MONDAY RAMBLINGS – Why we manipulate

Handling, exploitation, management are some of the words used by the English Thesaurus (United States) to define manipulation.

Because there is manipulation of other kinds, I must say that the focus of this post is manipulation as it relates to interpersonal relationships. All of us at some time engage in some level of manipulation in our relationships.

Why do we manipulate then? I am in no way writing as any interpersonal relationship scholar, but I do qualify to respond because I have engaged in some manipulation myself. I strongly believe therefore, that we manipulate because of selfishness, insecurity and the need for power. In order to feel secure and comfortable in our own skin and to satisfy our own selfish egos, we manipulate. From this the manipulator gain power and because I have also been a victim of manipulation, the person being manipulated feels diminished and used. I have seen recently a very classic case of manipulation where the manipulator is so skilled, (yes, some of us are very skilled in this area), she pulls in her victims by embracing them and showering them with acts of kindness and then she strikes. The  manipulated,  feeling diminished, no longer possesses the power to defend their own honour and integrity. When the opportunity arises, the person crumbles like a building constructed without reinforcement from the elements and this of course gives the manipulator more power. It would be good then, if we are able to identify when we manipulate and when we are being manipulated and if we can, nip it in the bud before it takes root.

The other day I wrote a post about honouring and respecting ourselves as we should be, because we are all vessels of honour. If we engage in manipulation or allow ourselves to be victims of it, this is also a way of dishonouring and disrespecting ourselves, thus causing damage to our vessels.

Interesting, I recently heard it said that it is not the person that is doing manipulating who is really the manipulator, it is the person who allows themselves to be manipulated. I am still processing this and so I have no comment at the moment, yours are most welcomed though.

HAPPY MONDAY ALL!!!!!!




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INFERTILITY FACTS NEWS AND VEIWS – 10 reasons for wanting another child

The other day I was checking my blog traffic feed as I often do, to see the traffic on my blog and what people are reading, I came across this post that I did some time ago entitled, “10 reasons for wanting another child.”  I found it quite interesting and just thought that it would be a good idea to refer to that post on days when I feel physically inadequate to deal with my two energizer bunnies, just to make sure that I was not out of my mind when we decided to have another child.

Our son is involved in extra-curricular activities at school and that I am indeed grateful for, because this means that I just have my daughter for some days. On a day like today, though, I felt totally inadequate caring for just her. Even though the ratio was even, I was no match for her and many times had to resort to locking us both in our bedroom just to save on my energy.

My husband’s parents on many occasions would just take one look at our children and say, "that is exactly how their father was, busy, busy". Today I asked my father-in-law again, did you say my husband was quite busy as a child, just to confirm that my gene is not at play here. He responded, “oh yes.”

 As for me, my parents said I was an easy baby. All I needed was to be placed in my crib with my pillow and all was well with the world. She said I did not even cry when I was hungry, she just knew based on my meal timing.

So, here goes, read for yourselves, 10 reasons for wanting another child:-

http://onereachinganother.blogspot.com/2012/05/ten-reasons-for-wanting-another-child.html

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GRATEFUL WEDNESAYS – Vessels of honour

It is just disturbing how some of us live our lives, putting up with indignity and dishonor.

The thing is, some of us, sadly find ourselves in situations where it is hard to escape this indignity and dishonor. In a marriage, a spouse is afraid that they are not worthy of the love of someone else and so they stay in the marriage and accept abuse, or they feel they might not be as financially secure in another relationship or marriage. On another note, because someone is being charitable to you, you feel that the way to pay them back is to allow them to take advantage of you, to the point where you think it is only loyal to go over and beyond your capacity for them.

As a child growing up, I had this ritual where I would be the first to get out of bed and I would proceed to do everybody’s chores so that when they got up, the dishes would have been washed, the yard raked and everybody would be so happy they had a kind sister like me. I needed that validation because I felt I was not good enough and felt that I was not loved the way I wanted to be loved. I felt that by playing the elves and the shoemaker, where the elves completed the shoemaker’s shoes as he and his family slept, my family would be inclined to think more of me and love me more. Now I know I was dishonoring myself, engaging in self sabotage, because firstly, I should never be thinking that I was not good enough and secondly, I should not have to go over and beyond for love.

I am grateful then, that I am at a point in my life where, even though someone is being kind to me, I can recognize when I am being used, taken for granted and dishonored. That does not discount the fact that I am eternally grateful for their kindness and would be equally kind to them in a heartbeat, but they are not allowed to take advantage of me because they think they have this right, given what they are doing for me.

We are all vessels of honour, blessed and highly favoured by God and therefore possess the intuition of recognizing either that we are self sabotaging by causing dishonor and indignity on ourselves or we are allowing others to do it to us (because, trust me you can feel it) and we do have the right to put a stop to it.

GRATEFUL WEDNESDAYS – Who or what is your source?

The other day, someone we knew relatively well, committed suicide. What I gather is that, his marriage was his source, and when his wife died almost a year ago, he felt like he just could not go on, on his own and so he took his life. Really sad and this is taking us a while to process.

Which leads me to the question, who or what is your source? It is quite helpful to note that your source should never be temporal, in other words it should never be temporary where it can cut out on you at any time, leaving you to fend for yourself. I am quite thrilled to say then, that the Almighty God is my source, let me also say that this does not mean that we who claim God as our source won’t find ourselves in similar situations like this gentleman. Which really is because, at times we seem to forget, or we become so blinded and overwhelmed by our problems that we try to go it alone. We fly solo.

When I lost our first pregnancy, I romanced the idea of suicide because I just did not think that I could bear this overwhelming pain, which had me so blinded that I really did not think to give it all to God. In fact, he was the first person I took it out on. I was so angry with him and refused to have anything to do with him in the first few days following my lost. How could this God who promised his children good things, allowed such a horrible thing to happen to one of his own, I thought. It was not long before I was feeling even more miserable and helpless and so I felt I had no choice but to put my tail between my legs and crawl back into his embrace, because I realized that no one was able to help me deal with my pain. No husband, no friend, no one.

God took control and I allowed him to heal my broken heart, certainly not instantly but surely gradually and he has since blessed me more abundantly than I could ever ask or imagine. Even more importantly, he is allowing me to use this pain to minister to and help others. What an awesome source to have and I am indeed grateful that I found it.

Let me therefore encourage those of you who are dealing with situations that have left you feeling broken, hopeless and helpless, if you do not know the Almighty God as your source, I challenge you to find him, he stands ready to rid you of your burdens and lead you into quality life everlasting if you will allow him.

Thanks for your indulgence.

MONDAY RAMBLINGS – You must have a dream…..

As I sat yesterday in the commencement service for our new school year, I could not help the pride I felt as the representative for each school in our group of schools eloquently gave their reports of how well their respective schools were doing. Our high school boasted high passes in Mathematics and English Language in the CXC exams and declare that they are going after a 100% pass rate. I found this quite striking. Mention was also made of a special needs student who was successful in his GSAT examination, which had him placed in one of our better upgraded high schools.

The speaker at the service gave a message that was so relevant and timely, as he challenged us all to have a conversation with ourselves. We must tell ourselves, he says, that we matter and believe in our dreams enough to follow them to fruition. First he said though, that this can in no way happen unless we have a dream.

As far back as I can remember, I have always struggled with low self esteem. The conversation I so often had with myself was that, you are not worthy, you can never measure up. You will never be able to speak eloquently and fluently nor would you possess that which is deemed necessary to live a happy full life. Dreams I had, as I can remember daydreaming about one common dream which I can imagine many of us women have as young girls, marrying the handsome prince and living in the dream house with the white picket fence. The thing is, I started out believing wholeheartedly in my dreams, or else I would not have had them, but as my life unfolded and I became face with challenges, I lost that hope along the way. 

Thank goodness, I no longer think this of myself. Somewhere along life's pathway, my situations changed causing some dreams to be realised and dare I say, growth also happened, as I learnt to accept and honor myself for who I am. After all, no two persons are alike, what boring unchallenging lives we would have, if this was so.

I am happy I was able to make this change before my children came, because, what values as it relates to succeeding in life would I be able to impart to them, if I was still enslaved by this twisted, false value system that I had carved out for myself.

I celebrate with our schools in their achievements. No doubt it is because those who are entrusted with the well being of these precious lives are telling them every day that they matter and is encouraging them to dream big dreams.

Eleanor Roosevelt says, "the future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams."

Happy Monday all!!!!

“Monday Ramblings” – On to a new milestone…….

I remember like it was yesterday, the birth of our second little miracle, a little over 6 years ago, signaling our triumph over a long struggle with infertility and now he is starting first grade. I can hardly wrap my head around it.

He had a great summer, three weeks of summer school, one week of camp, with a birthday pool party thrown in the mix. He could have been gone to another camp for two weeks, quite near this time and no sleepover, but he did not want to go to another one I guess he thought one was enough, as he seemed to have been traumatized by the fact that he was away from home for all of one week, so the sound of another camp just threw him over the edge.

I was not complaining at all when I found out that he would have only spent three weeks at home, because the combination of he and his little sister can be quite lethal, so much so that quite early into his first week home, I felt like running away and not looking back. He provokes his sister and she does not back down. At one point his face looked like he was attacked by a Cheshire cat as he had scrapes all over courtesy of his little tyrant of a sister.

Today, I strongly believed that he was trying his best to give me everything he has left before he goes back out and so at one time I had to say to him, why do you give me so much talking? He replied instantly, I don’t give my teachers talking though, which is true, he is quite a saint at school and so I really believe we have two sons somewhere in there.

One thing with him is, when he ask you to do something he does not back down, until he wears you out. One morning, found me making a pirate patch and playing pirate with him and just a couple days ago I had to play engineer and make him a plane called ‘Dusty Crophopper’ from the movie Disney’s Planes, which his father took him to watch a couple days before. When my husband came home and saw it, he was quite impressed and said he did not think he could have done a better job. Who would think that my husband who eats, sleeps and dreams architecture, allows himself to be outdone by his wife.  

So then, our son starts his first day in first grade tomorrow and we endeavour to give him all the support he needs to continue to excel, because the very way he came to us, have us strongly believing that God’s intention for him is for greatness.

We love you son, and we are watching you grow with such delight. Continue to colour our world and make us proud.  

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MONDAY RAMBLINGS - When the shoe is on the other foot.......

When my husband and I began trying to start our family, I had no problem when people asked us if we had plans to have children. Some even wanted to know what we were waiting for.

As soon as I became aware that I had infertility issues and my struggles intensified, I felt differently about those questions, to the point where when persons asked the question and then add, 'you guys are not ready yet? I quickly responded 'no, we are not ready' just so I was not tempted to give additional information.  This worked for a while and then I started feeling like a fraud. Why was I misleading people, I asked myself, when I would have moved heaven and earth just to become pregnant. Why was I so cruel to myself.

The questions did not stop, they became more frequent even, but this time my answers changed. I started responding with, 'its in God's hands,' hoping that persons would read between the lines and get the message that something was preventing us from realizing this dream.

Well, there are persons that I do know of now, who have been married for just about the time when you would expect them to start their family and dare I ask. I am tempted though, but when the shoe is on the other foot, it is an entirely different story. Knowing the difficulty I had with these questions, I do not wish for anyone else to experience this on my account, and so I am happy to join the wait to see what unfolds.

In the same way, there are persons I know who are struggling with infertility and I am so careful what I say around them and stands eager to offer any assistance, as a result of my journey.

All around us, there are persons struggling with one thing or another and so for the few who are so blessed to not have any struggles, it should not be too hard to understand that pain is pain  I want to encourage us all then to try and put on someone else's shoe, (the saying goes - 'never judge a man until you have walked a mile in his shoes), you will be amazed to see how much more there is to understand about life's struggles and pain, and as a result be there for each other and empathize more.

I hope this Monday Ramblings feature makes sense, if not, then I guess it would have lived up to the segment name.

HAVE A BLESSED MONDAY






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INFERTILITY FACTS NEWS AND VIEWS - “Meal Timing Can Significantly Improve Fertility in Women with Polycystic Ovaries

Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) was the cause of my infertility and so I am happy to post any information which could help others who are also suffering from this condition.

Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS), a common disorder that affects fertility by interfering with menstruation, ovulation, hormones, and more, is closely related to insulin levels. Women with this condition are typically "insulin resistant" -- their bodies produce an excess amount of insulin used in the delivery of glucose from the blood into the muscles. This excess makes its way to the ovaries, where it results in the production of testosterone, which impairs fertility.

According to a recent research, there has been found a way that women of normal size, (many women who suffer from PCOS are obese with a small percentage who is of normal size - I am one such) can manage their glucose and insulin levels and this is all in the timing of their meals. Women with PCOS, who have high calorie breakfasts, (which includes high protein and carbohydrate), and lower their calorie intake for subsequent meals throughout the day, saw a reduction in their insulin levels, leading to lower levels of testosterone and increased ovulation frequency, thus greatly enhancing their chance of conceiving.

Follow the link below for more information:-

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2013/08/130813121626.htm

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MONDAY RAMBLINGS – We are all in this thing together…….

Before I had children, I was horrified when I had to attend the birthday parties of my niece and nephews and my friends’ children. Why do you suppose? I could not escape it, there were cute children everywhere and parents sitting around with watchful eyes, engaged in conversations about what else? their children, and where does that leave me, feeling extremely left out.

As you can well imagine, things changed when I had children, I was no longer horrified, instead I accepted each invitation feeling as excited as my child, because I know, this time, I would definitely fit in.

Yesterday I attended a birthday party, it was a pool party and after I got the children prepared for the pool and sent them off with their dad, I began talking with a lady who I know very well and who I know have had a couple of miscarriages. The conversation began with both of us agreeing how dangerous water is, and we each gave a tragic story involving the drowning death of a child.  We both agreed how nervous we get when our children are around water. To further add to the conversation, I said to her that it would be very tragic if after struggling so long to have children, we  lose them in such awful way (not a wise conversation to have in a setting like that I might add). The conversation then head straight into us talking about miscarriages. She told me a little bit about her miscarriages and I began telling her about the miscarriage of my first daughter. What I find is that when I am engaged in conversation with a woman about infertility challenges or miscarriages, one of the first things they say to me, is that people do not understand. This time even as I agreed, I was quickly able to be practical and say to her that people won’t understand if they have not had the experience, she agreed, chimed in and helped me finished this thought.  I know that we were able to agree and say this with such grace and understanding because of how much we have grown since our triumph over infertility and miscarriages.

Throughout the evening, as I found myself in little pockets of conversation, the subject was the same, conversations about our children and I felt like I belonged, It was indeed liberating.

As the children enjoyed themselves in the pool, you could see the parents intently watching, ensuring that they are safe. One parent even confessed to me that whenever she goes to these parties, she comes prepared, should the event arise where she has to jump into the pool to save her children. She did live up to her words that evening as she quickly sprang into action when a child was caught in a difficult situation. I know with the rest of us parents, even if we did not come prepared, we would have jumped into the water in a heartbeat to save ours or any other child, because of how precious these little ones are to us.

 I know if I should have spoken to some other parents at that party, I would have heard more stories of miscarriages and struggles to have children, because many women experience these struggles, its just that some do not talk about it and so  I do believe that for every couple of women we come across, there is a story of infertility and miscarriage. I want to take comfort in the fact then, that as women, we are certainly in this thing together.

Thanks for once again indulging in my Monday ramblings.

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INFERTILITY FACTS, NEWS AND VIEWS -"Freezing Sperm taken directly from testicles is effective for Infertile Couples"

It is now common knowledge that a woman’s egg can be frozen to be later used for conception via Invitro-Fertilization. In the same way, according to a recent study, sperm taken by way of a biopsy, directly from a man’s testicles, can be frozen to be later used for conception for infertile couples.

This procedure known as intracytoplasmic sperm injection (ICSI) may be beneficial to men who have little or no sperm in their semen as a result of genetics, cancer or testicular failure.

These men would not be able to achieve pregnancy because there is not enough sperm in their semen and so a biopsy of the testicles would be the best option for them.

Read more by following the link below

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2013/08/130806165928.htm

GRATEFUL WEDNESDAYS – Better now than later…..

Last week my son went off to camp, it was such a difficult week for me as I was missing him terribly, so much so, that by the time he was half way through camp, I remember thinking to myself, “who am I kidding, I cannot do this.”

By this time, his father got a chance to speak to him, thanks to the camp nurse. Of course I was very happy for that, but when my husband told me that he began crying that he wanted to come home, I felt so guilty that we had made him do something he was not ready for. I soldiered on, however, thinking that at least he is halfway through camp so he should be home before we knew it.

I remember telling someone on Sunday last, that I was missing my son terribly. She said to me in a matter of fact kind of way  “this is good for you and your son, you had better do this now than later when he is getting married and moving out, because then it will be more difficult.” She did speak to my core and I was very grateful and indeed comforted.

In our son’s own words, when asked if he enjoyed camp, “I did enjoy camp, like the first day, but after that my friend (His buddy that went only because he was going) and I were missing home. I told him we are sorry he had to go though that but it is normal and all a part of life. We did get a call from someone we knew well, who was part of the camp’s administration, who confirmed that there were times when she saw him looking sad and so she made it her duty to hug him and comfort him those times, we are so appreciative of this.

As it relates to bathing, he said an adult soap his rag for him and he bathed himself. We asked him about brushing his teeth, he said, “well, I could not find my toothbrush.” I was horrified, what do you mean, I packed it with the toothpaste, soap etc., you mean for the whole week, you did not brush your teeth? He said, well, I used my finger. Kudos to him for thinking to do this, and I immediately turned to my husband and said, well, he will have to get a thorough bath and his mouth a thorough brushing, before anything else.

He came back looking a bit like he had lost some weight, I almost cried. “What have they done to my boy?” I screamed inside. He told us how hungry he was and asked for mash potatoes and a grilled cheese sandwich. He had it all and asked again for a snack.

He did not come back empty handed though, he won a Bible competition and won some races on sports day. That’s our son, the achiever, we are so proud of him and we are very happy and indeed grateful that we were able to give him the chance, as hard as it was, to have this experience.

INFERTILITY FACTS, NEWS AND VIEWS - Unexplained Infertility, could exposure to BPA be the reason?

About 20% of couples experience what is known as unexplained infertility. This occurs when  there is difficulty conceiving, but it is not clear why.

According to a recent study, exposure to BPA (the material used in water bottles, some plastic containers, baby bottles etc.) could be contributing to this, as this could result in the disruption of the maturation of eggs.

Read more, by following the link below:-

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2013/07/130731093718.htm

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GRATEFUL WEDNESDAY – ‘Where there is faith’

Today, I am grateful for the realization, once again, that faith, when put to the test, works.

In my husband’s line of work, his invoices are almost all of the time, paid in parts, a deposit and then the balance and sadly, due to the harsh economic climate, that balance comes in, in parts as well (I guess this is why I was forced to develop good budgeting skills).  As a result of this we have some outstanding tithe and so as not to have it pile up much further, I decided to start paying down on this amount when the next cheque comes in. It did and after paying up some bills, I was face with the dreaded decision of paying the tithe or another very crucial bill (all bills are crucial, I might add), this one the credit card. I soon decided that I would pay the credit card because we all know what happens when a credit card payment is late. For the rest of the days leading up to Sunday, I was conflicted, I felt like I was under scrutiny by God and so Sunday morning I got up, placed the money in my bag and took it to church.

The time for offering came and I confidently asked for an envelope, tagged the envelope and paid my tithe. I felt relieved. The Pastor soon after, announced that he was asking for a second offering to assist two youngsters to go to the Church camp. I became convicted, I need to help these youngsters, I thought, but remembered that I had not walked with any extra money. only some to stop by the grocery store to pick up snacks for our son’s camp trip. The conviction did not go away and so as soon as the offering plate approached I quickly went into my bag, took out half of that money and dropped it in the offering plate. Wow, that was a rush, I thought, let me now see if God will honor this obedience, by providing the balance of the money for my son’s snacks and also the credit card payment, which becomes due by midweek. I began to wait with anticipation.

Monday came, no words of any funds, by Tuesday, I began having very serious and honest conversations with God. “God, do hear me out,” I said, “you want us to use our faith to challenge you to provide for us, and here it is you are about to let me down.” My husband, realizing that we were in danger of defaulting on our credit card, decided to call the bank just to let them know. They made a note of our call and our promise to make good this payment later in the week. I went through the rest of the day still having that conversation with God, but somehow optimistic that he would come through for us. I went to bed feeling a little flustered but still optimistic.

This morning at about 9:30, the phone rang and by husband took the call. After the call, he came to the kitchen to tell me that a job he had done for a client, even though he was already paid, because the client’s Architect had requested some work which should have been part of the overall work for the client, the Architect was now calling to tell my husband that he could submit an invoice for this work. My husband said he began saying to the Architect that he did not expect to be paid any more money because the client had already paid him in full. The Architect responded, thanks for being so honest, but I have no problem paying you for the work I requested.

The Architect then went on to tell him that he is requesting his services on a project for the next 2 months. I smiled and over breakfast, told my husband how I had proven God. I told him about all the events from Sunday leading up to this call  (he knew nothing of this as I am the one who handles the family's finances) and how God is now providing the money that I gave up in faith on Sunday in over tenfold. What I realize is that even though I was experiencing such anxiety, this provision is not late by any means, God is an on time God, as the money was provided on the day that the credit card is due, it just will not make it in time to be paid to the bank and so that call that my husband made, will give us some time.

God is truly awesome and this is not the first time that myself and my family have proven this. A few years ago, when my husband was laid off from one of his jobs, we went to Church that Sunday, and when the time came for the offering I went through the same conflicting decision of whether to pay offering or hold on to every cent we have, given the fact that we did not know when we would start earning again. Well, I gave the offering and just as I stretched my hands out to drop the money in the offering bag, a lady who was sitting in front of me, crossed her hands over mine and placed an envelope in my hand, it was some money, as she had heard that my husband had lost his job. I almost fainted.

I challenge us all who are children of God, to take his promises seriously. Put God to the test in our lives and watch him work. Notice how secure and confident our children feel, knowing that we as parents have their backs, do you see them worrying about their well-being? Let us therefore employ that same childlike trust with our Heavenly Father, being secure and confident of his provision. 

Blessings be yours.

MONDAY RAMBLINGS – ‘A camping he has gone……’

My son went off a few hours ago to his first camp, which is an annual event put on by our Church and last for a week. This happens to also be the first time he will be away from home for an extended period of time and so I have been taking comfort in the fact that I have due reason to be feeling such anxiety. I am comforted in the fact though, that a couple other children from Church, one of which is his cousin and another, his best buddy, (who his parents sent only because our son was going), is there.

I have been missing my boy a lot and so I have resorted to using this as my post today, just to see if I will feel better.

This past week, as camp drew near, I realized that I was feeling a lot of anxiety. First of all, he will be about 4 hours away, on the other side of the country and it just freaks me out to imagine these little ones sitting in a bus for all this time. The other thing is, how competent is the driver? I remember saying to my husband a couple times this past week, that I hope whoever the driver is, knows that he is carrying precious cargo and many of these kids are only children, so this makes them all the more special. I know they will have a safe journey though, because prayer was said over them and I know God is control. 

There goes my anxiety over just the journey, As you can well imagine, I do have others, like how well will he be taken care of, as he has not yet mastered taking a bath, brushing his teeth and cleaning himself after using the toilet. He is afraid of being alone and he is terrified of the dark. At nights, he asks that his father tuck him into bed and will not settle down for sleep unless his father is snuggled up in bed with him. We tried to prepare him, by telling him that his daddy won’t be around to tuck him into bed and asked if he wanted to take his pillow pet, which would serve the purpose of pillow and something to cuddle and go to sleep. He responded like a big boy would, I want to take my regular pillow and so we take it that he will sort himself out at bed time. I know there will be adults there to help them, but as any parent can attest to, no one takes care of your child as good as you.

On a much lighter note, the setting for our Church camp is usually a school out in the countryside and so the classrooms become dormitories. My son seems to think that he will be camping in a tent outdoors (thanks to television) and even though we tried to explain to him, he does not seem to get it. Last night before he went to bed, he was building a forte and saying that he was practicing for camp. I decided to let him be and even helped him out a bit.  I guess when he arrives at camp and see that the setting is totally different from what his little mind has conjured up, he will be disappointed.

They should be getting there soon and the organizers told us that they will call when they have arrived and so my husband and I are anxiously waiting for this call, as we contemplate how we will spend this time without him and wait with open arms to greet him and hear all about his adventure, when he returns.

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GRATEFUL WEDNESDAYS – Feature 31 – It’s a matter of perspective

In these turbulent financial times, We are one of the few families who can have a parent staying home with the children, until they are ready for school. 

We did not start out with this being the plan, because when our son was 8 months old, I went out to work, only to have him get sick at the nursery a couple days after and because I had to take time off to tend to him, I lost the job. This made us decide that I would stay home with him until he was school age. Our daughter came and because of this past experience, we chose to make the same decision.

So how can you afford to do this, when times are so hard? you may be eager to ask. That is a fair question I might add, so here is the answer -We are able to do this, not because my husband makes a lot of money, but because with a lot of practice we have now grasped very well, how to live on a budget and further, we owe a lot of gratitude to my in-laws as they unselfishly decided to give of themselves, to have us stay with them since our return back home, until we decide on our next move, which should be soon. I must add that this has its challenges too, because we all love our own space to be ourselves, instead of always wondering if the people you are with are tired of you yet. Thank goodness, if our in-laws even feel this way, they have never made us aware, and the trade off for them is that they have their grandchildren around them at all times. I know saying goodbye when the time comes will be very hard.

Another psychological issue associated with the decision to be a stay at home parent, is guilt. I do suffer much guilt at times, especially when the finances decide that they will not be subjected to severe stretching and bending to be adequate. Thank goodness I have found a very effective way of dealing with this - I put things into perspective – as a result of my staying home with the children, I am able to save my family nursery fee for the baby, after school care fees for our son, doctor fees, because babies do get sick a lot when they are in nurseries and not to mention the cost associated with me going out to work – clothes, lunch etc. When I do the math, this is greater than or equal to a salary that I would take home. I must admit that I do get very tired at times and wish I was out working, just to get a break, but I am soon thrust back into the reality of this perspective.

I therefore no longer suffer any guilt from being a stay at home parent, instead I am grateful everyday that I have the opportunity of spending such quality time with my children, something a lot of parents with young children wished they could do and now look forward with great anticipation to what I will do, when our daughter goes off to school next year.  

Oh, this one’s a scorcher

This must be the hottest summer that I can remember and the water restrictions are just making it worst. I am seriously thinking of getting a plastic pool for these children so that they can splash around in it in the days as a way to keep cool and pass time. Our refrigerator has an ice maker and because of the water restrictions we have to revert to making ice in the good old trays or any appropriate container we can find. Can you imagine, things change, but do remain the same.

It is so hot our daughter barely gives us one hour sleep these days, even though the fan is at its highest and positioned as closely as possible to her. As soon as she is up from that short nap, you would think that she slept out her full nap, because she is rearing and ready to go, so much so, that by the time the day reaches two o’clock, my energy is sapped and I am literally in collapse mode. Kids are just made up with an extra amount of energy because they just keep going and our daughter goes with the same intensity until about 8 at nights, stopping only to be refreshed by some juice, water or mommy’s breast, whichever she grabs first. Man, I live for that hour.

My husband works from home, and we have to function as if he is out working, because he has to bring in the bacon. Now and then he stops to give me a hand but that’s about it, the rest is all up to me. Some days it is three kids that I have to deal with because our niece comes over a few days a week. Today I looked at my husband’s face and felt sorry for him, He looked so tired and beaten up by the heat, but I could not help it, I had to take a nap, or else I would have collapsed. It might have been a 10 minutes nap, but believe me, it helped.  

Thankfully our son is still at Summer school, but the problem is though, he gets home just about the time when my energy has failed me and with him, he demands another type of energy from you, because he is quite cheeky, persistent and also full of life.

I hope you do not think that I am complaining because I am not as I am the one who fought heaven and earth to have them. I have a way of telling people that I literally plucked them from God’s embrace, as he never seemed sure that he wanted to give them to us at all. The first one he took back and the other two, he did seem reluctant to give up.

God favoured us and let us have these children I cannot say enough how blessed we feel. No matter how. in this case hot and tough the going gets, we will soldier on, giving of the best we can to these beautiful, precious product of ours.

Thanks for indulging in my Monday ramblings.

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Changes to my blog

I have been thinking for a while now to break my blog posts up into segments. I post three times per week to my blog, Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays (at least I try to).

Mondays’ posts will now be called ‘Monday Ramblings,’ these posts will feature just what is flowing through my mind at the time and very casual and laid back in nature. Wednesdays’ posts will remain ‘Grateful Wednesdays’ where I continue to give thanks for blessings in my life, great or small. My Fridays’ posts will now be named, ‘Fridays Fertility Facts,’ News and Views which will largely include the latest in infertility news and facts.

I see this necessary as a way to better infuse my personality into my blog and manage and streamline the information that I provide. My other motivation is that I cannot afford really to own two and three blogs serving different audiences and so I have to make the most of the one I have.

Thank you all for your continued support






















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