…..Later on in my struggle, I realized that this was consuming me. I grew tired, so tired and weary of all this as it took so much energy not to go over the edge. I grew tired of hating myself for doing things only because they were the socially acceptable thing to do or that they made others happy……..what about my happiness, I thought.
I could not continue to live like this as I was too miserable and fighting chronic depression and so I decided to start thinking about me, my happiness. After all, my happiness should be priority. So what if there is a baby christening at church today and I do not want to go, I do not have to, and guess what, why should I feel so bad. I do not have to do anything I don’t want to do. At this point I decided that I would have to be brave and make a statement that I would appreciate not being invited to baby showers anymore. This was particularly hard to do as I was usually instrumental in planning these events and so I really had to think carefully about how to convey this message without causing hurt to myself and others. I did and I was surprised that it was taken so well. I thought persons would have said I was selfish but instead they seemed to have understood where I was coming from and they were very accommodating. I felt really empowered after this and I could almost hear myself saying, “thank you.” The knots in my stomach and shoulders suddenly disappeared and I was able to breathe again, smile again and live again.
It felt good, so good. It felt like having hot chocolate on a rainy chilly day. I felt I had accomplished so much by just making that one statement and it was all the more gratifying because now I finally felt that I was on the road to getting my story out in its honest form. This was no small step, this was big indeed, and it was the first of many that I would have to take to sensitize all who are near and dear to me, about my pain, which I was never brave enough to do before.
I believe this was the beginning of my breakthrough, so much so that when we lost our last pregnancy, people became even more aware of what we were going through and was very sympathetic. This loss was really not just mine and my husband’s, it was everybody’s, who was near and dear to us and who watched us silently struggle with infertility for all these years. This I believe was one of things that brought us through this difficult time.
In closing this post, let me re-iterate the point that I believe that your happiness should always take precedence.
Of course you can put yourself behind at times for another person’s happiness, but not always and especially not when it makes you miserable and sad to the point where you do not even know yourself anymore.
No one is obligated to do anything that they would rather not do at a point in time, and others should understand this. Sadly, we usually do not and so we cause each other unnecessary pain and discomfort. Hence, the statement, ‘we are our worst enemies.’
Thanks to infertility, I learnt to say enough is enough and I challenge all of you, my readers who are in the same position at this time, to try this. It is very liberating, it is healing and it can change your perspective of your situation and life on a whole. I learnt to love myself again and I am learning to transfer this and everything else that I have learnt from this struggle into my daily relationship with others. THANKS INFERTILITY!!!!!!.
Do not just take my word for it, read from someone else’s perspective:-
http://www.resolve.org/site/DocServer/06_Family_and_Friends.pdf?docID=5702
It felt good, so good. It felt like having hot chocolate on a rainy chilly day. I felt I had accomplished so much by just making that one statement and it was all the more gratifying because now I finally felt that I was on the road to getting my story out in its honest form. This was no small step, this was big indeed, and it was the first of many that I would have to take to sensitize all who are near and dear to me, about my pain, which I was never brave enough to do before.
I believe this was the beginning of my breakthrough, so much so that when we lost our last pregnancy, people became even more aware of what we were going through and was very sympathetic. This loss was really not just mine and my husband’s, it was everybody’s, who was near and dear to us and who watched us silently struggle with infertility for all these years. This I believe was one of things that brought us through this difficult time.
In closing this post, let me re-iterate the point that I believe that your happiness should always take precedence.
Of course you can put yourself behind at times for another person’s happiness, but not always and especially not when it makes you miserable and sad to the point where you do not even know yourself anymore.
No one is obligated to do anything that they would rather not do at a point in time, and others should understand this. Sadly, we usually do not and so we cause each other unnecessary pain and discomfort. Hence, the statement, ‘we are our worst enemies.’
Thanks to infertility, I learnt to say enough is enough and I challenge all of you, my readers who are in the same position at this time, to try this. It is very liberating, it is healing and it can change your perspective of your situation and life on a whole. I learnt to love myself again and I am learning to transfer this and everything else that I have learnt from this struggle into my daily relationship with others. THANKS INFERTILITY!!!!!!.
Do not just take my word for it, read from someone else’s perspective:-
http://www.resolve.org/site/DocServer/06_Family_and_Friends.pdf?docID=5702
Also, infertility can consume you. I am a testimony to that. You can feel so overwhelmed that you are unable to see yourself as anything more that your infertility. I felt that way on numerous occasions and it was worst because I had nothing much left to validate myself on, as I was nowhere where I wanted to be in my career and others areas of my life.
Check this site out, if you are currently in this position, you should find helpful information there. http://iammorethanmyinfertility.wordpress.com/2009/01/23/the-infertility-journey-a-body-mind-approach/
Check this site out, if you are currently in this position, you should find helpful information there. http://iammorethanmyinfertility.wordpress.com/2009/01/23/the-infertility-journey-a-body-mind-approach/
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