MONDAY RAMBLINGS – Why we manipulate

Handling, exploitation, management are some of the words used by the English Thesaurus (United States) to define manipulation.

Because there is manipulation of other kinds, I must say that the focus of this post is manipulation as it relates to interpersonal relationships. All of us at some time engage in some level of manipulation in our relationships.

Why do we manipulate then? I am in no way writing as any interpersonal relationship scholar, but I do qualify to respond because I have engaged in some manipulation myself. I strongly believe therefore, that we manipulate because of selfishness, insecurity and the need for power. In order to feel secure and comfortable in our own skin and to satisfy our own selfish egos, we manipulate. From this the manipulator gain power and because I have also been a victim of manipulation, the person being manipulated feels diminished and used. I have seen recently a very classic case of manipulation where the manipulator is so skilled, (yes, some of us are very skilled in this area), she pulls in her victims by embracing them and showering them with acts of kindness and then she strikes. The  manipulated,  feeling diminished, no longer possesses the power to defend their own honour and integrity. When the opportunity arises, the person crumbles like a building constructed without reinforcement from the elements and this of course gives the manipulator more power. It would be good then, if we are able to identify when we manipulate and when we are being manipulated and if we can, nip it in the bud before it takes root.

The other day I wrote a post about honouring and respecting ourselves as we should be, because we are all vessels of honour. If we engage in manipulation or allow ourselves to be victims of it, this is also a way of dishonouring and disrespecting ourselves, thus causing damage to our vessels.

Interesting, I recently heard it said that it is not the person that is doing manipulating who is really the manipulator, it is the person who allows themselves to be manipulated. I am still processing this and so I have no comment at the moment, yours are most welcomed though.

HAPPY MONDAY ALL!!!!!!




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INFERTILITY FACTS NEWS AND VEIWS – 10 reasons for wanting another child

The other day I was checking my blog traffic feed as I often do, to see the traffic on my blog and what people are reading, I came across this post that I did some time ago entitled, “10 reasons for wanting another child.”  I found it quite interesting and just thought that it would be a good idea to refer to that post on days when I feel physically inadequate to deal with my two energizer bunnies, just to make sure that I was not out of my mind when we decided to have another child.

Our son is involved in extra-curricular activities at school and that I am indeed grateful for, because this means that I just have my daughter for some days. On a day like today, though, I felt totally inadequate caring for just her. Even though the ratio was even, I was no match for her and many times had to resort to locking us both in our bedroom just to save on my energy.

My husband’s parents on many occasions would just take one look at our children and say, "that is exactly how their father was, busy, busy". Today I asked my father-in-law again, did you say my husband was quite busy as a child, just to confirm that my gene is not at play here. He responded, “oh yes.”

 As for me, my parents said I was an easy baby. All I needed was to be placed in my crib with my pillow and all was well with the world. She said I did not even cry when I was hungry, she just knew based on my meal timing.

So, here goes, read for yourselves, 10 reasons for wanting another child:-

http://onereachinganother.blogspot.com/2012/05/ten-reasons-for-wanting-another-child.html

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GRATEFUL WEDNESAYS – Vessels of honour

It is just disturbing how some of us live our lives, putting up with indignity and dishonor.

The thing is, some of us, sadly find ourselves in situations where it is hard to escape this indignity and dishonor. In a marriage, a spouse is afraid that they are not worthy of the love of someone else and so they stay in the marriage and accept abuse, or they feel they might not be as financially secure in another relationship or marriage. On another note, because someone is being charitable to you, you feel that the way to pay them back is to allow them to take advantage of you, to the point where you think it is only loyal to go over and beyond your capacity for them.

As a child growing up, I had this ritual where I would be the first to get out of bed and I would proceed to do everybody’s chores so that when they got up, the dishes would have been washed, the yard raked and everybody would be so happy they had a kind sister like me. I needed that validation because I felt I was not good enough and felt that I was not loved the way I wanted to be loved. I felt that by playing the elves and the shoemaker, where the elves completed the shoemaker’s shoes as he and his family slept, my family would be inclined to think more of me and love me more. Now I know I was dishonoring myself, engaging in self sabotage, because firstly, I should never be thinking that I was not good enough and secondly, I should not have to go over and beyond for love.

I am grateful then, that I am at a point in my life where, even though someone is being kind to me, I can recognize when I am being used, taken for granted and dishonored. That does not discount the fact that I am eternally grateful for their kindness and would be equally kind to them in a heartbeat, but they are not allowed to take advantage of me because they think they have this right, given what they are doing for me.

We are all vessels of honour, blessed and highly favoured by God and therefore possess the intuition of recognizing either that we are self sabotaging by causing dishonor and indignity on ourselves or we are allowing others to do it to us (because, trust me you can feel it) and we do have the right to put a stop to it.

GRATEFUL WEDNESDAYS – Who or what is your source?

The other day, someone we knew relatively well, committed suicide. What I gather is that, his marriage was his source, and when his wife died almost a year ago, he felt like he just could not go on, on his own and so he took his life. Really sad and this is taking us a while to process.

Which leads me to the question, who or what is your source? It is quite helpful to note that your source should never be temporal, in other words it should never be temporary where it can cut out on you at any time, leaving you to fend for yourself. I am quite thrilled to say then, that the Almighty God is my source, let me also say that this does not mean that we who claim God as our source won’t find ourselves in similar situations like this gentleman. Which really is because, at times we seem to forget, or we become so blinded and overwhelmed by our problems that we try to go it alone. We fly solo.

When I lost our first pregnancy, I romanced the idea of suicide because I just did not think that I could bear this overwhelming pain, which had me so blinded that I really did not think to give it all to God. In fact, he was the first person I took it out on. I was so angry with him and refused to have anything to do with him in the first few days following my lost. How could this God who promised his children good things, allowed such a horrible thing to happen to one of his own, I thought. It was not long before I was feeling even more miserable and helpless and so I felt I had no choice but to put my tail between my legs and crawl back into his embrace, because I realized that no one was able to help me deal with my pain. No husband, no friend, no one.

God took control and I allowed him to heal my broken heart, certainly not instantly but surely gradually and he has since blessed me more abundantly than I could ever ask or imagine. Even more importantly, he is allowing me to use this pain to minister to and help others. What an awesome source to have and I am indeed grateful that I found it.

Let me therefore encourage those of you who are dealing with situations that have left you feeling broken, hopeless and helpless, if you do not know the Almighty God as your source, I challenge you to find him, he stands ready to rid you of your burdens and lead you into quality life everlasting if you will allow him.

Thanks for your indulgence.

MONDAY RAMBLINGS – You must have a dream…..

As I sat yesterday in the commencement service for our new school year, I could not help the pride I felt as the representative for each school in our group of schools eloquently gave their reports of how well their respective schools were doing. Our high school boasted high passes in Mathematics and English Language in the CXC exams and declare that they are going after a 100% pass rate. I found this quite striking. Mention was also made of a special needs student who was successful in his GSAT examination, which had him placed in one of our better upgraded high schools.

The speaker at the service gave a message that was so relevant and timely, as he challenged us all to have a conversation with ourselves. We must tell ourselves, he says, that we matter and believe in our dreams enough to follow them to fruition. First he said though, that this can in no way happen unless we have a dream.

As far back as I can remember, I have always struggled with low self esteem. The conversation I so often had with myself was that, you are not worthy, you can never measure up. You will never be able to speak eloquently and fluently nor would you possess that which is deemed necessary to live a happy full life. Dreams I had, as I can remember daydreaming about one common dream which I can imagine many of us women have as young girls, marrying the handsome prince and living in the dream house with the white picket fence. The thing is, I started out believing wholeheartedly in my dreams, or else I would not have had them, but as my life unfolded and I became face with challenges, I lost that hope along the way. 

Thank goodness, I no longer think this of myself. Somewhere along life's pathway, my situations changed causing some dreams to be realised and dare I say, growth also happened, as I learnt to accept and honor myself for who I am. After all, no two persons are alike, what boring unchallenging lives we would have, if this was so.

I am happy I was able to make this change before my children came, because, what values as it relates to succeeding in life would I be able to impart to them, if I was still enslaved by this twisted, false value system that I had carved out for myself.

I celebrate with our schools in their achievements. No doubt it is because those who are entrusted with the well being of these precious lives are telling them every day that they matter and is encouraging them to dream big dreams.

Eleanor Roosevelt says, "the future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams."

Happy Monday all!!!!

“Monday Ramblings” – On to a new milestone…….

I remember like it was yesterday, the birth of our second little miracle, a little over 6 years ago, signaling our triumph over a long struggle with infertility and now he is starting first grade. I can hardly wrap my head around it.

He had a great summer, three weeks of summer school, one week of camp, with a birthday pool party thrown in the mix. He could have been gone to another camp for two weeks, quite near this time and no sleepover, but he did not want to go to another one I guess he thought one was enough, as he seemed to have been traumatized by the fact that he was away from home for all of one week, so the sound of another camp just threw him over the edge.

I was not complaining at all when I found out that he would have only spent three weeks at home, because the combination of he and his little sister can be quite lethal, so much so that quite early into his first week home, I felt like running away and not looking back. He provokes his sister and she does not back down. At one point his face looked like he was attacked by a Cheshire cat as he had scrapes all over courtesy of his little tyrant of a sister.

Today, I strongly believed that he was trying his best to give me everything he has left before he goes back out and so at one time I had to say to him, why do you give me so much talking? He replied instantly, I don’t give my teachers talking though, which is true, he is quite a saint at school and so I really believe we have two sons somewhere in there.

One thing with him is, when he ask you to do something he does not back down, until he wears you out. One morning, found me making a pirate patch and playing pirate with him and just a couple days ago I had to play engineer and make him a plane called ‘Dusty Crophopper’ from the movie Disney’s Planes, which his father took him to watch a couple days before. When my husband came home and saw it, he was quite impressed and said he did not think he could have done a better job. Who would think that my husband who eats, sleeps and dreams architecture, allows himself to be outdone by his wife.  

So then, our son starts his first day in first grade tomorrow and we endeavour to give him all the support he needs to continue to excel, because the very way he came to us, have us strongly believing that God’s intention for him is for greatness.

We love you son, and we are watching you grow with such delight. Continue to colour our world and make us proud.  

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