"Excuse me baby modda" (Excuse me baby mother)

I have been a mother for 5 years now and it seems I am not yet fully embracing motherhood and all that it represents. Who can blame me though when it took me over a decade to become a mom and felt so many times along the way that chances are, I could still come up empty, after my struggles.

The other day I was waiting in the checkout line at a pharmacy and heard a young man politely said ‘excuse me 'baby modda.’ I did not move at all and so he seemed to have made his way without my help. When he passed, I said to myself, oh, he was actually talking to me. A few days later, while reflecting on this incident, I began wondering if the reason I had not responded quicker to this young man’s request was because I had not yet completely embraced the fact that I was a mother because of how long it actually took me to become one. Do I need to be in this role a couple more years before I can be completely invested?

This church brother calls me only by the name of baby mother these days. He knows my real name, but I guess he too has a problem seeing me now a mother and so he has to call me that every chance he gets for it to hit home to him.

There are times when I am interacting with my children and I find it a little difficult to remain in the moment. It feels so surreal that I am actually interacting with them in the capacity of a mom and not an aunt or such. I even find myself wanting to pinch them to be convinced that they are really real.

Thank goodness they are no second guesses when it comes to caring for them, I am completely invested there and run on empty sometimes ensuring that their needs are met, so I guess it is safe to say that my shortcomings then, is purely psychological.

Since the psychological aspect of motherhood seems then to be a work-in-progress for me, it is my honour to continue to fulfil my role as it relates to the other aspects until I am fully embracing motherhood and all that it represents.

Post image by: http://www.instablogsimages.com/1/2011/11/17/ideal_bags_for_moms_lbam5.jpg

HAVING CHILDREN LATER IN LIFE

image by:http://i.telegraph.co.uk/

It is recommended that couples start their families in their twenties, because at that time women are more fertile and better able to deal with the demands of motherhood and parenting.

This is very true, but many of us struggling with infertility, or have ever struggled with infertility, have not much choice in this matter, and as a result find ourselves starting our families much later in life.

The risks of getting pregnant  later in life cannot be ignored.  There is the risk of certain birth defects e.g. Down Syndrome. There is the risk of miscarriage, pre-eclampsia, babies with low birth weight among others and so there is much anxiety for women who find themselves pregnant later in their lives.

Regardless of this however, women are still becoming pregnant at this stage in their lives. I had my son at 39 and later said I would try for another up to the age of 43. I know of many other women who have had children at this age and even older. In Hollywood, there are a lot of older mothers, Halle Berry who gave birth to daughter Nahla at 41,  Mariah Carey who just gave birth to twins at age 40, and everyone will remember Kelly Preston, who gave birth to her third child in December, at the ripe old age of 47. There is also recent news, that Carla Brunni, first lady of France is currently expecting, at age 43. I remember when I had my miscarriage in 2009, I was 41, then and was telling someone about my ordeal, who was quick to ask, ‘is it safe for you to get pregnant at your age?’ I was not sure if I was to feel offended or not, but I knew she only said that, because of what she was socialized to believe about women and pregnancy, and is not able to think outside of the box.

I guess many women, including myself are simply just thinking that other older women get through their pregnancies, successfully, so we can too and choose to take a positive attitude in this regard. Kelly Preston said, she did not think about the risks, she just thought that it would be difficult.

Pregnancy, on a whole, regardless of your age comes with many risks and so if older women should reflect on the risks only, they would never go on to have the families, they want. The key to any successful pregnancy, later in life, I believe, is being as healthy as you possibly can, before and during  your pregnancy, staying as close as possible to your doctor and most of all, having a very positive attitude.

ALL THE VERY BEST IN YOUR DECISION TO BECOME AN OLDER MOM.

ARE YOU A HAPPY MOTHER???

image by: http://cdn.picapp.com

There was no doubt about it, I was going to be a blissfully happy mother, should I be given this privileged opportunity and I know many women who have ever struggled with infertility, had this image in their minds as well.

 I was given this opportunity which I have fully embrace and is forever grateful to God for. The reality is, I am indeed happy, but not always blissfully happy and I find this strange because as one who yearned for so long to become a mother, I thought that it would be no problem for me to totally remain in the moment and enjoy every minute of it, no matter what.

Motherhood, in fact, let us not leave out fathers, parenting for that matter, is hard work and does have moments when we are not as happy as we would otherwise have wanted to be. There are a lot of stressful moments, like those when you wonder seriously if you came home from the hospital with the right child, because of  how mischievous and difficult they get at times. You question your capabilities of nurturing and caring for another human being to the point where they can take care of themselves and make their own decisions, and you go out of your mind with fear about their safety. Not to mention the fact that  you spend a lot of your time and energy competing with other parents, making sure that your child has the most expensive toys and clothes and just simply, the best of everything.

Sadly, we lose ourselves in this chaos and no longer indulge in those moments that make us truly happy, enjoying our children, laughing and playing with them. My three year old son always invites me to get down on the floor and play with him, and quite honestly, apart from the fact that, because of my age, it is quite a task to get down on the floor, let alone to get back up, I often have second thoughts about actually responding to his request, because I am thinking, what else, more worthwhile could I be doing. Before long, though, I am made to realise that this is the most worthwhile thing that any mother could do for their child. Show me a mother who is so present in their child’s life that they do not hesitate to get down on the ground to play with them and is still able to effectively scold them when necessary, and I will show you a fortunate and happy child who will no doubt become a successful adult later on.

Dr. Meg Meeker’s life revolves around caring for children, being a paediatrician, and says she sees a lot of burnt out, unhappy mothers on a daily basis and so she wants to help us become happy again.

In her book, ‘10 Habits of Happy Mothers’ Dr. Meeker is putting her  twenty-five years of experience as a practicing paediatrician and counsellor into a sound, sane approach to reshaping the frustrating, exhausting lives of so many moms.

By implementing the key strategies in Dr. Meeker’s book - getting back to the basics of parenting, you can be happy, hopeful, and a wonderful role model. You can teach your children to be the very best they can be—and isn’t that still the most precious reward of motherhood?

If you are interested in this book, it can be purchased directly from link on left, from from Amazon.com