Are our doctors selling us short????

“Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.
Children born to a young man are like sharp arrows in a warrior’s hand.”
Psalm 127: 3 & 4

I know I might get in some hot water for this post but I am fine with that, it will only be giving me the total blogging experience because I am told that comments can be brutal and I am yet to see any such.

Seriously though, are our doctors selling us short? When a couple battling infertility ends up in a doctor’s office for help, they go there with all intentions that they will get the help they need to make their dreams of having a family a reality. Why then are some couples having such a difficult time. Shouldn’t their doctors do a thorough diagnosis as is possible, instead of giving them a diagnosis of only some of the issues they face, while seemingly ignoring the other possible ones. The reality is when these issues are deemed fixed and the couple still fail to become pregnant, they can become so disillusioned and discouraged because I am sure they are thinking that their troubles are over when in fact, they have only just begun. I know I have been there, because after my surgery for my PCOS and my six months within which my doctor gave me to get pregnant had passed, I went to another doctor for a second opinion and what she discovered was that the walls of my cervix was not building up enough to receive any fertilized eggs. Iar menstrual cycle. I felt disillusioned and discouraged that here I am thinking I was close to my goal of having a family when something new suddenly pops up to set me back. I was even thinking why couldn’t my doctor asked me to come in after this six months had elapsed with no pregnancy resulting just to maybe see what new development there was that was still causing me to be unable to get pregnant instead of telling me to consider other alternatives. I felt like I was been tossed overboard out of a ship, to the sharks.

A friend of mine who did surgery in hopes of having a family told me that after her surgery, her doctor told her only God can help her now. I am sure she probably thought nothing of the comment at the time, and her doctor probably had very good intentions in saying this, because in essence, nothing is really wrong with the comment, but in my opinion, it seem a little cold, like he was actually throwing her out of the ship, instead of offering to still monitor her post surgery.

When I had my son, it was only after suffering a agonizing failed labour that I was told that I had an inverted pelvis why attempts at labour had failed (an inverted pelvis is when your pelvis is too narrow to allow for the passage of your baby). I was very perturbed, probably naivity again, thinking could'nt this have been diagnosed earlier saving me, my baby and my family all this anxiety. What if something had happened to me or my child while they were attempting labour. I am still to check with my doctor just to see if they could possibly have known this earlier.

I am someone who encourages people to read up on their conditions so that they will be able to interact with their doctors in an informed manner, but shouldn’t we also expect that our doctors will do what they are supposed to do and willingly give us any vital information we need as well? After all, they are the experts, not us, the patients.

Is it naïve of me to think that we should be able to find doctors who are thorough and who really care about their patients and their needs, who are not profit driven. When I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, when I did my surgery my doctor at the time only told me that if I did not get pregnant within six months of the surgery, I should consider alternatives like invitro-fertilization. Nothing was said to me that the cysts would return or that I will have other issues like heart disease, diabetes or ovarian cancer to think about. Little wonder I left the doctor’s office feeling that all my problems were fixed.

The other doctors I saw, I must say they were not at all bad, but thankfully, one in particular caused me to rethink how I felt overall about doctors. He was so unselfish, so caring and each miscarriage I suffered, he had nothing but encouragement to give. He did not even charge me for some of my visits relating to my miscarriages. I am truly blessed to have met him.

I have been following up on this tragic case where a mother died in child birth due to complications arising from a c-section. The story is so sad. The mother apparently has fibroids and developed a blood clot during surgery. Her husband is saying, the doctors knew her condition and should therefore have been able to prevent it. Why do I feel we are being sold short by our medical system which is put in place to help us when we are sick and save our lives as much as possible. This is why many people spend the time and money for second opinions because you cannot just rely one as this could cost you your life.

Is it that if doctors become who we really want them to be, we could not really pay them to see us. Just wondering.

I am at a lost so some medical personnel please enlighten my naivity. Please do not let me look bad on the world stage. My readers are counting on me.

Until next time, my readers, keep clinging to hope.

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY

“Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.

Children born to a young man are like sharp arrows in a warrior’s hand.”
Psalm 127: 3 & 4

A HAPPY FATHER’S DAY to all you fathers out there. I wish for you a blessed and fulfilling day.

Wow, I totally did not plan this, I have been focusing on men and infertility for my past two posts and now it is father's day. How coincidental.

The past two father’s days, my husband was on cloud nine. Our son was born the day before father’s day 2007 and he walked on father’s day last year. I do not know what special he has in store for his father this father’s day. This little boy is a daddy’s boy and has been since. He is now saying daddy and it seem he likes the sound of the word, he just calls it and calls it for no reason. He only needs me when he is hungry or when he wants to cuddle to go to sleep. He is not far off though because mothers are known to be the cuddlers and the caregivers.

My focus this father’s day will be on the men around us who are not biological fathers but who have been performing fatherly functions to our children. Before my husband became a father, he was involved in one of our local schools mentorship program and he was assigned a student who was deemed a problem child. My husband worked with that young man in such a way that at the end of the program he was so well-adjusted. He had secured a job straight out of high school and was living on his own and making his own life decisions. This truly was a success. Sadly these men are not recognized on father’s day because they do not fit the most important part of the meaning of the word father. They have no biological children.

This is why I want to honor these men this father’s day. There are also the godfathers, the uncles who have to step in at times to be father figures to their neice and nephews. The step-fathers who are handed this ready-made role and sometimes all the acknowledgement they receive is a mother saying do not talk to my child like that, you are not his/her father, or a child saying do not hit me you are not my father. Then there are the teachers who from time to time take on the role of father in some of their students’ lives. The adopted and foster fathers and last but not least, the mothers who have to perform the role of fathers to their children from time to time because of the absence of a father for whatever reason. You get the picture, I do not want to leave out anyone who is deserving of this honour, this father's day. A HAPPY FATHERS DAY to you. You are truly impacting our world and without you we would have less well-adjusted children around us.

For those men who continue the struggle to become fathers, I could not complete this post without encouraging you to fight on because when men on earth have done their best, angels in heaven cannot do more.

In the meantime, I encourage you to find something to do this father’s day to make the day fulfilling for you. Spend some time with a fatherless child, or volunteer at a home for aged men. Spend some quality time with your father if he is still around and you will find that the day will not be as difficult to deal with. Most of all, you will feel so good inside.

Until next time, keep clinging to hope.

Men feel it too

“Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.

Children born to a young man are like sharp arrows in a warrior’s hand.”
Psalm 127: 3 & 4

A follow up to my post on male infertility........

Again, because infertility is perceived as a woman’s problem, there is more focus on how the woman copes emotionally while the man sadly is left in the shadows once again. I do think that men struggle in the same way as women do but because men are more private and do not talk about their feelings, you never know exactly what they are going through, you have to literally pull it out of them.

When my husband and I were struggling with infertility, I thought I was the only one going through all the emotional ups and downs that comes with this disease because he was always so calm and normal that I thought it did not matter to him whether he had children or not.
It was not until later on in our struggles that I decided to ask him where he stood with all that we were going through with infertility that he admitted to me that it was indeed affecting him as well but he chose to be the one emotionally strong to prevent me from feeling worst. That is really a noble thing for anyone to do. Bless his heart.

I have a very good male friend who he and his wife are experiencing infertility and I do get from him from time to time that he is emotionally distressed about it. He says little things here and there that causes me to believe that he indeed is hurting but because men do not like to talk about private issues like these and they do not wear their heart on their sleeves like women, it is very hard to know exactly what they are feeling. Sometimes I want to reach out to him so much but is often scared because he does not give me enough to use and so I feel afraid that he might think I am meddling. I do reach out to his wife though, in hopes that somehow it would help make their pain a little more bearable, knowing that my husband and I were also battling this dreaded condition. It is a little harder now since I had my son but I am hoping that through my blog I am still reaching them. They remain in my prayers.

I remember the pregnancies I lost, when I told him I was expecting, you could see how is countenance suddenly changed to some degree of sadness, so much so that when I became pregnant with my son, unlike the other times, I did not tell both he and his wife until I was very advanced because I did not want to cause them any more sadness than they were already going through.

For my male readers who are dealing with infertility in your marriage, whether you are the cause or not, I know it is hard but I challenge you not to throw in the towel, your spouse need you and you need her now more than ever. Your marriage needs you too, so fight on together, your faithfulness will surely be rewarded.

For tips on how to cope with infertility, please visit the following link:-
http://infertility.about.com/od/copingwithinfertility/a/copestress.htm

All the best, and keep clinging to hope.