Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.
Children born to a young man are like sharp arrows in a warrior’s hand
Psalm 127: 3 & 4
"HOPE MAKES ALL THE DIFFERENCE"
Infertility made me angry and sometimes I just could not deal with the fact that I was so angry. I was most times angry at God, for giving me the cross of infertility to carry. I was also angry at him because he made women with nurturing qualities and then this is frustrated because that which we need to nurture is being withheld from us. Why was he taking so long to fix this, when I was so earnestly praying to him and he can fix things with just the flick of a finger.
I was angry because so many things in my daily travail of life, reminded me of what I wanted so much, a baby, a family of my own.
But, is all this anger and stress good for our trying to conceive efforts? No, they are not, they just add to the problem, because the body needs to be a healthy place to conceive and grow our precious little ones. I knew this, I knew this so much, but I just could not help how I was feeling.
I remember when I was at (what I believe was the darkest point in my struggles), a conflict arose in my family(largely due to frustration from my struggles with infertility) and I strongly believe it was this conflict that is responsible for the birth of my son. My family finally found out about the pain I was in for so long, and could not talk to them about it, and this was a great part of the stress that I was experiencing. I could not deal with the fact that I had such a loving family, so close to me, yet was struggling alone.
This took a great big load off my shoulders and I was finally able to exhale. I was finally able to release a big part of the stress I was facing, because those who I love most, could now understand and support me as I so deserved. I became pregnant very shortly, and after a miscarriage, became pregnant soon after again, and subsequently, gave birth to a healthy beautiful son.
Anger and stress, as a result of infertility is understandable, but we should remember that they can further delay the arrival of what we want so much, a child and so, (as difficult as this may be ), we should try to remember this. Take some time to exhale then, scream if you want to, cry, whatever it takes to lessen some if this anger and stress at times.
I am finding now that when I write on issues that has to do with the emotional struggles of infertility, on my blog, I still find a little bit of anger creeping in. I guess after being angry for the better part of a decade, it takes time to get over it, even though I am not sure that I will completely be rid of it, because when I think back at the pain I was in, and what I was subjected to as a result of infertility, I must admit, there is still a little anger there, but this often vanish with just one glimpse of my son.
Whenever I read some of the posts of my fellow bloggers who are currently struggling with infertility, and see the anger that is there, I understand all too well and my heart goes out to them even more.
Here is a post from a fellow blogger who speaks on this issue as well, and please find a link at the bottom of her post, which speaks about anger and infertility.
Be encouraged, therefore and until next time, keep clinging to hop