ARE YOU A HAPPY MOTHER???

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There was no doubt about it, I was going to be a blissfully happy mother, should I be given this privileged opportunity and I know many women who have ever struggled with infertility, had this image in their minds as well.

 I was given this opportunity which I have fully embrace and is forever grateful to God for. The reality is, I am indeed happy, but not always blissfully happy and I find this strange because as one who yearned for so long to become a mother, I thought that it would be no problem for me to totally remain in the moment and enjoy every minute of it, no matter what.

Motherhood, in fact, let us not leave out fathers, parenting for that matter, is hard work and does have moments when we are not as happy as we would otherwise have wanted to be. There are a lot of stressful moments, like those when you wonder seriously if you came home from the hospital with the right child, because of  how mischievous and difficult they get at times. You question your capabilities of nurturing and caring for another human being to the point where they can take care of themselves and make their own decisions, and you go out of your mind with fear about their safety. Not to mention the fact that  you spend a lot of your time and energy competing with other parents, making sure that your child has the most expensive toys and clothes and just simply, the best of everything.

Sadly, we lose ourselves in this chaos and no longer indulge in those moments that make us truly happy, enjoying our children, laughing and playing with them. My three year old son always invites me to get down on the floor and play with him, and quite honestly, apart from the fact that, because of my age, it is quite a task to get down on the floor, let alone to get back up, I often have second thoughts about actually responding to his request, because I am thinking, what else, more worthwhile could I be doing. Before long, though, I am made to realise that this is the most worthwhile thing that any mother could do for their child. Show me a mother who is so present in their child’s life that they do not hesitate to get down on the ground to play with them and is still able to effectively scold them when necessary, and I will show you a fortunate and happy child who will no doubt become a successful adult later on.

Dr. Meg Meeker’s life revolves around caring for children, being a paediatrician, and says she sees a lot of burnt out, unhappy mothers on a daily basis and so she wants to help us become happy again.

In her book, ‘10 Habits of Happy Mothers’ Dr. Meeker is putting her  twenty-five years of experience as a practicing paediatrician and counsellor into a sound, sane approach to reshaping the frustrating, exhausting lives of so many moms.

By implementing the key strategies in Dr. Meeker’s book - getting back to the basics of parenting, you can be happy, hopeful, and a wonderful role model. You can teach your children to be the very best they can be—and isn’t that still the most precious reward of motherhood?

If you are interested in this book, it can be purchased directly from link on left, from from Amazon.com

ARE OUR CHILDREN CONSPIRING AGAINSTS US TO BE SEEN AS BAD PARENTS?????.

Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.

Children born to a young man are like sharp arrows in a warrior’s hand

Psalm 127: 3 and 4

“HOPE MAKES ALL THE DIFFERENCE"

 Over my approximately ten years of struggling with infertility, I had enough time to learn from parents who desperately tried to do their best at parenting and as a result of what I saw, I created a blueprint of what I wanted my child to be like, and the parent I want to be, if and when my children did show up.

Now that I am a parent, it turns out that I cannot always use what I learned over those years, I have to totally abandon some things and tweak others, so that they work in my situations, because let’s face it, it really seems as if children are in a conspiracy to have us parents look like we are not doing a good job at parenting at all.

Our son is now developing his own personality and I tell you, some of his tendencies seem to be picked up from other kids in pre-school and they are frightening.

What I have seen though and cannot help but take notice, is that some children behaves very well in public and when strangers scold them, most actually do listen, and when we the parents do this, it takes a much longer time for them to adhere, sometimes leading to us to having to spank. Case in point, the other morning while we were taking our son to the car to leave for school, he was quite persistent that he wanted to sit in his booster seat and have his dad carry him to the car in the seat. He began crying and our neighbor who was nearby, saw what was happening and said to him, “stop, its too early in the morning for this behavior.” He stopped instantly and walked to the car with no further protest. I was grateful to our neighbor for stepping in, as my husband was getting no where close to restraining him, but on the other hand, this is something that I have to get used to, because the first thing that came to my mind was to feel that we are doing a poor job at parenting. Upon careful thought though, (and this has caused me to feel a little bit better), I have come up with the analogy that probably the reason this is so, is because our children are so close to us, we shower them with so much love and attention, (as in our cause, and understandably, due to our long and intense struggles with infertility) and so they see us as only figures of love and therefore does not take us too seriously, when we attempt to scold them.

There are however instances when we do not hold back scolding, for example, when we spank him and he attempts to hit us back, or when we scold him and he retreats to his room and slams the door (can you imagine a three year old doing this, I tell you, we are living in such different times, because as a child, one look from our dad, when we were being less than good, jolted us back in line). For behaviors such as this, we instantly react in no uncertain manner, to let him know that these behaviors will not be tolerated.

All parents out there and others, your comments are welcomed.

"I LOVE MY CHILDREN, BUT I HATE MY LIFE"

Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.

Children born to a young man are like sharp arrows in a warrior’s hand

Psalm 127: 3 & 4

“HOPE MAKES ALL THE DIFFERENCE”

Hey all, its been a long time and I miss you a lot.  My laptop motherboard is gone so this means a new laptop and sadly, because of other priorities, we wont be able to buy one any time soon.  Fortunately for me, from time to time I get access to a computer and so I have decided to post something whenever I get these opportunities, as being able to add my encouragement in my own small way, to you who are struggling with infertility, means a lot to me. Do continue to swing by my blog, as this will continue to make me very happy.

Now on to my post...........

In my ten years of struggling with infertility, because of how unhappy I was, I always thought that whenever I managed to have children, I would be so blissfully happy, that it would seem like Christmas everyday.

Then reality struck.  I have to deal fatigue caused by lack of sleep, I have to deal with the feeling that I am not capable to care for this very fragile human being and as he transitions into a toddler, the temper tantrums, the stubbornness, you name it, so as you can well imagine, unhappiness do creep in.

I am finding out though, that I am not the only one who goes through this, many parents (especially mothers) do from time to time.

The Today show on NBC did a segment recently, entitled, “I love my children, but I hate my life,” and this is simply dealing with the same issues that I, and many other parents do have in this regard and thank goodness, this seems pretty normal.

The segment points out that the reason that we parents feel this way, is because we set ourselves up to feel like this from the beginning, as we embrace the opinion that parenting should be a happy, joyful time all the time and this holds even more true for parents who have had to deal with the anxiety and unhappiness of waiting, because of infertility, to have their children.

The stay-at-home Mom, was focussed on, as many who resort to this option, often feel a sense of guilt that they are not out there helping their spouse to provide for their growing family which sadly, often lead to feelings of inadequacy, which ultimately leads to unhappiness.

The segment (which was presented by mothers who have had to deal with these issues and want to help others) went on to encourage us to quickly let go of the notion that parenting will be happy all the time, because in reality this is hardly the case. Instead, we should first and foremost try to determine if we do feel fulfilled just being parents and then make an effort to focus on those times when we are happiest. Those very simple and tender moments when your child, on tip-toes hug you and say, ‘I love you Mommy.’ For me, it is the times when after giving my son something he asked for, he takes the time to say, ‘thank you Mama,’ with such a sweet innocent tone, without being prompted to do this.

I love my son eternally, but like many parents, I do have those moments when I think back at how my life was without him and if I am not careful, in my human selfish way, would want to wish that things had not changed. No having to give up my favourite programmes so that the television can be stuck on the Disney Channel all day so that he can watch his programmes whenever he wishes. No kicks and prodding in my bed when he decides he prefers to be in the middle of mommy and Daddy instead of in his own room, after we had drawn on all the creative energy we possess to make it comfortable.

With this all said, I know if I did not have him, those things would not matter at all, I would be so unhappy and miserable, wanting to give up anything just to have a child in my life.

All parents, be encouraged and for all those still on the very unkind and difficult road to have children, just keep fighting and hold on tight to hope.

Catch you next time.