This being my first post for the New Year, let me hope that you had a great Christmas and is having a blessed and prosperous New Year so far.
My New Year began with some lack of sleep here, some anxieties there, but all in all, a feeling of satisfaction that I have taken quite a few steps towards my quest for wholesomeness. My family is doing good. Baby LeeAnna is now 7 weeks old and has changed so much. She has the biggest gummy smile (so precious), and is rolling over and a lot more animated now. The weeks following her birth, were expectedly, some of the hardest. So much so, that by the time Christmas rolled around, I was suffering from severe sleep deprivation and anxiety to the point of tears. I remember thinking on a couple of occasions, who am I kidding, I am not supposed to be doing this at my age. I began feeling guilty that I would not have been able to help my family much for Christmas, in terms of cooking etc. Thanks to my sister and mom, who went far beyond to make sure everything was perfect. I have a great family and I love them dearly. I did not go out much for Christmas as the baby is not yet immunised, but so as not to be covered in cobwebs, I went to Church on Christmas Day. I always love going to Church at Christmastime.
Our son is back at school today and he is not amused, because he wanted to remain at home with us. Everyday throughout the Christmas holiday, he would ask if he is going to school today. When he heard no, he was so happy. A couple days ago, when he asked the same question, his father told him, "no, you won’t be going to school today, but next week." He began crying in advance, “I do not want to go to school next week." and cried himself to sleep. He seem to have taken that from me because as a child his age, I hated school and would tell lies that I had tummy aches, just to have my brothers take me back home. One day I received a fine spanking for it and I never did it again. Our son loves his sister so much and gives her many kisses though out the day and if I am lucky, I get one too. Whenever he hears her cry, he comes charging into the room and tells her “never mind, I am here now.” When he wants his father’s attention and he is holding the baby, he says to his Dad, give the baby to mommy, Daddy, and come to me. He is just not always willing to share is Daddy’s time. Over Christmas, he said to us that Santa is not real. I was so taken aback and said to him, child, you are not supposed to be saying that at this age, you are cheating yourself out of your childhood. Bottom line is, I was not suppose to hear something like this from him until he was older. This is just a testament to the fact that, these are really different times.
Having more than one child is a beautiful thing, but as some of you know well, it can get challenging at times. My husband has been a great team player in this regard and I love him so much for this. Having two children feels so right, one to each parent. I can’t imagine having more than two, then, we the parents would be outnumbered. There are days though, when we do feel outnumbered because our son is so hyperactive. I just have to remind myself to take some time for a deep breath and do not subject myself to any high expectation, because parenting, whether you are a new one or not, keeps you on a learning curve as every child is different.
The other night I saw the quote, which I have made the title of this post, “We are not expected to be perfect, just to be whole.” It resonated with me strongly. I remember while struggling with infertility, and not just that, as I have mentioned from time to time, I do struggle as a stutterer as well, there were times when I felt so far from being whole. In fact, I felt inferior and inadequate. I have come a long way since then. I have now overcome infertility and where my stuttering is concerned, I have now found a support group and is sharing and learning from others who stutter and it feels so liberating, knowing that I am not alone or unique in my struggles. Most of all, I am now realising that there is absolutely nothing wrong with imperfection, in fact, it is a beautiful thing and challenges us to always strive to be our better self and keeps us grounded.
I hope this post will be encouraging to persons who have to chart their life course amidst struggles. Remember, we do live in an imperfect world and many of us live in less than perfect situations, which is really a testament to the fact that nothing in life is really perfect. Why then do we so often seek after the elusive perfection. Perfection should be reserved for God and God alone. Choose to strive to become whole then, instead of being perfect.
Catch you for my next post.
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