A BIRTHDAY REFLECTION

Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.

Children born to a young man are like sharp arrows in a warrior’s hand

Psalm 127: 3 and 4

“HOPE MAKES ALL THE DIFFERENCE"

 

Today is my birthday and I want to first thank God for allowing me the privilege of more time, on this journey of life, as I desperately try with each step, to get better at it.

Yesterday was my husband’s birthday and in my quest to make this birthday the most special one yet, I cooked one of his favorite meals (Lamb and garlic mashed potatoes). By the time I was through I was so tired. I felt like an eighteen wheeler had ran over me. I guess the years are finally telling on me, even though I am told over and over that  my age is not showing on me (thank goodness, who feels it surely knows it).

By nightfall, I was so totally out of it, but it was indeed encouraging, my husband loved the meal. I was happy with that, but was by now feeling very guilty that because I was feeling so out of it, I would not be able to continue celebrating his birthday with him in all my wholeness. I forced myself to stay awake as long as I could because I did not want to go out on his birthday like that, but had to retire to bed as my body failed me. At about 3:00 this morning, our son came into our room and my husband discovered that his pull-up needed changing and proceeded to change it.  He started crying so loudly because he did not want to put on another pull-up, he wanted brief instead.  Then he started protesting that he wanted to watch television instead of going back to bed.

Mmm, recipe for a bad birthday I thought, as in the morning I will be totally hang-over from yesterday and having my sleep disturbed.

I woke up feeling crappy but still happy to see the dawn of another birthday and by the time I had walked my son and husband to the car, I had been wished a hearty happy birthday by my neighbor complete with a lovely fragrance from her perfume to remind me throughout the day, that I had been hugged and by the time I checked my email, there were already birthday wishes waiting for me.

Over the last couple of months our minds have been on a roller coaster ride which has been truly sapping up our energy, trying to make some decisions which in the long run will work out well for us, but in the short run can impact negatively if they are not executed strategically. As a result of this and the events of yesterday and last night I had already written off this birthday as a bad one and this is where I was terribly mistaken. As my birthday morning progressed, I found myself reflecting on how we try to control/manipulate our lives for desired results, when our quality of life, for the most part is certainly not about us and is certainly not about the big things. It did not take me to look out of my window and see a shiny new red Mercedes Benz draped with matching bow, parked at my gate, as my birthday gift, for me to realize that being able to celebrate my birthday is truly a gift from God. It took a hug, and some special people to take time out of their busy schedules to send me birthday wishes and give me birthday calls. It took my precious son to remind me to count my blessings because infertility had not robbed me of the privilege of sharing the above little story about him in this birthday reflection and it took a husband to love my imperfect being, unconditionally.

For this and so many more little things, I am truly grateful to God.

To all who share this birthday with me, I say HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

CAN OUR OVARIIES MAKE NEW EGGS?

Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.

Children born to a young man are like sharp arrows in a warrior’s hand

Psalm 127: 3 and 4

“HOPE MAKES ALL THE DIFFERENCE"
 

This post caught my attention and so I feel I should share it. 

Can our ovaries make new eggs??

This maybe encouraging news for some of us who find those darn eggs so elusive.

 

THE POWER OF LOVE

Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.

Children born to a young man are like sharp arrows in a warrior’s hand

Psalm 127: 3 and 4

“HOPE MAKES ALL THE DIFFERENCE"

Love is such a powerful force and without it, we would simply not exist.

Two sisters were featured on television recently on one of the morning shows. One was diagnosed with infertility as a result of premature ovarian failure. There was no doubt she wanted a family badly and so her sister stepped in and did one of the greatest acts of love ever, a great sacrifice for her sister.  She gave her the gift of a family through surrogacy and not just one child, she had twin boys for her sister.

I could not hold back the tears, as I watched how happy this incredible woman made her sister, and I immediately remembered that during my struggles with infertility, one of my younger sisters did mention to me that she could contemplate carrying a child for us. I was so moved by this and even more because my sister and I did not really have a close bond as a child, because she was closer to our youngest sister than she was to me. I suffer from a middle child syndrome because of all my six siblings, as a result of where I fall in the family (the 5^th one), I am not particularly close to anyone, and for my sister to have wanted to do this for me, just made me feel all fuzzy and warm inside.

I know if my husband and I were not blessed with our son, I surely would have taken her up or be thinking of taking her up on that offer, even though her husband at the time, seemingly was not warming up to the idea. This decision is really one that deserves a lot of thought, a lot of preparation of the mind, body and soul because it is such a great sacrifice that everyone involved has to make and so I understood clearly my brother-in-law’s position a the time.

“Though I may be able to speak with the tongues of men and even of angels, and have not love, my speech is no more than a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal………Love suffereth long and is kind, envieth not; love vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up……Love never gives up and its faith, hope and patience never fail.” 1 Corinthians 13 1 to 6 KJB and GNB

Help me salute love.

FOR BETTER OR WORSE - Suporting your spouse during infertility

Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.

Children born to a young man are like sharp arrows in a warrior’s hand

Psalm 127: 3 and 4

“HOPE MAKES ALL THE DIFFERENCE"

Guest Post by Brittany 

Infertility primarily refers to the biological inability of a person to contribute to conception. Worldwide it is estimated that one in seven couples have problems conceiving, and in America about 5.3 million people suffer from infertility, which tends to affect men and women equally. 

Infertility can be a huge obstacle for a couple to cope with, and it is absolutely critical for two partners to support and rely on each other during this trying time.

This post was written to offer suggestions for supporting your partner during infertility. Whilst every couple is different and your partner may respond to different approaches with varying emotions, these tips will help you be more responsive and sensitive to your partner's needs during an all-too-often disheartening time.  

Be Respectful of Your Partner's Feelings

Be respectful of your partner's feelings about infertility, even if they are different from your own. Both of you must recognize that you''ll have different feelings and different reactions at different times. If you expect your partner to behave in a certain way, you may create additional stress. Do not become angry, disappointed, or turned off to your partner's response to the situation. Rather, talk through your emotions and reactions together in a calm and supportive manner. Together, you should become informed about infertility and its treatment.

Worry About What's In and NOT What's Out of Your Control

Learn to focus on those factors which are within your control (for example, stop smoking) rather than those over which you have no control (for example, your age). Certain infertility causes are related to age, genetic inheritance, or anatomical abnormality--all conditions that you nor your partner can contain. If you spend your time and energy focusing on these things, you may devote less time and effort to constructive planning and coping. Furthermore, do not pressure or make your spouse feel guilty about a condition that they cannot control. 

Learn to Share Your Feelings

Sharing your feelings is essential when dealing with the emotional aspect of infertility. Don't assume that your partner knows exactly what you're going through unless you tell them. If your partner makes discouraging comments, try not to close them out. You may want to attempt to let them know how you feel and how they can help you. Your partner can't always predict your needs or what you are thinking at any particular moment. Try to identify your feelings before sharing them. Putting your thoughts down on paper is often a helpful exercise.

Be a Sensitive Listener

When your partner is ready to share their feelings with you, be a sensitive and compassionate listener. Be mindful of what you say to them, and do not make insulting or discouraging remarks. Your partner is already in a world of pain, and the two of you must channel support and sympathy for one another. Be aware of the fact that your partner may say mean, hurtful, or unusual things as a result of their shock and pain. Do not greet their animosity with more animosity--try to be gentle, compassionate, patient, and understanding.  

Become aware of your own anger directed towards your body and your partner. It is important to recognize its effect on you and your ability to communicate. Do not assume that you have to be a doctor or therapist to exchange effective dialogue with your grieving partner. Your gentle presence is often times what your lonely and afraid spouse needs most. 

Don't Be Afraid to Look to Others For Help

Many times infertile couples feel as if no one else in the world understands their pain. Infertility can feel very lonely and isolating, but it doesn’t have to. Support is available in many forms, online through message boards and chat rooms, through individual counseling, or group support such as peer-led or professionally-led support groups.

If you are experiencing signs of depression such as problems sleeping, eating, or concentrating, see a mental health professional. If the experience feels like a spiritual crisis see your rabbi, priest, or minister for emotional support.

Brittany Johnson is a guest blogger for An Apple a Day and a writer on medical transcriptionist training for Guide to Healthcare Schools.

 

I AM SENDING SOME FLOWERS TODAY

Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.

Children born to a young man are like sharp arrows in a warrior’s hand

Psalm 127: 3 and 4

“HOPE MAKES ALL THE DIFFERENCE"

A friend of ours had a miscarriage a couple of days ago.  She was in the eighth month of her pregnancy. I saw her when she was in her seventh month and she was looking so radiant and happy.

 Her lost was a result of placental abruption, which unfortunately took her precious baby’s life and sent her into renal failure.When I heard the news, I could not hold back the tears as memories of my own experience in 2007 (losing a pregnancy in my seventh month), came flooding in.

This is made even more difficult for her because she is yet to break the news to an eagerly waiting three year old sibling and she herself has not started mourning as yet, because she is still in the hospital and from experience, probably is still in the shock and numb stage.

Our hearts go out to this family because there are no words to ease such gripping pain, but just kind thoughts and prayers.

And so, I am sending them flowers today.