LIFE LESSONS

I used to watch Oprah Winfrey shows a lot, but stopped watching them for quite some time now. One night recently, I was looking for something to watch and stumbled across her network. A program called ‘Oprah’s Life Class' was in progress. I decided to stop by and check what it was all about.

She was co-hosting this show with Life Coach, Iyanla Vanzant, and they were basically talking about lessons learnt in life because of situations we have had to experience.

Later on in the show, they had a guest on, one of the stars of my 'Big Fat Greek wedding.' Her life lesson came to her, when, as a victim of infertility for over a decade, she decided one day, while driving to an awards show in which she was nominated for an award, that she did not want to fight this infertility fight anymore. She was feeling really crappy that day and was in no mood to be on a red carpet, she said. That moment led her to her foster daughter and she is now a spokesperson for Foster Care. She even went further to say that, she is glad for the struggle of infertility, as it is because of this that she now feels so fulfilled in life.

As I listened to her, I thought about my own struggles with infertility. As my struggles progressed and my pain intensified, I knew somewhere along the line I wanted to help others, but I just could not make the move. It was not until February 2009, when my son was almost 2, that this resolve came, as I was too  preoccupied with my infertility pain to do it before that.

I know sadly, many of us who are facing struggles in our lives, do not so easily find the resolve to help others from our pain, because we are not able to see beyond this pain and therefore cannot see the life lessons that are in these struggles for us. For some of us, it is not until much later that we are able to identify these lessons and act on them. This is a pity though, as it is a known fact that we end up feeling better about our circumstances when we help others.

For those who are able to cease these opportunities, what empowerment for you and what motivation for the rest of us.

BE ENCOURAGED THEREFORE

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ADOPTION GONE AWRY?????

Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.

Children born to a young man are like sharp arrows in a warrior’s hand

Psalm 127: verses 3 & 4

"HOPE MAKES ALL THE DIFFERENCE"

Towards the latter part of our struggles with infertility, we began thinking about the option of adopting and after I lost our daughter in 2006, We visited our local adoption bureau, for an information package.

Throughout this time, all I could think of was, what kind of personality and character would the child we adopt have, and because these thoughts were so foremost in my mind, my husband and I decided that we would adopt a very young child, age up to three months old. Sometimes I think that because we would love that child so much, this would not be an issue, but it still haunts me. We made the decision to adopt a very young child because we think this would give us a chance to mold this child into what we want him/her to be even though we know that children are born with their personality and character traits, but we would try nevertheless.

I remember when one of my brothers found out that we were thinking of adopting, he said to me, make sure you check all the medical records of this child, to ensure that you get a healthy one. I think this is important too, but I just cannot get past the personality and character issue, and then I realize that I am really very scared.

There was a story recently in the news, about this seven year old child, Justin, who was adopted six months ago. His adopted mother sent him back to Russia alone, because she did not want him anymore. She says he has violent and psychological problems and had plans to burn their house down and even had a hit list of persons he was going to kill, including his adopted mother. There is currently an outrage, as people are upset with this woman, because she sent the child back to Russia alone. It is said that she had someone from the Orphanage in Russia, where the boy is originally from, meet him at the airport. Russia is very upset with America because of this and is considering suspending all future adoptions from that country.

When I heard this story, my mind went back to my thoughts about adoption, and our decision to adopt a very young child, is even more cemented, if and when we should revisit this. Barbara Walters, on her show, The View, said, ‘if you want a perfect child do not adopt, and was even relating some problems she had with her adopted daughter. I know the chances are high that I might not get a perfect child, whether I adopt them from infant stage or not. I also know that all kids up for adoption need a chance at a loving family and home, but stories like this, does make it harder for kids like Justin.

If you were this adopted mother, how would you have dealt with this situation? This is a legetimate reason I beleive, to want to return an adopted child, because you have to think about your safety, the child's safety and the safety of your family as well. With this said, I would have contacted the proper authorities in Russia to let them know of the problems I was having with the child and also the authorities in my country, to get their advice on how to proceed, and then if returning him, becomes the option, I would accompany this little boy back to Russia, because I believe at least, I owe him this, if I want to be looked on as a capable parent. He is also a minor and this makes it even more necessary for him to have an adult accompany him.