GRATEFUL WEDNESDAYS – Feature 12

As a people, we are very ambitious and this is good, there can however be a downside to this, if we are not careful. We could find that we lose ourselves in pursuing self-advancement; a bigger degree for that bigger salary, a bigger house, a newer car, and find ourselves wondering, why are we not happy, why does our life feel so dull and empty. The thing is, we forget to be thankful for the little things that we already have, without which, our lives would not mean much. Our relationships, our health, our faith, our freedom, I could go on.

There are times in my life when I feel I could have achieved more in certain areas, and as a result I beat upon myself and take on a 'woe is me' attitude. Thankfully, I am soon reminded that less I be accused of being ungrateful, I do have many other things to be thankful for.

In my pursuit to become a more thankful and happier person, in general then, I am urged to add a new posting feature to my blog, a segment dedicated to being thankful, which I have decided to call ‘GRATEFUL WEDNESDAYS', my gratitude journal, if you will, where I will, on Wednesdays of each week, post one thing in my life that I am thankful for, regardless of how small. 

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Today I am grateful for my in-laws.

I have heard time and time again of bad relationships with in-laws, but I am very blessed to not have this experience with mine.

The mothers-in-law are the ones who get mentioned the most as it relates to conflicts. I have had a few situations with my mother-in-law that could have lead to a strain on our relationship, but thank God, forgiveness worked for us.

I just want to use this post to honor my in-laws for who they are to me and my family. Not for one minute do I feel like anything else but family, when I am around them. They adore their grandchildren and seldom pass up any opportunity to help out both physically and financially.

For this I am indeed grateful.

INFERTILITY IS BY NO MEANS PARTIAL

Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.

Children born to a young man are like sharp arrows in a warrior’s hand

Psalm 127: 3 & 4

"HOPE MAKES ALL THE DIFFERENCE"

Infertility is by no means partial, it transcends all borders. It touches far and wide, it touches the poor, it touches the rich, it touches the small and it touches the great.

I just learnt recently that former first Lady, Laura Bush had fertility issues. In an interview on the Today Show on NBC recently, former first Lady Laura Bush said that she wanted children so badly, before giving birth to twin girls. I must admit when I found out that she and former President of the United States, George W. Bush had twins, I immediately thought, ‘I wonder if they had problems conceiving and these girls are the result of fertility treatment. Not that one has to be on fertility treatment to give birth to twins, but it is highly common in this regard. It has not been confirmed though, that these girls are actually the product of fertility treatment.

When her recently married daughter, Jenna, who was also present at the same interview on the today show asked her, where she sees herself in ten years, she quickly responded, ‘surrounded by grandchildren, I would hope,’ and was looking at her daughter, as she says this, with a bright smile on her face.

As I sat there and listened, my heart revisited the sadness I experienced all those years of struggling with infertility, when I wanted so much to give my mother-in-law grandchildren (my mother had), because parents, especially mothers, look forward so much, after the wedding of their children, to the day when they would welcome their grandchildren into the world. This was definitely a difficult part of my struggle, because I knew that my mother-in-law was yearning just as my husband and I were.

Mrs. Laura Bush just published her autobiography entitled, ‘Spoken from the Heart.’





 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Get your copy today.

WHEN YOUR MOTHER-IN-LAW WANTS THOSE GRANDBABIES

Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.
Children born to a young man are like sharp arrows in a warrior’s hand
Psalm 127: 3 & 4

I have been meaning to write this post for some time now, but wanted to take the time to think carefully about what I was going to say, so that I do not cause any discomfort to persons mentioned herein.

My struggles with infertility was made much harder because my mother-in-law was yearning for grandchildren. I was married to her eldest son , who was the only one ready enough to take the plunge into marriage and to subsequently start a family and so it is natural that soon enough, she would be looking forward to his off springs.

When my husband and I made the decision to start our family, we did not know that our decision would be met with the challenges of infertility. As a result of this, we made it known to his mother that we had decided to start a family, so much so that when whenever we suspected we might be pregnant, she was told as well and so, like one happy family, we would anxiously wait on the result of a home pregnancy test, only to be disappointed.

Telling my mother-in-law of our plans to start a family turned out to be a big mistake as our dream was now complicated by infertility and my mother-in-law continued to yearn for grandchildren.

I remember when I told her about our problems with infertility, her response was, all you need is some infertility drugs. I wanted so much to believe that, but deep down I knew we were in for a long difficult road.

As the years passed and our struggles with infertility intensified, my mother-in-law’s yearning for grandchildren also intensified. This became more evident because of comments she would make from time to time that left especially me, feeling that she was not concerned with the emotional trauma that we had to be enduring in this regard, she was only concerned with having grandchildren.

As a result of this, I began resenting her so much. My husband and I were doing everything that we could possibly do to beat infertility and instead of supporting and encouraging us, she only seemed to be concerned with the end result of all this, grandchildren.

Things took a turn for the worst as another son, announced his plans to get married. I had mixed feelings about this, I was happy but on the other hand, I was almost sure that this son would soon provide the grandchildren his mother was so yearning for. Sure enough, that is exactly what happened. Shortly after their marriage, they became pregnant.

I saw my world crumbling before me and all the efforts to provide these precious grandchildren, seemed all in vain. My mother-in-law called to give us the news and sadly I could not hide how I was feeling. I made it through the conversation with her, but she sensed something was wrong and later telephoned to find out what was going on with me. I told her exactly how I was feeling and I even went further to tell her that for all the years we have been struggling with infertility (now about 8), I have been expecting some form of support and validation from her because I had been talking to her on occasions about our treatments etc., and she had sometimes asked. She therefore knew much more than my family knew, and so I thought she owed us even some encouragement, instead of her visible yearnings which at times made me really upset and add insult to injury, she was now calling us with news of her impending grandchild and expecting us to be as happy as she was. Her response to this was that she did not know we were hurting so much. I heard her, but it was a hard pill to swallow, because I believe anyone dealing with painful issues like infertility is going to be hurting and moreso for us who had been struggling for so long. Mind you, I did not tell her how much we were hurting, but I thought it would have been easy for her to automatically think that some amount of pain was involved in this struggle.

Let me say that, she deserves to be happy, because finally she was getting a grandchild that she had been yearning for all these years and an event such as this, should be a happy time for a family. I understood this all too well, but I felt like my husband and I had been kicked to the curb and also felt that all our efforts to have children, was in vain.

This turned into a big conflict and I did not visit or see her for a good couple of months. This was really a difficult time. My family found out about this conflict and I really did not get the support I was looking for from them. In all fairness, they could not have supported me how I really wanted them to, because they did not know that infertility was wreaking havoc on me. I still expected some support though, even for the mere fact that they are my family and they now know about my struggles. Well, Instead my mother told me that it was because of jealousy for my brother-in-law and his wife’s pregnancy, that this conflict was happening. I was saddened to hear this. Sure enough, there was jealousy, because we thought we would have been the ones to give that first grandchild, but this was only a fraction of why I was so upset, I was angry with my mother-in-law because I felt she had not been there for us in our struggles with infertility so far, and now here she was, visibly overjoyed for this pending grandchild and there I was feeling the most barren and empty any woman could ever feel and also feeling like a complete failure.

When I met that family for the first time, I felt like I did not belong because I was from a more simple background . I felt that I was not good enough for their son and struggled with that feeling for a long while. This is why, I felt it was important for me to provide them with grandchildren soon enough, especially in the case of my mother-in-law, ( Grandchildren are a mother-in-law’s pride and joy) so that I could feel a greater sense of belonging.

I am so happy that time took care of this conflict and soon, I was able to visit this precious baby girl and take my place again in this family which has been very good to me. My relationship with my mother-in-law has since been mended and it is better than it has ever been.

This conflict did an amazing thing for our struggles with infertility, because it brought it to our families in a way that we were having difficulties doing and it allowed us to have the support of our families that we so wanted, as they now have a better idea of what it really means to have someone so close to them dealing with so much pain. People whom they love so much but had been cheated out of really being there for them, because they did not share much about what they were really going through, mainly for fear that they would not understand and be capable of dealing with a situation such as this.

My mother-in-law now has two grandchildren, a girl and a boy and she is so happy. I am also happy that at long last, my husband and I were able to give her a grandchild, a boy whom she is so in love with and often says, “now there is someone to carry on the family’s name.” She also had a hand in his care in the first couple weeks of his life, as we sent for her to be a part of this experience that she had yearned for, for so long and she totally enjoyed it. God is so faithful.

This is my story, are there others like this out there. Would you have reacted in the same way I did, when I heard the news of my brother and his wife’s pregnancy and I am wrong to have reacted in this way. Please do not hesitate to give me your comments.

Do remember, if you are currently dealing with a situation such as this, time does heal and if honesty is involved in these conflicts, even though feelings might be hurt initially, a better relationship most times will result, so be encouraged and until next time, keep clinging to hope.

Just a light moment and my intent is only for humor, but did you know that mother-in-law scrambled spells, ‘woman-hitler.’ Bet you it is someone who is having a bad relationship with their mother-in-law that came up with this.

ONLY A MOTHERS LOVE

“Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.
Children born to a young man are like sharp arrows in a warrior’s hand.”
Psalm 127: 3 & 4

I don’t know if you all are following this unfortunate story of a young girl, Jaycee Dugard, who was kidnapped eighteen years ago by a couple and was unfortunately not found after much search by the authorities. She was however discovered last week, now twenty-nine years old and not alone, she has two daughters the eldest of which is fifteen, both fathered by the husband of the woman, who was said to have snatched her eighteen years ago, as she stood at a bus stop in her community waiting for her school bus.

As this story unfolds, it is said that it was because this man’s wife could not have children why they resort to doing this.

As this story is playing out in the media every day, all I can think about is this young woman’s mother. There is no mention of her father, only a stepfather who has been speaking to the media from time to time, but this poor mother. I can only imagine how she prayed earnestly for the return of her daughter, how she desperately held on to hope that her daughter would be returned to her alive, seeing that no body had been discovered that was identified as her daughter’s.

I can only imagine the emotions that she must be feeling since her daughter’s return. The joy, the anger at the perpetrators and the police who failed to carry out their duties in a thorough manner, which would have put an end to this case a couple years sooner. Most of all though, what I think might be forefront in her mind is getting reacquainted with her daughter and not just her but to get to know her granddaughters as well. I know she had no idea if and when her daughter was returned, the magnitude of all that she would have to be deal with as I know she was not expecting grandchildren and certainly not in this way.

This is when the power of a mother’s love comes into play as she now must put aside all the emotions she is currently feeling for a moment, and must concentrate on the rehabilitation of her daughter and her granddaughters because no doubt they have been traumatized by these persons and the situation they existed in. Her daughter must be able to resume a normal life and the sooner she gets to do that, the better it is for herself and her children. Nothing better than a mother’s love to have her trusting in life again, to give her confidence to love herself again and most of all love her children so that they all can move forward to living a life they probably had no idea they would ever be able to live.

You all should remember the Elizabeth Smart story. She too was kidnapped but lucky for her, she returned to her family after eight or nine months. I was fortunate to have watched an interview with her last week and I was very impressed to see how she handled herself in the interview. This is, I think a testament of her parent’s love and how they work to rehabilitating her so that she now speak so confidently and look back at her experience and relate the lessons she has taken from this experience to the point where she can now offer encouragement and advice to Jaycee. Her father sat with her in the interview and I saw how proud he was of her as he watched her respond to the questions that were thrown at her.

I cannot say enough how painful infertility is, and even though what this couple did is cruel and warrants punishment, I am writing from a place of complete understanding. I am in no way saying that I would have kidnapped a young girl to have mine and my husband’s baby, because this is cold and callous, to say the least, but many times the pain was so unbearable that I can see how one could actually resort to doing something like this. I can actually see how a woman could walk into a hospital and steal a baby because nothing can soothe the pain of childlessness but to hold a baby in your arms, and might I add, however you get one.

Keep this family in your prayers, I ask, and until next time, keep clinging to hope.

Image by:

http://images.google.tt/images?hl=en&source=hp&q=a+mother+embracing+her+children&btnG=Search+Images&gbv=2&aq=f&oq=

LONGER LIFE LINKED TO PREGNANCIES OVER THE AGE OF 40

“Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.
Children born to a young man are like sharp arrows in a warrior’s hand.”
Psalm 127: 3 & 4

There is good news for women who are getting pregnant naturally after age 40. Apparently the fact that you are able get pregnant naturally at this age means that you have genes that will allow you to live longer.

My husband and I have had several conversations about having more children and on many of these occasions I would tell him how frightened I feel when I think of having more children over the age of 40. He quickly said to me, well, for you it might be different seeing that your reproductive system began functioning normally later in your life than many other women, you could be looking at a reproductive system of a much younger woman. At first I thought to myself, no way, but then I began wondering, what if this is really so. I was therefore very excited when I saw the article stating that longer life is linked to women getting pregnant naturally later in life, and thought, my husband seem to have been on to something. He should be very proud of himself when I tell him about this article.

This should be very good news for women who are becoming parents in their forties and those still wanting to become parents, or have more children in their forties. I guess just thinking that I could possibly live longer simply by getting pregnant naturally at my age, gives me something to be positive about because, since I am an older mom, living longer does appeal a lot to me, as this means I will have the chance to be around longer for my children and be able to have some time with my grandchildren as well.

Please follow the link below to see an article by AOL Health which speaks to this.

http://infertility-fertility.blogspot.com/2009/08/having-baby-over-40-linked-to-longer.html

Be encouraged and until next time, keep clinging to hope.