THOUGHTS ON ADOPTION

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As a result of our struggles with infertility, my husband and I had plans to adopt, but since our son came, these plans have been put on hold, thinking still that one day, we will adopt.

 Adopting a child, in my opinion is such a noble thing to do because you are giving a deserving child a chance of having the love and stability of a family, which they would otherwise not have. Many people prefer to adopt infants, because they think the transition would be easier for all involved. I somewhat believe that too.

My mind however, still many times fast forward to the moment when these infants are grown and it now becomes necessary for them to be told, that they are adopted. I try to think of ways that this news could be broken to them, and have found that there is really no easy way and after the task of breaking this news to them is achieved, then comes the more difficult part of how they will really react. Will they begin to rebel, will they become depressed and become a recluse wondering why their biologically parents decided to give them up and if they are not good enough for their parents to want to keep. There are many questions that they will have and the bigger question is, how do the adopted parents help them through this very frightening and difficult time?

I remember when I told one of my brothers that my husband and I were thinking of adopting, his advice was that we try to choose a child that has no health issues. This is very important as well, but I was more preoccupied with the kind of personality that the child I would adopt, would turn out with, because a child’s biological parents have a lot to do with their personality and also how I would break the news to them when it becomes necessary, that they are adopted and of course what their reaction would be.

I have no experience in dealing with anything of this kind, but I can well imagine that these children are going to need their adopted parents more than ever. They are going to need your love, your understanding and your patience and most importantly, they might be needing space, as they process this very new bit of information.

My mother was adopted and even though she now has a family of her own, who loves her dearly, she still deals with these questions. Once my sister-in-law found her crying and later found that she was crying because she felt alone, as she knows no other immediate family members. I remember when I was younger, she tried to use various methods to find her family, but to no avail. I can only imagine how she feels at times, having no one to identify with, to say, oh my sister looks like me, or oh, my brother likes the same foods I like, or be given the chance to care for her parents in their old age. 

This post is not to discourage anyone from adopting, because as I said in my opening statement, this is a noble thing to do and to take it a step further, it is very essential for the growth and well-being of any economy, and our children are indeed our future. My intention is simply to have us who have adopted or who are thinking of adopting, prepare as much as we can for these moments, which can be very difficult to deal with.

ALL THE BEST IN YOUR EFFORTS

WHO IS A MOTHER

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The English Thesaurus (United Kingdom), describes a mother with the following phrases/terms, look after, care for, protect, nurse, tend.

A mother then, is a very broad term used to describe more than just women who have given  birth to children of their own. The Godmother, the Foster Mother, the Adopted Mother, the sister with no biological children of her own, but find herself caring for her siblings children, even the friend, who for some reason or another find herself caring for the children of a very good friend.

Not to be forgotten are the Mothers of some precious little angels in heaven. May 1 was International baby lost Mother’s Day and I want to do my little bit in acknowledging these special Mothers, as I believe that a woman becomes a mother from the moment it is confirmed that she is pregnant, because from that moment on bonding between mother and child begins.  The only different is, her children are not physically with her here on earth, they are in heaven with God, waiting for that great reunion. I am privileged to be a mother of one of these little angels and I cannot wait for the moment when we will be reunited.

This Mother’s Day, I want to acknowledge and honour ALL mothers. May you find joy and most of all a greater purpose in what you do. May you never grow weary in well-doing and not get too caught up in seeking earthly appreciation, but know that your reward is in heaven.

May everyday be an opportunity to learn and to impart knowledge and may you grow in grace, patience and virtue.

HAPPY  MOTHER’S  DAY

  

N.B. If you want to know more about International baby lost Mother’s Day, please check out the following link

http://internationalbabylostmothersday.blogspot.com/

FIRST COMES LOVE, THEN COMES MARRIAGE, THEN COMES BABY IN A CARRIAGE?????

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Even before Catherine and William were married, there have been talks about the babies that they will one day have. I am sure that soon there will be even more of these conversations which will even include some speculations about if whether are not the couple is expecting a royal heir, especially if Kate begins showing signs of being pregnant, like gaining weight etc.

After I was married, these same conversations began. Everyone began asking when will the babies come? My mother even asked me on occasions, when will I pay my husband back for his ring. I guess she sees giving him a child as paying him back for his ring. I was not bothered by these questions at all, why should I, when I had no idea that soon I would be dealing with infertility,which would span most of my productive years.

As my infertility struggles intensified I began dreading these questions to the point where I would get so annoyed at people when they ask. I don’t know if I had the right to be annoyed, but I was. I was annoyed because I was naively thinking that people should at least figure by now, when they saw that no children were showing up, that something could be frustrating our trying to conceive efforts. The questions continued and we began lying, that we were not ready for children. Soon after however, we realised how ridiculous that answer was, when we were by now, years into our marriage and every couple we knew who were married, had children.

These questions can be very devastating for infertile couples to have to deal with, especially if their infertility struggles span years and so I would like to put this out there - this might still sound a bit naive of me, but I know that some of us are quite capable of being this considerate. For all of us who find ourselves asking when those babies will come, when you see that years are passing by and a couple is not producing children, start wondering if something could be frustrating their procreation efforts, this could very well not be the case, as it could also be that they do not want children. If the latter is the case, then many times these couples will not hesitate to tell you this.

After thinking back at how we handled these questions when we were struggling with infertility, I realised that the best answers for infertile couples to give to people when they ask about them having children, is to  say to them politely that, ‘ we will have children when the time is right’ or, ‘it is in God’s hands’. Simple, yet very polite and most of all, these answers remove us from the picture and convey a message of  reliance on a source greater than ourselves, because having children is certainly not at all in our hands. God is the one who ultimately decides if he will allow us the privilege of having them.

In a previous post I did, I spoke about how success comes when we fully let go, and being at a place in our struggles when we can convince ourselves and others that we have indeed let go, is the beginning of reaping the harvest of all the successes in our lives that we so yearn far.

ALL THE VERY BEST