IS THE DECISION UP TO US, REALLY?

Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.

Children born to a young man are like sharp arrows in a warrior’s hand

Psalm 127: 3 & 4

“HOPE MAKES ALL THE DIFFERENCE”

I always knew I wanted more than just one child, but my struggles with infertility, saw me bargaining with God, telling him that if he just give me one, I would be pretty fine with that and would adopt another, as a thank you to him, for answering my prayers.


After I had my son, I was convinced that I was quite fine with just him, and more so, given the fact that I was so nervous and anxious with this pregnancy, I really did not want to have to experience this amount of anxiety and nervousness again, because it truly wore me out. We were then totally convinced that we would do adoption, to give him company.

Then I became pregnant unexpectedly last January, but found I had experienced a missed abortion early in the pregnancy. I was sure now, that I did not want to go down this road again, the miscarriages, the anxieties, the unknown and so my husband and I decided that this would be it and we started thinking of beginning adoption proceedings. Soon I began wondering, we have banked on this adoption thing, but what if it is not as easy as the brochure makes it out to be? Thankfully, not long afterwards, we began hearing stories of persons who had difficulties adopting and these are persons who we believe would be easy to be approved to adopt a child, given their status, and realized that we, without a doubt would be sure to experience even more difficulties in this regard.

Before long I realized that I was grieving for the pregnancy I had just lost, and wishing I had carried it, if for the only reason that my son would be sure of a sibling to grow up with, as I am one who does not believe that a child should grow up alone, if it can be prevented, and having seen how difficult it is for only children, not to mention the questions and conversations that the parents have to deal with, it began haunting me that my family might be subjected to this as well, given our plans. We immediately began rethinking our decision.

Then came the feeling of guilt, how could we have banked on adoption and made the decision not to have any more children, without thinking about the pros and cons and not thinking enough, about the needs of our son, How would we handle the questions when he starts asking them, ‘how comes I do not have a brother or a sister?’ Further, how would we feel when he draws his first picture of his family in kindergarten and realized that his picture has only three persons and those of his classmates have more and he is demanding answers from us. I personally would feel very guilty and feel that we have betrayed him, because life is just too difficult as it is, for a child not to have a sibling to grow up with, someone to lean on as they chart their course through life, someone to be themselves with, someone to share little secrets with, someone who they can count on to be there for them.

It is with this in mind that we are working closely with our doctor to give our son the company he deserves, because is it up to us, really, to make the decision, not have any more children after having just one? This decision, I believe, would be up to us to make, if we were told that having another pregnancy would be detrimental to my health, or if financially we could not afford any more, even though, who is ever totally convinced up front, that they can afford a child, when they begin thinking of having them. My Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) and age is a factor for anxiety yes, but we live in an age where women with fertility issues are still getting pregnant and women who are forty and over are also becoming pregnant and having healthy babies, so why can’t I do it too.

If our efforts does not bring about the result we desire, then we would be satisfied that we did our part and it sure would be easier to explain to our son, when he starts asking questions. I have already come up with a response if that time should come, and it goes, well son, we tried to give you company, but you are so special that God wants us to have just you.

We are forever grateful to God for our son, but we really believe he needs a sibling and we are still thinking of adopting, but much later down the road.

If there are anyone currently caught in this situation, I hope this post will be encouraging to you.

Be blessed, and until next time, keep clinging to hope.

”NATURAL REMEDIES FOR INFERTILITY”

Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.

Children born to a young man are like sharp arrows in a warrior’s hand

Psalm 127: 3 & 4

“HOPE MAKES ALL THE DIFFERENCE”

Some of us would be surprised to know that our infertility issues, lies entirely with us and therefore need no visit to any expensive specialist, who will further drain our pockets by putting us on expensive treatments.


Are we indulging in too much caffeine and alcohol, that could defeat our chances of becoming pregnant. Are we timing intercourse. Timing is everything, as we are only fertile a few days out of our cycle.

See what else Tania of Trying to Conceive  has to say about Natural Remedies for infertility

The more we know, the quicker we are able to realize our dreams of conceiving.

ALL THE BEST

PROMISING OVARIAN CANCER SCREENING

Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.

Children born to a young man are like sharp arrows in a warrior’s hand

Psalm 127: 3 & 4

“HOPE MAKES ALL THE DIFFERENCE”

 

Healthy women might soon be able to have screening done for the early detection of Ovarian Cancer. This is surely good news for all women and especially for those who are at increased risk.


As someone who has been diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS), and was told by my doctor that this can lead to cancer, I immediately thought that he was referring to ovarian cancer, since it is the ovaries that is affected in the case of PCOS. Upon research, I found out that women with PCOS are not at risk for ovarian cancer, instead we are at increased risk for Endometrial Cancer.

Women are at increased risk for ovarian cancer, as it relates to the following:-

• Age. Ovarian cancer usually develops after menopause. Women over age 60 have the highest risk. However, it is not confined to older women; one quarter of ovarian cancer deaths occur in women 35 - 54 years of age.
• Family history. If a close blood relative of yours (mother, sister, daughter) has had ovarian cancer, your risk is higher.
• Infertility & childbearing status. Women are at increased risk if they’ve had difficulty conceiving, had children late in life, have never been pregnant, or have never used birth control pills.
• Fertility drugs. In some studies, researchers have found that prolonged use of the fertility drug clomiphene citrate, especially without achieving pregnancy, may increase the risk for developing ovarian tumors. If you are taking this drug, you should discuss its potential risks with your doctor. However, infertility also increases the risk of ovarian cancer, even without use of fertility drugs.

The more we know, the more we can preserve lives.

Be encouraged therefore.

47 AND PREGNANT!!!!!!!

Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.

Children born to a young man are like sharp arrows in a warrior’s hand

Psalm 127: 3 & 4

"HOPE MAKES ALL THE DIFFERENCE"

Are you over 35 and is contemplating becoming pregnant, but has reservations. Well, be encouraged, John Travolta’s wife, Kelly Preston, who is 47, is currently three months pregnant, and, as is expected, the couple is bubbling over with happiness, as they lost a son recently. The couple said, "It was difficult to keep quiet about this great news." I totally can relate to this.


At 37, when I became pregnant with my son, I was very anxious and scared myself and could hardly wait until the end of my pregnancy to see if my son would be born healthy. Well he did, despite my worries, so it does not pay to worry at all, just use your energy to focus on being as healthy as you can be, because this is said to be the key to a successful pregnancy.

It is normal to feel anxious about becoming pregnant later in life, as there are certain risks associated with becoming pregnant at this stage, but studies show that many older women who are becoming pregnant these days are healthier than before, as people on a whole are adopting healthier lifestyles, hence older women are now more likely to become pregnant and carry a normal healthy pregnancy.

This is surely encouraging news.

“Do you think God would do that to you?” she asked.

Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.

Children born to a young man are like sharp arrows in a warrior’s hand

Psalm 127: 3 & 4

"HOPE MAKES ALL THE DIFFERENCE"

If I had ever doubted the fact, for one minute that our son is a miracle baby,a total gift from God who have angels watching over him, then what happened on Sunday, would have taken away all doubts in that regard.

I accompanied my son as usual to Junior Church on Sunday. When I attempted to rejoin Church, which was in its final moments, I realized that he did not want to go inside, and so we stopped outside (an open foyer). All this time, I was holding him on and off, because I wanted to keep him within reach, being mindful of the nearby roadway. He had picked some flowers and wanted to take some to a female usher who was sitting at the door (awww), and so I allowed him to, watching him closely of course. I also allowed him to walk around a bit afterwards, because he was resisting me holding him at points, and so I decided to just give him some space to move around by himself. That decision came out of the fact that recently my husband and I were saying that he seemed to be settling down a bit, he was not as animated anymore and we were saying that sending him out to the nursery was having this positive effect on him. As a parent who beleives its important to give a child room to grow, when you think they should be able to handle it, this was just a test to see if and how much we could trust him, without hovering too much.

Then for the moment which almost changed my life forever. Our Church is nearby a somewhat busy roadway, and the gate remains opened, until church is finished. There is however, still a little distance between the church and the actual road, and that is why I thought it would have been alright to let him go a bit. I saw him paused, facing the road way and somehow I knew it, (a mother’s instinct as a friend said, when I was relating the incident to her yesterday). He took off with ‘Bolt like’ speed towards the road, I immediately tried to stop him, but did not reach him in time and soon enough, I knew I had to run with all the speed I could muster up, in high heel shoes. My speed was no match for his however, and so I was conscious that I had to strategize in those few precious seconds I had. I lounged at him, and before I knew it, he fell. I tripped over him and fell as well. I fell out of both my shoes, and he fell out of one of his and we both layed sprawled out on the sidewalk. Mission accomplished, he was stopped, right in time, as he had just reached the sidewalk, and would have ran into the road right then and there, between two parked cars, so there is no way, any motorist would have seen him. I was shaking as I picked him up, embarrassed, thankful, frightened (all those emotions in one). I found enough courage to give him a good spanking right there. He cried, probably wondering why I was spanking him, when all he had done was just to run. One of the ushers came, took him from me, said ‘hush son’ and put his shoe back on, all this time, not even looking at me or saying a word to me. I guess he was as shocked as I was, because I knew I wanted to tell him thanks, but words had left me.

I have to say that it was God who came right at that moment, and blocked his way. I thought for a moment that I had pulled him, thus causing his fall, when I lounged at him, but on second thought, I really do not remember touching him at all and so I have no choice but to say that, it is the Almighty God that stepped in, because that is just how he works, right in the moment before the worst happens.

Church was almost disrupted, because it was my husband who was chairing the service and he had a good view from the platform of all that was taking place and some members said, that it was the look on this face, which alerted them that something was happening outside. As soon as my husband ended service, he was right with us, and scooped our son up in his arms.

Members of the church surrounded us, trying to calm me down. Some even anger me with some comments, meaning to help of course, but they did not. There were comments like ‘you have to be careful in those high heels.’ I said to that person, it did not matter what happened to me, high heels and all, it was important for me to save my son, by all means necessary. Another one made a comment saying ‘it’s a boy you know,’ I guess she meant that it’s a boy so I am to expect these things. I said to her, it took me over a decade to have my son, and I knew in that moment, regardless of the gender he is, that I had to do all that I could to save him. She redeemed herself by asking me the question, after hearing that we had difficulties having him (which I chose to use as the heading of this post, because it is what stood out for me in all that happened), "so do you think that God would do that to you?” I could not answer her at that moment, but I immediately felt, a sudden calm, a sudden peacefulness, because somehow I knew in that moment, without doubt, that my God, the God who saw me through all the distress from struggling with infertility, the suicidal thoughts, the depression, you name it, he would never do this to me, and I say this with the strongest of conviction.

When I got home from Church that afternoon, I was so haunted by the fact that I could have been returning home, without my son, engulfed in grief and everything that happened that evening, hearing him cheerfully play, hearing his cute innocent chatter, folding his laundry, watching him sleep, provoked the questions, how would I be cooping now, how could I go on from here, if I was not able to still indulge in these things, because he was cruelly ripped from us, and I must say, those questions, left a deep feeling of pain way in the depth of my being. We went to look for a dear old lady, later that evening and on our way there, I could not help but think, that if the worst had happened, we would never have been on our way, to brighten up another person’s evening, we would have been the ones needing that.

This incident, I believe, had to happen, so that we could know how much we can trust him because maybe, if it did not happen, somewhere later on, we would have decided to give him a little more space and then would not have been able to immediately intervene and save him from the worst, and so the overwhelming feelings of guilt that I had used bad judgment, which flooded me immediately after the incident, are somewhat subsiding, as I am comforted, knowing this incident has served its purpose and I have learnt my lesson well and I/we will be a lot more present and careful next time, to prevent this or anything worst from happening again.

In the meantime, we remain forever grateful to God, for stepping in when he did and saving our precious son. He is so worthy to be worshipped and praised.

ENDOMETRIOSIS AND TRYING TO CONCEIVE

Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.

Children born to a young man are like sharp arrows in a warrior’s hand

Psalm 127: 3 & 4

"HOPE MAKES ALL THE DIFFERENCE"

Padma Lakshmi,, model, actress and host of ‘Top Chef ‘on Bravo, opens up about her years of struggles with endometriosis, to co-host Meredith Vierra on the Today Show, along with chief medical correspondent, Dr. Nancy Snyderman. Padma did several surgeries, before becoming pregnant last year and giving birth to her miracle baby girl, in February of this year, after being told that she would never get pregnant naturally. Padma says, looking at her daughter, shortly after giving birth, "I can't beleive she is actually here.......thank you for my daughter."

See video clip of interview at:-

 http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/26184891/vp/37127530#37127530

Endometriosis affects one in ten women and is one of the leading causes of infertility. It’s symptoms include:-

• Irregular, heavy and periods 
• Backache
• Pelvic Pain 
• Infertility

The good news is, there are treatments available to help you conceive and some of these are:-

• Using birth control pills or the fertility drug, Clomiphene Citrate (Clomid) to regulate your periods.
• Laparoscopy to remove tissues which causes the condition.

Endometriosis does not mean that you will never get pregnant, it is just important that you get diagnosed early, listen to your body when it is telling you that something is wrong and seek the necessary help soon, so that your dreams to conceive, can come through earlier.

 Be encouraged and until next time, keep clinging to hope.

IF I HAD IT MY WAY, ALL WOMEN WOULD BE HONORED ON MOTHER’S DAY.

Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.

Children born to a young man are like sharp arrows in a warrior’s hand

Psalm 127: 3 & 4

"HOPE MAKES ALL THE DIFFERENCE"

I had a great Mother’s Day weekend and I hope you had a great one too. Thanks to my Church, the two men in my life and my friends and family, who sent me kind Mothers’ Day wishes.

At Church on Sunday, when the mothers were called to the front of the congregation to be honored, as is customary, on Mother’s Day, I made a conscious effort to scan the audience to see the faces of the women still sitting there, who are obviously not mothers. I studied their faces, and as I did that, the emptiness, the void I felt for over a decade, when I was sadly, one of those women who had no choice but to remain in the audience, came flooding in.

As the faces of those women differ, I would imagine that the circumstances which led them to be in this position, also differ as well. Their faces somehow, did not convey that they were comfortable sitting there, and I just could not help it, I felt sadness for them.

I was so relieved when the children, after presenting us with our tokens, scattered in the audience and presented those women with tokens as well. I saw one woman remarked, ‘for me’ and took the token with such gratitude. My heart felt at peace, and I thought, this is the way it should be. All women should be honored on mother’s day, whether they are biological mothers are not, because I am almost sure, that at some point in their lives, they must have found themselves acting in this capacity and even if this is not the case for all, for even the mere fact that as women, we do possess this big heart to love and to nurture as only a woman can.

Just thought I would share this.

HAVE A BLESSED DAY.

INFERTILITY IS BY NO MEANS PARTIAL

Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.

Children born to a young man are like sharp arrows in a warrior’s hand

Psalm 127: 3 & 4

"HOPE MAKES ALL THE DIFFERENCE"

Infertility is by no means partial, it transcends all borders. It touches far and wide, it touches the poor, it touches the rich, it touches the small and it touches the great.

I just learnt recently that former first Lady, Laura Bush had fertility issues. In an interview on the Today Show on NBC recently, former first Lady Laura Bush said that she wanted children so badly, before giving birth to twin girls. I must admit when I found out that she and former President of the United States, George W. Bush had twins, I immediately thought, ‘I wonder if they had problems conceiving and these girls are the result of fertility treatment. Not that one has to be on fertility treatment to give birth to twins, but it is highly common in this regard. It has not been confirmed though, that these girls are actually the product of fertility treatment.

When her recently married daughter, Jenna, who was also present at the same interview on the today show asked her, where she sees herself in ten years, she quickly responded, ‘surrounded by grandchildren, I would hope,’ and was looking at her daughter, as she says this, with a bright smile on her face.

As I sat there and listened, my heart revisited the sadness I experienced all those years of struggling with infertility, when I wanted so much to give my mother-in-law grandchildren (my mother had), because parents, especially mothers, look forward so much, after the wedding of their children, to the day when they would welcome their grandchildren into the world. This was definitely a difficult part of my struggle, because I knew that my mother-in-law was yearning just as my husband and I were.

Mrs. Laura Bush just published her autobiography entitled, ‘Spoken from the Heart.’





 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Get your copy today.

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY

Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.

Children born to a young man are like sharp arrows in a warrior’s hand

Psalm 127: 3 & 4

"HOPE MAKES ALL THE DIFFERENCE"

I take great pleasure in wishing ALL Mothers, a happy, peaceful and blessed Mother’s Day.


I have highlighted all, because some who are not biological mothers, who act in the capacity of mothers, sometimes do get left out on this special day. Therefore, if you are not a biological mother, but find yourself acting in this very revered capacity, at some point in your life, this wish goes out lovingly to you as well.

For all those who are mothers to only angels in heaven, do not think for one minute that this day is not for you too, as I have heard it said recently that motherhood, starts from that positive pregnancy test and I know for a fact, that bonding begins there as well.

I am so grateful to God that for the past couple of years I have been able to celebrate this special day, which for many years I could only look forward to with dread and longing. Words cannot explain, how blessed I feel. It is therefore my prayer that all who are still on the difficult road of struggles to become a mom, will one day soon be made to share in this special day as well.

HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY

MY MOTHER, MY HERO

Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.
Children born to a young man are like sharp arrows in a warrior’s hand

Psalm 127: 3 & 4

"HOPE MAKES ALL THE DIFFERENCE"

When I started thinking about what to write for Mother’s Day on my blog this year, before long, I knew I wanted to do a tribute to you, my mother, my hero.


You are my hero because despite being thrown hurdles in life, you have made it over these hurdles with such, humility, such grace and most of all, a heart filled with gratitude. I often think back at how thankful you were, even with the little you had, and I was reminded of this in a birthday call I made to you recently. You were on your way to work that evening and said you had another shift in the morning, I said to you, mind you are working too hard at your age, and you said, ‘yes, it is tough, but I remain grateful to God, because others still have it worst.’ This certainly warmed my heart and for the days following this conversation, I was made to focus more on having a thankful heart and giving God thanks more, for the blessings I do have in my life. Thanks Mama.

You and Papa, even though you had such limited education, made sure that all your children were exposed to, if only, the basic education that we needed to make sure we had, even if it is just a little bit more than you had. You did this despite the critics, who were accusing you of putting your children first, instead of seeking to acquire material things that would enhance your life. You did not allow these comments to cause you to lose focus, because your status in life was not what matters most to you and so your eyes remained on the prize and now you are enjoying the best of both worlds. You are proud of what your children have become, be it great or small and you have been blessed with more to the point where you can now give us some of what you were not able to give us before, and most of all, you are also able to stretch a hand a little further to others in need as well. This is just a testament to the fact that God does honor humility, faithfulness and a thankful heart.

I am sadden to know that the individuals who were saying these things to you, seemingly had no idea, the strength of character and focus, that it takes to be a parent who wants the very best for their children, even with limited resources. I must say, now that I am a parent myself, I totally understand what it takes to put your child first. Someone, in a conversation, once said to me that if she is reduced to only a morsel of food in her house, that morsel would have to share for all in her household. I am totally taken by this concept, but what if the morsel just cannot share and I know you and Papa must have found yourselves doing without, because there were times, when the morsel you had, just could not share. There were times I recall, though, when God blessed and multiplied that morsel, so that even the dear old neighbor, did not have to do without.

I have hurdles in my life, and many times when I feel like I have no strength left to make it over these hurdles, I suddenly feel renewed thinking, wait, my mother is scaling her hurdles, even if she is stumbling or even falling here and there, so I know I should be able to make it over mine as well, though I too may stumble and sometimes even fall. I remember when I was allowing my hurdles to get the better of me, you sent some harsh words my way. I was upset at first, and thought, my mother does not really love me. Before long though, I saw all too clear, your intentions. You were using tough love to help me snap out of my pain, because you just could not deal with the fact that one of your children, was hurting so deeply, especially after knowing you had provided us with the basic platform (a basic education, and some basic and very important life skills, and most of all, the fact that we knew God, because of the example you and Papa set), to be able to deal with the darts that life would throw our way.

As a child growing up, we did not always see eye to eye, but this is normal and among one of the things that often happen when we are on the learning curve of life. A child, in their quest for individualism and acceptance in this big wide world, very often find themselves struggling to find common ground with their parents or guardian, and so I do believe this is a  critical part of the process of growth and transition into the adult that the child will one day become.

Now that I am an adult, who have to come to terms with the fact that one particular hurdle, (my stuttering), that I have been given, will continue to make my life a little more difficult than that of others, I often look back and think that probably if I was given more, by way of validation from my parents, so that I did not spend a lot of my young impressionable years thinking that I was less of a person, because of this hurdle, I would be at a much better place in my life now. I however do not blame you and Papa for any contribution to such difficulties, because I know you did not have the capacity to deal with issues of this nature, instead, I choose to press on, knowing that I am by no means the only one with hurdles, drawing on those basic life skills you gave me, and others that I continue to learn along the way, and hoping one day to be truly liberated in this regard. Mama, what you and Papa gave me is just as important, or even more important, though, you taught me how to be humble, how to be thankful and make the most of what I have been blessed with be it big or small, and most of all, how to live my life with grace and humility.

Your heart is so big and I do believe that all your children share equal parts of this big heart of yours, because a mother would not have it any other way. Your prayers, I know, are what keep us together, and I remember listening to your prayer one night before falling asleep and thinking to myself, what big heart, you covered everyone in that prayer, even those who govern our land, and then I knew, your children really have someone in their corner, and we are all truly blessed.

You have regrets for some choices you made while raising us, as I once heard you said that if you had your life to live over, you would have done some things differently. This is quite normal for each and every one of us, because we are not given a life manual, so we are prone to making mistakes and so all we can do is learn from these mistakes, forgive ourselves and hope that those who were marginalized as a result of our choices, forgive us as well, so that we all can continue together (in unity), on this journey of life.

And so, this Mother’s Day, I just want to honor you for all you have been, all you have become and all you continue to be to me.

I love you, mama, my hero.



HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY

PREGNANT WITH SOMEONE ELSE'S BABY (an update)

Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.

Children born to a young man are like sharp arrows in a warrior’s hand

Psalm 127: 3 & 4

"HOPE MAKES ALL THE DIFFERENCE"

 I don’t know if you remember me doing a post on this story about a couple who was pregnant with another couple’s baby, after being implanted with the wrong embryo.

Read previous post at:

http://onereachinganother.blogspot.com/2009/09/pregnant-with-someonelses-baby.html

The baby has since being born (now seven months) and is with his rightful parents, who has since written a letter to the couple who brought their baby into the world, telling them thanks for doing this for them.

Below is recently published book from this couple, entitled 'Misconception' documenting their journey on this very difficult road which, when they started out to enlarge their family, had no plans of ever travelling on. 














I would imagine this book, will be a very good read, so why not get a copy.