As a child, I remember being terrified of death, If I heard of
the passing of someone and worst, if I knew them personally, I would go into
full panic attack mode, to the point where I felt as if I was dying too. As an
adult, I confess that some of that is still with me, but now I have made my
peace with death. After the death of our unborn child, due to complications from infertility, and seeing persons I know having to deal with death in such a
personal way, got me thinking, well if others have to deal with this, why not just prepare prepare myself too, since death is as natural, a part of life as anything
else.
My son, who is now 6, I am not sure how the issue of death came
up, some time ago, but his dad told me that he witnessed him go into full panic
attack mode and started shaking and crying hysterically. I thought to myself,
poor child, he sure got that from me. I also remember hearing him tell his dad
one day that he does not want to marry and then die. I am still not sure what
he meant by that, but my guess is that, because we marry when we are older,
death automatically comes quicker. Children these days are just too smart.
A classmate of his, from Kindergarten and now Grade 1, who has been ill and in and out of the
hospital, since the beginning of the school year passed on Friday. We are not quite sure what really happened, but he
did surgery sometime ago and then recently he slipped into a coma and passed on
Friday. My husband broke the news to me Friday evening after our son’s teacher
texted him. As soon as he told me, he told my son, who was within earshot at
the time. I remember reprimanding my husband for breaking the news to him in
such an abrupt manner, as I think, a more gradual thoughtful approach would have been better. I watched carefully for his reaction and thankfully, he
did not seem too disturbed, he just
responded casually, oh well, I guess I will have to tell my other classmates
when I go to school on Monday.
While giving him his shower later that evening, I carefully
brought up the subject again as I wanted to see exactly how he was feeling. He still seemed alright, but said to me that one of his classmates, after hearing that he
was born in Trinidad, W.I., said that all Trinidadians were just going to die. He
then said to me that what his friend said to him really got to him and I got
from that, that he was in fact disturbed a bit and so, in an effort to help him,
I said, well, Trinidadians are sure not going to die any more than the rest of
us, as we all have to die one day. He quickly told me to stop talking like that
and I dropped the subject immediately. The matter of death did not come up
again for the rest of the weekend and he so far, still seems like his normal
self. I am not sure how school for he and his classmates will go today.
I am not sure if we will let him attend the funeral though
because that might be where he is impacted. I know his class might be planning
to go, but I am not sure, his dad and I are still processing this, plus being
hampered by the theft of the family car, that might prevent us from going as
well.
At this point, I am more impacted than my son because it is
always very sad for me when I hear of the passing of a child because I am
thinking that this is a life hardly lived. He was just 7 years old.
Michael, may your little soul rest in peace.
image by: http://www.celtoslavica.de/chiaroscuro/films/matter/matter.html
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