"Excuse me baby modda" (Excuse me baby mother)

I have been a mother for 5 years now and it seems I am not yet fully embracing motherhood and all that it represents. Who can blame me though when it took me over a decade to become a mom and felt so many times along the way that chances are, I could still come up empty, after my struggles.

The other day I was waiting in the checkout line at a pharmacy and heard a young man politely said ‘excuse me 'baby modda.’ I did not move at all and so he seemed to have made his way without my help. When he passed, I said to myself, oh, he was actually talking to me. A few days later, while reflecting on this incident, I began wondering if the reason I had not responded quicker to this young man’s request was because I had not yet completely embraced the fact that I was a mother because of how long it actually took me to become one. Do I need to be in this role a couple more years before I can be completely invested?

This church brother calls me only by the name of baby mother these days. He knows my real name, but I guess he too has a problem seeing me now a mother and so he has to call me that every chance he gets for it to hit home to him.

There are times when I am interacting with my children and I find it a little difficult to remain in the moment. It feels so surreal that I am actually interacting with them in the capacity of a mom and not an aunt or such. I even find myself wanting to pinch them to be convinced that they are really real.

Thank goodness they are no second guesses when it comes to caring for them, I am completely invested there and run on empty sometimes ensuring that their needs are met, so I guess it is safe to say that my shortcomings then, is purely psychological.

Since the psychological aspect of motherhood seems then to be a work-in-progress for me, it is my honour to continue to fulfil my role as it relates to the other aspects until I am fully embracing motherhood and all that it represents.

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