Tuesday, October 25, 2011

FEELING BLESSED AND GUILTY, ALL AT ONCE.


When my husband and I decided we wanted another child, some company for our son, when it was not happening as fast as we thought it should, I remember saying to God, don’t you think after such an intense, difficult and long struggle with infertility that I deserve more than one child. (I don’t know if I was being too much in God’s face, but this is the kind of relationship that we have both shared given the difficulties I have had to deal with in my life).
Well, he has seen it fit to bless me with another child which I will, by his mercies, welcome in a few weeks and I am not sure if he sees it my way or not, but I am grateful to him and feel eternally blessed.
The thing is though, along with feeling blessed, I have been feeling some amount of guilt. Why am I so blessed when there are others I know who have one child and do yearn for another and there are still some who are wishing for even just one?  
Life does not always go according to the blueprint we create for ourselves, and as someone who have had to deal with this reality, I find that I had to make an effort to identify the things in my life that I could count as blessings, a good marriage, good health and a sound mind. It is my hope therefore, that we all will be able to continue to find those things in our lives that we can count as blessings and in so doing, will be able to foster a thankful heart (this is one of the traits I admire about my mom, because even when her situation was less than favourable, I could always detect from her, an overwhelming sense of thankfulness to God, whenever I was around her).
Be blessed until next time.



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