Is infertility punishment?

“Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.
Children born to a young man are like sharp arrows in a warrior’s hand.”
Psalm 127: 3 & 4

When my husband and I lost our pregnancy in 2006, I remember my mother saying to me, Marie, search your life and see if there is anything there that God could be punishing you for. As you can well imagine, that was hard for me to hear. I was so angry at my mother for saying that, how could she? I thought, and felt I would never speak to her again. I remember saying it to my brother who was also very upset that she had said that to me and quickly told me to just ignore what she said. We, her children, have to do that a lot, because she does say things, not intending to hurt, they just come out in the wrong way. Bless her heart.

The thing is though, my mother was not exactly out of context with what she said, because as my struggles with infertility progressed and intensified, I started wondering more and more if God was indeed punishing me for something I had done. I remember even saying to him, Lord, if this is so, find something else to punish me with, as this is also punishing my dear husband who does not deserve this. I scanned my life many times over, to see if there was anything there that I could be receiving punishment for and in case there was, I changed my pattern of praying to, ‘Lord, please forgive me of my sins and this include any that I might not have knowledge of.’ In doing this I figured those sins that I have no knowledge of, would be covered as well.

Back to my question then, is infertility punishment? That I am not able to answer because I am not God, but if it is, apart from the raw pain and emotions that comes with it, in my opinion, it is punishment with benefits. Infertility has made me such a better, stronger person. It has taught me so much, not to take anything for granted, not to judge others and most of all to be dependent on God, who is the author and finisher of our faith. Many times, I actually felt special in the sight of God, for choosing me, even if he had mistaken me for someone which great strength to receive this cross, because on many occasions, I did buckle under the pressure, but I can actually say to God now, thanks for this experience and although it hurt so bad, I know it is a process he needed me to go through to be who I am today.

I hope if you are thinking your infertility is probably punishment too, just quickly look at how it is changing you. Look at how it is transforming you into a better person. This might sound crazy but start embracing it, because, ‘it too shall pass’ and you will emerge a better and stronger person.

Be encouraged therefore and until next time, keep clinging to hope.






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