PRAYER AND INFERTILITY

Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.
Children born to a young man are like sharp arrows in a warrior’s hand
Psalm 127: 3 & 4

Throughout my struggles with infertility, I constantly prayed to God to take this hurdle out of my life and allow me to have the children I so desperately wanted. I know those of you currently struggling with infertility is praying this prayer as well and hoping that God , in his mercy, will answer you.

As the years passed and I realized that no answer to my prayers were forthcoming, II began feeling desperate, and wanted to at experience what it felt like to become pregnant, and so, I began saying to God, maybe your will for my husband and myself is not to become parents, this I have to work on accepting but in the meantime, could you just allow me to see what a positive pregnancy test looks like, to experience the symptoms of pregnancy, the nausea, the vomiting the bloating and lo and behold, he answered that prayer. I became pregnant with what was to later be a missed abortion and believe me, I felt all the symptoms and more. I remember asking him again that he allow me to wear maternity clothes that I so often pictured myself in and wanted to wear so badly, because I thought I would make a gorgeous pregnant woman (smile) and that I be allowed to experience the pampering and attention that pregnant women received and I so envied. Well, he answered that too and I became pregnant again and carried that pregnancy to seven months.

I remember telling this to a friend and her advice to me, was that I try praying for what I actually wanted, a child and probably God will grant me this at long last. Would he, I thought, I had been praying for so many years and none was forthcoming. Anyway I left that at that.
When I became pregnant with my son, I was not trying and was not praying for a child either, at least not as yet, because I was on treatment to resume trying again and also had just relocated. When I found out I was pregnant, I began praying in earnest for my unborn child, because I was not prepared to lose this child like the last one. I even told God that if he took this one, he should take me as well because I did not feel that I could go through another loss. Every morning, I would pray and rub my stomach with olive oil (a symbol used in Christianity along with prayers for healing and well-being) and I did this for the duration of my pregnancy. I was still, however, very anxious and frightened, not that I did not trust God, it was because of my previous losses.

I recently heard that some couples begin praying for their unborn child right before intercourse. I found that truly amazing as I had never thought of doing that, I prayed but it was usually after sexual intercourse, that God would not allow this opportunity to go to waste. I wonder if it would have made a difference if I had prayed before. My friend who brought this to my attention was so taken by this as well, she knows of people praying for their unborn child when they actually became pregnant, but not before.

One thing I believe is that these couples must have a special relationship with God and want him involved in all aspects of their plans to have a family, to actually think of doing this. Having done this also, their pregnancy should be anxiety and stress free as they already know that God has ordained it and will have them in his divine care and keeping until delivery. I don’t know about you, but this sounds pretty good to me.

This is truly commendable and I feel that every Christian should begin praying for their unborn child even before conception, as I believe the world would be a much better place with more children being born, who are shaped and molded in Christ even before conception.

Be blessed, therefore and until next time, keep clinging to hope.

MY FIRST BABY

Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.
Children born to a young man are like sharp arrows in a warrior’s hand
Psalm 127: 3 & 4

Yes, I had a baby before I had my son, he was a ‘fur-baby,’ an adorable German Shepherd pup called Diego, named after the football hero, Diego Maradona. He was my baby, but technically not mine. He belonged to my brother-in- law and I was chosen to be his pup-sitter for the first few weeks of his life, because he had to be taken from his mother.

That bond is one that I can never forget as I was in the most difficult period of my struggle with infertility and he showed up at a time when I needed a distraction from what I was going through. I needed to release some of the love that was building up inside of me for my own baby, a love that was becoming frustrated, as it was waiting too long to be released on a deserving baby.

Diego gave me a reason to wake up every morning for those few weeks as I was so anxious to see him, to care for him as any mother would care for their own baby. You could not help but fall in love with him because he was so cute and after my neighbor met him, she too fell in love and came by each morning just to see him before she went off to work.

Diego soon grew into a little dog who thought he was big enough to do big dog things. I remember one day I was in the kitchen preparing his lunch and there he was trying to sit up like a big dog with his ears all up in the air and he kept falling over because he could not maneuver himself properly just yet. It reminded me of a baby who is trying to walk and keep falling over. I laughed so hard because it was so hysterical to watch. In the days we would watch television together and he would have his head on my lap. I was in love, I almost begged my brother-in-law for him.

I remember one day when he was still pretty small, I took him outside for a walk. My yard is very secure so I let him roam freely about, which he was enjoying very much, Suddenly, I was urged to look towards the sky and there was a vulture which appeared to be swooping down to pick him up. I grabbed him so fast and went inside, very shaken up. What would I have done if this vulture had taken away my ‘fur-baby’ which is really not mine. I remember some feelings of inadequacy began to creep in and I suddenly began remembering an incident that happened to me. If I am not mistaken, I must have shared it before in one of my earlier posts. I was holding someone’s baby once, and the baby’s head came down with a thud on the table I was sitting around. This baby was big for his age and so I honestly thought he had control of his limbs. I was so frightened, I felt I could cry and it did not help when someone around the table said, ‘it had to be Marie to do that.’ No one could convince me otherwise that the reason I was having problems conceiving children of my own was because I would suck at taking care of them. I would hurt them, and so here I was feeling that if this vulture had taken this pup, it would be a confirmation that I was probably not going to be a mother because I would suck at it.

From many of the Infertility blogs I have read, I see where these people have pets whom they refer to as their ‘fur-babies’ and I know these precious creatures are helping these people in their struggles a lot. After all, what like a human baby, could be so loved and loves back unconditionally , does not judge you and is always very happy to see you, than a cute cuddly pet that makes it worth it to carry on from day to day despite the challenges you face.

For those of you who are struggling with infertility and does not have a pet, I would recommend you get one. You will be surprised to see what it does for you and how much lighter your struggles appear. I only had one for a few weeks and look how it helped me, so much so, that I thought of getting a puppy for myself. I remember after telling a friend of my new found job of pup-sitting, she said, intending for it to be a joke, that I was being prepared for mine which is to come. I really believed that somehow and so I threw myself into it even more.

Thanks Diego, you were not human, but you made an impact in my life more than most human did and you made my struggles that much lighter because you came.

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PREGNANT WITH SOMEONELSE’S BABY

Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.
Children born to a young man are like sharp arrows in a warrior’s hand
Psalm 127: 3 & 4

This story has been in the news recently about a couple who became pregnant through invitro-fertilization, with what was supposed to be their fourth child, only to find out very soon into the pregnancy that they were pregnant with another couple’s baby, as there was a mixed up with the embryos.

The worst part of this is, she was given two choices, one to terminate the pregnancy or to give the baby to the rightful parents when its born. They are understandably in a lot of pain and I can just imagine how emotionally traumatized the wife is, because she is the one carrying the baby and is, I am sure trying everything in her power not to create a bond. This has to be difficult, if it is even possible.

When asked what will be the hardest part of this process for them, they replied, the birth, which is supposed to be soon. The wife says all she asks of the couple to whom the baby belongs, is to give her some time to say hello and goodbye to the baby. I could not hold back my tears at that point and after a while, the television was no longer visible and I immediately began to envision myself in this very difficult position. Can you imagine after struggling with infertility for so many years, I became pregnant through invitro-fertilization only to have this happened to me. I am so sure I would have found a way to keep this baby as I do not think I would be able to give it back. I would have to secure the services of the best lawyer, once I can afford it, to fight this.

It seem the couple is pursuing legal action in this regard and I really hope that, as difficult as this is for them, they will be able to find some peace and eventually closure.

They will not be able to become pregnant again because of medical issues the wife has, but luckily they still has embryos and is contemplating using a surrogate to have another child. I really hope this will work out for them as this will help them deal with the some of the emotional pain.

My thoughts and prayers are with them.

If you were in this couple’s shoes, how do you think you would deal with it? Your comments are welcomed and until next time, keep clinging to hope.

Follow the link below to see the complete story

http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/32950836/ns/today-today_health/?gt1=43001

"HAVING A HEALTHY BABY BEGINS WHEN YOU ARE TRYING TO CONCEIVE"

Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.
Children born to a young man are like sharp arrows in a warriors hand
Psalm 127: 3 & 4

I did a post identical to this one before but feel that I should still share this one with you, as I believe we cannot be reminded enough about this, when we are trying to conceive.

This is especially so for those who are struggling with infertility because it is very easy to forget that indeed a healthy baby begins when we are trying to conceive. We become so consumed with the various treatments to beat our condition and sometimes too, we are aware of this, but because infertility treatments are so expensive, sadly, we have to forego this, because it is equally very expensive to eat healthy and to purchase prenatal vitamins and where stress is concerned, once you are struggling with infertility, sadly, this becomes a part of your life and is not so easy to keep under control. I still implore you all to bear this in mind though.

When I became pregnant with our daughter, I was not on any prenatal vitamins, my diet was not as it should be and I was extremely depressed and stressed out as a result of my struggles with infertility. I still cannot shake the feeling that this was probably why the pregnancy ended up as it did, because after entensive research and testing, we still do not have any answers as to why we lost that pregnancy.

When I became pregnant with our son a couple months after, I was on prenatal vitamins, I was on iron, because my doctor told me I was anemic and I was exercising and eating as healthy as I could have afforded. As we all know that pregnancy was a success and our son was born in perfect health. I strongly believe it was because of my prenatal regiment, why this pregnancy was successful.

Please follow the link below to see post by a fellow blogger and until next time ALL THE BEST in your efforts.

http://infertility-fertility.blogspot.com/2009/09/having-healthy-baby-starts-when-youre.html

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IS IT POSSIBLE TO FIND TOTAL FULFILLMENT IN LIFE WITHOUT HAVING CHILDREN?

Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.
Children born to a young man are like sharp arrows in a warriors hand
Psalm 127: 3 & 4

I was reading a post by a young lady the other day, who suffers from infertility, who, after various failed treatments, have now decided to stop trying to get pregnant and go back to living her life.

I can well imagine that this is one of the hardest decisions she has ever had to make and she is also very aware that having made this decision, just as when she was trying to get pregnant, there will be difficult day to day issues that she will have to face.

For people suffering with infertility, this is also a very important decision to make because it is recommended that you come to terms with the fact that at some point you really have to consider stop trying to get pregnant, whether it be for financial, emotional or other reasons.
From her post, I want to highlight and comment on some of the arguments she has put forward supporting her decision, as she now seeks to transition into living a life without children.

“ Meaning quest. I thought a child would imbue my life with a new sense of focus and purpose. Infertility has created a meaning vacuum. It has ignited in me a renewed sense of obligation to unearth my passions and work towards goals. Mothers often describe the experience of giving birth as the most incredible thing they ever experienced, holding their infant for the first time as transcendent, and raising children as “the toughest job you’ll ever love.” I feel the need to create comparable peak experiences and ongoing projects. There is a pressure to craft a life well lived, even though I will never raise children.”

There is nothing really wrong in wanting to craft a life well lived, even though you will never raise children, and it is very natural to want to do this. The problem is though, there still remains a vacuum that nothing else except children can fill. You can seek to create experiences comparable to that of having and raising children, get involved in ongoing projects, but from experiences, all that happens here is that you get so busy that you are forced to think about your inability to have children less. This is not by any means a bad thing, but it does not take away the pain, or the yearning, nor does it take away the empty space that children would have filled.

I tried all these things, I travelled to the extent that I could afford, I at times even did a little bit of shopping to boost my spirits, I do the expensive dining out, I enrolled in courses and threw myself deeply into things I was involved in. None of these things helped, I was still as sad, as empty and unfulfilled as ever.

Further in her post, she had this to say, “Writing this, I am for the first time acknowledging my own strength and courage in living with infertility and finally making the decision to be childfree. Emboldened, I ask of those blessed with their own children to consider the following: Your family is your good fortune. Not everyone else is as lucky. Please be self-aware about when, to whom, how and especially how much you talk about your children. Just as it is not flattering to be openly bitter about infertility, nor is it becoming to be boastful about one’s parental pride.”

Before I had my son, I was on the same page as this person, I would be annoyed with people whose company I was in, some of whom knew about my infertility and the conversations became of their children and I too thought these people were ‘boastful about their parental pride.’

It was only after I had our son and I realized how fortunate and blessed we were and find that we jumped at every opportunity to talk about our son, that I realized that parents are generally very eager to talk about their children, even boast a little. Further, if they have never experienced infertility, it is not fair to expect them to know exactly how you are feeling and avoid causing you discomfort in situations, even if they know that you are struggling in this regard.

To further drive home my point, I remember when we lost our daughter in 2007, I was in the hospital and had some visitors. I was understandably very grief-stricken and felt even worse when those same visitors began talking about their children. Who was off visiting grandma, who was just enrolled in preschool and who was adjusting to day-care. I thought these people were insensitive,as I was lying there about to give birth to our dead child. How much clearer could it be that this was not the appropriate time to have conversations about your children, as it was not only about infertility now, I was grieving in plain sight, for our daughter whom I had lost and I could not believe they saw it fit to add to my grief in this way. I was on the verge of telling my husband to ask them to leave.

Sincethen, it has come home to me all too clearly that people who struggle with infertility have to find their own resolve, as unfortunately, this world is in no way equipped to be there for such people as they would have liked it to. That is why infertility is such a lonely journey.

In view of the above, I can say that surely this is going to be a difficult journey for this young lady, as she will have to deal with so many difficult situations. There will be constant reminders of the opportunity she has given up. Every pregnant woman or baby she sees will only be a reminder for her and sadly, she will have to endure a lot more conversations and ‘boasting’ about children, and the mere fact that she had to ask others to make adjustments to accommodate her, tells me that she probably was not ready to make this decision, also the fact that it seem she will be in constant pursuit of a fulfilled life, she will never be able to find it because she will not be going about it in a natural and healthy manner, she will be doing it to prove to people with children that she can live a fulfilled life without children and that, I believe, kills it for her. She can have a life ‘well-lived’, I believe, but not one as fulfilled as having children brings. I am very aware that there are some persons who have made the decision from the onset, not to have children and would like to think that these people have their formulae for fulfillment. I however cannot say the same for people who initially wanted children and have to give up on that dream due to infertility, as there are instances in life when a child’s innocent laughter, a cute remark, or just something hilarious that they do, are the only things sometimes that can truly add meaning to a otherwise stressful and mundane life.

Might I add that the effects from making the decision to stop trying for children usually does not disappear after you have passed childbearing age, because now you begin to wonder if you made the right decision. If you would have become pregnant, had you not made this decision, and if you really had children who would they look like, and what they would become in life.

With all that said, I must say, I applaud this woman's courage and strength as she is doing something that I do not think myself and many others could do. I had thoughts of doing this several time in my struggles but just could not find the strength. Please find her complete post by following the link below and until next times, keep clinging to hope.

http://parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/09/10/life-after-infertility-treatments-fail/

How much do you know about Ectopic Pregnancies???

Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.

Children born to a young man are like sharp arrows in a warriors hand

Psalm 127: verses 3&4

"An ectopic pregnancy occurs when the fertilized egg is implanted outside of the uterus. In ninety-five percent of cases, the fertilized egg is implanted in the fallopian tubes......."

This can be a very serious situation because it can be detrimental to the life of a woman. Someone I know suffered one recently and her situation was quite serious because she was diagnosed with a bladder infection at first, but thankfully, it was later found out that she was having an ectopic pregnancy. An emergency surgery was performed and she is doing well now.

With my first missed abortion, one of the doctors I later saw, saw was wondering why they did not check if it was an ectopic pregnancy I had had. With the symptoms that ectopic pregnancy carries, both my doctor and I would have known if I had had an ectopic pregnancy, because it comes with a lot of pain and some bleeding.

I am just thinking that so much can go wrong with a pregnancy and when one has been completed sucessfully, I can fully understand why there is usually so much joy when a healthy child is presented to his/her parents. I never felt that I had conquered infertility until I awoke from surgery for a c-section and saw my son. I reached out and touch him, just to make sure he was real. He sure was, I was overjoyed because I know if he was not healthy and well, he would not have been in the room with me.

Pregnancy is a beautiful thing and is such a miracle. I remember when I was pregnant in 2006, I saw this guy at the place I was working at the time staring at me and he made it quite obvious. Soon after, he came over to me and said, I am just admiring you being pregnant and is thinking, what a blessed miracle this is. He sure knows what he is talking about and would probably think it more so if he knew that I was finally pregnant after years of struggling with infertility.

Please follow the link below to continue reading about ectopic pregnancy so that, God forbid this should happen to you, you will have information on it.

http://kidshealth.org/parent/pregnancy_newborn/pregnancy/ectopic.html

ALL THE BEST and until next time, keep clinging to hope.

IS IT WRONG TO WANT SOMETHING SO BADLY???

Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a real blessing.

Children born to a young man, are like sharp arrows in a warrior's hand.

Psalm 127 verses 3 & 4

I love children, and after marriage and the time was right, I thought it would be easy having some of my own. Unfortunatley, infertility set in and I saw my dream shattering before my very eyes. I wanted to have children so badly and as my struggles progressed, my yearning only intensified.


My yearning was so overwhelming and crippling and many times I felt guilty that I was yearning so much. I even felt I was doing something terribly wrong by yearning so much.


I remember one day, I was feeling particularly tired and beaten up by my struggles with infertility and had the chance to talk to a friend. It was the first time she was hearing of my struggles with infertility and so I was at least expecting some words of encouragement, after pouring my heart out to her, but instead she said to me, "you want to have a baby so badly, oh." I was taken aback, whatever does she mean, I thought, is it wrong to want to have a child so badly? It did not make it any easier to hear this from her for the mere fact that she herself was a mother and therefore would never know what it feels like to want to have a child and is being prevented. Her comment however still left me feeling guilty that I was yearning so much for a child and this guilt was greater than before.


There were other instances in my struggle that made me feel as if I was yearning too much for a child. I remember hearing that someone had said that I was allowing my yearning for a child to cause distress to my husband. I was saddened and angry to hear this and if I had not heard it from a third party I would have confronted the person. She too is a mother and even a grandmother. This particular incident had me feeling that persons were seeing me as this obsessed person who was consumed with my struggles to have a child so this added greatly to my guilt of yearning. It did not help either that by this time I was also consumed with the feeling that I wanted to prove to other women that I was as normal as they were, I could conceive a child just as they could, I could be a mother, have a family just as they do, after all, am I not deserving of even just that. I was however wondering if it was because my motives for wanting a child seemed a little bit selfish at times, why God was not answering my prayers.


My question therefore is, "is it wrong to want something so badly." I know it can be wrong to yearn for things that are not necessarily good for us, the job with the office with a view, the beachhouse where we can take our family for summer vacations, the bank account with the huge overdraft facility, but how can it be wrong to want a child, to want a family to whom we can give and experience unconditional love. A family that is there for us when others can't. My answer then can only be no, it is not wrong at all to yearn for these things as they are very much a natural part of our lives, a part of who we are and a part of who we will ever become.


I have been reading a lot of blogs by people experiencing infertility and with each one I read, there is one thing that stands out, there is a strong yearning for children, for a family to call their own and they are leaving no stones unturned nor sparing any costs to satisfy this yearning.


In closing I want to say to you who continue to yearn in this way, do not for one minute feel guilty for yearning so much, do not for one minute feel like you are doing anything wrong in yearning so much, yearn on, fight on, in the end it will be well worth it.



ALL THE BEST TO YOU, and until next time, keep clinging to hope.

HOW FERTILE CAN ONE FAMILY/ WOMAN BE???

“Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.
Children born to a young man are like sharp arrows in a warrior’s hand.”
Psalm 127: 3 & 4

I think you all might know of this family, the Duggars. They have a television show on The Learning Channel called, Eighteen kids and counting, turns out they are pregnant with their nineteenth child with their eighteenth just months old. I guess they now need to change the name of the show to reflect this change after this child is born.

Can you imagine, eighteen children with number nineteen on the way, and that is not all, they are also expecting their first grandchild by their oldest son. How fertile can one family be? I can just imagine how women who are battling infertility, wanting to have even one child must be feeling. I was taken aback, and even went a little further to being somewhat annoyed and wanted to shout at the television, ‘enough already, will you stop,’ when they were featured on the today show announcing this pregnancy. I have a child and was still annoyed so I can only imagine how others who do not have and so desperately want to have, must be feeling. I guess my annoyance stems from the fact that Mrs. Duggar makes getting pregnant seem so easy when so many of us have to struggle long and hard to be successful even just once.

I was reading an article which stated that she thought her childbearing years were behind her when she realized she was pregnant again. It is accurate to say then that she was not trying for another child but she was certainly not doing anything to prevent it either.

I wonder if Mrs. Duggar knows that there are many infertile people around who might be feeling a little annoyed with them as their announcement is only a reminder of what they so desperately want, children. I wonder also if this family is trying for a record or something, ‘the family with the most children.’ I do not know, but what I do know is that, the minute I heard this announcement I immediately started thinking about persons who are infertile and how they must be feeling, and my heart went out to them.

Children are indeed a gift from God and the Duggars are blessed to have so many children. They have been blessed times nineteen with the blessing of a grandchild also on the way. They seem so happy and fulfilled and even though my post is not reflecting this, Don’t be fooled, I am happy for them.

Mrs. Duggar gives hope to women who are over forty and still want to have children, as I have learnt that she is forty-two.

Please follow the link to continue reading the Duggars story and until next time keep clinging to hope.
http://infertility-fertility.blogspot.com/2009/09/another-pregnancy-over-40-duggar-does.html

ONLY A MOTHERS LOVE

“Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.
Children born to a young man are like sharp arrows in a warrior’s hand.”
Psalm 127: 3 & 4

I don’t know if you all are following this unfortunate story of a young girl, Jaycee Dugard, who was kidnapped eighteen years ago by a couple and was unfortunately not found after much search by the authorities. She was however discovered last week, now twenty-nine years old and not alone, she has two daughters the eldest of which is fifteen, both fathered by the husband of the woman, who was said to have snatched her eighteen years ago, as she stood at a bus stop in her community waiting for her school bus.

As this story unfolds, it is said that it was because this man’s wife could not have children why they resort to doing this.

As this story is playing out in the media every day, all I can think about is this young woman’s mother. There is no mention of her father, only a stepfather who has been speaking to the media from time to time, but this poor mother. I can only imagine how she prayed earnestly for the return of her daughter, how she desperately held on to hope that her daughter would be returned to her alive, seeing that no body had been discovered that was identified as her daughter’s.

I can only imagine the emotions that she must be feeling since her daughter’s return. The joy, the anger at the perpetrators and the police who failed to carry out their duties in a thorough manner, which would have put an end to this case a couple years sooner. Most of all though, what I think might be forefront in her mind is getting reacquainted with her daughter and not just her but to get to know her granddaughters as well. I know she had no idea if and when her daughter was returned, the magnitude of all that she would have to be deal with as I know she was not expecting grandchildren and certainly not in this way.

This is when the power of a mother’s love comes into play as she now must put aside all the emotions she is currently feeling for a moment, and must concentrate on the rehabilitation of her daughter and her granddaughters because no doubt they have been traumatized by these persons and the situation they existed in. Her daughter must be able to resume a normal life and the sooner she gets to do that, the better it is for herself and her children. Nothing better than a mother’s love to have her trusting in life again, to give her confidence to love herself again and most of all love her children so that they all can move forward to living a life they probably had no idea they would ever be able to live.

You all should remember the Elizabeth Smart story. She too was kidnapped but lucky for her, she returned to her family after eight or nine months. I was fortunate to have watched an interview with her last week and I was very impressed to see how she handled herself in the interview. This is, I think a testament of her parent’s love and how they work to rehabilitating her so that she now speak so confidently and look back at her experience and relate the lessons she has taken from this experience to the point where she can now offer encouragement and advice to Jaycee. Her father sat with her in the interview and I saw how proud he was of her as he watched her respond to the questions that were thrown at her.

I cannot say enough how painful infertility is, and even though what this couple did is cruel and warrants punishment, I am writing from a place of complete understanding. I am in no way saying that I would have kidnapped a young girl to have mine and my husband’s baby, because this is cold and callous, to say the least, but many times the pain was so unbearable that I can see how one could actually resort to doing something like this. I can actually see how a woman could walk into a hospital and steal a baby because nothing can soothe the pain of childlessness but to hold a baby in your arms, and might I add, however you get one.

Keep this family in your prayers, I ask, and until next time, keep clinging to hope.

Image by:

http://images.google.tt/images?hl=en&source=hp&q=a+mother+embracing+her+children&btnG=Search+Images&gbv=2&aq=f&oq=