GRATEFUL WEDNESDAYS – Feature 18 – “You raise me up.”

Many nights I wake up at about 2:30 am and find that I cannot go back to sleep. Since the birth of our daughter it is as if my body feels that 4 to 5 hours of sleep is adequate. Anyway, one such night last week, after not being able to go back to sleep, I began scanning the television channels to see if there was anything worth watching at that time of the night. I stumbled across a talk show where they were featuring backup singers. What came out of this program was that these people, do desire to be in the limelight but they do not have the courage to and so it is those who possess this courage, are the ones in the spotlight. These individuals are then forced to just be the support while those who they assist shine. They featured about three sets of backup singers who support a lot of big name artistes. Towards the end of the show the host gave them their time in the spotlight and they were so good, you wonder why they do not have their own recording contracts.

So it is in our daily lives, there are persons whose shoulders we stand on, who allow us to be all that we can be. They, in their small corner, make it their duty to do everything to ensure that we shine. The rank and file workers in an organization who keep the organization operating at its best, those friends who are always there to encourage us, to push us along. The spouses who strive to bring out the best in each other, the teachers who want to see every student in their class do well, the parents who deny themselves just to ensure that their children have the best opportunities so that they can at least live a little better life than they did.

What I find with me is that I am at my best when I am working in the background. I will be honest and say that I do wish at times that I could be in the spotlight and have tried on occasions but find that I do not operate at my best there and so I have to be satisfied with others standing on my shoulders to be the best that they can be. You might say I am cheating myself, but I do see their success as mine too and that is adequate for me.

I would like therefore to use this space today to offer my gratitude and to honour all the unsung heroes around us. Just know that the spotlight would be overcrowded if all of us were jostling for a spot there.

10 YEAR OLD COLUMBIAN GIRL GIVES BIRTH

A 10 year old Columbian girl gave birth to a baby girl weighing just about 5 pounds recently. This makes her one of the world’s youngest mother.

I really did not know this was even possible but according to an ABC article, the explanation is that, because ovulation usually starts before menstruation, it is very possible that girls can get pregnant before having their first period.

Follow the link below for more on this story:-

http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/health/2012/04/06/10-year-old-girl-gives-birth-to-daughter/

Many times throughout my infertility struggle, I would think that if I had become pregnant earlier, not at age 10 by any means, but in my early teens as I began noticing evidence of my PCOS condition in my late teens, then I would have had the child or children I so wanted and my infertility struggle would have sure turned out differently.

Not that my parents would approve of this and I would definitely have to fit all my belongings in one travelling bag and run for the hills.

post image by: http://www.thelifefiles.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/wayuu.jpg

'ITS NOT OVER UNTIL ITS OVER'

image by: http://www.opposingviews.com

Actress, Christina Applegate, who had her breakout role in the sitcom married with children, (1987), gave birth to a daughter on January 2007, after being diagnosed with breast cancer and subsequently having a double masectomy.

I am sharing this news just to encourage some of us who think that because of our circumstances, some of our dreams will never be realiazed.

Christina could have just resigned herself to not becoming a mother, because she was indeed discouraged by her doctors.

Take courage therefore, because ‘its not over until its over.’

Read complete story:-

http://www.opposingviews.com/i/christina-applegate-shares-joy-of-having-baby-after-cancer

How can a parent bury their child

“Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.
Children born to a young man are like sharp arrows in a warrior’s hand.”
Psalm 127: 3 & 4

My post was supposed to be very different today, but after watching the memorial service of Michael Jackson, I had to change it because I just cannot concentrate on anything else.

His memorial service was lovely. He is indeed Hollywood royalty and a pop icon, but from just watching this service you would not know if you did not know him. I saw humanness, I saw the genuine, pure, unselfish love of a mother, a father, siblings, children, gripped by grief at the loss of their loved one and I felt as if they were normal people like myself who I knew personally. My heart went out to Catherine, his mother.

What played over and over again in my mind was how the parents, especially the mother, might have been feeling. I am sure she did not think she would have had to bury a child and many parents still do not think they will bury their children, because in the normal sphere of life, this should never be. My son was sleeping beside me while those thoughts played over again in my head and I just thought to myself, no, I could never do it. I could never bury my child. Think in our case where because of infertility, it was such a struggle to have this precious child, how could we bury him? My miscarriage was hard on us, it is the loss of a child that we wanted so much but still that grief I am sure cannot measure up to the loss of a child who you nurture and care for to the point where they can now take care of themselves. The thing is, even though they are now adults, they will always remain your children in your eyes.

A family in my church, some years ago lost their eldest child rather tragically. This child was engaged to be married rather soon and I am sure the whole family was looking foward to this even with much joy. I am sure the parents were also looking forward to the grandchildren they would later embrace from this union . I remember the day of the funeral the parents, especially the mother was so overwhelmed with grief. Usually it is the mother that seem to feel the pain more and this could probably be because we gave birth to these children and felt all the pain associated with their birth. I remember I was the one in charge of the decoration for this funeral and decided to leave them up for church the next day, being Sunday. After church had ended, the mother came to me and asked why the decorations were still up. I felt so embarrassed and bad that I had not used good judgment and was adding to the pain that this family was in because I should have really taken down those decorations right after the funeral. I did not get over it for days.

Parents, as you clearly see, there is no guarantee that you will not bury your children, but God usually provides the additional strength that we need in situations such as this. We therefore have to draw on him in these times to carry us through. I know this family did it and they are doing much better now. I also know that you never get over these losses and so, I am sure that they still continue to lean on him for strength to continue living.

In closing, I want to challenge those of us who are blessed with children to give them all they need to become adults, who will have good judgment and be able to make sensible choices in respect of their lives, so that they will not have to turn to other things to take the place of what they come up lacking in their lives, as this, as you can see, can sadly lead to their untimely demise. Other things can take them out too, but let us not allow these things to be the way they go.

Those of you who continue to yearn for children, do not let opportunities like this pass you by, learn from them so that when you are blessed with your children you will know exactly how to bring them up so that they can survive in this world that can be so cruel to them. Remember, we have to do our part in......."healing the world, make it a better place..........heal the world we live in, save it for our children."




Until next time, keep clinging to hope.

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY

Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.
Children born to a young man are like sharp arrows in a warriors hand
Psalm 127: 3 & 4

It is indeed a great privilege to wish you all a happy Mother’s Day and I am very happy that I am now a part of this very esteemed group.

Mothers Day of 2007 found me very pregnant (eight months) with my son and as the mothers at my Church were called up to be honored, I remember sitting there wondering, should I go, I am not really a mother as yet, but for sure God's willing, I will be when the next one comes around. As I sat there pondering, someone came and suggested that I joined the other mothers. I got up promptly because by then I started thinking, of course I am a mother, It was only a little over a year ago that I gave birth to our daughter. She was dead, but her spirit and soul is very much alive and so that should qualify me.

Might I say that I gave birth in the normal natural way reserved for any normal pregnancy. I felt the same pains, maybe not as intense as a full term pregnancy, but it was pain nevertheless.

As I started walking to join the other mothers, tears began to well up in my eyes. I was crying because finally I was taking this walk, a walk that I yearned for, for so many years now. I was also crying because in exactly a month my struggles with infertility would be over as I would give birth to my son and would not have to wonder mothers days to come, if I was so qualified.

I know Mothers days are hard for those struggling to be a mother. Many mothers days passed, during my struggle, I had to actually will myself to not fall to pieces and had to, on occasions purchase something new to wear to Church to boost my spirits.

I remember the Mothers day after we lost our daughter, my goddaughter called very early in the morning to wish me happy Mother’s day, just when I was thinking that I might not be able to make it through the day. I got out of bed shortly thereafter as I received renewed hope and was so encouraged that one special little girl felt that I meant so much to her for her to do that.

So be encouraged, something might just come your way this Mothers day to remind you that you matter. You might not be a mother but someone might just think you are special to honor you in some way this Mothers day.

I feel compelled to tell you, your HAPPY MOTHERS DAY might be just around the bend, so keep clinging to hope.



ALL THE VERY BEST!!!!!!

Age and Fertility

From website:-

“More of us are leaving it later to start a family than ever before. Figures from National Statistics for England and Wales show that, since the 1980s, the rates for women giving birth at age 30 or over have gone up, while the rates for women giving birth aged under 30 have fallen. There are many factors which make having babies less important or more difficult for young couples than it used to be, including going on to higher education, developing a career, and financial pressures to stay in the job market. Also, many people don't find a partner they want to have children with until later in life or just don't feel ready to become parents when they're younger.”

For further reading on age and fertility, please visit:-
http://www.babycentre.co.uk/preconception/activelytrying/ageandfertility/

For us, it was none of the above factors, we were battling infertility and when I woke up one day and found that I was over 35, I was terrified, as I knew too well of the challenges now facing me. I refused to let that deter me though and so I pressed on.

At one point I heard that age 40 was the cut-off point to have children and would watch helplessly as it approaches, then when I heard that it was 45, I was relieved as this now gave me a few more years. I do not know how much these numbers stand true though, as more and more I am finding that women 40 and over are having their children and many are born normal and healthy. It is therefore all up to the woman I would think, as I have heard of women having children much older than that. Rare cases I might add, but it does happen.

Having had our son, We are thinking now that he needs company and so we will be trying to give him a sibling. Mind you, it is stressful to want to get pregnant again at my age because I know too well of the odds. It will be harder to conceive for sure as you now have less healthy eggs, but you just have remain positive, trust God, stay close to your doctor and try to do everything in your power to have a healthy pregnancy. An anomaly scan is very vital at this stage. This is performed at about four months into the pregnancy and tells if the baby has any abnormalities.

When we found that our son was developing normally, we were so overjoyed.
If you are trying to have a family and are concerned about your age, I hope this post will help to put your mind at ease so that you can focus on getting pregnant and having a healthy pregnancy.

I found this site to be very encouraging:-

http://www.azcentral.com/families/articles/0604oldmoms0604.html

From site:-

"When Cynthia Goodwin's doctor told her she might be pregnant, "I started laughing hysterically," the Phoenix resident says.Goodwin was 47, childless and menopausal - she thought. That was in July 2003. Today, her and husband George's daughter, Anna, is 17 months old and keeps Mommy running. "She's kept me more active than I was before," says Goodwin, one of the growing number of older women enjoying first-time motherhood."

ALL THE BEST.

HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY!!!!!!!

Valentine’s Day has taken on new meaning for me since the birth of our son almost two years ago. It is such a beautiful experience as I am now experiencing a love unlike any other that I have experienced before. It’s the love for a child, bone of my bone, flesh of my flesh, a love that is so full, so complete and so unconditional. This gives me so much joy and I am much happier, more fulfilled and feel eternally blessed.

I believe it is indeed love that made this all possible and I cannot think of a better day than Valentine’s Day to say this. It was said that our daughter gave her life so that her other sibling/s might live. She purified my body of all the toxins brought on by my struggle with infertility. The stress, the depression, the fertility drugs and miscarriages. At first it was hard for me to see it this way, as I could not come to terms with the fact that someone so innocent, so pure and precious could be sacrificed in such a cruel way. It was only when I was presented with my beautiful healthy son, then and only then did I embrace the fact that this is indeed so. My delivery was difficult, yet he was resilient through it all. More resilient than I was, as I came down with a fever. Our daughter was watching over him. Our daughter gave her life without even knowing it, (and that’s the beauty of it), so that her brother could live. WHAT GREAT LOVE. That is why she is in heaven with the one who did it first for us all, gave his life so that we all can live.

I believe our daughter is watching over us and she lives through her brother, as one child could not be so smart, so innocent, so daring, so full of life, such a blessing to have.

We are not able to do anything fancy this Valentine’s Day because of the global economic crisis. I am quite alright with that because I have the two special men in my life and it does not matter if we go out or stay home. We still have a love that binds us all together, the love of family, to celebrate and that can be done without money.

Last year we decided to go out and took our son with us. Why we did this was because we found that he loved his car seat and when we took him out he would just sit in it very quietly and look around. We decided to brave it and take him with us to have dinner. He was quite alright, checking out the scenery and seemed quite happy with himself and so we proceeded to having our dinner, and thinking that we have the best son in the world. A couple minutes into dinner, lo and behold he started fussing, luckily a waitress was available and so she took him while we finished our dinner. Flushed with embarrassment, I finished my dinner, not even tasting it anymore (to think that it costs us so much and I was not enjoying it anymore). We finished our dinner, paid the tab and left quickly, vowing that we would find a babysitter next time. OH THE JOYS OF PARENTHOOD.

To all of you struggling with infertility and holding out hope that one Valentine’s Day you will be able to experience love of this kind. I cannot say it enough, DO NOT GIVE UP, keep on doing what you are doing and one day, your efforts will I am sure be rewarded. In the mean time for Valentine’s Day, you could do something special for another child, a needy child perhaps. You’ll feel so good about yourself and that will put a better perspective on Valentine’s Day for you.

AGAIN, HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY

My Infertility Story – Dealing with miscarriages cont'd.

“I was admitted to the hospital the next day and things got worse the day after I had given birth to our daughter, as there was this terrible feeling of emptiness that made me cry and could not stop. I never cried so much in my entire life.”

On my way home from the hospital, I began to do a mental survey of my medicine cabinet to see what kind of prescriptions drugs I had that I could just take and end this all. I did not feel like I could go on living, at least not without my daughter.
When I got home, I began feeling the real impact. Everything there reminded me of my pregnancy and I did not want to be there, but I did not want to leave either because this would mean me that I am moving on without my daughter, and I was not ready to do that, not just yet. It was still too fresh. My sister asked that she took the shower items I had as well, but I said no as I did not want to let go off them. I felt like having them there would give me the comfort that my daughter was still with me.
I began revisiting the prescription drug idea and became scared. What will happen when my husband return to work tomorrow, I thought. I did not trust myself at all to be left alone in this condition and so I quickly told him that I did not want to be home alone. He made plans for me to stay at my sister’s house for the rest of the week, where there was a housekeeper, which meant I would not be alone. I was relieved. The idea of suicide seemed oh so great but somehow I knew I did not want to go just yet as I believe there was still some purpose for my life and I know too that, should I make it through this, I would have a great story to use and encourage others.
I cried that whole week I was at my sister’s. I was so angry with God and felt so betrayed by him that I did not want to have any connection with him at all. How could it be said in Psalms 127 verse 3 that "children are a gift from God, they are a real blessing" and my blessing be taken away in such a cruel way. Bottomline, how can you give someone something and take it back, especially people like us who have been trying to start a family for now over a decade. I did not pray for days as I just did not want to be even in his presence. You know how you feel when someone you love hurt you, you are so upset with them that you prefer not to have any interaction with them at all for a while. That was how I felt.
A friend lent me a book by Dr. James Dobson, of ‘Focus on the Family’, entitled, 'When God does not make sense,' which I began reading from the day after giving birth at the hospital. In essence what this book is saying is that we have no control over what happens to us in our lives and it is not that we are targeted to go through certain challenges either. That is just how life is, and the sooner we understand this, the sooner we stop feeling betrayed by God when certain things befall us. I hate to say it, because I was so angry at God, but somehow this made sense to me and as I continued to read the book, (with no interruption from the outside world, as my husband had turned off my phone, for fear of any calls making me more upset), it began making even more sense. I then realized that I was not as angry with God anymore and I was not crying as much either. I began to slowly trust his heart again, even though I still could not trace his hand. I was able to put things into perspective that by the end of the week I was feeling so much better.
I did not stop crying or being sad after that week at my sister’s, as grief is indeed a process, but I was able to pick up the pieces and move on (slowly of course), but with each slow step, came a little faster one, until I was able to move on with my life in a normal way. Being mindful of course that I will face the same challenges, seeing pregnant women, children and it will be harder this time for me as I would be thinking how close I came to realizing my dream, so close, yet so far away. The expected date for the birth of our daughter was so hard for me as there was this strong smell of baby in the entire house. I could not take it, I cried for my baby until I fell asleep. I woke up the next day feel much better and something deep down told me that my triumph over infertility was sooner than I think.
A few months afterwards, I began feeling pregnancy symptoms and so I tested, the first test was not clear and so I retested, this time it was clear. I was pregnant again. I was excited for the mere fact that it is said that once you become pregnant it is easy to get pregnant again and also because deep down I felt that our breakthrough was near and so I wanted to believe very much that this pregnancy was for sure. I called my doctor the next day and went in to see him. He proceeded to confirm the pregnancy and found that the test was reading negative, shortly after that it was transformed to positive. We sat there and just stared at each other. I was totally confused and he seemed the same too. He did a scan just to see what was happening and sadly there was nothing there to indicate any pregnancy. I was even more disappointed and confused as I wanted to believe that the pregnancy tests were faulty and I was pregnant indeed. After a blood test, it was discovered that my hormones were again out of balance. I did not want to hear that again as I had been there and done that, but it was what it was.
When we got home that evening my husband and I just threw ourselves on the bed, exhausted from the events of the day and the past couple of months and feeling that our chance to have a family of our own was now totally eluding us. This was indeed a set back in our psyche and the emotions inside of me felt all too familiar. Sure enough I was grieving again for a baby I could have had, as a positive pregnancy result to me meant that I was close to overcoming infertility thus realizing my dreams of becoming a mom.
There was, thankfully, much needed distraction from this, as my husband had secured a job in another country in our region and our plans to migrate there was in high gear and so we threw ourselves into this even more, looking forward to distancing ourselves from this chaos and pain and continuing our lives where no one knows our story. I was so looking forward to that.
Two months after relocating, we realized we were pregnant and would go on to giving birth to our miracle baby, thus signaling our triumph over approximately a decade’s struggle with infertility.

To my readers who find themselves currently dealing with miscarriages, in my next post, I will attempt to give you tips on how you can pick up the pieces after these painful experiences and move on. Don’t miss it.