ARE YOU A HAPPY MOTHER???

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There was no doubt about it, I was going to be a blissfully happy mother, should I be given this privileged opportunity and I know many women who have ever struggled with infertility, had this image in their minds as well.

 I was given this opportunity which I have fully embrace and is forever grateful to God for. The reality is, I am indeed happy, but not always blissfully happy and I find this strange because as one who yearned for so long to become a mother, I thought that it would be no problem for me to totally remain in the moment and enjoy every minute of it, no matter what.

Motherhood, in fact, let us not leave out fathers, parenting for that matter, is hard work and does have moments when we are not as happy as we would otherwise have wanted to be. There are a lot of stressful moments, like those when you wonder seriously if you came home from the hospital with the right child, because of  how mischievous and difficult they get at times. You question your capabilities of nurturing and caring for another human being to the point where they can take care of themselves and make their own decisions, and you go out of your mind with fear about their safety. Not to mention the fact that  you spend a lot of your time and energy competing with other parents, making sure that your child has the most expensive toys and clothes and just simply, the best of everything.

Sadly, we lose ourselves in this chaos and no longer indulge in those moments that make us truly happy, enjoying our children, laughing and playing with them. My three year old son always invites me to get down on the floor and play with him, and quite honestly, apart from the fact that, because of my age, it is quite a task to get down on the floor, let alone to get back up, I often have second thoughts about actually responding to his request, because I am thinking, what else, more worthwhile could I be doing. Before long, though, I am made to realise that this is the most worthwhile thing that any mother could do for their child. Show me a mother who is so present in their child’s life that they do not hesitate to get down on the ground to play with them and is still able to effectively scold them when necessary, and I will show you a fortunate and happy child who will no doubt become a successful adult later on.

Dr. Meg Meeker’s life revolves around caring for children, being a paediatrician, and says she sees a lot of burnt out, unhappy mothers on a daily basis and so she wants to help us become happy again.

In her book, ‘10 Habits of Happy Mothers’ Dr. Meeker is putting her  twenty-five years of experience as a practicing paediatrician and counsellor into a sound, sane approach to reshaping the frustrating, exhausting lives of so many moms.

By implementing the key strategies in Dr. Meeker’s book - getting back to the basics of parenting, you can be happy, hopeful, and a wonderful role model. You can teach your children to be the very best they can be—and isn’t that still the most precious reward of motherhood?

If you are interested in this book, it can be purchased directly from link on left, from from Amazon.com

SOMETIMES, JUST ‘I AM SORRY’ WILL DO

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A miscarriage is a very difficult thing for any woman to have to experience and women who struggle with infertility, sadly,  find themselves dealing with miscarriages as well.

When I lost our daughter, my husband arranged that I stayed at my sister’s, to ensure that I would not be alone in the days following my miscarriage, and when I went to my sister’s the day after my release from the hospital, I was in tears. My sister hugged me without saying a single word, while I cried and that was enough for me in that moment. 

My mom said something to me, during that time that meant so much, she said that, ‘God saw how beautiful our daughter was and decided to keep her for himself.’ I am not sure why that meant so much to me, but it did.

Having said this, there are persons who, with all good intentions, just say the wrong things to women who are grieving after miscarrying.  

A fellow blogger is very kind to have come up with 10 things that should not be said to a woman who has just suffered a miscarriage and these include not saying:-

1. Its probably for the best
2. You can always try again

Why not check out the rest:-

http://www.trying-to-conceive.com/miscarriage/top-10-horrible-comments-women-get-after-a-miscarriage/

She has also advised that just saying sorry, is all that is needed.

LIGHT MOMENT FRIDAYS – Feature 6 - 'THE BOOTS'

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All of us who struggle with infertility can attest to the fact that it robs us of our happiness. It robs us of our ability to truly laugh and this is why I have come up with this new feature on my blog, called ‘Light Moment Fridays.’ I love Fridays, and I guess it is because this is the beginning of a well awaited weekend. I love the casual laid back mood. This is why I have chosen Fridays for this, where I will post short jokes and funny videos. Our son is at the stage now where he says or does things which is so hilarious, so I will share some of those precious moments with you as well.

This is for you all, especially those of us who struggle to be happy, amidst our hurts and pain.......DO ENJOY!!!!

                                 

                                                   **************************************************

Children are just precious, aren't they?

THE BOOTS

LOOK WHAT YOU HAVE TO LOOK FORWARD TO - AGAIN
(Anyone who has ever dressed a child will love this)
 
Did you hear about the teacher who was helping one of her pupils put on his boots? He asked
for help and she could see why. Even with her pulling and him pushing, the little boots still
didn't want to go on. By the time they got the second boot on, she had worked up a sweat..
She almost cried when the little boy said, 'Teacher, they're on the wrong feet.'
She looked, and sure enough, they were.. It wasn't any easier pulling the boots off than it was putting them on.
She managed to keep her cool as, together, they worked to get the boots back on, this
time on the correct feet.
He then announced, 'These aren't my boots.'
She bit her tongue, rather than get right in his face and scream, 'Why didn't you say so? ' like she wanted to. Once again she struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting boots off his little feet.
No sooner had they gotten the boots off when he said, 'They're my brother's boots. My Mum made me wear 'em.'
Now she didn't know if she should laugh or cry But she mustered up what grace and
courage she had left to wrestle the boots on his feet again..
Helping him into his coat, she asked, 'Now, where are your mittens?' He said, 'I stuffed 'em in the toes of my boots.'

 She will be eligible for parole in three years.
 

HOW DO WE, AS MOTHERS, TREAT WOMEN AROUND US WHO HAVE NO CHILDREN

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When I was struggling with infertility, I had many instances when I was in the company of women who are mothers, and the conversations would, most times, be centred around their children.  From experience, this is a very difficult thing for a woman who is yearning for children of her own, to have to experience.

When a very good friend of mine became pregnant, I pulled away from her because of jealousy. I had dreams of our children growing up together and because of my infertility issues, I was by now feeling that this would never happen. As she settled into motherhood and our relationship was showing no sign of mending, my insecure, fertility-challenged self wanted to believe that this was because she probably did not value my friendship anymore because we were now at different places in our lives and as a result, I even began resenting her.

The most difficult instance for me, came when our daughter was still-born in April 2007. I was in the hospital and had visitors, only to find on one occasion, that a conversation between two of my visitors (women) was centred entirely around their children, from day-care experiences to child-hood illnesses.  I was horrified, how could these women think that this was an appropriate time to talk about their children when I laid there dealing with so much grief and pain. As a result of this, I told myself, that if I am ever given the opportunity to become a mother, I would be so mindful of other women who have no children, having had these unpleasant experiences. I am very aware that I do have the upper hand here, and will find this easy to do, being one who, I can now say with much conviction, is  so privileged to have been chosen to struggle with infertility and so I do not, for one minute feel that it will be automatic or easy, or even possible for someone who have never had to walk this painful path.

So, how do we treat women around us, who have no children, be it by choice, infertility or other reasons. Do we exclude them from the birthday party lists or from our lives, for that matter, because we feel that we are at different places? Do we ask for their opinion on issues involving  our children or do we think that they would never be able to understand or help because they are not mothers themselves.

I hated Mothers’ Day so much, when I was struggling with infertility, and on many occasions tried to find an excuse not go to Church. This particular Mother’s Day, when the usual honouring of mothers exercise was being done, I sat in my seat, wondering if I should stay inside or excuse myself and go outside. I stayed and watched as all the mothers walked up to the front. The moderator invited other women who were not biological mothers, but had, had some input in molding the life of a child. I had great hopes that somewhere in that invitation, I would be included, maybe as an Aunt who had nurtured a niece or nephew or even for just being a Godmother. The opportunity never came, and by this time, it was just myself and another young lady, who were left in pews. I saw this as the opportunity to go outside and I did, on the verge of tears and reeling with embarrassment. I was upset for days, so much so that I called my Pastor and spoke to him. I was not expecting what he said to me. He knew of the format that the honouring of mothers exercise would have taken that day and he did caution the person in charge, that it could have an unpleasant outcome for some women who find that they were not included. I suppose he was so connected because he and his wife had struggled for a while to have children. The person said to him that she saw nothing wrong with the approach and so proceeded with it. I was upset with her for a while, and would have pardoned her only for the fact that being a mother, she probably has never experienced the pain of yearning for a child, and probably would not easily understand the need to do what she did differently, but sadly, when I learned that it was brought to her attention that others could be hurt on account of her doing, and she seemed to have not cared enough to give it any thought, It really took a while for me to forgive her.

This incident has left such an impact on me, and my struggles with infertility, so much so that the other young lady who, along with me, was excluded from this celebration, I told my husband that I wanted to name her a Godmother so that we could share our son with her. This was my way of making up for that hurt she had to endure (as she told me that she did, somewhat felt the same way I did). It will not ease her yearning and her pain, but from experience I know that when women who are yearning for children, actually become involved in the lives of children, there is a release and even though, initially you might have had your reservations about doing this, you end up feeling much better about your situation.

With all this said, I know that being mothers, some of us see as the most important role we could ever be allowed to play, in our lives and I also know that our children are equally as important to us and we cease every opportunity to talk and brag about them, and in all fairness, we should be allowed to celebrate this. 


I know all too well, that if we have never felt the pangs of yearning for a child, we will never really understand fully, what those who yearn, face on a daily basis. Despite this, I still want to charge us all, to be mindful of those around us who are childless. I am not saying that you are to walk around on pins and needles because of them, as I know they would not want you to do this, but just a little thought now and then about them and how they are actually cooping in a world that puts so much emphasis on procreating, would be very  helpful, if this is not too much to ask.

Probably the ones who are childless by choice, does not need all this, but I do know that those who yearn, it would make a difference to them that you care enough.

CRAMPING IN PREGNANCY

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I experienced cramping before I even knew I was pregnant and it was such a discomfort that I had to ask my local pharmacist for something to give me some ease. Luckily what she gave me, had no negative effects on my pregnancy.

There are many reasons why women experience cramping during pregnancy. In early pregnancy, (first trimester) cramping usually results because of implantation, which usually takes place anywhere from 8 to 10 days after ovulation and as this trimester progresses into the second, cramping results because your abdomen and ligaments are now stretching to accommodate your growing baby.

In the third trimester, cramping usually results, because of  what is commonly known as Braxton Hicks contractions. These occur because your muscles are now stretching and preparing for childbirth. Gas, usually result in some cramping as well.

Please note that if your cramping is severe and accompanied by bleeding, chills, fever, vaginal discharge etc., you should be checked out by a doctor immediately.

Having said that, there are other reasons that you might be experiencing cramping that should be checked out by your doctor as well, and these are:-

• Stomach virus
• Food poisoning
• Appendicitis
• Urinary infection
• Pre-clampsia
• Kidney infection

If you have ascertained that your cramping is not an indicator of anything serious happening to you or 

your baby, here are some simple  techniques that you can employ, to help with your discomfort:-

• Avoid quick positional changes
• Try bending backward to relieve the pain. Be careful not to bend too far backwards as you could end up having back pains as well
• If gas is why you are experiencing cramps, try walking around and doing other light exercises to ease the discomfort. 

Source:- http://www.pregnancy-calendars.net/cramping.aspx

LIGHT MOMENT FRIDAYS – Feature 5

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All of us who struggle with infertility can attest to the fact that it robs us of our happiness. It robs us of our ability to truly laugh and this is why I have come up with this new feature on my blog, called ‘Light Moment Fridays.’ I love Fridays, and I guess it is because this is the beginning of a well awaited weekend. I love the casual laid back mood. This is why I have chosen Fridays for this, where I will post short jokes and funny videos. Our son is at the stage now where he says or does things which is so hilarious, so I will share some of those precious moments with you as well.

This is for you all, especially those of us  who struggle to be happy, amidst our hurts and pain.......DO ENJOY!!!!

                                            *******************************************

A LESSON IN PROPER ETIQUETTE

The other evening, my husband was having his dinner, when I overheard our 3 year old son scolding him for using his hands instead of his fork to eat.

He later came into the room where I was and I said to him, 'was daddy being naughty,' to which he responded, 'yes, daddy was using his hands to eat instead of using his fork.'

I later learnt from my husband that he actually picked up his fork off his plate and gave it to him, just to make sure that he adhered.

"And a little child shall lead them."

You see, they learn, even when you wonder if your efforts are in vain.

HAVE A BLESSED DAY AND WEEKEND EVERYONE

“WHAT HE CAN EXPECT WHEN SHE IS NOT EXPECTING”

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In my years of struggling with infertility, many times I felt very alone because my husband did not seem to be emotionally invested in this struggle. I was largely the cause of our infertility and so I thought that it was normal that I was the only one suffering emotionally.

After a while, it got to me because I was no longer able to cope all by myself. I became overwhelmed and sadly began to resent my husband and also started wondering if he even wanted children.

As a result of all that I was going through with my infertility struggles, I really did not want my marriage to deteriorate, because I did not have the energy to deal with any other struggle and so I sat my husband down one day and asked him how he really felt about our struggles to have children. I was in no way prepared for what he later said to me. He said he was indeed hurting but he did not want to show it, for fear that it would make me feel worst. I honour him for this response and was very upset with myself that I had judged him without ever giving him the chance to talk about his feelings. I accepted his response, but deep down I was thinking that there had to be more reasons for this disconnect.

Infertility is largely viewed as a woman’s issue and so because of this, men feel that they have no part in this struggle and especially if they are not a contributor to these struggles. Many men feel that their duty is just to be there physically to aid their wife in the conception process and so do not see themselves as part of the solution and emotional process at all.

 It is with this in mind, that the book, “What he can expect when she is not expecting” was written. Authored by Marc Sedaka, with input from his fertility doctor, Dr. Gregory Rosen. This book is a guide for men, on supporting their wives, saving their marriage and conquering infertility. Marc, along with his wife had very intense struggles with infertility, suffering through 16 artificial inseminations, 10 invitro-fertilizations, 3 miscarriages and finally welcomed twin girls as a result of gestational surrogacy.

Marc shares with us three ways that men can confront their infertility issues head on:-

Communicate – Deal with feelings, find out exactly how your wife is feeling without being confrontational.

Educate – If even after admitting that you both need professional intervention, your wife does not make any attempt to do anything, take matters in your hands, educate both yourselves, surf the internet, get books on infertility.

Support – Encourage your wife to seek support. She might refuse at first because she might not be ready to let anyone else into her painful world as yet, but continue to encourage her, when she is finally ready, she will find out that she really needed this support.

Marc also shares with us the "10 things not to say to your ‘fertility-challenged’ wife," some of which are:-

1.      

•   Thats Ok, I did not want you to get fat anyway.
•  No more condoms, cool.
•  Don’t worry, you are still relatively young etc. 

If you are interested in reading this book, it can be purchased directly below, from Amazon.com

FERTILITY SELF-MASSAGE

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What if just a self-massage could enhance your fertility.

I have Polycystic Ovarian syndrome and suffer from lower abdominal pains from time to time and sometimes have to resort to self massage to ease some of the discomfort and often wondered if this could actually help to enhance fertility. Turns out, I was not too far off in my thinking.

There is a massage technique that I have just discovered, entitled ‘fertility self massage’, apparently it has been around for a while and is said to have positive impact on a woman’s fertility.

For more information, check out the following article:-

http://www.natural-health-for-fertility.com/massage-for-fertility.html

From the article

“The main benefit of self fertility massage is the fact that you become involved in your healing journey and you begin to take charge of your wellbeing and fertility. By doing so, you connect your mind and body and allow healing forces to create heath at the mental and physical level. Self fertility massage also helps your emotional wellbeing by assisting you in dealing with your fears and anxieties about your reproductive health. 

Physically the benefits of self fertility massage are many. Because you are massaging yourself, you will feel many areas of tension within your lower abdomen that may not be detected by a practitioner because you can feel your body better from the inside as well as through intuitive touch, and inner feeling.”

If you are interested, the infertility self massage DVD can be purchased below from Amazon.com

LIGHT MOMENT FRIDAYS – Feature 4

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All of us who struggle with infertility can attest to the fact that it robs us of our happiness. It robs us of our ability to truly laugh and this is why I have come up with this new feature on my blog, called ‘Light Moment Fridays.’ I love Fridays, and I guess it is because this is the beginning of a well awaited weekend. I love the casual laid back mood. This is why I have chosen Fridays for this, where I will post short jokes and funny videos. Our son is at the stage now where he says or does things which is so hilarious, so I will share some of those precious moments with you as well.

This is for you all, especially those of us  who struggle to be happy, amidst our hurts and pain.......DO ENJOY!!!!

                               

                                ************************************************

A short, to the point one

KEEPING UP WITH THE JONESES

"Do not use your time, energy and resources to keep up with the Joneses, just drag them down to your level, its cheaper."

     

IS OVULATION PAIN NORMAL?

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So, it is just about two weeks after your last period (around the time that ovulation usually takes place) and you realise that you are experiencing lower abdominal pains. You know that your next period is not yet due, you could not possibly be pregnant and so you are wondering, could something serious be happening to you, could you be dying?

This is exactly what happened to me when I first started experiencing what I now found out, is ovulation pain. I was prompted to conduct some research and has since found out that painful ovulation is very normal and affects up to 20% of women, some more severe than others and it is especially prevalent in women like myself, who have been diagnosed with PCOS.

After  doing my research, I now understand more about this issue and now sees it as a good thing for some of us women,  who are trying to get pregnant, because there will be no guessing as to when we are ovulating exactly and as a result our chances of conceiving is greatly increased.

For further reading on painful ovulation, what causes it and how is it diagnosed, etc., please check out the following link  http://www.babyhopes.com/articles/painful-ovulation.html

From the site

“All women are familiar with cramping, headaches, bloating, and constipation or diarrhea that accompany periods every month. But some women also experience mid-cycle ovulation pain. This is absolutely normal and surprisingly common. Painful ovulation or mid-cycle pain affects about twenty percent of women. Although the pain may feel like something serious is wrong, painful ovulation or is rarely serious.

Painful ovulation, when severe, is referred to as mittelschmerz, a German word that means “middle pain.” Most women who experience painful ovulation usually report a nagging pain that begins as a sharp twinge and diminishes into a dull ache for the next day or so. But for some women, the pain can be severe enough to be disabling and can even be confused with appendicitis. Occasionally, in addition to mid cycle pain and cramping, some women may experience nausea, and/or light menstrual spotting. Mittelschmerz lasts for 6 to 8 hours in most women; however, occasionally it can last as long as twenty-four to forty-eight hours.”

I DID NOT EVEN WANT CHILDREN

The Today Show on NBC featured Reiko Rizzuto recently, a woman who left her family which includes two young children to study in Japan for six months.

While in Japan, she realizes that she did not want to be married anymore, and neither does she want to be a full time Mom and did not even wanted children. She said she had completely lost herself in playing the roles of wife and mother and now wants to take time to be true to herself.

Upon returning after her studies, she filed for divorce and secured a home near enough to her children where she now finds more satisfaction being a part-time mom. “The time my children and I spend together these days, is more quality time,”  she says.

As I sat there and reflect on this story, I wonder if any woman who have ever struggled with infertility, would find themselves in this position. I know that I would probably never find myself in this position because I always wanted children and yearned so much over the years to have even one and I know other women who struggled like me, would probably agree with my position. I am also what I would call a natural caregiver and likes taking care of people, because this is where I find a big part of my fulfilment.

Having said this, I can see where a woman could find themself  in this position,  because being a wife and mother is totally consuming as you are always looking out for the wellbeing of your family, with none or little time to  focus on your wellbeing, and as a result of this harsh reality, many women find themselves with such beautiful families, but sadly, they are not able to enjoy the fruits of their labour because they are fighting fatigue, unhappiness and eventually unfulfillment.

Let me know your thoughts in this regard.

See interview on NBC and excerpt from her memoir, entitled 'Hiroshima in the Morning'

http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/41872847/ns/today-books/

If you are interested in this story, her book can be purchased directly, below.

WHAT IS A HSG TEST?????

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Probably you have been told by your doctor that you have to do an HSG test and is wondering, what that is.

"A hysterosalpingogram, or HSG is an important test of female fertility potential. The HSG test is a radiology procedure usually done in the radiology department of a hospital or outpatient radiology facility.

• Radiographic contrast (dye) is injected into the uterine cavity through the vagina and cervix.
• The uterine cavity fills with dye and if the fallopian tubes are open, dye fills the tubes and spills into the abdominal cavity.

This determines if the fallopian tubes are open or blocked and whether a blockage is located at the junction of the tube and uterus (proximal) or whether it is at the other end of the fallopian tube (distal). These are the areas where the tube is most commonly blocked."

Read about what other infertility issues can be detected by this test and what to expect should you have to do one.

http://www.advancedfertility.com/hsg.htm

INFERTILITY SUPPORT GROUPS COULD INCREASE YOUR CHANCES TO CONCEIVE

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I remember after suffering a series of miscarriages, my doctor recommended me to an infertility support group which he had helped started. I even went to the point of talking to one of the organizers on the phone, who said to me that I would be welcomed with open arms, but I did not attend. What I remember was feeling that if I actually attend, I would just be confirming to myself that I was losing my fight with infertility, and even though I was feeling very broken and helpless up to this point, I knew I was not ready to throw in the towel as yet.

At that point sadly, I thought that infertility support groups were only for those who had resigned themselves to the fact that they would never get pregnant. Little did I know that this was quite the contrary and that support groups of this nature, is known to actually help people diagnosed with infertility, conceive by up to 54%.

Why is this so, you may ask? It is said that just bonding with others who are going through what you are going through and therefore understand like no one else ever could,  reduces the pain and stress associated with this, thus having a positive effect on the body and the reproductive system.

Why not try an Infertility Support group today, you never know, it might work for you.