children did show up.

Now that I am a parent, it turns out that I cannot always use what I learned over those years, I have to totally abandon some things and tweak others, so that they work in my situations, because let’s face it, it really seems as if children are in a conspiracy to have us parents look like we are not doing a good job at parenting at all.

Our son is now developing his own personality and I tell you, some of his tendencies seem to be picked up from other kids in pre-school and they are frightening.

What I have seen though and cannot help but take notice, is that some children behaves very well in public and when strangers scold them, most actually do listen, and when we the parents do this, it takes a much longer time for them to adhere, sometimes leading to us to having to spank. Case in point, the other morning while we were taking our son to the car to leave for school, he was quite persistent that he wanted to sit in his booster seat and have his dad carry him to the car in the seat. He began crying and our neighbor who was nearby, saw what was happening and said to him, “stop, its too early in the morning for this behavior.” He stopped instantly and walked to the car with no further protest. I was grateful to our neighbor for stepping in, as my husband was getting no where close to restraining him, but on the other hand, this is something that I have to get used to, because the first thing that came to my mind was to feel that we are doing a poor job at parenting. Upon careful thought though, (and this has caused me to feel a little bit better), I have come up with the analogy that probably the reason this is so, is because our children are so close to us, we shower them with so much love and attention, (as in our cause, and understandably, due to our long and intense struggles with infertility) and so they see us as only figures of love and therefore does not take us too seriously, when we attempt to scold them.

There are however instances when we do not hold back scolding, for example, when we spank him and he attempts to hit us back, or when we scold him and he retreats to his room and slams the door (can you imagine a three year old doing this, I tell you, we are living in such different times, because as a child, one look from our dad, when we were being less than good, jolted us back in line). For behaviors such as this, we instantly react in no uncertain manner, to let him know that these behaviors will not be tolerated.

All parents out there and others, your comments are welcomed.

WE HAVE INDEED COME A LONG WAY

Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.

Children born to a young man are like sharp arrows in a warrior’s hand

Psalm 127: 3 and 4

“HOPE MAKES ALL THE DIFFERENCE"

I remember when I was struggling with infertility, I yearned so much to see any mention in the media about it.  I wanted so much to connect with people who were struggling as I was, because I know they were out there and a lot of them too.

We have come a long way.  Guilliana and Bill Rancic of ‘Gulliana and Bill’ which airs on the style network, have invited us to come along on this journey with them in their pursuit to have a child of their own and I must say, I am so happy this is happening

I remember when I was first pregnant, I won a story competition, hosted by one of our local television stations. We were asked to submit our love story and say why our story should be the winning one. I did not hesitate to include our struggles with infertility and how we had weathered that storm and was about to welcome our long awaited child. Well, my story won and it was quite daunting knowing that we had to appear on public television for all the world to see and hear that we had indeed struggled with infertility and that was very frightening for me, to say the least, so I cannot imagine having a camera following me, every step of the way, as I embark on this very emotional journey.

I know Gullliana and Bill must have often asked themselves, as others have, why they are dong this, and it must be frightening as well, to think that they are putting themselves out there like this, because it is such a personal and private journey, but on the other hand, I know they have applauded themselves for taking this risk and is comforted in knowing that their story will help, if it is only just one couple who is also struggling in this regard.

They did Invitro-fertilization and was successful, but sadly loss the pregnancy at 8 weeks, due to a chromosomal abnormality. They were hurt deeply, as you can well imagine, by this, but they still maintain great  courage and positiveness, that they will one day, be able to embrace the fruit of their labor.

My thoughts and and prayers go out to them.

"I LOVE MY CHILDREN, BUT I HATE MY LIFE"

Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.

Children born to a young man are like sharp arrows in a warrior’s hand

Psalm 127: 3 & 4

“HOPE MAKES ALL THE DIFFERENCE”

Hey all, its been a long time and I miss you a lot.  My laptop motherboard is gone so this means a new laptop and sadly, because of other priorities, we wont be able to buy one any time soon.  Fortunately for me, from time to time I get access to a computer and so I have decided to post something whenever I get these opportunities, as being able to add my encouragement in my own small way, to you who are struggling with infertility, means a lot to me. Do continue to swing by my blog, as this will continue to make me very happy.

Now on to my post...........

In my ten years of struggling with infertility, because of how unhappy I was, I always thought that whenever I managed to have children, I would be so blissfully happy, that it would seem like Christmas everyday.

Then reality struck.  I have to deal fatigue caused by lack of sleep, I have to deal with the feeling that I am not capable to care for this very fragile human being and as he transitions into a toddler, the temper tantrums, the stubbornness, you name it, so as you can well imagine, unhappiness do creep in.

I am finding out though, that I am not the only one who goes through this, many parents (especially mothers) do from time to time.

The Today show on NBC did a segment recently, entitled, “I love my children, but I hate my life,” and this is simply dealing with the same issues that I, and many other parents do have in this regard and thank goodness, this seems pretty normal.

The segment points out that the reason that we parents feel this way, is because we set ourselves up to feel like this from the beginning, as we embrace the opinion that parenting should be a happy, joyful time all the time and this holds even more true for parents who have had to deal with the anxiety and unhappiness of waiting, because of infertility, to have their children.

The stay-at-home Mom, was focussed on, as many who resort to this option, often feel a sense of guilt that they are not out there helping their spouse to provide for their growing family which sadly, often lead to feelings of inadequacy, which ultimately leads to unhappiness.

The segment (which was presented by mothers who have had to deal with these issues and want to help others) went on to encourage us to quickly let go of the notion that parenting will be happy all the time, because in reality this is hardly the case. Instead, we should first and foremost try to determine if we do feel fulfilled just being parents and then make an effort to focus on those times when we are happiest. Those very simple and tender moments when your child, on tip-toes hug you and say, ‘I love you Mommy.’ For me, it is the times when after giving my son something he asked for, he takes the time to say, ‘thank you Mama,’ with such a sweet innocent tone, without being prompted to do this.

I love my son eternally, but like many parents, I do have those moments when I think back at how my life was without him and if I am not careful, in my human selfish way, would want to wish that things had not changed. No having to give up my favourite programmes so that the television can be stuck on the Disney Channel all day so that he can watch his programmes whenever he wishes. No kicks and prodding in my bed when he decides he prefers to be in the middle of mommy and Daddy instead of in his own room, after we had drawn on all the creative energy we possess to make it comfortable.

With this all said, I know if I did not have him, those things would not matter at all, I would be so unhappy and miserable, wanting to give up anything just to have a child in my life.

All parents, be encouraged and for all those still on the very unkind and difficult road to have children, just keep fighting and hold on tight to hope.

Catch you next time.

IS THE DECISION UP TO US, REALLY?

Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.

Children born to a young man are like sharp arrows in a warrior’s hand

Psalm 127: 3 & 4

“HOPE MAKES ALL THE DIFFERENCE”

I always knew I wanted more than just one child, but my struggles with infertility, saw me bargaining with God, telling him that if he just give me one, I would be pretty fine with that and would adopt another, as a thank you to him, for answering my prayers.


After I had my son, I was convinced that I was quite fine with just him, and more so, given the fact that I was so nervous and anxious with this pregnancy, I really did not want to have to experience this amount of anxiety and nervousness again, because it truly wore me out. We were then totally convinced that we would do adoption, to give him company.

Then I became pregnant unexpectedly last January, but found I had experienced a missed abortion early in the pregnancy. I was sure now, that I did not want to go down this road again, the miscarriages, the anxieties, the unknown and so my husband and I decided that this would be it and we started thinking of beginning adoption proceedings. Soon I began wondering, we have banked on this adoption thing, but what if it is not as easy as the brochure makes it out to be? Thankfully, not long afterwards, we began hearing stories of persons who had difficulties adopting and these are persons who we believe would be easy to be approved to adopt a child, given their status, and realized that we, without a doubt would be sure to experience even more difficulties in this regard.

Before long I realized that I was grieving for the pregnancy I had just lost, and wishing I had carried it, if for the only reason that my son would be sure of a sibling to grow up with, as I am one who does not believe that a child should grow up alone, if it can be prevented, and having seen how difficult it is for only children, not to mention the questions and conversations that the parents have to deal with, it began haunting me that my family might be subjected to this as well, given our plans. We immediately began rethinking our decision.

Then came the feeling of guilt, how could we have banked on adoption and made the decision not to have any more children, without thinking about the pros and cons and not thinking enough, about the needs of our son, How would we handle the questions when he starts asking them, ‘how comes I do not have a brother or a sister?’ Further, how would we feel when he draws his first picture of his family in kindergarten and realized that his picture has only three persons and those of his classmates have more and he is demanding answers from us. I personally would feel very guilty and feel that we have betrayed him, because life is just too difficult as it is, for a child not to have a sibling to grow up with, someone to lean on as they chart their course through life, someone to be themselves with, someone to share little secrets with, someone who they can count on to be there for them.

It is with this in mind that we are working closely with our doctor to give our son the company he deserves, because is it up to us, really, to make the decision, not have any more children after having just one? This decision, I believe, would be up to us to make, if we were told that having another pregnancy would be detrimental to my health, or if financially we could not afford any more, even though, who is ever totally convinced up front, that they can afford a child, when they begin thinking of having them. My Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) and age is a factor for anxiety yes, but we live in an age where women with fertility issues are still getting pregnant and women who are forty and over are also becoming pregnant and having healthy babies, so why can’t I do it too.

If our efforts does not bring about the result we desire, then we would be satisfied that we did our part and it sure would be easier to explain to our son, when he starts asking questions. I have already come up with a response if that time should come, and it goes, well son, we tried to give you company, but you are so special that God wants us to have just you.

We are forever grateful to God for our son, but we really believe he needs a sibling and we are still thinking of adopting, but much later down the road.

If there are anyone currently caught in this situation, I hope this post will be encouraging to you.

Be blessed, and until next time, keep clinging to hope.

BABIES, BABIES, EVERYWHERE!!!!!- Cooping with babies while dealing with infertility.

Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.
Children born to a young man are like sharp arrows in a warrior’s hand
Psalm 127: 3 & 4

"HOPE MAKES ALL THE DIFFERENCE"

Have you ever noticed that whenever you are struggling with something, this is when situations relating to that which you struggle with, come at you from all angles, to actually test the fabric of your being and cause you to feel even worst.

So may things affected me when I was dealing with infertility and the sight of babies was one such, and was easily one of the hardest things I ever had to deal with during this struggle.
For persons I knew who were pregnant, (and this sadly included my family as well), I would make it through their pregnancies, (as hard as it was) but as soon as the babies arrive, my misery was taken to another level. I am not sure why, but I am led to believe that it is because the babies were there now, in the flesh, in all their ‘bundle of joy glory' and it made me feel so sad, that I was not the recipient of any. I was not holding one in my arms, and feeling like the luckiest woman in the world, instead I was there feeling jealous and defeated and so sorry for myself.

It did not matter if I was in a good mood before I saw a baby, my mood always took a down-turn from there. I remember I went for groceries one Sunday. I do not normally shop for groceries on Sundays but now and then I sneak one in because grocery shopping takes on a new dimension for me when I do it on Sundays as I find it so relaxing. This particular Sunday, it was like babies were coming from out of the walls of the supermarket. There were babies, babies everywhere, twin ones, cute ones, you name it. I could not believe my eyes. I felt as if they were all looking at me in my distress and taunting me. So much for my leisurely Sunday shopping, I had to hurry up and finish my shopping for the sake of my sanity. Needless to say, my whole entire evening was ruined. I remember relating this to a family member, who had called soon after I got home and her response totally added to the downturn of my evening, she said, “try and block things like those.” Block it? I said to myself, how does one do that? I know she was trying to help her dear sister, but that goal was certainly not accomplished in my book and it really did not help and made me feel worst because she had children and would therefore never ever know what situations like these feel like.

Everyone who wants children and has to struggle with infertility or other reasons for not having them, do deal with this difficult situation and I regret that I do not have any recommendations of my own, for cooping in this regard, having gone through this because, put simply, I just did not cope. What I realised however, and maybe that helped me cope, was that when I allowed myself to remain in the presense of babies, even holding them, (albeit difficult), I walked out of the situaton feeling so much better.

Here is an article that offers suggestions on how you can cope with babies while dealing with infertility, without going over the deep end.
http://ldsinfertility.blogspot.com/2010/01/how-to-cope-with-babies-during.html

From article- recommendations:-

1. “Accept that exposure to babies is a reality of life. Even though it feels as if infertility has stopped your world, the rest of the world continues to move along its merry path of fertility. Facing this reality head on will spare you being blindsided as frequently.”


Be encouraged therefore, and until next time, keep clinging to hope.

DOES YOUR FAMILY KNOW ABOUT YOUR STRUGGLES WITH INFERTILITY???????

Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.
Children born to a young man are like sharp arrows in a warrior’s hand
Psalm 127: 3 & 4

I feel compelled to write this post because I have been reflecting of late on how difficult it was to bring my struggles with infertility to my family, and I suspect that some of you struggling with infertility, are having this problem too. You are not having the support you would have wanted from your family because you have not built up the courage to tell maybe for fear that they might not be able to give the support you need or for fear you might be judged or have inconsiderate comments thrown at you. On the other hand, maybe you have managed to tell them but have only skimmed the surface of what you are going through, these dear loved ones really do not know exactly how much pain this struggle is inflicting on you and how hard it is to just make it from day to day.

I wrote in my last post (“when your mother-in-law want those grandbabies”), that my struggles was brought to my family only after a conflict with my mother-in-law and this was not really how I wanted them to know about it, I wanted to be able to tell them myself and to tell them also how much this condition was affecting my daily life, how hard it was to wake up each day and to actually make it through that day.

I remember once I was taking a trip out to the country with my eldest sister and had planned in advance that I would use that occasion to tell her about my struggles with infertility. I used this opportunity because what more than a journey out in the country to relax you and make you want to talk, even to the extent of things that you hold private and close to you. Well, this did not go as planned, as I find I was able to talk about everything else but my struggles with infertility. I actually attempted in my mind, on a few occasions but no words came from my lips. I came back from this trip feeling miserable and defeated, and was forced to continue my struggles in secret.

I know like me, many of you are having problems opening up to your family about your struggles and this is understandable because this is a personal and private issue. Furthermore, infertiles will attempt to protect their feelings if they have reasons to feel that they will be judged or have inconsiderate comments thrown at them.

For me, this was the case. I remember on one occasion one of my sisters became pregnant with her second child. I was happy but was also a bit uncomfortable, because, here I was still struggling to have my first. Nevertheless, I decided to break the news to my Dad. I was not prepared for the response my father gave me, “so you are wasting time then”, he said. I was really taken aback to hear this from my Dad, because he was not one to make comments like that to me and so I took it to heart and was very depressed for a good while after.

My mother on the other hand, had no problems throwing these comments at me, that after a while, I had planned to talk to her in details about my struggles with infertility, in hopes of her being a little more considerate with her comments, but sadly I did not get around to it.

On the few attempts to talk to members of my family about my struggles with infertility, the comments were sometimes less than encouraging. One comment I got from one person, was that they do not think they would be so upset if they were inflicted with infertility. As a result, I gave up trying and made the decision to continue struggling in private, with the hope that one day I will be able to open up completely to them, so that they will understand more, this kind of pain.

I mention all these scenarios just to so you know that I know how difficult it is to talk about an issue like struggles with infertility with your loved ones. I also know that this difficulty is made that much lighter when you have the support of those you love, because some day, all you need is an encouraging word from a loved one, or a hug even, to let you know that even though they do not know what it feels like to be in such pain, they will be there for you, when you need them. I yearned for that so much.

I would encourage you therefore that if you want the support of your family (like I wanted), make the effort, as hard as it may be, to talk to your loved ones about your struggles with infertility, as you will never know how much this will help you. Iwished I had worked harder at it. This might prove to be a little discouraging at first but just remember, whatever their judgement, reaction or comments may be, they are really not qualified to give them, unless they have walked a mile in your shoes.

Be encouraged therefore and until next time, keep clinging to hope.

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"HAVING A HEALTHY BABY BEGINS WHEN YOU ARE TRYING TO CONCEIVE"

Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.
Children born to a young man are like sharp arrows in a warriors hand
Psalm 127: 3 & 4

I did a post identical to this one before but feel that I should still share this one with you, as I believe we cannot be reminded enough about this, when we are trying to conceive.

This is especially so for those who are struggling with infertility because it is very easy to forget that indeed a healthy baby begins when we are trying to conceive. We become so consumed with the various treatments to beat our condition and sometimes too, we are aware of this, but because infertility treatments are so expensive, sadly, we have to forego this, because it is equally very expensive to eat healthy and to purchase prenatal vitamins and where stress is concerned, once you are struggling with infertility, sadly, this becomes a part of your life and is not so easy to keep under control. I still implore you all to bear this in mind though.

When I became pregnant with our daughter, I was not on any prenatal vitamins, my diet was not as it should be and I was extremely depressed and stressed out as a result of my struggles with infertility. I still cannot shake the feeling that this was probably why the pregnancy ended up as it did, because after entensive research and testing, we still do not have any answers as to why we lost that pregnancy.

When I became pregnant with our son a couple months after, I was on prenatal vitamins, I was on iron, because my doctor told me I was anemic and I was exercising and eating as healthy as I could have afforded. As we all know that pregnancy was a success and our son was born in perfect health. I strongly believe it was because of my prenatal regiment, why this pregnancy was successful.

Please follow the link below to see post by a fellow blogger and until next time ALL THE BEST in your efforts.

http://infertility-fertility.blogspot.com/2009/09/having-healthy-baby-starts-when-youre.html

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