TELLING YOUR INFERTILE FRIENDS THAT YOU ARE PREGNANT

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When I was struggling with infertility and anyone I knew, told me that they were expecting, this was the moment I wished infertility was not such a silent private struggle. I wished everyone knew about my misery as a result of my infertility struggles, so that this could be taken into account before they break their happy news to me.

When I became pregnant with my son, it was so difficult to break this news to anyone I knew who was struggling with infertility and so they were among the last to know that I was expecting and this was after much rehearsing of how I would break the news to them.

So, when and  how do you break your pregnancy news to your infertile friends. There is no best time or best way I would think, because infertility sadly, do causes us to be jealous of anyone around us who are pregnant. I waited however, until I was way into my second trimester before I broke this news. I felt in doing this, my friends would appreciate and accept that I was not too quick to break this news to them, when I knew that they were yearning so much to be in the position I was. I also felt, this delay would make them realise that I am quite in touch with their feelings, as one who have suffered from infertility as well and has firsthand knowledge of the emotional issues involved, in this regard and was taking this time to process my strategy.

Infertility does have the potential to impact negatively on friendships, as the emotional pain and loneliness that result, causes us to retreat into ourselves, thus withdrawing from the people who mean the most to us. I remember I used to communicate a lot with a friend who was also struggling with infertility. It was so refreshing to talk to someone who understands what you are going through. I remember many times in our conversations, she would relate incidents to me about her interaction with people as it relates to her infertility struggles, and always, at the end of her stories, she would say, ‘people just don’t understand. I cherished those conversations so much. When I had my son however, I called her, her husband answered the phone and after talking for a little with him, I asked if I could talk to her, she told her husband to tell me that she could not come to the phone at the moment. I also invited her to my son’s christening and she said because of a prior engagement, she could not attend. Her husband attended alone. If these incidents had anything to do with her feeling jealous of me, somehow it did not matter, because thankfully I was at a place of total understanding of the fact that infertility can do these crazy things to us.

This is my way of dealing with this issue but I do welcome your contribution by way of comments/advice, because I know that some of us have found ourselves in this uncomfortable position.

LIGHT MOMENT FRIDAYS – Feature 11

'Sorry I was not able to upload my regular light moment Friday image as Blogger seem to be having some problems.'

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All of us who struggle with infertility can attest to the fact that it robs us of our happiness. It robs us of our ability to truly laugh and this is why I have come up with this new feature on my blog, called ‘Light Moment Fridays.’ I love Fridays, and I guess it is because this is the beginning of a well awaited weekend. I love the casual laid back mood. This is why I have chosen Fridays for this, where I will post short jokes and funny videos. Our son is at the stage now where he says or does things which is so hilarious, so I will share some of those precious moments with you as well.

This is for you all, especially those of us  who struggle to be happy, amidst our hurts and pain.......DO ENJOY!!!!

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LITTLE JOHNNY STRIKES AGAIN..........

For my international readers, little Johnny is a school age fictitious character, known for having the darnest answers in class. He is his teachers' worst nightmare and so they have to be prepared for his bold sharp wit at all times.

The teacher asked the class to use the word 'fascinate' in a sentence. 

Molly put up her hand and said, 'My family went to my granddad's farm and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating.'
The teacher said, 'That was good, but I wanted you to use the word fascinate, not fascinating'.
 
Sally raised her hand. She said, 'My family went to see Rock City and I was fascinated.'
The teacher said, 'Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word 'fascinate.'
 
Little Johnny raised his hand.  

The teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word 'fascinate', so she called on him for his offering.
 
Johnny said, 'My aunt Gina has a sweater with ten buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasin eight.'
 
The teacher sat down and cried.

CELLULAR PHONES AND MALE INFERTILITY

image by: http://www.mgkaya.com

There are a lot of articles out there, cautioning men to resist using their laptops on their laps without a protective pad, to minimize the risk of heat, which can interfere with their fertility. Men are also warned against standing in front of the microwave while it is in use, to minimize the risk of radiation interfering with their fertility as well.

According to a recent article in Medical News Today, men who have been diagnosed with poor sperm quality are being cautioned to limit their use of cellular phones. Researchers have found that the use of cellular phones could lead to low sperm quality, thus causing a decrease in fertility.

I know that most or all of us are joined at the hip with our cellular phones, so please do not shoot the messenger, instead, see the link below for further reading.

http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/releases/225971.php

From the study

“The research team discovered that men who reported cell phone use had higher levels of circulating testosterone but they also had lower levels of luteinizing hormone (LH), an important reproductive hormone that is secreted by the pituitary gland in the brain. 

The researchers hypothesize that electromagnetic waves (EMW) emitted by cell phones may have a dual action on male hormone levels and fertility. EMW may increase the number of cells in the testes that produce testosterone; however, by lowering the levels of LH excreted by the pituitary gland, EMW may also block the conversion of this basic circulating type of testosterone to the more active, potent form of testosterone associated with sperm production and fertility.”

LIGHT MOMENT FRIDAYS – Feature 10

image by: http://www.support4change.com

All of us who struggle with infertility can attest to the fact that it robs us of our happiness. It robs us of our ability to truly laugh and this is why I have come up with this new feature on my blog, called ‘Light Moment Fridays.’ I love Fridays, and I guess it is because this is the beginning of a well awaited weekend. I love the casual laid back mood. This is why I have chosen Fridays for this, where I will post short jokes and funny videos. Our son is at the stage now where he says or does things which is so hilarious, so I will share some of those precious moments with you as well.

This is for you all, especially those of us  who struggle to be happy, amidst our hurts and pain.......DO ENJOY!!!!

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MISS AIRPORT 2011 CALENDER - Hilarious!!!!!!!!!

N.B.  I was having a problem with April's image....but you should get the picture

HEALTH TIP!!!!!!!

If you cannot afford to go to the Doctor, go to an airport - You will get a free X-Ray and Breast Exam

and;  if you mention Al Queda, you will get a free Colonoscopy.

HAVING CHILDREN LATER IN LIFE

image by:http://i.telegraph.co.uk/

It is recommended that couples start their families in their twenties, because at that time women are more fertile and better able to deal with the demands of motherhood and parenting.

This is very true, but many of us struggling with infertility, or have ever struggled with infertility, have not much choice in this matter, and as a result find ourselves starting our families much later in life.

The risks of getting pregnant  later in life cannot be ignored.  There is the risk of certain birth defects e.g. Down Syndrome. There is the risk of miscarriage, pre-eclampsia, babies with low birth weight among others and so there is much anxiety for women who find themselves pregnant later in their lives.

Regardless of this however, women are still becoming pregnant at this stage in their lives. I had my son at 39 and later said I would try for another up to the age of 43. I know of many other women who have had children at this age and even older. In Hollywood, there are a lot of older mothers, Halle Berry who gave birth to daughter Nahla at 41,  Mariah Carey who just gave birth to twins at age 40, and everyone will remember Kelly Preston, who gave birth to her third child in December, at the ripe old age of 47. There is also recent news, that Carla Brunni, first lady of France is currently expecting, at age 43. I remember when I had my miscarriage in 2009, I was 41, then and was telling someone about my ordeal, who was quick to ask, ‘is it safe for you to get pregnant at your age?’ I was not sure if I was to feel offended or not, but I knew she only said that, because of what she was socialized to believe about women and pregnancy, and is not able to think outside of the box.

I guess many women, including myself are simply just thinking that other older women get through their pregnancies, successfully, so we can too and choose to take a positive attitude in this regard. Kelly Preston said, she did not think about the risks, she just thought that it would be difficult.

Pregnancy, on a whole, regardless of your age comes with many risks and so if older women should reflect on the risks only, they would never go on to have the families, they want. The key to any successful pregnancy, later in life, I believe, is being as healthy as you possibly can, before and during  your pregnancy, staying as close as possible to your doctor and most of all, having a very positive attitude.

ALL THE VERY BEST IN YOUR DECISION TO BECOME AN OLDER MOM.

PCOS DIET AND HERBS FOR FERTILITY

I did a post on this subject in February of this year, but feel compelled to do a repost, because more and more, I am seeing great success in pregnancy, for PCOS sufferers who follow a specific diet and use specific herbs.

Please follow the link below for my previous post, which links to a website that outlines this diet and the specific herbs that can be taken in this regard.

http://onereachinganother.blogspot.com/2011/02/pcos-diet-and-herbs-for-infertility.html

WE ARE STILL TIED TO THE BIOLOGICAL FORCES WHICH DRIVES ANIMAL BEHAVIOR

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Apparently, we no longer think that we have much connection to the biological forces which drives animal behaviour, but it seems we still do. In a study conducted by researchers at UCLA, the University of Miami and Cal State, Fullerton, it has been found out that during ovulation female animals become flirty, seeking to attract their male counterparts, in hopes of procreation. During ovulation a woman dresses more flirty, for the same reason animals do and is said to be more attracted at this time to men with physiques that signifies virility. (I knew that about women, based on my experience, so I can attest to this).

This could assist in  maximizing a couple's chance of conceiving, because this is another way that a woman can tell the most fertile period in her cycle. I have found myself relying on this for a few of my cycles as well.

The study also found that female animals avoid close interaction with their male kin during periods of highest fertility in an effort to avoid inbreeding and women call their fathers less frequently during the period of highest fertility and when they do call, the calls are shorter than they would be for low fertility periods and this seem to be for the same reason animals avoid their male kin.

Read more from article:-

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2010/11/101129160950.htm

From the article

"Evolutionary biologists have found that females in other species avoid social interactions with male kin during periods of high fertility," said the study's lead author Debra Lieberman, a University of Miami assistant professor of psychology. "The behavior has long been explained as a means of avoiding inbreeding and the negative consequences associated with it. But until we conducted our study, nobody knew whether a similar pattern occurred in women."The findings appear in the latest issue of Psychological Science.

The study builds on a mounting body of evidence of subtle and significant ways in which women's behavior is unconsciously affected by the approach and achievement of ovulation -- a physical change that in humans has no outward manifestation of its own. Research has found that women tend to dress more attractively, to alter the pitch of their voices ways that are perceived as more attractive by men, and to contemplate more frequently the possibility of straying from their mates during high as opposed to low fertility periods of their menstrual cycle. Research has also shown that women are more attracted during high-fertility periods to men whose physique and behavior are consistent with virility, especially if they're not already mated to men with these characteristics."

THOUGHTS ON ADOPTION

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As a result of our struggles with infertility, my husband and I had plans to adopt, but since our son came, these plans have been put on hold, thinking still that one day, we will adopt.

 Adopting a child, in my opinion is such a noble thing to do because you are giving a deserving child a chance of having the love and stability of a family, which they would otherwise not have. Many people prefer to adopt infants, because they think the transition would be easier for all involved. I somewhat believe that too.

My mind however, still many times fast forward to the moment when these infants are grown and it now becomes necessary for them to be told, that they are adopted. I try to think of ways that this news could be broken to them, and have found that there is really no easy way and after the task of breaking this news to them is achieved, then comes the more difficult part of how they will really react. Will they begin to rebel, will they become depressed and become a recluse wondering why their biologically parents decided to give them up and if they are not good enough for their parents to want to keep. There are many questions that they will have and the bigger question is, how do the adopted parents help them through this very frightening and difficult time?

I remember when I told one of my brothers that my husband and I were thinking of adopting, his advice was that we try to choose a child that has no health issues. This is very important as well, but I was more preoccupied with the kind of personality that the child I would adopt, would turn out with, because a child’s biological parents have a lot to do with their personality and also how I would break the news to them when it becomes necessary, that they are adopted and of course what their reaction would be.

I have no experience in dealing with anything of this kind, but I can well imagine that these children are going to need their adopted parents more than ever. They are going to need your love, your understanding and your patience and most importantly, they might be needing space, as they process this very new bit of information.

My mother was adopted and even though she now has a family of her own, who loves her dearly, she still deals with these questions. Once my sister-in-law found her crying and later found that she was crying because she felt alone, as she knows no other immediate family members. I remember when I was younger, she tried to use various methods to find her family, but to no avail. I can only imagine how she feels at times, having no one to identify with, to say, oh my sister looks like me, or oh, my brother likes the same foods I like, or be given the chance to care for her parents in their old age. 

This post is not to discourage anyone from adopting, because as I said in my opening statement, this is a noble thing to do and to take it a step further, it is very essential for the growth and well-being of any economy, and our children are indeed our future. My intention is simply to have us who have adopted or who are thinking of adopting, prepare as much as we can for these moments, which can be very difficult to deal with.

ALL THE BEST IN YOUR EFFORTS

WHO IS A MOTHER

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The English Thesaurus (United Kingdom), describes a mother with the following phrases/terms, look after, care for, protect, nurse, tend.

A mother then, is a very broad term used to describe more than just women who have given  birth to children of their own. The Godmother, the Foster Mother, the Adopted Mother, the sister with no biological children of her own, but find herself caring for her siblings children, even the friend, who for some reason or another find herself caring for the children of a very good friend.

Not to be forgotten are the Mothers of some precious little angels in heaven. May 1 was International baby lost Mother’s Day and I want to do my little bit in acknowledging these special Mothers, as I believe that a woman becomes a mother from the moment it is confirmed that she is pregnant, because from that moment on bonding between mother and child begins.  The only different is, her children are not physically with her here on earth, they are in heaven with God, waiting for that great reunion. I am privileged to be a mother of one of these little angels and I cannot wait for the moment when we will be reunited.

This Mother’s Day, I want to acknowledge and honour ALL mothers. May you find joy and most of all a greater purpose in what you do. May you never grow weary in well-doing and not get too caught up in seeking earthly appreciation, but know that your reward is in heaven.

May everyday be an opportunity to learn and to impart knowledge and may you grow in grace, patience and virtue.

HAPPY  MOTHER’S  DAY

  

N.B. If you want to know more about International baby lost Mother’s Day, please check out the following link

http://internationalbabylostmothersday.blogspot.com/

FIRST COMES LOVE, THEN COMES MARRIAGE, THEN COMES BABY IN A CARRIAGE?????

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Even before Catherine and William were married, there have been talks about the babies that they will one day have. I am sure that soon there will be even more of these conversations which will even include some speculations about if whether are not the couple is expecting a royal heir, especially if Kate begins showing signs of being pregnant, like gaining weight etc.

After I was married, these same conversations began. Everyone began asking when will the babies come? My mother even asked me on occasions, when will I pay my husband back for his ring. I guess she sees giving him a child as paying him back for his ring. I was not bothered by these questions at all, why should I, when I had no idea that soon I would be dealing with infertility,which would span most of my productive years.

As my infertility struggles intensified I began dreading these questions to the point where I would get so annoyed at people when they ask. I don’t know if I had the right to be annoyed, but I was. I was annoyed because I was naively thinking that people should at least figure by now, when they saw that no children were showing up, that something could be frustrating our trying to conceive efforts. The questions continued and we began lying, that we were not ready for children. Soon after however, we realised how ridiculous that answer was, when we were by now, years into our marriage and every couple we knew who were married, had children.

These questions can be very devastating for infertile couples to have to deal with, especially if their infertility struggles span years and so I would like to put this out there - this might still sound a bit naive of me, but I know that some of us are quite capable of being this considerate. For all of us who find ourselves asking when those babies will come, when you see that years are passing by and a couple is not producing children, start wondering if something could be frustrating their procreation efforts, this could very well not be the case, as it could also be that they do not want children. If the latter is the case, then many times these couples will not hesitate to tell you this.

After thinking back at how we handled these questions when we were struggling with infertility, I realised that the best answers for infertile couples to give to people when they ask about them having children, is to  say to them politely that, ‘ we will have children when the time is right’ or, ‘it is in God’s hands’. Simple, yet very polite and most of all, these answers remove us from the picture and convey a message of  reliance on a source greater than ourselves, because having children is certainly not at all in our hands. God is the one who ultimately decides if he will allow us the privilege of having them.

In a previous post I did, I spoke about how success comes when we fully let go, and being at a place in our struggles when we can convince ourselves and others that we have indeed let go, is the beginning of reaping the harvest of all the successes in our lives that we so yearn far.

ALL THE VERY BEST