A couple of days ago, I was watching the reality show ‘Kloe and Lamar’, a spinoff of the Keeping up with the Kardashians series on E-Television, (yes I watch that show and I am glad that I have been watching it because now I have information for my blog. It is not a guilty pleasure, but I found myself watching it because there is absolutely nothing else to watch on cable on Sunday nights).
Kloe and Lamar have been married for almost two years now and they have been trying to conceive for about a year or so. After some nagging from her mother together with her frustration from trying and not being successful in conceiving, she decided to visit her doctor to find out if something is wrong with her.
The doctor did an examination and sent her home to await the results. As is expected, she was anxious and began googling possible problems that she could be experiencing which could have contributed to her failure to conceive. At one point I heard her ask if anyone had ever heard of endometriosis. Deep down I was hoping that this was not her problem, because this could further compromise her chances of getting pregnant, depending on the stage endometriosis she has.
After a while, the anxiety of waiting got to her and I heard her exclaim that she will probably turn out to be the infertile wife, who have her husband leave her, because she cannot give him children. That struck me, because in this age of technology and information, I thought we were ways from that notion. I have been reading a lot of infertility stories through my blogging and I have not come across any woman, who has had their husband leave them because of their struggles with infertility. Instead, these men are doing everything they can to support their wives, even if sometimes they trip over themselves.
I am not saying that cases where a husband leaves his wife due to infertility does not exist, because I have heard of one such case, but this is certainly in the minority and is cruel, if you should ask me. Why should a woman be so severely punished for something that is happening to her, that she has little or no control over.
Men, in all fairness I know this is also a difficult time for you, because it is indeed hard to keep up with the roller coaster of emotions that you wife will subject you to. Let's face it, we are not given a handbook for any struggles that life throws our way, but you still can offer support to your wife without having all the answers. You can simply just be there to wipe her tears and to hold her. My husband did not do much by way of physically supporting and comforting me during my struggles with infertility, and I know now, that this is because he did not know how. The amazing thing however, was that in his silence, he was still there and I felt his presence, enough to assure me that we were indeed, in this thing together and as a result of this, our marriage benefited by becoming richer and stronger and when our prize for enduring this difficult period came (our son), we were able to celebrate, with confidence, that God had truly favoured us.
Men, in all fairness I know this is also a difficult time for you, because it is indeed hard to keep up with the roller coaster of emotions that you wife will subject you to. Let's face it, we are not given a handbook for any struggles that life throws our way, but you still can offer support to your wife without having all the answers. You can simply just be there to wipe her tears and to hold her. My husband did not do much by way of physically supporting and comforting me during my struggles with infertility, and I know now, that this is because he did not know how. The amazing thing however, was that in his silence, he was still there and I felt his presence, enough to assure me that we were indeed, in this thing together and as a result of this, our marriage benefited by becoming richer and stronger and when our prize for enduring this difficult period came (our son), we were able to celebrate, with confidence, that God had truly favoured us.
I wish the same for all of you who are struggling with infertility. May your marriage benefit tremendously from this struggle and may you find God’s favour as we did, and may you emerge better wives and husbands as a result.
N.B. Men, do check out this post that I did earlier on 'what he can expect when she is not expecting' which is really a book written by a man who found himself dealing with infertility in his marriage.
http://onereachinganother.blogspot.com/2011/03/what-he-can-expect-when-she-is-not.html
http://onereachinganother.blogspot.com/2011/03/what-he-can-expect-when-she-is-not.html
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