“Do you think God would do that to you?” she asked.

Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.

Children born to a young man are like sharp arrows in a warrior’s hand

Psalm 127: 3 & 4

"HOPE MAKES ALL THE DIFFERENCE"

If I had ever doubted the fact, for one minute that our son is a miracle baby,a total gift from God who have angels watching over him, then what happened on Sunday, would have taken away all doubts in that regard.

I accompanied my son as usual to Junior Church on Sunday. When I attempted to rejoin Church, which was in its final moments, I realized that he did not want to go inside, and so we stopped outside (an open foyer). All this time, I was holding him on and off, because I wanted to keep him within reach, being mindful of the nearby roadway. He had picked some flowers and wanted to take some to a female usher who was sitting at the door (awww), and so I allowed him to, watching him closely of course. I also allowed him to walk around a bit afterwards, because he was resisting me holding him at points, and so I decided to just give him some space to move around by himself. That decision came out of the fact that recently my husband and I were saying that he seemed to be settling down a bit, he was not as animated anymore and we were saying that sending him out to the nursery was having this positive effect on him. As a parent who beleives its important to give a child room to grow, when you think they should be able to handle it, this was just a test to see if and how much we could trust him, without hovering too much.

Then for the moment which almost changed my life forever. Our Church is nearby a somewhat busy roadway, and the gate remains opened, until church is finished. There is however, still a little distance between the church and the actual road, and that is why I thought it would have been alright to let him go a bit. I saw him paused, facing the road way and somehow I knew it, (a mother’s instinct as a friend said, when I was relating the incident to her yesterday). He took off with ‘Bolt like’ speed towards the road, I immediately tried to stop him, but did not reach him in time and soon enough, I knew I had to run with all the speed I could muster up, in high heel shoes. My speed was no match for his however, and so I was conscious that I had to strategize in those few precious seconds I had. I lounged at him, and before I knew it, he fell. I tripped over him and fell as well. I fell out of both my shoes, and he fell out of one of his and we both layed sprawled out on the sidewalk. Mission accomplished, he was stopped, right in time, as he had just reached the sidewalk, and would have ran into the road right then and there, between two parked cars, so there is no way, any motorist would have seen him. I was shaking as I picked him up, embarrassed, thankful, frightened (all those emotions in one). I found enough courage to give him a good spanking right there. He cried, probably wondering why I was spanking him, when all he had done was just to run. One of the ushers came, took him from me, said ‘hush son’ and put his shoe back on, all this time, not even looking at me or saying a word to me. I guess he was as shocked as I was, because I knew I wanted to tell him thanks, but words had left me.

I have to say that it was God who came right at that moment, and blocked his way. I thought for a moment that I had pulled him, thus causing his fall, when I lounged at him, but on second thought, I really do not remember touching him at all and so I have no choice but to say that, it is the Almighty God that stepped in, because that is just how he works, right in the moment before the worst happens.

Church was almost disrupted, because it was my husband who was chairing the service and he had a good view from the platform of all that was taking place and some members said, that it was the look on this face, which alerted them that something was happening outside. As soon as my husband ended service, he was right with us, and scooped our son up in his arms.

Members of the church surrounded us, trying to calm me down. Some even anger me with some comments, meaning to help of course, but they did not. There were comments like ‘you have to be careful in those high heels.’ I said to that person, it did not matter what happened to me, high heels and all, it was important for me to save my son, by all means necessary. Another one made a comment saying ‘it’s a boy you know,’ I guess she meant that it’s a boy so I am to expect these things. I said to her, it took me over a decade to have my son, and I knew in that moment, regardless of the gender he is, that I had to do all that I could to save him. She redeemed herself by asking me the question, after hearing that we had difficulties having him (which I chose to use as the heading of this post, because it is what stood out for me in all that happened), "so do you think that God would do that to you?” I could not answer her at that moment, but I immediately felt, a sudden calm, a sudden peacefulness, because somehow I knew in that moment, without doubt, that my God, the God who saw me through all the distress from struggling with infertility, the suicidal thoughts, the depression, you name it, he would never do this to me, and I say this with the strongest of conviction.

When I got home from Church that afternoon, I was so haunted by the fact that I could have been returning home, without my son, engulfed in grief and everything that happened that evening, hearing him cheerfully play, hearing his cute innocent chatter, folding his laundry, watching him sleep, provoked the questions, how would I be cooping now, how could I go on from here, if I was not able to still indulge in these things, because he was cruelly ripped from us, and I must say, those questions, left a deep feeling of pain way in the depth of my being. We went to look for a dear old lady, later that evening and on our way there, I could not help but think, that if the worst had happened, we would never have been on our way, to brighten up another person’s evening, we would have been the ones needing that.

This incident, I believe, had to happen, so that we could know how much we can trust him because maybe, if it did not happen, somewhere later on, we would have decided to give him a little more space and then would not have been able to immediately intervene and save him from the worst, and so the overwhelming feelings of guilt that I had used bad judgment, which flooded me immediately after the incident, are somewhat subsiding, as I am comforted, knowing this incident has served its purpose and I have learnt my lesson well and I/we will be a lot more present and careful next time, to prevent this or anything worst from happening again.

In the meantime, we remain forever grateful to God, for stepping in when he did and saving our precious son. He is so worthy to be worshipped and praised.