ARE YOU ALLOWING YOUR LIMITATIONS TO DEFINE YOU??????

Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.
Children born to a young man are like sharp arrows in a warrior’s hand
Psalm 127: 3 & 4

"HOPE MAKES ALL THE DIFFERENCE"

I was always very aware as a little girl growing up, that I was different. I had the red ponytails and freckles and was the only one of seven children for my parents, who stuttered (thanks to my father who stutters as well, and who seemed to have created me from the very depth of his loins). Please allow me to say that back then, I thought that I was certainly not beautiful at all, but Looking back now, I am thinking, darn, I was a very beautiful little girl, truly authentic and unique, red pig tails, freckles and all (smile).

I remember being a very shy and timid little girl and I knew it was because I knew I was different. I was subjected to nicknames because of how different I looked, and was teased for the way I talked. I allowed this to define who I was because, I allowed myself to focus on it so much, to the point where I was terrified to talk and many times, remained silent. If I walked pass a group of kids and they begin to chit chat and laugh among themselves, I would instantly think that they were talking about me.

I would say then, that my childhood was a little more difficult than that of other little girls and this is engraved very deeply in my memory.

When I became a woman, my looks was no longer an issue, because by then, like many other young women, I began taking pride in how I looked and soon became a friend of vanity. Sadly vanity could not help my stuttering, in fact it got even worst.

Very soon after marriage, I was handed infertility. I was blindsided. How am I going to coop with two limitations, I asked God, isn’t one enough? Are you giving me someone else’s portion, or are you mistaking me for someone else?

I seem to have known from the get go, that my struggles with infertility would be rough and I also knew that my stuttering would get worst, because my self-esteem was bound to suffer even more with my infertility diagnosis, and just as I thought, things got pretty bad and as they progressed, I could not even keep a job because my speech was affected so badly, all because I was focusing so much on what I could not do (have a meaningful satisfying conversation with someone and becoming a mother).

I am not too much a fan of reality television, but I love the show ‘little people big world’ ( a family affected by dwarfism, who are trying to live a normal life in a world that is not equipped for them.) I love this show but I do not watch every single episode and so I thought this particular episode, I was meant to see it. This show challenges me to still try to be all that I can be, despite my limitations. Amy was invited to her alma mater, to give a speech to the student body there. She began relating the story of when she first reported to campus to take up her studies. She was terrified and her parents were too because they were not sure how she would fit in, being a little person. When she entered her dorm room, she saw two lower bunk beds and one upper. She of course took one of the lower ones. Soon after a very jolly young lady came in, “hi,” she said, are you one of my roommates, I see you have taken one of the lower bunks,” seeming to not notice at all that Amy looked so much different from her. Amy was dumbfounded, “what have I missed,” she thought, “didn’t she noticed that I am a little person.”

The point Amy was making was that, not everyone really wants to notice our limitations because not everyone wants to focus on how different we are, they just want to get to know us for who we are and the similarities we share, not for what we can or cannot do.

After Amy related this story, it came home to me. I was the one focusing on my shortcomings for all these years, so much so that I had missed out on much of what life had to offer me from these experiences, in the various seasons of my life. I began feeling sad and suddenly began to feel beaten up by me, because I had subjected myself all these years to such abuse and I wanted to apologize to me. I wanted to give myself a hug and apologize for stifling the person who wanted so much to rise from the ashes of what I had allowed myself to become. Too bad I was not able to see that I was still a very creative, loving and caring person who have people who love and care for me very much, instead of seeing myself most of the time as an unemployed infertile stutterer. Yes, I gave myself that brand because, some days, that was all that remained of me and I felt that others had given me that brand too, as I thought with one look at me, everyone knew what I was struggling with.

So tell me, are you allowing your limitations to define who you are as a person? You might be a stutterer like myself, an infertile like I was, someone who is paralyzed or blind, you name it. Take it from me, you do not have to allow these things to dictate who you are or who you will become. There are a lot of limited people out there doing unlimited things. I know this is hard, and will be a work in progress and will no doubt take drastic re-ordering of your thought process and your priorities. I know, because I am having to do this, even as I am writing this post, to deal with my limitation – my stuttering, because I know that coping with it, lies ultimately with me (thank God, I triumphed over the other – infertility) but I know in the end, the person that I will become, as a result, will be forever grateful to me for caring so much, to take up this challenge.

Be encouraged therefore, and until next time, keep clinging to hope.